I should post something here later today that is not about tv shows. I should also stop consuming so much sodium and learn to play a xylophone.

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I did not realize until the second broadcast that James Wormworth, the drum-player who replaces Max Weinberg during Bruce Springstein season had become a reglular member of the band, because if Stomp has taught us anything it’s that you can never have too many guys banging on things at the same time, making the total quantity of members eight and my reference to a “Max Weinberg 7” inaccurate. Although the seven has never been officially designated as referring to the number of the people in the band. And even if it did, Max Weinberg himself was often announced separately from the Max Weinberg 7, suggesting a total of eight people. The name was wrong before. I still think “The Tonight Show Band” is a mundane name, however much accuracy it currently carries. I should probably hide this part, too. Give me a dollar.

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What follows are observations I had when watching the “debut” of “The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien” and other stories. It is only here to serve my compulsions. I wrote it in about forty minutes. It was not supposed to be like this. Yet if I do not post it now then I will always want to, and it will only get longer. I don’t need you to read it. I just need to be done reading it.

How is Conan not sick of that theme song he’s had since 1993? I really thought that would be the first thing to go.
I imagine Andy Richter was brought in for announcer duties because he has a sort of nasally John Melendez voice. Conan’s new studio looks a lot like his old one (except mostly backwards), even though it’s new and, one assumes, designed to amend the weaknesses of the old one. The Jay Leno audience was laid out differently, seemed closer, and seemed larger. Conan likes his distance from minimal amounts of people, I guess. I appreciate the reversal of several key stage elements, but I don’t get the impression anything is going on that will innovate the desk-chat format. This is like when you hold up a mirror to a youthful person who is secretly a wizard and the reflection shows an old person, except the only difference between the old and young is that one is a mirror reflection. I warned you not to read this.

Just from the first show, it seems exactly the same as Conan’s other show. You shouldn’t judge a program by its first episode unless it is the same as the last episode of the previous program. Even the theme song is the same as was heard on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien.” How Conan is not sick of that after so many years I have no idea. Does he really want to be hearing it for more years? Does he really want to be doing a stupid talk show for more years? If anybody, if it must be just one of these two fated figures, Conan, and not Jay, is the person who should have the less-guesty show on earlier in the day. I realize there is less prestige and salary in that, but we’re only talking about what I get, which is neither of those.

I always felt safe, watching the stupid junk Conan would do, because it was protected by whatever it was Jay Leno was doing that was proven to work. But now that isn’t there and I worry about who is seeing this dumb nonsense and not liking it. I can handle it. I know I can handle it. I can also handle the Super Nintendo Star Wars games but I wouldn’t actually recommend them to anybody. Maybe I’m odd, I feel bad for the people who looked forward to watching the previous Tonight Show and will get nothing from the new one. They must feel betrayed. Sure, things get cancelled all the time, but generally they get replaced by a different sort of show with a different name. Now we have a thing being replaced, even though the ratings were fine and nobody had quit, by a different thing with the same name that looks an awful lot like the thing that used to follow the thing that used to be on right now. Jay Leno’s Tonight Show is probably the only television production to be cancelled five years in advance. That would make me mad. It was like that time I ordered coke at a diner and they brought me the soda instead. Or it would be like if I watched a show called “Late Night” hosted by a hyperactive jackass and then one day AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH I FELL ASLEEP IN MY PUDDING

“The Tonight Show Band” is a dumb thing to call the Max Weinberg Seven if they already have a name, dumb as it too is, was. I hope they get some new public domain ditties from the 1950s to play during commercial breaks.

Jimmy Falloon followed the old late night that is the new tonight show up by acknowledging the possibility of new viewers for himself, even though presumably his “old” viewers are mostly remnants from Conan’s old viewers, and Jimmy’s new viewers would also be Conan’s old viewers who already know what the deal is, and Jay’s old viewers similarly have probably figured it out by now, and anybody watching Conan for the first time just because he’s on earlier likely has the same aversion to 12:30am est as before… anyway, Mr. Fallon welcomed new viewers and then proceeded to show them “7th Floor West,” the show’s absolute WORST comedy bit. At least Lick it for Ten requires Jimmy to ask an audience member for an occupation (why this is required I have no idea) and somebody always has an answer to that which is funny to somebody. As I understand it (and I kind of don’t), Seventh Floor West is supposed to be a subtle parody of “The Hills.” It’s so subtle that if you haven’t watched The Hills ever, one time, then it just looks like what you might imagine The Hills to be, providing you have at least heard of it. And if you do watch The Hills you’re probably a boring person who drinks beer and red bull all night and might as well watch more of The Hills or actual hills. But the point is your tv show making sense should never depend strictly upon the watching of another tv show. There should be something in it for people who aren’t initiated. It should stand on its own merit. Seventh Floor West does not. And then it lasts for ten minutes. Just mopey people shuffling about, starting conversations and then trailing off as another character suddenly looks worried for no discernible reason. Jimmy Fallon needs to learn the difference between a comedy bit and short film. And then someone needs to teach him the difference between a comedic short film and the jokeless rubbish T Sean Shannon was putting on the air when they both were employed at Saturday Night Live. But do not get me started on “Harold.” I intend to start myself when the time is right.