Secret Talents of the Stars: In which you, and not a mob-like groupthinking majority which didn’t get many choices anyway, but you, it is you who decides who stays, and who shouldn’t quit their day jobs!
Danny Bonaduce? I’m shocked. I’m shocked because he doesn’t HAVE a day job. He’s Danny Bonaduce on dumb shows like this full time. I doubt my mother even remembers the guy was on Der Partridge Family*, and she’s the only person I know who knows what that is, so the photograph is particularly helpful. “Remember? He was a child actor once! You like those! He was cute or something!”
Also, great Photo-Shop work, guys. I can’t even tell. Beanbiebklar, I bet he would have posed for this actual picture. I’m not about to look up the full list of dopey things he’s done just because somebody with sunglasses tossed a nickel at his box to wake him up, but I doubt he’s above squatting on a prop unicycle while wearing Michael Stipe’s wardrobe from What’s the Frequency, Kenneth? Hey, why is it always day jobs which should not be quit? I’d rather hang on to a position I start at 2 pm than 6 am. I know that’s a really stupid Andy Rooney of an issue to bring up, I’m just trying to distract myself from thinking about R.E.M. so I don’t digress into complaining about that instead.
I’ll save hopefully someone some time here and say that no, The Duce cannot “make it” as a circus performer, because actual circus performers, the ones worth watching, train their entire lives to be circus performers and will probably be crippled or kidnapped or recruited by the Bat-Man before they’re half as old as Danny here. Yes, a show with him on it will be an embarrassing farce. I sure hope you didn’t hear that here first.
In admittedly, supposedly scripted program news, now Jay Leno, who I still don’t hate, is doing something known by indescribably inventive name of “zootube*,” in which the he shows animal clips downloaded from youtube, a thing you could, by the way, do yourself. It’s essentially America’s Funniest Home Videos with slightly less obnoxious host commentary and no possibility of the filmers winning anything or being credited in any way. How can television hope to compete with the internet if it relies on the internet for material? By targeting people who don’t use the internet, logically, but how long can that last? Until they die? It is also worth noting that the nbc youtube “channel” has a habit of uploading clips of Jay Leno youtube bits. It is worth noting, but not necessarily dwelling on, and so I shan’t.
Using others’ amateur material between program breaks created for the purpose of collecting advertising revenue is not as bad as soliciting user submissions specifically for this purpose, though, but I’ll talk about that next time if I don’t talk about R.E.M. making me mad instead. Stupid Danny Bonaduce reminding me of REM in that picture he wasn’t really in.
It’s one thing to take junk off of video sites I was unlikely to seek out myself and assume was decent enough to commit forty seconds and several clicks to, but Geico ads? That’s just pathetic. I mean that the act of ripping them off is pathetic, not that they are pathetic in themselves (they are, that’s just not what I meant). Ehhh, unless you’d suggest The
By the bah, the man there who looks ashamed is an Amelica Pop Idol jetsam, because the Tonight Show has a deal with that show (and Geico almost certainly sponsors both shows). As a result of the deal, fired contestants appear here once they are fired from there but they do not sing. I would be thankful they did not sing if it was for any reason other than that they are contractually forbidden to sing, because the Idol company actually still owns them and still plans to sell albums “by” them and there’s really nothing being decided by the “competition” and everything you’ve ever been told is a lie. Ayprul fooo-ull! Whores.
‘They’ tell me say NBC is having financial difficulties, but I don’t immediately pick up on that because what Zippity Kimmel does on ABC is even worse. But I’ll talk about that the time after that time after next time. I should get a “blog” or something.
Mia D sez:
Fun fact: There’s a youtube-esque bestiality video sharing site also entitled Zootube. No, seriously.
Rinslid sez:
That’s the sort of thing where I don’t want to confirm whether it’s fun or factual.
Scheming Beetle sez:
I’d actually go with “Die Patridge Family” (or “Die Partridge Familie”, as it were). Also, I imagine more people recall that show than you suspect, not because it was particularly memorable, but simply because the irksome theme song is not easily dispelled from one’s head.
Rinslid sez:
I think it was after I found out that the made-for-t.v. ALF movie was released as Alf: Der Film in some region of Europe I started thoughtlessly adding “der” to things. I presume the “die” has something to do with multiple people comprising one family and not you just wishing death upon them.
I hadn’t even thought about the song. Now I cannot easily stop, despite never having watched the program. Yes, so, humans may remember that, but I doubt they associate vulgar, grizzled, basic cable mainstays such as D.B. Duce with the kid who pretended to play the saxophone or whatever it was (Obviously, my research department has fallen under hard times).
Screaming Beatle sez:
Close–“Film” is a masculine word in German, whereas “Familie” is feminine (Why? Nobody knows). “Der” correspondingly is the masculine definite article in the nominative (subject) case, and “die” (pronounced “dee”) the feminine (and also the plural, as witnessed by die CRAZY CROCOS).
Easy as pie, eh? But bear in mind that “der” is also the feminine and plural definite article in the genitive (possessive), as well as the feminine only in the dative (indirect object), whereas the plural takes “den” in the dative, which is also the masculine article in the accusative (direct object), though in every other gender besides masculine the accusative article is identical to the nominative. As for dative and genitive, masculine uses “dem” and “des” respectively, as does neuter (which is “das” in the nominative and accusative).
Additionally, adjectives have to “agree” with the noun–that is, they take various endings depending on the gender and case of the nouns they modify. However, the rules for adjective agreement change completely depending upon whether the noun is preceded by a definite article, an indefinite article, or no article at all. For example: “the old man”: Der alte Mann (nom.) den alten Mann (acc.) dem alten Mann (dat) des alten Mannes (gen.); but an old Mann: ein alter Mann, (nom.) einen alten Mann (acc.) einem alten Mann (dat.) eines alten Mannes (gen.); and simply “old Man”: alter Mann (nom.) alten Mann (acc.) altem Mann (dat.) altes Mannes (gen.)
If this all seems hopelessly confusing, bear in mind that early forms of English were even worse, having both “strong” and “weak” nouns.
Rinslid sez:
Dah! I won’t defend English. I don’t even know what “nominative” and “accusative” mean. I’m too busy taking pictures of my television screen and getting mad at them to accumulate any real knowledge.
Screening Beadle sez:
I did sort of explain them above, if (intentionally) in the most convoluted and intransparent way possible.
And was my coding really that bad in the above comment? Clearly I’ve become to reliant on preiewing things…
Rinslid sez:
In that case, I’m not entirely clear on the difference between “object” and “subject.” They don’t come up often enough that I remember the definitions from the last time I typed them into a dictionary machine.
I rarely let my own comments alone without two or three edits. I think this machine breaks them itself sometimes, quite honestly. I will see if permitting use of the currently hidden (I wasn’t even sure where it was) “register” feature allows users besides me the right to edit and change their name.
Blimfenheugen sez:
Howdy. I am Blimfenheugen.
Blimfenheugen sez:
No, I am not allowed to edit that.
Rinslid sez:
I will have to plug in a “live comment preview” plug in. It will be between an hour and several months before I do that properly, however.