October 13, 2012

You will never believe what happened to me this week-end! And so I shall not make the effort to inform you of it.


Those are people alright. Yes indeed this appears to be a random sampling of [white male] human beings [of the same approximate age]. I have no idea who these people are but they’re hilarious. they all have the same dumb facial expression. this is like a mad magazine cover.

Apparently I can collect all five. It looks like the upper four collected the middle one, and the giant red pin on the blue one’s shirt insists there are 170 more where these came from. I wonder if they staged a jail break at the sitcom precocious child factory. I’m not even pretending I don’t know who they are to show my desired disconnect from this sort of thing; I legitimately have no trace guess at their identities.

This IS the same way I learned about Justin Beeper, but this isn’t positioned in such a way that I know what this gang is collectively called, and that makes it more amusing. I don’t necessarily need to look forward to somebody I sort of know ragefully decrying the utterly predictable success of this target-marketed executive concoction (even though that’s been happening for over forty years) and possibly find myself sympathizing until the person promotes instead something with just as much legitimacy and boring typicality but directed at their own demographic.
I’m guessing the second from the right is the leader, based on the expanded cranial space to allow for a miniature alien control center, and this is after the photoshop editing. These kids are utterly unremarkable and no doubt they were designed that way. They probably grow up into

someone like that and appear on different magazines. Who IS this guy? Precisely! Is it Jason Sudeikis? Is it someone from the Big Bag Theory? Is it the model portraying a doctor who appears in mass emails for semilegal phallus pills? I don’t know, but he sure is THERE. I already forgot what the magazine was called but I remember that there was a picture of a slim, unblemished human who passed for a doctor on the cover.

This person has credibility through holding the box. I know it’s not just a stock model photograph they took off the internet; it’s a stock model photograph they took off the internet and artificially inserted this box into.

i believe it because theres a picture of someone wearing a lab coat there. This could be a veterinarian, or a robot inventor, or just somebody wearing a costume, but the costume is what counts. The person isn’t holding a box, but it is a lady. And the text printed above her approves of viagra. That means that SHE wants to DO SEX with MEN WHO USE VIAGRA.

Like them. These guys are cool.

Even more than them, if it’s possible.

They meet up once a week to redo elvis songs to be about how their penetration apparatuses don’t work.

Viagra isn’t just for old white guys, either! Eh unless this gleeful fellow is only there to gloat.

E D is a colorblind affliction. Pfizer makes the pills blue just in case you aren’t because that’s the friendly kind of [entity] Phizer is.

And then once the pills kick in I guess the gang stops playing together and does something else.

Whatever it is, it involves shooting white stuff in all directions and out the windows.

This ad came out five years ago (judging by the television set and camera I was using) but it’s still relevant today. At least as much as elvis is.
Their motto is Viva Viagra. Long life to the artificial sex organ stimulating device. Not long life to themselves; they wouldn’t need viagra if they weren’t already having long lives, right? Although then Viagra wouldn’t be in business at all. The young, recreational users Viagra is legally prohibited from admitting it welcomes the business of would never see its ads in GOLF MAGAZINE, after ehhh.

I’m not buying Golf Magazine. I’m not buying golf magazine to SEE an AD. I’m not even buying golf magazine to see golf junk. I’m not buying Golf magazine to see an ad for VIAGRA, much less on the recommendation of another ad, one for the same product, at that. I KNOW about viagra! I wish I knew less! If there’s anything that you absolutely NEED to tell me you should do it now while you have my attention! I don’t even like golf. You know who likes golf? Decepticons.

Therefore I allege that decepticons are the primary purchasers of Viagra.

Everything makes sense, now that nothing makes sense.

I might have accused these kids of being robots in disguise if they were disguised.
In addition to being photographed, though, they have proven their ability to smile and be rich, a skill many robots currently lack. Alas, that means they probably don’t grow up at all. If they do, though, then they are truly exceptional robots. I see good things in their futures.

Look at this guy, if you can stand it. Now that I think of it, those could be Mitt Romney’s children up there. I heard he had a bunch. If these aren’t his, perhaps he’s looking for more. This picture isn’t Mitt Romney, of couse. It’s… who is it?

More importantly, who searched for “bimswel bow tie” 12 times in one month?

Who wants to see THAT?

What?! Why was this picture made? Who wants to see THAT?!

Some questions are best left unasked.

13 Responses
  1. 1
    10:44 pm, October 15, 2012

    A lobster smoking a cigar sez:

    Oh, Kumquat, I sincerely hope this is simply some part of some larger, more complicated scheme…

  2. 2
    8:41 am, October 19, 2012

    PurpleSpace sez:

    Thanks to Photoshop, people who make magazine covers can be terrible photographers!

    Why that “walkin offa-the-fat” guy looks like his head has been enlarged and his torso shrunk to fit the spacial requirements!

  3. 3
    12:15 am, October 20, 2012

    Rororivis sez:

    I suspect Kumquat resents us. Also, I had made

    that at first and deemed it improbable and so made the beige scene but didn’t want this setup to go at waste.

    Not only the man’s torso is undersized: I looked again after you said that, and he appears to have the waist of a small child. Consider how big his hands are compared to it. The bar-code merging with the white void makes it look yet worse.

  4. 4
    10:49 am, November 20, 2012

    McBeeplesworth sez:

    I ran out of notebook paper and didn’t bring a pencil to this awful class, and I also don’t know how to log-in from a remote location, so I will write my communication class notes, which are mostly complaints, into this comment form, and possibly copy them to a proper text file and remove them from here later.
    Yikes the guy whose presentation was about his own website last week is currently looking at his own website. Sure, *I* am now also, but this is not something that I habitually engage in during class periods.
    I really should make this message field larger so I don’t risk having to look at meepmires on future similar occasions.
    ah ha, no team presentations are to be made. is that because of the lack of time or because so much of the class quit after the teams were forcibly, arbitrarily formed in the first session?

    i never lay out my points in advance because it seems I like my presents to be stories, and i hate spoiling the plot in advance.
    i should not put notes here. i am afraid someone will see them and this is affecting the words i am using.
    NO a youtube video! always with a youtube video! they NEVER learn. ideally you would be able to narrate your own video, but you don’t know your own material.
    this video is too stylishly produced for me to trust it. i believe in solar panel until it looks like a commercial advertisement.
    every moving object and bit of text has a “FWUSH” or “BWUP” sound effect.
    Ah it IS a commercial advertisement. “why BEP?” mercifully it was stopped before then.
    there is no emission from solar energy, except that which is made by the factories that make the panels. unless those factories themselves are solar-powered, but this is the sort of irony that our society thrives on.
    no one in here makes any effort to speak over the heating system.
    i wonder if there is a cut off length for this message entry system.
    i should remove that notice about the robots since wordpress 3’s robot removal system actually functions adequately

    is typing this keeping me from focusing or is this presentation just boring?
    “Review Main Idea’s”
    i asked what they were made of. did he say that earlier?

  5. 5
    11:07 am, November 20, 2012

    McBeeplesworth sez:

    Thimbo is still looking at websites. i don’t think he stopped while that was going on.
    ah “drink more water.” i hope this addresses those stupid plastic bottles. khai tran. i thought he had quit. he is hardly ever in here.
    “i don’t drink no water”
    people are chronically dehydrated
    bodies cannot clean blood without water. what happens when one’s blood is unclean?
    i meet a lot of dumb people but i don’t think it’s because they don’t drink enough water. i think that sort of mental impairment would be less subtle. but maybe not. maybe people look at tumblr during class because the water they don’t drink makes them dumb likers of dumb things
    I doesn’t have no calories.
    evidently water drinkers are less likely die of heart attacks. does that mean i will have less heart attacks or that they will be less likely fatal?
    Carry a bottle
    Substitute water
    Exercise regularly.
    Keep track of it.
    somebody is heavily overcharging this guy for reusable water receptacles
    next person is logging into email to download presentation. login page had a huge ad for “epic mickey 2” i was momentarily worried that WAS the presentation (an earlier one had been on how great disney world was)
    Yes, I know I get better gas mileage with a manual transmission because somebody has done a presentation on this already, a month ago, and I still don’t own a car.
    this does go against your observation of people presenting on gender-stereotyped topics, but cars are still boring.
    RPMs, what the letters mean and what the significance of the revolutions’ total is once i know the words is still not defined
    “i don’t know why you people have automatic unless you didn’t have someone to teach you or if you just don’t care.” elitism always persuades people
    “now there is a video” it is an improvement over the other transmission presentation’s video, but neither should have had videos!
    ANY manual thing is cheaper. nobody gets up here and goes off on hand-cranked flashlights, and i’m not going to kill anybody by cranking badly
    oh why do they LIE at the end? that’s always so dumb. “we have cars for you to test drive outside” the teacher said they can do that but they should have the sense to know when it isn’t appropriate.

  6. 6
    11:16 am, November 20, 2012

    Van Peeblesworth sez:

    “How many people in this room have a Facebook?”
    That is a question but it is not a title.
    Why YOU should delete your facebook. oh i WOULD but that’s the only contact i have with certain people because i hate telephones more than using facebook. i wish they would use other websites.
    i hope this goes into all the money facebook gets from shoving ads at people based on information they willingly submit
    ANY media outlet is bad for body image.
    this will probably be graded higher than yours because you weren’t as focused, even though you didn’t alternate blue on white with white on blue pages
    ANY networking website breeds jealousy, spying, artificial representations.
    gosh i wasn’t THAT bad. i never hoarded any people’s comments toward each other.
    good, the video doesn’t work. if you can TELL me what is in the video then i don’t need to see it.
    i think i said not to “quantify” their friends, but these people may not have known what i was talking about.
    “if you take this pledge you will be awarded 100$”
    and now your presentation is stupid.

  7. 7
    11:28 am, November 20, 2012

    Cheaplesworthless sez:

    i like that she deleted her facebook page, but i did not get any feeling of deeper enlightenment out of this person. she probably doesn’t drink water
    here comes another one
    I once did know how to dispose of plastic bags, until [somebody] wrecked our recycling bin by filling it with sand and trash.
    “What we’ll be talking about?
    slide reading! (we aren’t supposed to do that)
    this one is fast, though.
    “.California” i think that is a prompt for YOU, speaker, to say something about california, not for us to see and think about california
    “.Recycling involved process”
    was that cut off by the picture?
    effects on earth “Only 1% of water on Earth is drinking water” that’s because of plastic bags? It is a good topic but the powerpoint slides are a mess
    Thimbo uses a LOT of crummy website
    Hockey guy uses a lot of crummy websites, but only about hockey. all his presentations are about hockey
    Effect on Living Things
    “.During rain, the plastic fallen on the road gets washed away into the nearby water reservoirs and even flow into drains”
    “.Bisphenol A”
    can this guy honestly not wait until later to look up special hockey socks?
    Plastic Bag Ban video.
    I’m sure E will tell you this is a trendy conspiracy and that plastic bags don’t really matter because pollution is just a lie to get Al Gore money
    Pinterest “The owner of Thimbothports.com” he can’t just say “me, Thimbo?”
    “Funny Pictures”
    so he looks up “funny pictures” and then posts them. what a bum!
    and he’s posting a facebook update promoting his crummy website
    now he is looking up his facebook page with google
    THAT is why i am distracted; HIS computer use, not mine

  8. 8
    11:36 am, November 20, 2012

    Evilsworst sez:

    eating dinner as a family
    not a bad idea but this is way too late for me
    “Kid’s might learn to love their veggies” that was not a factor for me
    “family dinners help kids “just say no””
    “Kids might learn to love their veggies” you corrected the apostrophe but a result does not cause itself

    now it is a slide title
    this slide says why vegetables are good but not why eating with families may magically cause kids to love vegetables which they own
    I ate with my family at restaurants. Eating with a family is not the opposite of going to a restaurant.
    “kids will pick up on the vocab that you use” i hope i use full words then.
    Thimbo is done. i wonder if my post just now showed up in google and he found it and now feels bad. why am i worried about this?
    “we talked about how Discussion is Key” no, YOU talked about it. discussion is key but not defined
    and this pink backpack person is leaving before the thing is over

  9. 9
    11:44 am, November 20, 2012

    Evilsworst sez:

    Why Exercise
    should that be a question
    I exercise outside “the gym.” gymnasiums should not be looked at as the only place people can make movements inside of.
    i should do a presenation about how having a website turns you evil.
    no i SAID that. the angry, hateful oafs get attention. i never said i didn’t engage in it. i WISh i didn’t. i wish i was satisfied enough with my own life that i didn’t rely on negativity to make me superficially like existence better
    will she define “freshman 15?” no of course not
    hockey guy is still looking at hockey junk
    Run, Run, Run source: Sinistar
    i must remove this all immediately, or at least alter the spelling of whatsis’ name.
    I think exercise is important but i don’t care at all to listen to why

    “And a healthier ticker equals a healthier body” what 60-year-old did you paraphrase that from?

  10. 10
    11:56 am, November 20, 2012

    Creeplesworm sez:

    Gosh I am sincerely afraid he found this. Not in the sense that he will retaliate; I like the idea of his repost empire waging memewar on “van peeblesworth.” maybe it will even inspire something resembling original content. I just don’t like my cruel judgment to be used on “real people” who have feelings. I define real people as ones who aren’t exponentially more popular than myself. They also have feelings but they have cronies or money that can surely negate my effectiveness. If I find out he has 30000 facebook “friends” I will think this is funny again. If I CHANGE anybody, i want it to be because I behaved reasonably at the time. 76 why is numlock always ON with other people’s computers?

  11. 11
    2:04 pm, May 23, 2020

    Frimpinheap sez:

    i am glad i did not delete those! I wish I put more of my notes from classes like that here.
    I had a painting class, possibly after that point, where a student posted some facebook or tumblr or equivalent stupid website post about how annoying the instructor was and somehow or another he found it and announced that he had or something to that effect. “some of you like to post on websites about certain people” no i do not remember what he said but it was awkward. More awkward than it needed to be. A lot of people had problems with that guy. I didn’t. UNTIL he supervised the pathetic Paris trip I was on in 2013 and then somehow everything I did was wrong for a month. If he finds THIS now I will be so impressed that I will have no choice but to acknowledge his superior level of humanity.

  12. 12
    2:19 pm, May 23, 2020

    Frimpinheap sez:

    I am trying to determine what “thimbo” was before I changed it so I can check on if that guy is still bumming it up. I assumed “simbo” but evidently not, unless he has not only totally dropped that identity and other people’s content empire but also was able to entirely scrub evidence of it from existence

  13. 13
    4:20 pm, May 23, 2020

    Frimpinheap sez:

    oh it was “jimbo.” yes he still has nothing to say but is doing it constantly and trying to get money for it, including pasting text on to a template for cash-in trash-out covid face masks like I became annoyed about last week.
    Apparently he is employed as a school teacher. How horrifying to think of!

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