May 26, 2022

Howdy I added more words beneath this. It has many links. You should ignore them, they are just there so I know that I know what I am talking about.


a picture I am prepared to provide context for, and possibly improve, time permitting, but time was only just barely permitting me to make the picture as it is.

oh jolly good here it is.

in 2004 i wrote a spiteful web page about the old even then Apogee computer game cosmo’s cosmic adventure despite taking enough of a liking to the game to complete the full thing, a feat i only managed with one other apogee game (arctic adventure). I thought it was obvious that I actually did like the game based on the amount of screenshots I took and my meticulously title-taggging every single one of them, but it wasn’t and I rather annoyed more people than I entertained with the page, I fear, and after my fashion amitz that period was not very pleasant about it. I entertained myself plenty, fortunately. I totally forgot some of the strange junk I made for and following that.




I wouldn’t put forward such effort to abuse a character I hated. The original appearance of this is somewhere in November 2005 and only makes slightly less sense outside of that.

In case it also wasn’t obvious from some odd bits on the page like the side border, I DID in fact find the full version for free at that time and had played through some of it, but must not have reached the ending since it is frustratingly daft. I do feel bad about calling $10 for the game “laughable,” it really isn’t that much money and i enjoyed the game plenty more than some sandwiches i paid more than $10 for on more than one occasion. After starting on this drawing I finally went ahead and did pay for the game just to feel less like a creep, ALTHOUGH the price NOW is only $6 and i don’t even know if Apogee actually gets a cut of it at this point since they are selling it through Steam and Gog and have casually placed some deviant-art person’s labored, if somewhat out of character illustration as the listing page’s header without credit, but not altered the page text at all in the 18 years since I last looked, if ever, thus retaining the moronic line “who has an overbite like Bart Simpson?” like they don’t care, like they ever did. anyway now i just have 300 video games and 3000 soundtracks to pay for and my conscience is clean. if i ever actually played it again i would probably still use the setup from 2004 that i already have, though.

BUT THE IMPETUS for all this was me recently having occasion to view somebody yet else’s videos of playing through the game and was reminded of a truly iconic and strange moment from video game history, in which cosmo saves duke nuk[e]m from certain death and only receives a hamburger and a plug for Duke’s then-upcoming sequel in return after hoping for help from duke’s substantial firepower and longer life bar collection. (I also mentioned that on my own 2004 web page but I only re-checked the page after watching the video)


the hamburger IS one of only two items in each episode that increases the amount of green health Now-and-Laters from 3 to 4 to 5 and does make a big difference in the context of the game, but Duke starts with 8!
the original duke nukUm did not wear sunglasses and for whatever reason in the cosmo cameo has a blue shirt after wearing a pink one in the first game, but my skills are limited in such a way that this just looks like a weird George Takei if i omit the sunglasses. in fact even the present official release of 1994 Duke Nukem 2 has been altered so every picture and sprite of Duke has sunglasses, because otherwise it looks like nobody specific.
Jet-packs don’t work the way I have drawn this, but I couldn’t find a picture of how Duke’s works, since in the game you don’t see it since you are supposed to BE Duke, and when I tried to use a moderately “realistic” jet pack here it looked worse than this, if you can believe it,

and besides that I couldn’t fathom somebody being able to run around and effectively fire large guns while equipped with one.
yes I spent a substantially longer period drawing and trying different things with the secondary character here than anything else.
have you noticed that the things i think about and spend the most time on are almost always the least relevant? have i asked you that before?



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