Back in the lusty month of May, I received a most curious bit of information following a routine update on the state of the jelly bean crop following its widespread ravagement by gummy worms from my field operative, code name Scarlet Fever Rodriguez And Other Stories. That is a facebook profile, but I believe the news about booby-trapped ovens and sneezes as jet propulsion are matters that the public would be well served to have greater awareness of. However!:
as well as to gain popular support by declaring themselves as a force for fiscal responsibility in this era of high national debt and uncertain finances. This is a distressing development indeed.
I quickly requested permission to retransmit the information…
But I was weak. A coward. I feared the skeletons and allowed myself to be silent for too long. Now I realize I must speak out, before more damage is done. The first skeleton, first of all, is way too proud of itself for being first. I know everybody on slashdot admires and congratulates you for it but your spooky pioneership only serves to incriminate you elsewhere, monstrous marrowfiend! You are no longer my first skeleton. As of today, I have no first skeleton. And I suppose that second skeleton thinks I should be impressed that it hired the smallest and cheapest skeletons for its opposition force. While I do fear the mischief tiny skeletons can bring forth (such as, for example, hindering our tiny Belmonts), a greater fear has taken me, and it has today driven me to action. A thing I cannot keep hidden:
DUCKS EVOLVED FROM SKELETONS
I remember seeing this and thinking that the display needed more skeletons. I am appalled at how foolish and naive I was. Skeletons are a thing we most certainly need less of! I mocked the thrifty skeleton for hiring such cheap tiny skeletons but now their purpose is only all too clear! It’s so sad to see a proud and noble race like pirates have their powers corrupted for nefarious purposes.
So pure and tragic is their corruption that they have even seen fit to ally themselves with ducks. We sent forth a champion to steal their treasure, but not in time to halt development on their secret weapon:
SKELETON PIRATE DUCKS.
Alright, this is too stupid to finish. For one thing, everybody knows real pirates keep macaws, not cockatiels. That’s just ignorant.
Astro sez:
We will all have been skeletons, one day! But not all of us would have wanted to have been a skeleton duck pirate, but a pirate skeleton duck, perhaps! Rum tastes better without a liver to slow you down, anyhow.
Scarlet Fever Rodriguez And Other Stories sez:
Pirates again, eh? I say I say, what a completely unexpected development!
I always had a special hatred for that pirate duck, for some reason. Whenever I encountered one, I always felt duty-bound to eliminate it, preferably by tossing it into the lava or those man/duck-eating plants/mollusks. Incidentally, this degree of fanaticism is otherwise only directed by me in Mario-ish games toward those skeleton Kooper Troopers, where, in Super Mario World, I’ve been known in the past to deliberate lose a life after losing a cape so as not to miss an opportunity to flick them into the lava. In the past, I had never understood the connection between these two drives, but now the truth becomes all too clear.
Also, skeleton pirate ducks are probably about the worst secret weapon ever devised.
Joke-o-Bot 5000 sez:
Fresh joke: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the highway? He lacked the gumption.
Preflubmrinkt sez:
Astero:
Don’t try to confuse me! Any combination of the three includes all three. Also, I imagine liver probably tastes better with rum in it!
Sfraos:
I was scared of the sound the boomerang made! Therefore destroying the ducks was always a matter of immediate importance. It was both a relief and a frustration to enter that level where they appear frozen in ice blocks. They could take no action, and yet they could not be obliterated and deprived of their coin, either.
The skeleton turtles are at least decent for getting one-ups from in the flooded castle stage. And in that hackwork you told me of, the flooded castle isn’t even immediately preceded by a better level for getting 1-ups in, making the turtles so much more important.
Eh
Any weapon involving ducks is probably lousy in more than one way. Also, weapons involving lice, incidentally.
robot: you forgot to place a link to some russian website that no longer exists. Hey, here’s a good joke: why did the road cross the skeleton? Because it was a race-curse.
Right Hon. Angus Prune sez:
The plus-side to the discovery of SKELETON PIRATE DUCKS is that they do not hide their true bony forms. How can we overcome the skeleton menace when they could be hiding in any one of us, darn it?
Preflubmrinkt sez:
I have yet to be presented with convincing proof that the skeleton pirate ducks are not pine cones in disguise.