February 28, 2009

Clothes on the floor beside a toilet in a public restroom? Ohhh, that’s not good. But in Grand Central Terminal Station, with places to be, I cannot pass up a free rest-room toilet booth, even when one of the more crazy-looking/smelling people I have encountered comes out right before I go in. Hey, if the toilet’s exterior is dry and its interior is devoid of colored matter, I see no need to pass judgment on any of its recent clients. I should have, but I could not have. I also think the two police officers should have been able to tell, that both fully clothed and bathed I was not the homeless, garment swapping vagrant they were looking for, but they could not. Sometimes things just don’t come together properly. Such as the logic of sternly, noisily ordering me to open the door before I was finished with the toilet and then getting indignant that my lower fastenings were less than secure. But see, if I had been beaten by society to the point that I was stealing clothes to change into in a bathroom, it is unlikely I would be able to legibly protest the unfair illogic of that, so I understand. I also felt bad for the megadork janitor who reported the vagrant to the police; he was afterward chastised for doing so, and while not yet homeless, he was, the same, too much of an awkward fretful ubernerd to adequately protest that while I was not necessarily a homeless vagrant, one most definitely had occupied the same space moments earlier.

Elsewhere in The City:

You first. I had a pen and considered writing that here, but for all I knew the police had already been notified I was attempting to use another restroom, so I thought it better to be out as soon as I could be.

When the only person who will consider your argument is the stall wall in a toilet chamber of a combination Roy Rogers’-Nathan’s in Pennsylvania Plaza beneath the second of two enormous FOX NEWF banners, perhaps if you are not beyond reasoning you at least would appreciate some solitude. Really, I’m just impressed you were able to pluralize “similarity” without adding any apostrophes. I’m even willing to overlook your usage of { and } braces, just because you are aware of their existence.

Verily, this country could use some fixin'(s). I have occasionally wondered if this means the bar was invented by or at least had its invention attributed to somebody named fixin, or if there is more than one fixin and they are represented at the bar, and the ‘ is merely to draw attention to the lack of a G, suggesting that “fixing” is a noun of some sort. Because I need more real problems.

Gosh, I didn’t think I did, but you found such a distressed and clueless looking picture of Mr. President that now I have to really wonder about it! It does not ask WILL YOU REGRET VOTING AT SODA HEAD.COM?… The soda head is run by intelligent folks and they understand that such a question would invariably lead to sensible people not voting at all, with the resulting overabundance of “no” votes reflecting inaccurate data. If you believe that, you probably don’t realize I just made fun of you for writing on the wall in the bathroom.

Making your ads vertical doesn’t make me any less likely to put them on my page. Just so you know.
DOES OBAMA HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO LEAD AMERICA? Hmmm, that’s a good one, that. While certainly I am free to answer yes or no, somehow your inclusion of a darkened American flag, big capital letters and a hard-hatted head perched upon an ASS A BUDGE sign makes me suspect that Obama does not, in fact, have what “it” takes to lead america. Most damning of all is the intense picture of Obama himself pointing at my neck (or in this case ear) in regard to the importance of a soda head poll. I am glad you brought this to my attention. See, I was going to wait until he’d actually led America for a while before I formed an opinion on how he was doing and going to some other website I’ve already expressed a dislike for to vote in a poll that affects nothing stating as much. This is the President, not Howie Do It. If I left my house to choose him over the other guy, I’ll get no cathartic release from doubting his ability at this point. Or so I thought!

It still greatly amuses me that to some people, the biggest potential Obama worry prior to the election was that he might eat arugula in the White House. He’s just so elite. He’s so elite he’s elitist. He may even be l33t like the tile ghostwriter mentioned above. ”j0 dooDz plz email me fisXal poliCy r0mz.” I wish Obama had been in the 2000 election so that joke would only sort of make no sense and be totally forgotten by now.

Oh, well as long as you’re alright with it.

2 Responses
  1. 1
    6:56 am, March 1, 2009

    Sanemartigan sez:

    Oh I say I say! No one had ever pointed out the similarities between those names to me before! What a shocking revelation! I’m further grateful that our friend encouraged me to “think about it”, for while at a glance I might be moved to dismiss such a thing as mere coincidence, I now realize that people who have similar names are also invariably similar in all other respects! Possibly even the very same person!

    As for the survey ads…I sort of suspect these are not really intended to measure opinions at all, but rather wish to serve as a sort of rumor mill. That is to say, they don’t really want to know if I regret voting for Obama, but are rather trying to plant the idea in the back of my mind that I do regret voting for Obama. I base this conclusion to a large part on another ad I saw in a number of places immediately following the electings in which I was asked if I thought that Obama had “bought” the election–an idea not seriously suggested even by popular right-leaning conspiricy theorists, or indeed to the best of my knowledge by anyone other than a single, clearly unstable old woman who called into that one show on PCN which I sometimes catch the last few minutes of before Deutsche Welle comes on. I highly doubt that anyone would be seeking a serious answer to such a question.

    Alternately, they could merely be posing intentionally sensationalist, loaded questions in the hope that some poor dupe with be so insensed as to click on their banner and promptly be bombarded with all manner of ads, completely without any sort of political motive in mind. In any case, though, the questions were never actually intended to be answered, merely to ensnare.

  2. 2
    1:38 pm, March 2, 2009

    Fleeplezeep sez:

    Yes yes, of course, you make perfect sense. I was not as perceptive as I should have been. I was totally unprepared for this species of martigan to be present and so I neglected my duties. There is no excuse.

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