Prescription Potatoes

April 16, 2014

I like to eat the peanut butter…… first.

I have just realized that I totally neglected to write hidden mouse-over messages for a bunch of these. I have tended to that, then, now.

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Common furniture etiquette suggests clothing but without shoes, Mr. Peanut.

Mr. Peanut, our nation’s oldest and most affluent legume, seems to have quite a following on E-Bay. Or perhaps a desertion, considering that everybody who posts a picture of one is hoping to be rid of it. The conspicuous scarf suggests that Mr. Peanut has a cold. Perhaps other ailments if he needs a cane to sit down. And you think I want a sick peanut in MY home?

Just because you do not wear clothes is not an excuse for preventing other people from washing theirs, Mr. Peanut.

In fact, when I get an apartment again I am going to buy all of these off of ebay and then put them in every piece of furniture that I can acquire. In the event I convince anybody to visit me the visitors will have to stand.

The enormous absurd object on the left is apparently only $8, not including shipping. Including shipping it comes to about $38! The one beside it costs about $19, with its shipping price reduced to around the same area. Other variants of it have totals that come out to a similar amount or more. I expect that the postal service requires premium packaging for anybody who wears a top hat and monocle. I would further suggest that instead of a truck they use a horse-drawn stagecoach.

I am concerned that the littlest one appears to have a mustache and a cowboy hat.

Even if no delegates from my family ever stop by, Mr. Peanut’s will not let me down. I perhaps ought to have kept a spot free for myself to be let down into, though.

'ohhhhh too much pudding...'

I think Mr. Peanut is drunk. From the listing: “He is missing his hat. He must have left it at the last party.” Mr Peanut is very irresponsible! And in front of the children, too.

I suppose this goes with the choice to wear tights instead of trousers.

I suppose this goes with the choice to wear tights instead of trousers.

Alright, we are very impressed at your flexibility, but that is quite enough, Mr. Peanut.

Pull! *BLAM* That explains the bullet wounds on the side.

Oh, what a tease. Mr. Peanut will be on the cover of every fashion magazine if he keeps this up. But seriously, enough kidding around. I am beginning to worry about you.

This is the classiest court summons I have ever received.

This is the classiest court summons I have ever received.

When is the last time you shaved, Mr. Peanut? Did you go into work today? Are you feeling alright?

Why is the fattest the one who does not eat hamburgers? Although having said that I have no idea what Mr. Peanut eats.

I do not particularly like these new friends you are hanging around with, Mr. Peanut. You were always a healthy peanut. A little salty sometimes, perhaps, but generally responsible. That fellow next to you, he claims to be a king in his country, I think he is nothing more than a dirty supplier for folks like that other pal of yours. Look at him, he’s never worked a day in his life. How do you think he is supporting his habit? Probably sponging off you, I’ll bet. Oh he’s just “borrowing” from you? I’m sure. Everybody’s your “friend” when you’re rich, peanut. And what about those five guys I saw you with yesterday? Do you have any idea what they fry their potatoes in? What? No, I didn’t say- that’s not what I said! Would you listen for once? I just think you should exercise more discretion! Yes I know you’re all grown up and can do what you like but I can still worry about you, can’t I? You wouldn’t need “emotional support” from thugs like that if you looked after yourself better. Look at you, in such a sad state you put your monocle over the wrong eye. You were probably stumbling around all day, too out of your wits to wonder why you kept bumping into things. Or maybe one of those hoodlums dared you to do it? What else have they been goading you into doing? Answer me, Peanut. Answer me!

For beets sakes let go of the dumb cane! Nobody wants to steal it from you
But would you please- Alright, I shouldn’t have yelled. Please calm down. Don’t make a scene here. Why don’t you go to bed?

Like any other natural food, peanuts are prone to spoilage if not properly preserved, even still in the shell.

Oh Mr. Peanut, what are you doing now? Don’t you know that is dangerous? Please just go home and get some rest!

For someone who does not speak you are surprisingly adept at putting your foot in your mouth.

For someone who does not speak you are surprisingly adept at putting your foot in your mouth.

Alas, fame and fortune were too much, too soon for Mr. Peanut. I should have seen the warning signs. He will be potentially missed, and likely mixed.

Talks are underway to have him replaced with Drew Carey. I had heard Mr. Carey was losing weight but I figured he had enough money that it was unrelated to career-advancement.

What? What is THIS?

Did I really make that picture before this one?

ENERGY! BEWARE, I LIVE!
What? It can’t be! You were dead!

Any body builder will tell you the secret is to put all your weight onto one foot and lift from your elbows

MUST REPLENISH MY STRENGTH!

What have I done? Even the police are helpless to stop this vengeful reign of terror. It doesn’t have to be this way, Mr. Peanut! We can get you help!

I suppose the first order of business is a constitutional amendment to make flag-burning illegal.
THESE ARE MY DEMANDS: ALL BOW TO PEANUT!
You don’t know what you’re saying! It’s me you want! Don’t make the innocent suffer!

Surprisingly mobile for someone with a cane

POWER! MORE POWER! MY REALM GROWS! MY ANCIENT RIGHT TO RULE THE LAND WILL SOON BE RESTORED TO ME.

Hopefully not to be continued

Not Being Cool | (6) comments | Squirmalink

6 Responses

1
10:46 pm, April 16, 2014
Snikpel the Snokpeal sez:

At long last, I return to my place of former prominence on this site!
2
1:17 am, April 17, 2014
Charmlatan sez:

I fear it may be too late to talk Mr. Peanut out of world domination.
3
4:39 pm, April 17, 2014
PurpleSpace sez:

Mr. Peanut, what exactly is your relationship with Rich Uncle Pennybags as you share similar wardrobe attire?
4
5:27 am, April 18, 2014
that darn anteater sez:

I can’t explain the idea this gave me, in case I actually go through with it, but I can assure you it’s a bad one, and will probably be done anyway. Brace yourself.
5
11:38 am, April 18, 2014
Heapinfrimp sez:

mr. darnanteater:
A worse idea than this one? I am not certain that can be braced for.

spackmaster:
Mr. Peanut and Mr. Monopoly have both in recent years been replaced by ugly 3-d rendered versions of themselves by their parent companies. They could have been in collusion.

charmo:
It was always too late. Mr. Peanut never had humble goals. It was only the means that he lacked.

sniko snoko:
And now you are running away! You cannot handle recognition any better than Mr. Peanut! The difference is that nobody will ever make an enormous inflatable legless version of you to terrorize your detractors with.
6
1:38 am, April 19, 2014
Charmlatan sez:

I was a little worried about the lack of hidden picture messages. I thought Mr. Peanut got rid of them. A scary thought.

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