March 22, 2010

Unfortunately I had to start eating again. A pity. It eats so much time.

“”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

I haven’t eaten, and I haven’t had my sob fit yet today, but my nose continues to be just as inclined to stuff itself as usual. Just what AM I allergic to? Dust? Walls? Pixels? My own insufferable dullness?

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

How do I still have solid excrement to pass? I haven’t eaten a proper meal in almost two days and the last substantial thing I remember ingesting made the complete tour fairly quickly.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I think I’m going to be out sick for a while. You probably won’t notice!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Breaking news: I believe in life after love.

I don’t much LIKE it, but that’s not news!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I saw Shutter Island on Sunday. I have nothing to “spoil” for you, just that I’m rather sick of movies trying to pull that kind of trashbag on me. Also, prior to the show, between a coke ad about time travel that clearly cost way too much money to make for a stupid ad, a trailer for a movie about a time traveling uh hot tub that would NEVER have been MADE before the internet gave a bigger voice to the professionally retarded and ANOTHER trailer for ANOTHER movie about a time traveling pocket knife, I want to take a voyage in my own chrono-kayak to however many years in the future is necessary for everybody to get this out of their systems. That and the “ha ha, ’80s!” mentality that’s been ironically marketable now for longer than the 1980s themselves lasted.


Speaking of skulls, what on earth is going on with Comedy Central’s internet video ownership-designator? And why is some angry man shouting “DIH! DIH!” at me? Is he a mentally-imbalanced murderer who thinks my extracted head-bones are funny and he laughs in monosyllabic outbursts? Is he related to the guy who shouts “come on, yall!” and “HIT me!” for no reason? Are those both challenges at me so that the guy can make his deeds seem like self-defense?


Were the skulls the invention of the same master of design and draftsmanship and unnecessary clenched teeth who invented these? I hope the monkeys are better at building things than whoever built them. I will admit they did a good job digitally removing the notebook lines.



Oh incidentally I don’t see that little sequence anymore since comedy central withdrew its shows from the hew-loo I eventually came to watch them on, out of disgust for comedy central’s own website and video player, to be seen exclusively on its own website and video player, where instead of dih men I see ads for stuff like the eternally infallible South Park and what I showed after the monkeys because Todd forbid we have a prime-time animated series that doesn’t evoke Beavis and his posteriorcephalic companion or the opening sequence from Juno in some aesthetically repugnant way (although I understand that Todd’s cool).

But it’s GOOD to remind me of Maniac Mansion, right? It was so ZANY and INNOVATIVE! And it had the worst interface in the history of item-quest adventures. Or at least it did if you’ve only played the Tandy and NES versions, in which one must use standard four way directional arrow keys to control a mouse cursor to select nine different variants of “USE.” All of that is beside the point because I don’t get to make that guy get murdered for bragging about his recording contract to a jealous tentacle or blow up the mansion by pressing random buttons on the security keyboard and other stuff I’ve read you can do in that game that I never figured out. And anyway I was just commenting on how dopey the guy looks standing like that. I could be little less concerned with the actual content of the program.

This show is called Ugly Americans. And it’s ugly. And I don’t care. I don’t even feel like going through the ad and explaining point by point why each hilarious gag makes me mad. Here’s my tip to you, aspiring artists who don’t aspire to anything greater than aspiration: those free-floating black lines you use to indicate muscles in skin, folds in clothing and texture on various inorganic surfaces don’t look like anything else but black lines. I bet the artist has sketchbooks full of legless big-shouldered torsos. Which doesn’t mean anything to you but I once saw a sketchbook by someone who drew like this and it had a lot of legless big shouldered big necked male torsos in it and I was certain there was something to that. If there isn’t may I please be permitted to dis-remember it?


Not that this is any day for me to be criticizing the visual quality of sketchbooks.

Comedy Central, NBC, et ugh, they never WANTED you to be able to watch video easily. They just wanted to be able to say that they did. They want you to watch these shows on BROADCAST TELEVISION. The people who set it up and signed on to it, I now see, only expected this to be some sort of promotional tool for their actual tv channels. When Hulu actually got viewers, it was expected that the viewers would pay attention to those little notices at the starts of the clips and obey the instructions on future occasions. I have no idea why anybody thought that would work. Oh, right, THAT Tonight Show! I was only watching it on the internet because I didn’t know what time and network it was on! I’d much rather alter my sleep schedule and abruptly abort any activities I might be engaged in to accommodate this every night for five-sevenths of the remainder of my life. The networks prefer you to watch shows at the normal air times because then they are in control, and not you. They will show more ads at better rates and promote their other shows. If all the ratings go to something like Hulu, then the whole system will either need to be redesigned, or worse, risk remaining incredibly profitable but not to as obscene an extent.


Years ago, specifically on the very last line of this otherwise mystifying page from 2003, I scoffed, I sneered at the idea that internet video was then, or could ever be a replacement for television, but that was back when I had dial-up eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…eeeeeeeeeeeeeee oreorocfffeoroghcffgghhghg nyurrrrng, nyurrrrng internet at 50% functionality via america online or compuserve and compression algorithms were less sophisticated. Watching streaming video then was an unbearable hassle. It was slow, it was buggy, it was blurry, it was small, it couldn’t be viewed fullscreen. Some sites still won’t let you do that, but the holdouts are dwindling. When they try to force me I will start the video, pause it, wait for it to load in its entirety, copy the data from my browser cache and then watch it in a different program. Ha HA, I sure showed nobody!

I remember a while ago reading some news article about the reasons Conan O’Brien’s latest television endeavor was canceled. Apart from Hugo Chavez I can’t name a single South American head of state, I don’t know who my own comptroller is and I’ve never even seen proof that my garbage isn’t taken away by fairies every week but I know why some dork who was on tv for a really long time now won’t be for a little while. One line bothered me, though, and I took note of it and complained about it without recording where I had found it or who had said it:

“Add to all the other issues the fact that Mr. O’Brien’s young fans did not really have to watch television to see him. His shows were made available later on Web sites like Hulu. And his best comedy bits would frequently be posted on other sites — and passed around by fans — shortly after they appeared.”

Then why was it ON Hulu if being watched there did not count? And why is that my fault? Nevermind that this could easily have been revealed prior to the program being removed. Once people have been liberated from timeslots, they won’t go back unless you force them to. And yet if you try to force them, by revoking their privileges, they still probably won’t go back. I know I won’t. But I won’t go back to watching anybody’s tv show at 11:30[5]. I gave my television box away back in August or thereabouts because my parents’ machine was broken and most of the shows I watched I could now get through the internet. It was not a supplement to normal television viewing; it was a replacement. It is hard to turn people away from a new convenience and you should never assume that you’ll be able to do it. That’s why pro-environmental legislation is worthless. And also because most of our business depends on wasting things.

Howevah, even in a relatively non-wasteful field of decisions, such as one electricity inhaling broadcast media or another, stepping “back” is hard to convince consumers to do. A week or two ago I made myself buy a music album thing online that I had been listening to illegally distributed digital recordings of for a few years. I felt like I had wasted my money, even though that was the proper thing to do. Right. Just 3000 more to go, then. For most of the games that HAVE sound tracks, the things have been out of eh print for years, possibly eh decades by this point, and the cost to make honest men out of them often seems to rely on paying off weirdos who will be charging for rarity, age and the fact that the things are imported. It was never meant that I in Americonia be able to have heard this stuff, but the people who made the games never assumed anyone would care about the music later. Which is also why they never provided clear credits, I reckon.


S. BIG LAND, will your identity never be revealed?

This is understandable; I have become accustomed to an illegal practice that is, in essence, cheating. Hulu is totally legal and partially owned by NBC. It is completely unfair to blame people for using it. I even used it after complaining about its stupid name and creepy ads. Why spend so much money on a commercial thing that does not earn money?

I also watched Colbert’s Report with that thing, with which the more interesting part of Conan’s show was competition, and that’s still on the air. But not on Hulu. Hulu is lethal, evidently. It’s not a plot to destroy the world (for one thing, it blocks users from other countries), just its own business partners.



7 Responses
  1. 1
    6:11 am, March 23, 2010

    Snikpel the itself sez:

    I used to be important!

  2. 2
    10:28 pm, March 23, 2010

    ifihadjo sez:

    Am I to understand that you are intimating that it is, in fact, not 1988? Or in a slightly less wordy fashion, WTF?!? Dammit! I just bought all these thin monochromatic neck ties for nothing!

  3. 3
    10:17 am, March 24, 2010

    Rabivit sez:

    snik:
    And now you just ride on trolleys with dopes. I do not envy you.

    if:
    I don’t even REMEMBER the allegedly typical 80s stuff people always make fun of, like “legwarmers” and “members-only jackets” and “Journey.” And I’m 27 years old. Nobody who DOES remember this stuff is getting any younger or consumerier.

  4. 4
    10:16 pm, March 26, 2010

    ifihadjo sez:

    I thought a “consumerier” was someone who shopped at an all-night grocery. Now I’ll admit the leg warmers were buried deep – really deep in my psyche but the jackets. . . I just can’t picture them. Must be traumatic repression. Still, you can’t fault Flock of Seagulls for trying to enlarge the ozone hole over Antarctica. Ahhh Big Hair.

  5. 5
    8:26 pm, March 30, 2010

    Rabivit sez:

    Are you suggesting that all-night grocery store shoppers consume eerier? Because if you are we may have to fight.

  6. 6
    4:16 pm, June 19, 2010

    ZX-14 lady sez:

    What point is it being black if you cannot get sunburnt.

    Sent from my iPad 4G

  7. 7
    4:19 pm, June 19, 2010

    Frubaklop sez:

    That’s a good question! People should stop being black already.

feed comments.

Leave a comment. If you want to.




 
Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Nowhere
Titash
pc72
Pickford
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

them`s fightin` woids: November 10, 2019
Frimpinheap sez:
elpse improving its form is of no consequence if the dope still likes the result! what a...
November 9, 2019
Charmlatan sez:
I think the green one’s form [to whack dopes] is getting better.
November 7, 2019
Purplespace sez:
The dope probably likes the attention!
November 2, 2019
Frimpinheap sez:
I was wholly unaware how erratic my movements were, even while running backward. But once I...
November 2, 2019
pindohodo sez:
The start of the video looked like a scene from a slasher movie, with the sped-up jerky...
October 27, 2019
Frimpinheap sez:
It must have been, considering how well-guarded it was by elderly people uninterested in...
Less recent posts
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010
  • August 2010
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • May 2010
  • April 2010
  • March 2010
  • February 2010
  • January 2010
  • December 2009
  • November 2009
  • October 2009
  • September 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • June 2009
  • May 2009
  • April 2009
  • March 2009
  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • November 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • June 2008
  • May 2008
  • April 2008
  • March 2008
  • February 2008
  • January 2008
  • December 2007
  • November 2007
  • October 2007
  • September 2007
  • August 2007
  • July 2007
  • June 2007
  • December 2004

  • May 2007
    April 2007
    March 2007
    February 2007
    January 2007
    December 2006
    November 2006
    October 2006
    September 2006
    August 2006
    July 2006
    June 2006
    May 2006
    April 2006
    March 2006
    February 2006
    January 2006
    December 2005
    November 2005
    October 2005
    September 2005
    August 2005
    July 2005
    June 2005
    Maypril 2005
    March 2005
    February 2005
    January 2005
    Novcember 2004
    October 2004
    September 2004
    August 2004
    July 2004
    Maune 2004
    April 2004
    Febrarch 2004
    January 2004
    December 2003
    Octvember 2003
    Augtember 2003
    Junly 2003
    Maypril 2003
    Febrarch 2003
    Octnovdecjan 20023
    Junulgustember 2002
    Maypril 2002
    This never happened


    old webpages
    Mall Meh...ness
    03-03-2007
    Labyrinthy
    02-22-2007
    Cartoons
    12-10-2006
    Ludicrous
    07-01-2006
    I do not approve.
    06-04-2006
    irrational complaining about my television set
    04-24-2006
    Dennises are dead to me
    04-17-2006
    web-tv
    04-08-2006
    This page is not about shoes.
    03-22-2006
    I hate shoes.
    03-11-2006
    something award related
    03-04-2006
    Bahrg.
    02-26-2006
    Those Green Eyes again
    01-28-2006
    More valid but unfunny Disney criticism
    01-15-2006
    MeSpace
    11-EH-2005
    Biggest Loser
    10-EH-2005
    Mall Blandness
    07-20-2005
    2004 advertisement complaint world championship
    01/05/05
    Belindi
    11/03/04
    Mall Egadness
    09/22/04
    Las Vegas
    07/30/04
    Spiderman 2
    07/20/04
    Jope and Dopes
    06/27/04
    These Green Eyes
    04/24/04
    Friday
    04/01/04
    Wedding
    03/07/04
    Game Over
    03/02/04
    McDenny's
    01/09/04
    Mall orneryness
    01/06/04
    Movies I'm not going to see
    11/14/03
    Back fashion school to
    09/14/03
    Movies Make Me Mad. Moreso.
    06/14/03
    JList
    06/03/03
    France
    03/31/03
    Official pizza of Nascar
    03/16/03
    Browsers
    02/23/03
    Michael Jackson
    2/16/03
    Free Speech
    02/05/03
    Thursday
    01/23/03
    Doofs
    01-whenever-03
    NO
    12/11/02
    Film Critics. I hate them.
    10/15/02
    Coconuts. I hate those as well.
    10/14/02
    Independence Day
    Some time in July 2001
    video games
    Runaway Rainbow
    12-29-2008
    Marsupilami part 1
    Marsupilami part 2
    02-12-2007
    Spirou part 1
    Spirou part 2
    05-26-2006
    Cosmo's Cosmic Adventure!
    04-18-2005
    Kirby part 1
    Kirby part 2
    Kirby part 3
    01/23/05
    Dynamite HeaddY
    07/04/04
    McDonald's Treasureland Adventure
    03/21/04
    Pac in Time part 1
    Pac in Time part 2
    02/12/04
    Air Fortress
    07/16/03
    Super Widget
    05/17/03
    Back to the Forest (the skunny page)
    01/21/03
    Tintin and the Prisoners of the Sun
    09/24/02
    Bip Bop II
    2001, a space waste
    Barney's Hide and Seek "Game"
    too late to make a difference
    Moraff's Dungeons of the Unforgiven
    before the one above it
    Super Games Galore! Doy!
    mysterious
    other things
    Awards this website hasn't won
    mysterious
    The first First Beet segment
    05/28/10
    Embarrassing pictures 1
    09/17/04
    Embarrassing pictures 2
    The same
    Umiliphus (my old derivative megamen sprite comic
    08/15/03
    Hopeless.swf
    11/24/04, (I can only justify this by calling it an experiment, so I shall)
    sandwich.swf
    02/16/05
    FACK
    ??/??/??
    Poetry Page
    The same