July 23, 2022
welcome to denver
I didn’t even know about these, I just now looked up “drunk airline passenger,” wondering if it supported my taking issue with the amount of alcohol ads in the airport, and found this many from within a month. If I worked on an airplane I would be furious to walk through the airport and see so much encouragement for passengers to blotto up prior to boarding. You can as well purchase alcohol on the airplane but the flight staff will have more direct awareness of who is getting it and how much, and people STILL get drunk off of that. And I have to think most of the time these incidents aren’t widely reported on or the drunk people quite insufferable enough to get the flight diverted. For example, on the flight which followed my seeing these a passenger near me ordered at least two little vodka bottles and got way too into family feud on the little television screen his seat forced him to look at. I was not HARMED by this but it sure was depressing. Although this makes me consider how many of the crummy movies advertised on these screens think they are being funny and I didn’t hear a single laugh that whole flight except after a baby started imitating
the trash-collecting flight attendant’s bored, droning calls of “traash… diggity traash…” while proceeding to the rear of the vessel. I missed the prime example but did manage to preserve the primary trash.
People watch bad tv and crummy movies on the screens because the screens are THERE but they don’t care. Or otherwise simply endure the screens’ presence because they have resigned themselves to sad choicelessness, and maybe that is a deliberate system to keep them paying for expensive expired poison and drinking it until they pass out or clobber someone. I should be GLAD this dork enjoyed families feuding so much and without hurting anyone else, except possibly my mother who had this guy’s seat reclined into hers from the beginning and occasionally bouncing around. But I’m not because it isn’t good, it is simply bad in a different way.
this isn’t selling beer but clearly every person involved with conceiving and producing it was inebriated, mentally challenged or both. You can’t just put the word “flight” any old place and have it work as a clever or even hacky pun. You might as well say racquetball of sausage or agatha of polenta. Also according to their website those three little pancakes cost $12.25 altogether, and the ones at the airport location definitely cost more than that. Or maybe they were only permitted to set up inside the airport because they were selling little pancakes for four dollars each.
And I know they are little because a plate shaped like a banana wouldn’t fit on their awkward circular tables unless it was of underwhelming proportions.
I’m kidding I have proof that the corned beef hash I ordered for $13.75 costs more than their website says it does, another $12.25, and twice as much as the local diner whose hash that was only as good as charges so the pancakes probably go similarly but I am tired of posting pictures of sad expensive places I didn’t want to be at.
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Philip Pringle sez:
Are you sure you are not thinking of Tennessee whiskey (which also fits the legal definition of bourbon, in addition to its own special requirements) in the above caption? The requirements for calling something “bourbon” are fairly straightforward and accessible to any budding boozemonger:
– The whiskey has to be produced in the US (certain appellations being restricted to country of origin is common enough; see also “scotch” and “Canadian whisky”)
– The mash must contain at least 51% corn (this is perhaps the biggest factor in the the taste of the final product; the remainder of the mashbill, incidentally, is generally rye and malted barley, although “wheated bourbons” also exist, which use wheat instead of rye and this is a grave mistake, as the rye is the best part)
– The whiskey must be aged in charred, new oak barrels (also a major factor in the final taste; compared Scotch and Irish whiskey, which generally employ used barrels–indeed generally a mixture of used bourbon barrels and sherry casks–and which thus generally have a decidedly less oaky taste)
– It must be distilled to a maximum of 80% alcohol by volume (distilling to too high an alcohol content will give you a much lighter spirit (in terms of whisk-ed-y flavour); see, for instance, blended Canadian whisky)
– It must be aged in barrel at a maximum of 63.5% ABV (so-called “cask strength”; adding water post-distillation is standard to get a palatable product).
– Bottled at a minimum of 40% ABV (conversely, so the final product isn’t too watered down).
The requirements for an American rye whiskey, incidentally, are the same, only it has to be at least 51% rye instead of 51% corn (in fact, while bourbons rarely contain less than 65% corn and usually upwards of 75%, 51%-rye-ryes are not uncommon, because rye is a much more potent flavouring element than corn, so a whiskey which is 51% rye and 35% corn will still taste decidedly like a rye, whereas one which contained 51% corn and 35% rye would still probably taste pretty much like a rye. Indeed, a bourbon containing upwards of 20% rye is frequently touted as a ‘high rye bourbon’, and generally tastes as such.) These rules do not, however, apply to Canadian whisky, however, which is legally allowed to call itself “rye whisky” even if it contains no rye whatsoever, and this occasionally indeed happens. I imagine the marketers of these brands adopted quite the wry expression when they discovered this loophole.
Frimpinheap sez:
jeepers what am I waiting for? plainly I need to get into the bourbon biz. I have a generously sized modern bathtub that lies dormant most of the time.
Pilip Fringle sez:
You jest, but this does seem to be the general trend of thought of a lot of the “craft” distillers you mention above. The issue, of course, is that whiskey has to age several years before reaching drinkable quality, which means several years without being able to sell your product, so many of such “craft” producers try out all sort of wacky tricks to try to speed up the process. And, curiously enough, the end result is that a great many of these craft whiskeys end up having a decided note of cardboard to them. However, judging by another of your above captions, it sounds like you already have this aspect drafted out as well.
Frimpinheap sez:
I jest, but initially I was serious because I could not tell if you jested, but then considered that you responded to one of my title tags, that a serious person just looking for a text fight would not have seen, and I used my local god-like power to amend my statement.
I don’t drink any alcoholic beverages because they are expensive, do terrible things to the people who drink them, and need a considerable amount of taste acclimation to find bearable, based on some isolated attempts of mine to please other people by drinking them, and some additional, more chronoridiculously scattered cases of tasting them by accident. I can confirm as of two weeks ago that it still tastes foremost like poison to me. And so seeing the obsessive listing of requirements for the right to call one of them by a special name seems comical to me.