page 20 of this, again grouped with the previous. Can’t get enough of those barren hallways. I suspect the tenth frame requires an additional sentence fragment of clarification or the ninth frame to be drawn differently. I do hope someone will notify me if that is the case.
I didn’t find the segment in question particularly difficult to follow, though it might be a bit more elegant if Gorp were more clearly seen returning the frozen treat to in interior of the labcoat.
It’s curious that Elpse seems to think Nemitz would be at all concerned about the previous wherabouts of the item in question. Indeed, Elpse should be glad that the object of Nemtz’s desire is at least something commonly regarded as edible this time.
Also, I think “biv” is a more effective pronoun that “zuh”, unless there’s meant to be a deliberate distintion between the two. Incidentally, “ping” is Chinese for “apple”. I think. Significant?
On a tangential note, how far in advance have you planned this story out? How many “parts” do you foresee?
2
9:15 am, May 22, 2008
Het rode paard sez:
On second read, I think I’m misunderstanding the Ping aspect completely. Maybe you should tell us what we might be missing so we know whether we’re missing it or not…?
3
12:46 pm, May 22, 2008
Splachtempf sez:
As I understand it, zuh currently stands in for she or he, but biv has been acting as him or her, but I don’t really understand it. They should probably be more similar.
Gorp suggests use of a magic wand, seemingly insincerely, then uses a magic wand, but the magic wand is actually an ice cream bar. Perhaps those should be two separate magic wand zaninesses. Or I should see about making a frozen treat which looks more like someone would consider using it as a magic wand.
There are a few specific word exchanges and corresponding action descriptions with many vague transitions and a few things which I have no idea about (such as a “point” or an “ending”). This stupid hospitarium bit was not planned until it became relevant. Initially the two impoids were to simply walk in the front door and give their letter to someone and receive some sort of assistance.
4
1:28 am, May 23, 2008
Den røde hest sez:
1. The distinction doesn’t seem to be very well kept to, as earlier in this chapter, both Treco and the newspaper” use “biv” where he/she would appear as well.
2. I suspected that might be the case with the iced cream. I don’t think any major drawing change is needed; matters could probably be greatly clarified simply by having Gorp say “You’re cured!” or something immediately aftershouting “apple” in Chinese.
3. It is, however, quite in character for Kumquat to direct the duo to the dumbest hospital in the world simply for the sake of annoying them. From the look of things, though, it seems as if Nemitz could certainly afford some genuine assistance in the very near future, lest zuh/biv fall to pieces on the spot.
5
3:10 am, May 24, 2008
Splachtempf sez:
1. It’s good to know that it is possible for someone to be paying closer attention than I am. Now I begin to remember that I thought at one point to use “biv” for both situations, so to keep things less complicated, and because neither made less sense than the other. I suppose I could change both zuh and the secondary type of biv to “buh.” But I hope I change them to something other than that.
2! “Congratulations, you’re better” has appeared. It doesn’t quite fit there, but that’s the closest it gets.
3? I think you’re going to be rather disappointed at what happens to nemitz soon/eventually.
I confess many of the initial ideas were conceived during the Red Hott Summer of Sammy ’01. What can I say, everyone was doing it. I felt that Treco was an appropriate name replacement for Pico, as in “Pico de Gallo” (oh yes indeed) which still sounded to me too much like a name a real person would have. It is further specified somewhere in my many, many confusing note-oids, that, quote, “Treco” should know someone named “Triffix.”
Das rote Pferd sez:
I didn’t find the segment in question particularly difficult to follow, though it might be a bit more elegant if Gorp were more clearly seen returning the frozen treat to in interior of the labcoat.
It’s curious that Elpse seems to think Nemitz would be at all concerned about the previous wherabouts of the item in question. Indeed, Elpse should be glad that the object of Nemtz’s desire is at least something commonly regarded as edible this time.
Also, I think “biv” is a more effective pronoun that “zuh”, unless there’s meant to be a deliberate distintion between the two. Incidentally, “ping” is Chinese for “apple”. I think. Significant?
On a tangential note, how far in advance have you planned this story out? How many “parts” do you foresee?
Het rode paard sez:
On second read, I think I’m misunderstanding the Ping aspect completely. Maybe you should tell us what we might be missing so we know whether we’re missing it or not…?
Splachtempf sez:
As I understand it, zuh currently stands in for she or he, but biv has been acting as him or her, but I don’t really understand it. They should probably be more similar.
Gorp suggests use of a magic wand, seemingly insincerely, then uses a magic wand, but the magic wand is actually an ice cream bar. Perhaps those should be two separate magic wand zaninesses. Or I should see about making a frozen treat which looks more like someone would consider using it as a magic wand.
There are a few specific word exchanges and corresponding action descriptions with many vague transitions and a few things which I have no idea about (such as a “point” or an “ending”). This stupid hospitarium bit was not planned until it became relevant. Initially the two impoids were to simply walk in the front door and give their letter to someone and receive some sort of assistance.
Den røde hest sez:
1. The distinction doesn’t seem to be very well kept to, as earlier in this chapter, both Treco and the newspaper” use “biv” where he/she would appear as well.
2. I suspected that might be the case with the iced cream. I don’t think any major drawing change is needed; matters could probably be greatly clarified simply by having Gorp say “You’re cured!” or something immediately aftershouting “apple” in Chinese.
3. It is, however, quite in character for Kumquat to direct the duo to the dumbest hospital in the world simply for the sake of annoying them. From the look of things, though, it seems as if Nemitz could certainly afford some genuine assistance in the very near future, lest zuh/biv fall to pieces on the spot.
Splachtempf sez:
1. It’s good to know that it is possible for someone to be paying closer attention than I am. Now I begin to remember that I thought at one point to use “biv” for both situations, so to keep things less complicated, and because neither made less sense than the other. I suppose I could change both zuh and the secondary type of biv to “buh.” But I hope I change them to something other than that.
2! “Congratulations, you’re better” has appeared. It doesn’t quite fit there, but that’s the closest it gets.
3? I think you’re going to be rather disappointed at what happens to nemitz soon/eventually.
The red horse sez:
How foreboding.
Kilroy sez:
He fixes the cable?
Splachtempf sez:
Is this a riddle?
zartan sez:
Treco?
Splachtempf sez:
I confess many of the initial ideas were conceived during the Red Hott Summer of Sammy ’01. What can I say, everyone was doing it. I felt that Treco was an appropriate name replacement for Pico, as in “Pico de Gallo” (oh yes indeed) which still sounded to me too much like a name a real person would have. It is further specified somewhere in my many, many confusing note-oids, that, quote, “Treco” should know someone named “Triffix.”