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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
June 29, 2021
what’s wonderful about “into the woods” is that all the characters go into the woods

I was in Wells, Vermont, then Queensbury, New York, then Wells Vermont again last week to watch other people have a vacation. The following section is largely unrelated to that apart from where the photoglops were taken!

i don’t want to try and deny The Jade Lightbulb or Emerald Lamppost or whatever he’s calling himself a livelihood but “pests” ARE nature’s way.

it really is about time for somebody to TAKE OUT the trash since it seems to be accumulating unnatural characteristics and colors.
I figured out that the object on the left is supposed to be a chicken leg, am not certain if the drink has a face or just the cup, and likewise am not certain which of those is worse.

yes indeed they are STILL here for you on the opposite end of the sign. I suppose i appreciate this proactive approach; i need not worry about them coming for me since they are already here for me. I WOULD appreciate that the artist painted them fresh on both sides rather than printing the same image twice but it is also badly drawn food with ugly faces which I am against even on material that looks edible.

hey look it’s 40 Classic American Grille Oak, the world famous restaurant specializing in wood-based cuisine. It has a slightly lower art budget.

Yeah support local businesses, not multinational corporations that pay millions of dollars for super bowl advertisements every year to push their gross painted sugar sludge at children and adult children. I don’t think it is valid to use guilt as a marketing tactic when you promote yourself with pepsi logos. nor coke logos but those are more likely to be marketed at hokey old people who deserve what they get.

also this it isn’t actually open! but still very pepsi.

religious instruction is getting pretty abstract. the artist has a 1940s buck rogers concept of how space travel works, wearing fishbowl helmets and flying around with flame gurgitating jetpackages that somehow avoid incinerating your feet. Yet the very idea of outer space contradicts just about every biblical statement and subsequent illustration ever made regarding the concept of “the heavens” as being above earth. That can only occur if alternate earths or “dimensions” also exist, and thus this is really depicting more of a 1960s comic book sort of idea, and very much confounding the point! If I had kids I would NOT send them to an institution that deliberately confuses the gold and silver ages. This is outright heresy.

As I understand the multiple earths were introduced primarily to allow writers to take over a character and bring back an older version that they liked better which a previous writer had erased from continuity, and then eventually even the multiple earths started getting their stories rewritten. in fact scriptural accounts of what “heaven” “is” contradict each other just as much, and the persistence of worldwide religions suddenly makes sense to me when I consider them to simply be fandom for ancient cartoon heroes, which I was also very bored with as a small child. I had as much of a choice about going to catholic church thirty years ago as kids these days have about getting elsa and baby yoda shoved at them as soon as possible, probably in utero once technology permits it. I don’t know if it is even POSSIBLE to get baby products that don’t have pictures of mickey mouse or elmo on them unless you go quite out of your way to procure them, or make them yourself, which you probably won’t unless you are Amish or part of a doomsday cult.

something is really unsettling about this ventriloquist puppet. it looks less like it was designed and built than a real person was cursed and turned into it. I presume it either dines at oak grille or is dined upon there.

apparently the character is a local advertising fixture, or the company wants people to believe it is. the ads are incredibly low energy, badly edited and depressing in how zany they think they are.

this is probably the best produced and most openly surreal one they have and it still makes me uncomfortable. That “aren’t we mischievous!” piano music is on all of them, except one that blatantly steals the piano music from charlie brown christmas, which is a substantially worse video but it only features the guy since he apparently hadn’t adopted the puppet gimmick yet and it makes me VERY uncomfortable so I am not linking to it! Despite not bothering to change his voice or disguise his mouth movements while operating the puppet –though sometimes there are weird, slow cuts to the puppet alone with the guy just suddenly not there– he still has a more bearable presence once he is partnered with a pretend person made out of wood, even a fraction of the skill or emotional investment of someone like Paul Winchell. Yes indeed at one point in history this was a legitimate form of entertainment that performers worked at rather than a weird embarrassing curiosity to make people remember what your business is called. It seems to subconsciously communicate: “obviously there is something seriously wrong with this man, you may feel better about yourself in comparison.”

children should not drink alcohol, unless they are chemotherapy patients delivering fav brand wine on a skateboard.

i examined the reverse oriented version on the left side of the car and while the large WINE and LIQUOR text is intact the “artist” neglected to correct the text on the bottle or the hat! How could anyone not notice this? Please, how? I want to not notice and think about stupid garbage like this.

And then I had to recheck the proper version and in fact the hat text is gibberlish. Presumably this image was auto-vectorized from a line drawing by someone not familiar with all the settings or who simply did not care, such as whoever drew it in the first place. The hat would have been better left blank or adorned with another wine bottle drawing WITHOUT letters on it. isn’t this interesting?

eh last week was very boring and unproductive! I have been trying for days to make some sort of update out of what I saw and the most interesting part was driving through

Winhall Vermont, ancestral home of the world’s most famous S.

which I was not able to get a picture of until leaving! I saw it on the entry trip but was positioned improperly to photograph it. Truly I thought about it for eight days. Thankfully it was not detailed as a backwards s on the north-bound side! maybe liquor kid should have one of these on his hat since it is so sensible. Again I would very much like to not think about that.

June 10, 2021
Snakes are actually more scared of humans than we are of them, experts explain

this month is, as an increasing number of businesses want to tell me, a “pride month.” Specifically with regard to whom you do or do not want to have sexual relations. But I do not know how to be proud of something that I did not have a choice about or work to achieve, particularly when the things I DID work to achieve I am also often not proud of! Even if I could manage it, experience has shown that no established group represents any of my own interests, especially as more and more of the symbols are co-opted by global corporations that are larger than many national governments. I am destined to be confused and alone! Is it possible I am proud of THAT? I hope not. But I am confused and consequently uncertain.

Contrary to what deviantart and world-class comedian Fortune Feimster suggest, my true self’s pride is not what it creates with, but what with which it distances itself from other people.
i do appreciate that the person i never heard of being shoved at me today by a corporate entity is not a fraction of my age and famous for smirking on youtube or singing shoddy songs, but I still find no fun or camaraderie in marketer-approved activities.

I used the pathetic snake in the illustration because it has and is problems closest to coinciding with my own, despite being subtly different in appearance from my self.
my “regular” characters are extremely proud of themselves but none of them know what “sex” is as far as I am aware. YOU may, naturally, be proud of whatever you want! this here is only about me. and it.

for other websites I named this piece “pride and precipice” because oh how droll it rhymes with the title of a book I never read. But I also realized that

years ago naming this painting “unimprecipe” must have made no sense. i confused “precipice,” a word for the edge of a cliff (specifically a vertical edge rather than the cartoonish, ready-to-crumble overhangs I prefer to draw but nobody knows that) with the evidently non-existent “precipe.” This is otherwise irrelevant to the present subject matter.

a few weeks earlier my mother had sent me a link to “asexuality, the ascent of the invisible sexual orientation” but which seemed to especially focus on “asexual” folk wanting to see more asexual folk on television, and I was not sure how to respond to the link-sender about it, and never did. I am not asking you to read that! I am merely issuing proof that it exists.

I appreciate my mother’s consideration, as twenty three years ago when I first knew I didn’t want to be called he him his, there was absolutely no way to bring up this topic and not encounter misery or mockery. I remember the first time I did I was asked by this person “do you want to be like TOBY?” a ridiculous ‘neuter’ person who had appeared on the Sally Jesse Raphael show, clips of which were subsequently shown and laughed at on the E channel’s Talk Soup program, which we both watched. I did not want to be like Toby. I still do not want to be like Toby.

it’s about 40 minutes, this link is just to prove it exists, I am not asking you to watch it!
Toby is boring and has a boring name, even though Toby’s stated approach to sexual matters and method of responding to people who are far too curious about it is similar to mine. Asexual is not the same as agender but they occupy the same “nobody is selling what I am buying” part of their respective spectrums. AND I don’t want anyone to sell it!

However I am not at all concerned about the more recent self-labeling asexuals’ “representation.” Any group with photogenic representatives will eventually get represented in photography, and they are certainly prettier than Toby. They will get what they want. I do not seek representation, as I do not trust anyone else to achieve it. What I want is to be believed and accepted when I describe my own condition, not have to check a box and not have to choose a flag. Maybe news of self-described asexuals would reach more neuro-normal fans of awful media, and after long enough eventually be believed by them, and make it easier to describe my own problem to them, but that would be a side-effect.

Admittedly I have in the past appreciated fictional characters that are never shown to have outwardly sexual identities, like Samus, Tintin, even dumb old Rygar. I don’t need an official seal of “by the way they’re ASEXUAL!” to appreciate that they do something important without romance screwing things up. And I would continue to prefer them if labeled asexuals started appearing in crummy tv shows, having that be their core defining trait and being exactly like every other annoying complacent smirking jeans-wearing forklogan I don’t like otherwise.
And I do like Olive Oyl, Dynamite Headdy and certain Batmans, who sometimes have their decision-making skills impaired by the appearance of romance potential, because they are able to remain interesting. Sailor Moon is perfectly capable of both fighting evil by moonlight and winning love by daylight. What I don’t like are gross, boring “sex scenes” and contrived pairings, like when a woman and man fight each other a lot and then out of nowhere start kissing, I can’t stand it.

it is the “love” as a completely embarrassing and forced plot device that I cannot tolerate. I may also experience difficulty tolerating the people who tolerate them! Even if asexuals never do this I have every confidence that terrible writers will think of other disconcertingly moronic things for them to do instead.

I can imagine the gay porn test being a quad-annual requirement for renewing your asexual license.

I don’t even like the WORD “sex” and I think “ace” sounds stupid but that isn’t necessarily the fault of anyone I am griping about today.

apparently there are rings you can buy or forge to grant yourself the magical power to not want to do sex. I should be grateful to not need one, perhaps. I suppose the idea is to identify yourself so you can be found and find others with a similar condition without having to be very ostentatious and PROUD. A little black ring is more discreet than a big dumb flag. I don’t like having constricting trinkets stuck to my skin, though. I have never even been able to wear a watch, back when people wore watches. A ring is worse since it will either be too tight or inclined to fall off and get lost, and I would want to constantly fiddle with and adjust it before then.

and now I need a flag to let everyone know I am a fiddler!

May 20, 2021
hinky dinky was basically out of the price range, way too expensive for me to shop there

6 percent state sales zax

welcome to stop and shop

It is being reorganized; the one nearer to my previous location went through the same screwy phase last year, but this temporary sign is showing the obsolete 2008-2018 logo from when Stop and Shop was merged with the Mid-Atlantic supermarket chain “Giant,” which it no longer is, so I don’t understand why it is considered preferable to the logoless, proper sign that had been here two weeks ago.

it is a dinstinctily nonsensical logo, reminiscent of the incoherent mass of shapes beside the “L” in the dangelogo, so i noticed immediately when it stopped being used, and again with it reused.

I am getting mixed messages at this store. Or maybe just a mixed mess.

Despite the arrows, or perhaps to spite the arrows, people would blatantly walk the wrong way into the narrowest aisles and then just stand there like The Zax until *I* turned around and go out the opposite way I came in because I want to avoid a fight, which is the only reason I follow the arrows to begin with. I will obey a rule that makes no sense in order to prevent hypothetical conflict but I won’t hold up such a rule when conflict picks a fight with it. I will walk the wrong way over an arrow to get something at the end of the aisle and if nobody is facing me. Overall I want to not do anything that will get me faced.
Yes I drew that stupid header picture for this one bit. I initially intended to put the drawing with this section but I also don’t want a boring photograph of a shoddy storefront at the top of the website I provide to people who ask about my art drawings since somebody did recently and I would prefer such a person to be put off by an actual shoddy art piece.
I postponed finishing this for 2 weeks since other stuff kept happening and the store went and got rid of the stupid arrows and mask policy but the aisles are still a mess, and people are just as inclined to go full speed in a one-cart-wide space and not care if someone is in front of them facing the opposite direction. AND with the mask mandate lifted it did turn out that the person opposed to me was masked and I wasn’t, though I also wasn’t wearing an ugly baseball hat with a stupid slogan on it. Additionally I was not naked, sticking my posterior end out needlessly nor standing in a Charlie Chaplin pose, so disregard the rumors.

What kind of loser would drink this?

I couldn’t tell if twitter people who saw this a few weeks ago thought I was legitimately accusing seltzer drinkers of being losers or they simply don’t think napoleon jokes are funny. I do share a home with two seltzer drinkers and I greatly prefer when they DRINK the overpriced, fouled bubble water rather than pour a little bit into another drink and leave the cans all over the place.

Charmin is great toilet paper if you buy that for companionship
and for bad math but that seems to come standard at this point.

dumb fact: I have had charmin toilet paper in my house approximately one time, last april, at the height of the bogus toilet paper shortage when that was the only brand left in the store because everybody in town recognizes it is inferior at its primary stated purpose and also thoroughly incompatible with all the septic tanks common in a seaside locale that used to be all farms. Supposedly it was “septic safe” and my guess is they determined that by flushing one square and observing that the house didn’t explode. I likely used most of it for blowing my nose and diverted my strategic toilet paper for nose blowing reserve to active restroom duty.

apparently plumbers have particularly heavy excrement which makes them ideal test subjects

hey you want chips? you’ve come to the right six different places

two of which even say “chips” on the aisle markers

you want 50 percent discounts that don’t register when scanned, that the service desk will say will register at checkout, which don’t, which the attendant will key in an exception for but that the actual store manager won’t see the big deal about leaving mislabeled and having less-attentive customers pay full price for? apparently I do because I still shop here and simply took two and unscanned one the last time this happened because I didn’t want to need to show anyone that I was buying hamburger helper, much less making a fuss about not saving one dollar on it. It usually happens on stupid products, like 2 pound bags of york peppermint patricias or cans of cat food. The latter of which isn’t inherently embarrassing but I don’t want anyone thinking that I personally approve of the cat’s actions.

this discount was also fake but fortunately the math still worked out.

there are occasional “random” audits triggered when attempting to check out, which prompt an employee to approach your purchases and rescan them until the computer says they can stop which fortunately hasn’t bumped up against my personal manual override of their broken pricing system yet.
at the TIME i was buying these in single serve containers because I kept making the 64 ounce size go bad prematurely by chopping up bits of lemon and dropping them into the bottle to improve the flavor which I didn’t immediately realize was responsible for spoiling the fluid early. I have a great many personal tricks that don’t actually work because I do not know how to do proper research. For example, I have on occasion considered that the creature nemitz, while an inexcusable crumbum, might be compatible with the concept of plush toys, but imagined mits possession of horns would be a problem. However some time in 2019 my then four year old neice violet showed up with a stuffed animal that appeared to be a mixture between unicorn and octopus and it had a horn which looked rigid but was collapsible and i tried to poke my own eye with it and it didn’t hurt, and was difficult enough to seem like it wouldn’t happen by accident, which would presumably not-hurt slightly less, which meant an accurate doll nemitz was perhaps feasible, if not at all justifiable. I am inclined to believe there was a better way I could have determined how safe it was to jab my own eye without actually doing that.
Also the reason I didn’t post this two weeks ago was because I meant to find that unicorn octopus doll in this house so I could photograph it, and I didn’t, and then I forgot. Absolutely nemitz’s fault.

ALSO even that iced tea purchase is also outdated, because I have lately been so inclined to augment the iced tea I buy with additional lemon or additional tea I decided to just make my own full pot of it, today. Eh my concoction needs some tweaking, and I don’t think i saved any money yet either because it meant I had to buy a pitcher, I found one here, for $14. When I went to remove the internal components to wash it before using it, I discovered they were broken. When I went back to return and replace the item, knowing that the longer I put off doing that the more it seemed like I broke it, I found the four of the remaining pitchers ALSO had the same part broken.

However Stop and Shop is still a better store than Shop Rite, a substantially better store than Price Chopper, has very good deli meats and self-scanning machines that greatly improve the overall experience. I just like to complain.

There is always someone to blame.

March 28, 2021
I said, ‘How do I know I want to be Batman’s butler?’ It was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard of. He said, ‘It may be worth over $100,000.’ So I said I was Batman’s butler.

I got this back in fourth grade, which was probably roundabout 1993, from a school book fair or something because I would buy ANY book of comic strips that appeared in a weird place, and the character looked sort of like Calvin of “and Hobbes” fame anyway, and I had all the books with actual Calvin in them. I had never seen this big Nate that is smaller than a pencil before and have not seen it since,

but apparently it found an audience somewhere eventually among influential scumbags.
I don’t know how you make a tv series about a kid who draws comic strips in his note books, or why you need to save money by making it 3d since it would probably cost 2 cents to animate the notebook sections, which easily comprised about a third of the natebook that I had, assuming the tv series doesn’t just opt for static images.

I still had the book, along with this from the same book fair, a large hard cover edition of Roald Dahl’s The Minpins, which wasn’t actually mine and I don’t know how I ended up with it, but had HAD it so long i stopped mentally being aware of it, and several Cracked Magazines in a trash bag where they’d been at least ten years as I was always weird about throwing things away, but amidst trying to get the house sold last June I finally did, and I guess this tv series being made is revenge. I don’t know anything about it except for that picture, but I don’t really need to; I am 80% assured to hate any animated series whatever it is, this just happens to be a character that I recognize.

But it does go to show, if you stick to your craft, 30 years later a soulless corporation may commission an ugly computer mockery of it while desperate for new material not spun off from stuff they’ve had on the air almost as long or produced by sexual predators they finally had to fire after too many people found out they were covering up predation.

All this is not to say I hated the comic strips; I preferred the Nate book to the Marvin book, and it was my first experience with the expletive “dang!,”

which prepared me to encounter GRAYDANG in doom some time later, but I didn’t care enough to make an effort to track down more of Nate’s biggery. Meanwhile I eventually acquired each Calvin volume, though admittedly those were more common sights in book stores and finite in number.

I remember being really bothered by the way Lincoln Peirce drew the breast zone on Nate’s sister Ellen and apparently later other characters. I do not understand how this is preferable to not detailing a character’s chest at all.

However the bignate fandom wiki, which exists, features graphics which indicate this specific matter was toned down at some point. Peirce still draws mouths on the fronts of the heads regardless of what way they are facing.

the wiki also features up to the minute updates about which characters’ hair is pulled too close to their faces.

you are missing the bigger picture that Gina is a living cubist painting.

I additionally learned there was a big nate novel series by the same author that is REALLY banking on one remark from Jeff Kinney, whose “ugly comic strip about dork going to school excused by being ostensibly drawn by character in the comic” work actually came out a full 13 years after Lincoln Peirce’s and made heaps more money, and I wonder if Peirce knew the publisher was putting that line there. It is on all eight of the books,

and is also on reprint editions even less subtly. He definitely knew by then, I suppose.

Ah I said I hadn’t seen “big nate” since reading that book I had, but then I remembered I looked at its syndicate website at some point because I found and saved this extremely tacky strip from 2011.

I wonder how this works; how is a perpetual 12-year old commemorating the tenth anniversary of a national disaster that occurred when he was two years old? Or does this serve to acknowledge that he is in fact much older than that and simply not aging visually, like an elf?
Perhaps every moment of Nate’s life exists in its own separate timeline where he had been two years old ten years before, and in this one he has been surrounded by stories of heart-rending tragedy about nine-eleven and, unlike my cousin Delainey, about the same age, at the 9-eleven museum in New York City, or myself, mildly older than that on the actual nine-11, experiencing disillusionment and social terror at just existing every single day, totally over with being ordered to care about the one time people older than them experienced it, and got interviewed about it, and got validated in feeling that way, Nate REALLY relates to IX-XI. Alright that bully kid is STILL going to wreck that dopey pair of mounds, because the only thing bullies hate more than you standing there looking like that is you trying to get out of what’s coming to you. The only way to make bullies respect you is to beat them in a fight or make them laugh, and Nate, as the title character of a daily syndicated comic strip, is never going to substantially alter his behavior to get tougher or become funny so obviously those are both out. The only way that sand sculpture stays up is if bigger kid has mega right wing parents/guardianship that have hammered into him how SACRED 9-11 is, and new york’s FINEST, and the MEN AND WOMEN OVERSEAS, and PEARL HARBOR, and BOOTSTRAPS, in which case he is going to murder Nate and threaten Nate’s buddies into hiding the body for daring to invoke the divine power of 9-11. He will then call the newspapers, tell them he made the sand towers, get an award from the mayor and the city will make a bronze cast of it and display replicas at every intersection.

also: who the heck does this? places the end of their tongue out one side of their mouth to show how hard they are working. It is also in the title logo and apparently numerous other nate strips even without considering the logo. I sure don’t do that. I hate the feeling of tongues on my skin, whose-ever they may belong to. I would definitely have to scrape-wipe that part of my face afterward with tissue paper. I don’t think I have ever seen somebody outside of a comic strip or my mother’s description of a Norman Rockwell painting do that. And I don’t know what it’s called and searching for pictures based on the description is getting me way too many photographs of gross mouths so I cannot research this further. But my belief is that nobody really does this.
It is like talking while pointing one finger upward.

None of them are real people! I drew nemitz (orange annoying imp) doing it because nemitz does stupid things that are annoying, and even mit doesn’t engage in side-tonguing.

actually now that i think of it, the dork from goblins 3 looks sort of like nate (but not at all like calvin). they both have weird gravity-defying black spiked hair that looks more like grass and hold both feet in the exact same direction when facing to the side but only turn one of them and all the way around to face frontward, marking a considerable, charlie chaplin-esque posture change.

well THAT is the sort of thing i notice! too late to try and change it now.

some people notice other things.

this has no relevance but it is the specific inspiration for me referring to dopes as “decadent” on one or more occasions.

January 24, 2020
Cavill’s reshoots were scheduled around Paramount’s Mission: Impossible – Fallout, a film for which he was contractually obligated to keep his mustache.

page 45 of the inexplicably ongoing comic strip
it features copious views of areas where i really don’t know what is supposed to go in them, like the blue part of the building’s outside wall. apparently the only other time i showed this area was page 3-2, where i didn’t make it blue and put yellow grass there in a way that makes no sense, and it wasn’t zoomed in close enough that there was massive void like here filling the void here with lines and angles seems to work but it feels really lazy.
3-1, the page before it shows that there is a sort of tunnel in that spot but I recall in a previous update noticing the inconsistency about the tunnel and resolved to just not have a tunnel there because there are more pictures without it than with it and they are all small. I ought to edit the pages where it DOES appear so i stop rediscovering this inconsistency re-evaluating which way is correct because eventually I will choose the other way and that will make an even more longwinded stupid problem.

Out of nowhere between 410 and 420am i decided the green elf should have one earring, and once that was enacted it instantly seemed like i should have made this gnome be the less wimpy of the two here. The script seems to have them trade off which one is more aggressive than the other, which is probably frustrating as a reader. None of the gnome stuff was well-planned or “planned.” i established previously that gnomes with hats that point straight up are aggressive but pathetic, so I don’t want to have this one also be like that. Really one of those should have been in this pair instead but I ALSO established or at least implied that these two specifically have some sort of partnership, so they should be together, without considering that there might not be any justification for it other than me having put them together the first time before I knew anything about them or that they would be appearing again. in fact they are part of a group of three but i ADDITIONALLY established that the third one isn’t in the gang and so would not be out searching for creature-imps to beat up. oh!

December 24, 2019
Like her sister Barbie, she has had numerous “acquaintances”, celebrity friends, fantasy friends, and Disney friends that were produced at her size.

I am almost sad the “cats” movie is flopping so hard since I was looking forward to getting angry at it not doing that.
cats is my least favorite musical work by somebody who I think has actual musical talent. Everything about it was annoying even before Rebel Wilson had a role in it.

my stance on cats is a matter of public record, but I will repeat it anyway because I’m sick, i need help.

Starlight Express is the gayest ostensibly heterosexual love story I have ever seen. Although to be fair I haven’t tried to watch Cats yet.

I have now listened to the “Cats” album in full and wish to apologize to Lord Andrew Webster for implying that it has a story.

And I wish also to apologize to Jonathan Larson 20 years after his death for ever saying Rent was the most annoying musical.

Cats is like if every song in Rent was sung-chanted by Angel and had nothing to do with the song before it.

Cats are like THIS! And cats do THAT! That’s how life IS if you’re a CAT!

I was embarrassed that I liked starlight express, overall, at times, but maybe I shouldn’t be since cats gets loads more respect.

I think Starlight Express was made specifically for people who like really stupid stage musicals but didn’t like Cats for why-ever

And also to help Andy Lloyd Lloyder replenish his stock of gold embroidered toilet paper.

I spread my “Chess” obsession across a few years but I want to try and get Starlight Express out of my system within the week.

I do not know what long-term psychological damage dwelling on it might be capable of.

I think Andy Pandy Webby is a substantially better composer than Stephen Sondheim, on account of his music actually having discernible tunes. If Webbo is guilty of plagiarism at least he picks good targets. But there is a reason Jesus Christ Superstar got made into a movie almost immediately and Cats took almost my entire lifetime, apart from one being a god story and the other a there is no god story. Which reminds me, christmas is tomorrow!

Gosh it’s finally here I can’t wait

I drew the sketch in 2016 during a particularly regrettable period in my life and forgot about it, then last year my younger brother was going to appear at some sort of comedy event where Artie Lange was also going to appear, so i colored and purged the uncanny valley from it in anticipation of promoting the event with this, but then the brother dropped for a reason that I wouldn’t have because gosh if somebody is PAYING me to do what i ASPIRE to do and I was sharing a venue with somebody else who made a career out of it why would I not, that would get me more respect than drawing dopey fursonas ever has, and I suddenly had no excuse to justify bringing it up again and I forgot it again. unfortunately, i remembered.
ALSO it seems that in 2017 Lange had a series of incidents which among other things have rendered his nose in a state that makes it seem perpetually pressed against a plate of glass, so as barely recognizable as this drawing was it is now quite less so, and then I suppose already had been at the time when I meant to show it. I only learned that today when debating whether to tag him in the post on instagram. I decided not to because I wanted to tag both of them and if the other guy has an instagram page it didn’t come up fast enough for me to not start getting nauseated at other people’s posts mentioning him and great bimpity frimpity look at this dumb garbage who cares it isn’t worth that much anxiety.

In other Lindy news he recently appeared without my being prepared for it in the HBO series “his dark materials,” where he portrays the character Lee Scoresby, who gets into fistfights and shoots monsters with a gun and is utterly unconvincing, and apart from that is incredibly distracting being a ubiquitous media celebrity in an ostensibly fantasy setting but fortunately only in half the episodes and not the only thing wrong with the program. One of which is uncertainty as to whom the titular “his” refers. The quantity of luminance in his materials is not a factor in my distaste for them, apart from maybe I would like his stupid beard better if it were invisible.

My opinion of whose-ever dark materials is also a matter of public record, but unlike “cats” was actually topical when I talked about it and I still couldn’t even manage a single meager “like” so there is less need to assume that was just because nobody saw the posts because I am sure someone did. if you look up related hash tags all the posts are just people who are already fans of that guy talking about how great he is on the show even though, as noted, he is usually NOT on the show and detrimental when he is. that’s probably WHY he was cast; he brings along an existing set of fans who aren’t very discerning. I am supposed to accept him as a surrogate father figure for the main character Lyra even though they hardly have any screen time together and when they do Lee is whining about having to work or demanding to be paid, which could be funny if he was funny but he isn’t. Lee Scoresby has about as much warmth as the equally nasally Enoch “Nucky” Thompson from the earlier hbo series Boardwalk Empire, which apparently loads of people watched when it was new, just nobody who I know or who knows me.
That comparison seems like a compliment since Enoch is portrayed by Steve Buscemi who a lot of people also like but Enoch is an unscrupulous gangster rather than a roguish ne’erdowell with a heart of gold.

this is a different character, i suppose it isn’t terribly important whom and that may work in my favor since the valley of uncanniness I mentioned earlier is less of a factor when you don’t know who a picture is SUPPOSED to look like.
yes I have hbo now, I am up to date on the premium channel shows that I for years resented The Media treating like everybody watched and kept up with back when i couldn’t, and now I don’t have regular cable and it is better, and apparently loads of people also are only using premium streaming television now rather than conventional broadcast services, and once again we still have no idea what each other are talking about.

but this is christmas, right? I should do something nice for someone. tying up old mental baggage so I don’t talk about it where other people can hear it is a gooder deed than I typically manage.

December 14, 2019
In Disney’s fifth installment to the franchise, Air Bud finds that he also has the uncanny ability to play volleyball. Throughout this experience he and a talking parrot stop some crooks and make some new friends.

On december 1 2019 my niece Vackshfump was watching “ralph breaks the internet” Yessir this 5-year-old really needs to see a cartoon full of comedy celebrities talking about loot farming and ebay. I was only near it twice and was vividly reminded of this foxtrot strip except imagine it cost 175 million dollars and bill amend owned toaplan and taito.
“all your base are belong to us” is one of the earlier meme “phenomenons” before people described it with the terminology “meme.” Bill Amend was lazily referencing it in this comic strip for nerd credibility despite it already having been considered old at that point and this not really having any angle on it other than to observe that it exists, and of course it takes 6 weeks for newspaper comic strips to get published, or at least did for most of their existence.
And what is my problem, then? The ralph movie is even older now than the all your base joke was then. But I am not doing this for credibility! If I was going to have any I would have gotten it a long time ago. I was never going to watch this cinemagony on purpose when it was new, much less pay for the right so that I might offer a timely criticism. Having a small child in my life is bringing along with it a great deal of unfortunate media the likes of which I would greatly prefer to not be aware of, because it does THIS to me. I don’t have time to write these things, do you have time to read them?

You can say “WELL it’s not FOR KIDS just because it’s a CARTOON!” but it shows up in the netflix “kids” mode that hides countless other mildly to substantially less stupid things, and also prominently features the official non-parody disney princesses which exist primarily to extract money from parents of this specific captive audience, with the aim of turning those kids into willful captives and likewise captors when they produce their own children.

also on netflix kids, Jerry Seinfeld IS “The Bee Movie,” Adam Sandler’s entourage in Hotel Transylvania and Alec Baldwin as the only character he plays now inexplicably drawn as Boss Baby, all three brightly colored celebrity wank jobs devoid of kid-comprehendable content (plus numerous other equally ugly items I am glad have not been put on in my presence yet). I don’t think bee movie even has one kid character. Of the four I have named, only bee movie my sister refuses to put on, and i don’t understand where this line is drawn. I acknowledge that seen here is boss baby the spinoff baldwin-less netflix series, but I know the full film is there also because I had to deal with that last year. It was boring and pointless but not an exercise in brand awareness disguised as something other than that. The trash culture fetishizing of hotel transylvania is deplorable and its character designs only seem bearable in the proximity of minecraft but I will admit the animation itself is occasionally funny-looking, which I can’t say for the others I have mentioned. I think Trolls the movie is a crime against humanity and demi-humanity but it is unmistakably a children’s film and not visible here so citing it would not aid my cause.

if you are curious about the netflix kids setting, this is how customizable it is. You can’t tell it to include or exclude certain titles. You can’t personally select and omit every movie that has excessive belching or flatulence in them, for example, and I presume there are a surprising number that don’t. Of course as a parent have the power to NOT put on a movie you don’t like, but when kids are bred from birth to want disney-y trash and you are granted no means to tune it out you end up having to fight your own child to avoid it.

and maybe you deserve it if you cede the authority to a moneymaking business to decide what is “age appropriate” and harbor absolutely no other categories of appropriateness.
If I was the parent I would browse it myself in advance and choose some things that weren’t too horrible but most people aren’t like me and netflix specifically isn’t really big on giving users control anyway. it automatically plays trailers for whatever is selected including whatever it suggests to you first and complacently refuses to let you disable that.

As indicated, I was near it twice; two days later, ralph was on again! it is legitimately upsetting to me. I don’t know how to co-exist in a world where this is considered valid entertainment. It makes me depressed. I can’t have happiness if this is what people want. if i have consolation it is that it made ONLY half a billion dollars and that is now considered a disappointment to the Disney organization so there probably won’t be a third, but everything is like that now to some/many degrees so it isn’t going to stop.

everything i guessed about it is not only true, it’s twice as bad. the princesses aren’t in the whole movie but they are in much more than I was expecting. they show up about the same length into the film that optimus prime does in the transformers movie and get about as much screen time. (incidootily my least favorite part about 2006 transformers was also the unnecessary pandering references to the internet) This movie cannot stand on its own, and nobody cares. imagine if “meet the spartans” made much more money and put a curse on mentally-challenged movie critics to say nice things about it. that series got killed when writer producer jackasses seltzer and freberg became too greedy and decided to distribute subsequent movies themselves and suddenly couldn’t get into theaters. That is not a reliable circumstance for me to hope for with disney.

in this movie websites are places, otay. this one is called “ohmyDISney” and the character who says it pronounces the heap out of the DIZ. it is supposed to be a disney fan site because this communicates that consumers also accept that star wars and marvel just ARE disney, not established worlds with their own identities that disney simply purchased relatively recently within our lifetimes. and also this isn’t corporate excess this is what WE the proles WANT. Like this is MY fault.

that’s “oh my disney” as in “oh my god” without the god because plainly there isn’t one but that doesn’t mean you can’t receive doctrine and arbitrary commands in its name and worship it. Also it has its own hotels because of the allegory of an internet as a physical place that looks like a real place and real places have hotels and EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MOVIE IS MORONIC

I don’t consider pixar in the category of stuff disney just bought and assimilated because pixar’s public identity has always been synonymous with disney, and in many ways the current disney was assimilated by pixar. The same sap morality, fake comedy, california/celebrity worship and computer graphics addiction, and also John Lasseter has been in some way involved with every disney movie since way too long and was only kicked out after he, like every entertainment media figure who gets held up as incapable of error, turned out to be a sexual predator. Since that occurred people other than me have been complaining about disney movies again, which I can only hope means disney is actually getting better, but the Lion King bookended both sides of the Lasseter era and I hate it in any case. it’s still d-d-DIZney, turning a profit targeting schmucks, even if its hypnotism of the reporting media is slightly less complete.

Anyway this whole segment of the ralph movie is just to remind you that disney owns stuff and intends to mash it up in disgusting ways, it must be stated that all the specific video game references in the film are 20-40 years out of date or generic, but the oh! my disney segment includes real brands and absolutely reflects whatever disney wanted to project of itself in 2018. The princesses all know and get along with each other and wear contemporary slob fashions despite coming from different time periods and countries and don’t exhibit any traits that could be perceived as negative, because blind complacency is never treated as negative.

The climack scene with the princesses saving Ralph, their proprietary musical themes playing as each appears, is the biggest i have mouth-painfully-agaped since the animaltopia preview. When moana ducked into the frame and smugly said “you’re welcome” I wanted to scream. I don’t talk about moana on this website, I hate everything about it so much without reservation and I already did that too much with the lion king, and now moana, and more importantly irritating references to the most irritating song from any disney product can just be in any other property that they manufacture. That whole thing, it almost made me cry. I wasn’t just annoyed, I was depressed. Because this has been out almost two years and I have never seen a word of complaint or displeasure about this. Everybody who has seen this film thinks this is acceptable, and would presumably be comfortable with disney owning every commercial property there is and making every movie a potential cross-franchise rule-free orgy of pandery idiocy that pretends it is smashing through once unbreachable cultural barriers.

whaaaaa? how did BART SIMPSON get into this AD for DISNEY PLUS to deface it? That is so SUBVERSIVE and actually not criticizing disney in any way and disney incidentally owns the simpsons now and it hasn’t been subversive for decades! It continues to exist for the same reason that the lion king remake took in over a billion dollars even though everybody i know who saw it didn’t like it and would probably go pay to see lion king remake part 2; brand loyalty that supersedes all reason for products that will never stop coming and has no incentive to get better.
also: if oh my disney is synonymous with oh my god then disney + can be seen as disney christ. The major difference in divinity is that it was possible to kill Jesus, at least for a little while.

A major thing that bothers me about Kevin Smith movies is how often characters are loitering around talking about other movies, but at least in that case they aren’t movies that Kevin Smith has a financial stake in, and if you skipped those parts, the other parts would still function as well as it was going to.

it’s like those sketches on saturday nuhlive where the actual person being parodied walks into the sketch and oh ho ho how droll aren’t we all having good fun NO it isn’t a real parody if the victim is in on it. You need to be able to criticize it in a way that it would not criticize itself, that its owner would not permit to be criticized.

also if you will only criticize a public figure without permission via special guest stars who are themselves beneath contempt and not even cast members then that doesn’t count either.
Gosh why even watch the show? It is much more satisfying to read a sycophantic summary of how “hilarious” the opening 20 minute parade of smirklejerk “woke” celebrities and applause breaks is. also my use of “woke” doesn’t mean right wing conspiracy schmucks are controlling me, it means a force beyond my control finally invented and agreed on a word for something i have been screaming at for what feels like centuries.
I had a tragic falling out that he is not aware of with stephen colbert over the shift from comedy to this “woke”ness but gosh at least he is devoted to his own show, whatever that show may be, and too busy to do stupid trash like this. James Corden’s show isn’t even in new york.
I don’t even hate Paul Rudd but he happened to get named in that headline and I don’t think he will suffer for it.

Also! Immediately before the rescue scene, Ralph falls through another character’s rescue vehicle, and rather than expressing alarm or anything organic, the character, who is unmistakably voiced by Saturday Night Live handoff Bill Hader, just talking normally, despite Hader’s greatest talent being to disguise his voice, emotionlessly states “wow that didn’t work.” Yes obviously it didn’t work! You saying that doesn’t make the fact that it didn’t work funnier! I really miss the laugh track convention from bad old sitcoms because I knew I wouldn’t hear it in a feature film, but smugly reacting on my behalf can be and is in everything. And why does disney bother buying ABC and FOX if it inherits all its actors and writing conventions from NBC? Because NBC is owned by Viacom which probably doesn’t want to sell it, but if dismey makes itself synonymous with nbc there is no NEED to buy it. It is [currently still] illegal to own all competitors in a field anyway, but not to indenture them. Although copyright law was changed specifically to let Disney keep owning mickey mouse so maybe it will get a law changed to let it keep owning more networks as well, and then another law changed to ban technology that increasingly makes tv networks irrelevant.

and this over here: note that it says “the muppet show” despite that predating disney’s definitive ownership of the characters by 30 years because despite all the muppet products since then The Muppet Show is still the last one that doesn’t come across as attempting to cash in on how popular the muppets USED to be. I did say I liked the muppets most wanted film but i wasn’t aware –first of all, how ubiquitous and tiresome the tina fey brand of comedy would become within a few years when all other american comedy had morphed into diluted imitations of it– and worse of the disgraceful “viral”-ready videos of

muppet versions of bohemian rhapsody and the like being made to promote the film. I am able to believe that the “brinksmanship” that got steve whitmire fired in 2016 from controlling kermit involved him protesting and blocking as much degenerative disney energy as possible (and maybe not, because he also performed and CREATED rizzo the rat which only got more tiresome and inclined to steal time from more interesting characters INCLUDING kermit as it went along). If you haven’t seen it, good. this was another of Vackshfump’s fixations about a year ago. it is “only” just under 5 minutes long but each lame muppet video connects you to more lame muppet videos, usually with obnoxious teasers built into them that show about 20 seconds out of context and then you see that again when the video actually goes on.
and i can’t say “jim henson wouldn’t have allowed this” because he allowed muppet babies which i hate most prominently and also thought selling to disney was a good idea, but at least those were cartoon non-“real” muppets so nothing they did actually happened.

It shouldn’t make a difference to a little kid what song the muppets are singing along to, yet the content is so moronic that I, a non-kid, feel embarrassed being near it. And that Bohemian Rhapdoder was chosen specifically so that adult children my age or older, who all this stuff is really made for, would recognize it and be taken in by the woah hey remember wayne’s world remember the 90s quotient. Even though the song is from 1975, 20 years earlier, i definitely never heard it before wayne’s world but heard it loads after that.
I remember in fourth grade a kid who had the song on a tape and would get other kids to do his bidding by saying “i won’t let you listen to my bohemian rhapsody” in the event they did not comply, and that WORKED

This video, it is so bad. It takes a song that is already overexposed and irritating from tired fake parody homages, and covers it with ancient muppet-related nongags lifted straight from that muppet show without any context. Context is VERY important to me. The entire first section is sung in earnest with unchanged lyrics by Gonzo, and Gonzo is not good at singing. The “joke” is that gonzo is accompanied by three chickens who are worse singers and maybe that is funny to somebody for about 5 seconds and it goes on for a minute. ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. the lyrics only change at the part about mama killing a man because the muppets are disney and family and disney doesn’t kill people except villains and parents. Then instead of “we will not let you go” the elderly hecklers say, in unison, “we do not like your jokes” to fozzy bear because see they DON’T like fozzy bear’s jokes and therefore it is funny for them to say that just for no reason amidst this song that otherwise does not concern fozzy bear or jokes or fozzy bear’s jokes.
It reminds me of the ten year period where i hated the muppets because of stupid trash like that and apparently that never actually ended.

AND you can say that the muppet show itself was largely comprised of muppety covers of existing songs. It was, but the intent was not to shoehorn in as many disparate muppet gimmicks as possible. They often featured original or unnamed puppet characters that had nothing to do with the established trademarked ones. They were content to be themselves without desperately trying to remind anyone of themselves. Also disney didn’t own them!

Anyway I don’t believe any muppets actually appear in Ralph’s movie beyond Kermit’s enormous disembodied inanimate head but obviously just the logo is enough to get the point across to somebody such as me, possibly only me, that muppets equals disney, and it all happens in about three seconds. None of this has plot relevance to Ralph since there is no plot to be relevant to. True enough to the title’s promise of wrecked internet, it is sort of like watching the moronic video content of a wrecked system sapped of its potential by soulless opportunists and corporate synergy, except there isn’t a perky brain-damaged narrator’s enormous hands taking the characters out of eggs while the words “here i am here i am how do you do” echo in the distance.

AND you can say that the muppet show itself was largely comprised of muppety covers of existing songs. It was, but the intent was not to shoehorn in as many disparate muppet gimmicks as possible. They often featured original or unnamed puppet characters that had nothing to do with the established trademarked ones. They were content to be themselves without desperately trying to remind anyone of themselves. Also disney didn’t own them!

Anyway I don’t believe any muppets actually appear in Ralph’s movie beyond Kermit’s enormous disembodied inanimate head but obviously just the logo is enough to get the point across to somebody such as me, possibly only me, that muppets equals disney, and it all happens in about three seconds. None of this has plot relevance to Ralph since there is no plot to be relevant to. True enough to the title’s promise of wrecked internet, it is sort of like watching the moronic video content of a wrecked system sapped of its potential by soulless opportunists and corporate synergy, except there isn’t a perky brain-damaged narrator’s enormous hands taking the characters out of eggs while the words “here i am here i am how do you do” echo in the distance.

Maybe this dumb frog wearing a bow tie would find it acceptable.

12-31-2019 104am
I just rediscovered this page from nearly ten years ago that I wrote after seeing Avatar and How to Retain your Dragster, in which I make loads of the same complaints. For the sake of my own free time and the few people who don’t yet think I hate them because I hate everything they like, I absolutely need to become less aware of new crummy movies. Even without media influences and truly shoddy friends encouraging these things at me I am not safe without working at the avoidance, and that would be less work than writing another page like this! I could drop dead at any time and I don’t want to risk there being a picture of Josh Gad on my screen when it happens and whoever finds my body weeks later thinking I wasn’t thinking something condemnatory because they definitely aren’t going to read any of this!

March 5, 2019
tonight the bats will feast, and tomorrow i will head out to find the phantom of the jungle, the jagwire

Sharing a house with my niece, I have seen more than my share of popular media that I would otherwise have pledged to avoid, and it has helped, forced me to discern the truly awful (Finding Dory) from the bearably mediocre (Brave) and occasionally something that isn’t even bad. I can take the 2016 [disney] Jungle Book better than 2017 [disney] Beauty and the Beast since Jungo isn’t trying to closely imitate the earlier disney cartoon while selectively changing things to be more twitter-morality acceptable, while meanwhile totally failing to be as good in the scenes that are completely analogous. It isn’t, like Maleficent, depending on you having seen the old (disney) movie so it can tell you how WRONG that movie is. But 1991 Beauty and the Beast is a different sort of thing from 1967 Jungle Book since it came out within the lifetime of most of the jerk hipsters who NEED a replacement version that is less interesting and more “social justice”y. Maleficent had its own amount of that, but foremost its goal was to emphasize how perfect its star/producer is. 1991 Beauty and the Beast is considered obnoxious fandom required viewing more so than Jungle Book OR Sleeping Beauty, but Jungle Book least of all since that doesn’t have a princess in it who needs to be retroactively transformed into a more substantial and empowered character. I hadn’t even seen 1967 Jungle book all the way through until literally last week because i never wanted to. Which is not to say its remake lacks elements that exist only to get the attention of annoying people, like putting a cowbell focally in the Christopher Walken character’s treasure heap. but it isn’t shoehorning in every song or lame imitations of the old version’s dance sequences. The two songs it does carry over are briefer, and the first is relevant to distinguish that the bear character is more fun-loving than anyone else in the jungle, who never even taught Mowgli what a song IS. The second song is a sinister/surreal counterpart to the first song, sung by an enormous megalomaniacal gorilla who is only trying to seem fun. Almost the opposite of the original character. Which actually was an original character, having no counterpart in the actual Jungle Book books. Yes, the B&B remake did something similar with Gaston, changing fun to sinister, but in that case it comes across more like they aren’t ALLOWED to make the guy likeable even for a moment because internet than a creative decision. And since the film is a scene by scene recreation of the old (disney) version, that change really stands out to me.

Gaston’s divergence from the previous film, with regard to how he initially treats Maurice, is not significant enough to disprove my assertion that the film sets out to impersonate and swap places with the other, since otherwise it does, before and after that point. 2016 jungle book differs from the cartoon at the start, middle and end. 2017 Beauty and the Beast does so sporadically and strategically.

2016 jungle book is not a scene by scene recreation. It is not trying to re-appeal to the same people as the old one. The 1967 edition is silly. It is a cartoon. It KNOWS it is a cartoon. The newer film recognizes the change in medium and tells a different story with many of the same elements, and without trying to put itself over and diss the old one. And I am not of the opinion that the cartoon is perfect, either; Mugly just ends up near Man Village without ever resolving to go there, so he doesn’t need to grow as a character. He never shows an interest in technology so it is less clear why anybody is worried he will get addicted to fire. There are prolonged interludes with the elephants and vultures that do not accomplish anything except remind Shere Khan that everyone else in the jungle is an idiot. Apparently Walt Disney was obsessed with celebrity voiceovers, if not as obsessed with building the entire movie and marketing campaign around that as the current company is, and wanted the Beatles to voice the vultures and thought the novelty of that would be enough to justify giving them what feels like 15 minutes of screen time just saying “so what do you lads wanna do?” “don’t start THAT again!” But John Lennon knew specifically that he didn’t wanna do that and I suppose the others weren’t even asked but the scene wasn’t cut or redone, either. But I don’t dwell on this all day and all night because it is a dumb cartoon. It isn’t like Moana with the stop and go “you can do this! no you can’t do this! yes you can! no you can’t! now let’s have a montage where you prove you can do this! now let’s have another mopey interlude where you think you can’t” which also I am supposed to see as socially progressive since the female protagonist is more competent than the male one and neither is caucasian (and I acknowledge that cartoon Mowgli is literally Christopher Robin with a different haircut despite being in India). The obnoxious David Bowie tribute can’t be deleted without leaving a hole in continuity whereas if necessary you could skip 1967jb’s vulture section.

and so
When I read about 2019 lion king, months ago by now, I had never so profoundly wanted a film to flop. It seemed like it wanted to combine the worst traits of Maleficent and Beauty and the Beast Remake, What with loads of inappropriate celebrity non-actors in major roles, especially Beyonkay Knowles, who is about the only person I can think of who would be presented as less fallible than Angelina Jolie, and the source film being in recent memory and precious to dumb fandoms which will hype and buy into it whatever it does. Jungle Book 2016 is cited as inspiration but only on the technological side, even though the cartoon is more visually engaging.
Instead of two songs that nobody trendy cares about, we get four incredibly annoying songs from the earlier film that are supposed to already long since be seared into your memory, with the one bearable song about the one bearable character left out. As of february apparently it is back in, but then THAT means you’re literally recreating the old movie. Then you get a talentless ass like Billy Eichner, whose lame to fame is going outside and yelling embarrassing things at people while filming them and periodically reminding you he is gay like you couldn’t tell. And he’s not taking over the minor Bobcat Goldthwaite role, he’s being Timon, who sings a lot and is impossible to not see. I never liked Timon, but I learned to appreciate Nathan Lane in theater roles unrelated to the Lion King. Because he is actually an actor, even if I don’t think he is funny. Billy Eichner is nothing if he isn’t funny except loud (which is annoying) and gay (which is irrelevant). The hog is voiced by Seth Rogen, who I also don’t want to hear singing, or at this point even talking. I would say I don’t want to hear him breathing but that seems like i want him to die, when I merely want him to not exist.
John Oliver, why is he there? Why cast him as Zazu, the worst character? Just to make sure there isn’t one person left that I enjoyed in my late-night-comedy-liking years and haven’t yet developed a grudge against? I got past Andy Richter being a voice in both Father of the Pride AND Madagascar but my understanding is that, at least in the latter role, he was actually doing a voice, not simply talking like Andy Richter so you hear him and think “oh that’s tv’s Andy Richter” because he probably actually auditioned for the role rather than receiving it in an award show gift basket. Can someone I don’t hate in a role that I do make the role more bearable? Not at my position in life, no. They might as well have had Billy Eichner do that one also.

Keegan Michael Key, another person I used to find interesting, has a role, but one of the hyenas which as I indicated I don’t remember noticing much from the cartoon. And I should be glad it is an ex-Mad TV person rather than an idiot from Saturday Night Live for a change. Considering that the film’s whole concept, recreate something that already exists and change a few aspects while mugging for applause each time a character I am supposed to already be familiar with appears for the first time is more or less what Saturday Night Live does now. But Phil Lamarr is also from Mad TV and has considerably more voice acting experience. Experience is irrelevant; Key was only cast because he is in stupid ads and Barack Obama likes him.

The top-billed actor is Donald Glover whose name looked mildly familiar to me, but what from I could not place. But apparently he is best known for an audio production called “This is America.” Something I heard last year, thought “this is terrible” and then forgot about and eventually learned had won six billion awards. That seems about right. That has really been Lion King’s legacy in my life. That which I find unremarkable at best becomes essential to the lives of others and shoved at me and heralded as the best there is perpetually. THIS is America. We make annoying movies set in other countries filled with lame comedy, irritating songs and fake contemporary morality and then tell ourselves it is the greatest accomplishment in the history of humanity even while constantly criticizing “america,” whose frivolous brainwashable marketing-addicted and disseminating consumers and above-the-law corporations this would be impossible without. ESPECIALLY if it is done in rap form. Because rap is new and speaks truth to power despite being older than me and totally appropriated by commercialism. The Media is controlled by white people who are afraid of looking racist if they claim to not like rap and conveniently enough the performance art presented as blackest is not terribly difficult. Anybody who looks the part can be trained to rap. Even if they have a weak voice and can’t talk very fast, hey hooray we trained the public to pretend they think digitally augmented barely-human vocals sound good! Convincing the public they like rap leaves you the most options. I don’t recall that the item in question contains digitally augmented vocals or that the new lion king contains rap, but Glover wasn’t hired for being an actor suited to the part, that is the point. I would be surprised if a single person in the cast was. Image is everything. Especially when the people are invisible. Anyway the magic of the Lion King is that it is bad enough on its own non-merit to not need rap to make itself worse.
The race-bait matter may be contemporary; it wants to compensate for the majority of television’s and cinema’s existence when no black people were allowed, except in demeaning roles, so I can accept that, for a few more years, possibly. I won’t pretend I like rap or the Lion King, though, because I don’t, and I shouldn’t have to.

1994 Lion King was a big line in the sand spelling out the word “sex” for my socialization. 1992 Aladdin had the inescapable mass-hyped celebrity voice before then, but Robin Williams only took the role on the condition that this would not be the case. Once that cat was out of its bag Lion King made it a bigger cat, and every cartoon thereafter strove to imitate it in that and all other ways, so they could only be as good as that, not better, and not different. There were terrible cartoons that I alone seemed to hate before then, but their acclaim was not unanimous and their attitudes not mandatory. Socialization means liking the same stuff as other people. I had no way to like Lion King. Lion King didn’t kill my chance of happiness, it made me cognizant that my chances of happiness were minimal.
I was not keen on lions already; I didn’t understand what made them “king” of “the jungle.” They don’t live in jungles and tigers are bigger than them!
And I really really hated the film! I remember hearing that the middle kid from Home Improvement was the voice of Simba, and not knowing why I should care or why he was a big deal. But I was SUPPOSED to know, and I didn’t go searching for the information. I thought talking feral animals were stupid and boring in general. I thought it was dumb that the prey had to KNEEL, on ONE KNEE, before these creatures that were going to kill them, and that I was supposed to think that was the right way of things. I hated simba bragging about being king and all these much bigger animals had to do what he said even though he wasn’t actually king yet, and compensate for his ignorance amidst that; when he says “everybody look left” they actually have to go RIGHT to match bratty dumb Simba’s viewpoint. I thought aging from child to adult in two seconds was extremely stupid. Especially in 1994, I had been in special education a year or two years and considered that all this garbage screwing up my life, probably for good, that I had no say in, in the DISNEY story this period of life is so easy and without consequence that you can skip it and be exactly where everyone else told you you would end up. I didn’t think it was funny that Pumbo and Timmy ate bugs. I ate a worm and got in big trouble, but oh ha ha when disney characters do it, it’s FUNNY! And they really don’t taste like chicken. They taste like dirt. Why does this wimpy scavenger know what chicken IS much less what a dead one tastes like, and why would Simba be expected to also know? I swear to you with complete sincerity those are the things I was thinking about. I literally didn’t remember anything that happened after the Hakuna Potata segment because I was so fixated on not wanting to be in the theater. I wanted to go home and play Donkey Kong on the Super Game Boy, so it isn’t like my standards were particularly high (though I’d still rather play that again than any Donkey Kong game released since then). In fact it was a long time before I realized that “caaaaan you feel the LOVE” song I used to get bothered by when buying pringles and 32 ounce Snapple at a local store was from a movie I had already seen. But it was four years before I had home internet access and yet longer before fan-wankdom controlled all discourse, so I was able to avoid alienating every single person who loved this thing, and I had emulators to keep me occupied even when video games tried to turn on me the same way that cartoons did, including a particularly shoddy and ubiquitous one based on The Lion King. Now Lion King wants to come back and really challenge my devotion to despising it. Well you know what, I’ve been alienating everyone I know by complaining about their false gods for half my life now so it is much, much too late to do any more damage. This isn’t something that is made to be remembered. Just to get press, get money, get awards and get lost. If it wants to supplant the old one, it may be my guest, put my apathy to the test. At least Josh Gad isn’t in it.

sometimes it is a relief to no longer care.

February 25, 2019
Ernest is the head elf and the most friendly of the bunch. He runs the workshop with an iron fist.

page 34 of part 3 of that dumb old comic strip.
I probably wrote more text about this page than any other and feel like showing less of it than ever!

this script is so old, elpse initially said “get up, ramus.” Ramus is a character from the video game Lunar Silver Star Story Complete Absolute Total, who is unprepared for the life of a video game hero and gets knocked down a lot. lope was also initially quoting ramus’s “blarrrrgh.” I played Lunar Silver Star, in 2006, and last mentioned it, specifically with regard to Ramus, in 2007. I don’t remember if I wrote this part of the script then but I was certainly un-old enough to think I could put an obscure exchange like that in here and have anyone know what it meant, even though I didn’t actually post a screenshot of Ramus saying “blarg” anywhere because I didn’t think it was an interesting-enough line for that, so it most certainly was not interesting enough to allude to out of context nearly 12 years after the game was already a 7 year old remake of a game from 1992 which wasn’t even particularly innovative THEN. Also the one time a voice actor says his name it is pronounced “ray-mis” and I always say “ram-us.” I made myself obsessed with Lunar because I knew, at that time, other people who had been obsessed with it when they were children and I thought they would link to my website if I liked the same stuff they did. If they read my comic strips in 2006 they certainly don’t now! Probably.

Oddly enough one of them specifically denigrated the game Breath of Fire in favor of Lunar and I said nothing in its defense even though I legitimately liked Breath of Fire and still like it better and I don’t know that I have mentioned it even one time in the half-my-life of having this website. I don’t even have any screenshots from it since I last played it before I made this website or meticulously documented everything I did.

Literally the last time I played it, my computer had an MS-DOS based infrastructure. Three to four times as much time has passed since I last played it than had passed between the last time I played it on real hardware and the first time I played it in an emulator, which I thought at the time was a long time!

I may even have stolen pog’s name from it! Although I only remember being surprised to see the name in the game years after stealing it if I stole it, not actually doing so. All this is not to say I resent Lunar –I was able to make a forced infatuation be sincere back in 2006– or that Breath of Fire isn’t made of problems that only a childhoodded fixation can disregard (and I may resent BOF instead for making me steal POG from it), but of all the things I make, the bimshwellian comicoid least of all I ordinarily wonder who I am trying to please with it and why, but today I did!

Also lope being felled occurred, initially, during the altercation with the robots, but when I got to that point I decided the robots should just get beaten up without doing anything. Inexplicably I liked the dialog enough that i contrived a way for lope to fall down in the same spot at a later point, and now that is a permanent part of the “story.” i only removed the ramus line literally on february 22 2019. Or rather made a copy of the dialog bauble and moved it to another layer and turned it unvisible in case I wanted to bring it back (and look, I just did). I had drawn it in knowing it didn’t belong there but not feeling like dealing with it. Thankfully I still think it is funny that lope is pitiful and a substitute line easily suggested itself, so this is only a major problem with regard to me knowing i cannot be trusted and that i will probably be 60 years old before i get through the entire script as it is now.

Of course, as I indicated, much of what goes on is NOT in the script. i get to a point and i change it, sometimes significantly; initially nemitz was intended to capture pog out of view, but when i got to this point I thought it would be funny if elpse’s goop fell on nemitz, so then elpse had to run off and capture pog itself, and that gave me an opportunity to acknowledge the dope still exists and also exhibit pog’s unusual attitude toward captivity.

But I do not want to drop anything I think of for any reason and so try to think of in-character ways for them to behave illogically to accommodate script pieces that are no longer relevant. In this case, lope thinking that the goop-covered nemitz is a ghost (and at the same time avoid saying “I’m soooo dead”). From a long term stand point, do I really believe that lope really believes that ghosts are real or that itself was well and truly dead? I did not think about it that deeply. But I knew “wow I am sooooo dead” is obviously not how lope talks by the time I got here, even when I still thought elpse might call lope “ramus.” I wrote that so long ago I did not have a solid grasp of how lope talked or just how foolish it was and in what ways. But NOW I wonder: does lope live in constant fear of death and undead spirits? What occurred to make it be preoccupied with that? I know, or think I know, that nobody is going to DIE in this comic strip, and have worried about my ability to introduce matters of consequence as a result, but I did not want to face the issue on the big punchable nose either, since it is too permanent an occurrence to add on a whim unless you are making something stupid like Dilbert that isn’t supposed to be consistent or not contradict itself. A hypothetical future version of me with a clearer mind may think a character death is necessary or even devise an alternative that is not strictly “death” as it applies to real people but without relying on conventional cartoon judeo-christian afterlife tropes that have no business applying to dumb old lope who I won’t even let have a christmas tree, or even some of the other innumerable copout ways American comic books have, often on whims, undone once-significant or equally whimly deaths. And that version of me would then also have to determine if there are supernatural forces which have interest in or authority over death and life. The present me is not qualified and so should avoid topics which lead to that one!

additionally lope’s new comment about ghosts agitates pog, who now has no reason to be this bored by the dialog. Fortunately pog has a looser concept of reality than lope so I do not need to wonder about why it is afraid of ghosts.

Pog’s boredom complaint came about because consistently in this section of the comic strip i have worried that i had more dialog than interesting visuals could be made to accompany. But again and again, and indeed again, had to strain to cram in all the visuals i came up with. However, now a script revision that I added due to the boringness of the script was made irrelevant by a future revision. That is so convoluted, crowded and broken I am surprised now that I didn’t keep it in!

Beyond all that, this page is one that is very hard to get working without layout swapping or dialog bauble stem crossing because there are so many characters stuffed into it. Ordinarily you can switch around where characters are to facilitate better dialog flow by zooming in, zooming out, or going to the next page, but I don’t like doing those things! i had in fact gone to a bit of trouble to switch the layout already; initially the viewpoint matched the previous pages, with the dialog positioned to suit that, and then I realized that would mean drawing the back of this parking lot 12 more times and I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to draw this side either but it at least is plainly a different page.

I should just put the word “trivia” at the top of a page every time I am conflicted about the overall relevance of its contents.

November 6, 2018
In 1978, legislation was introduced in the state of Maryland to make it illegal to play “Short People” on the radio. Contrary to urban legend, the bill did not obtain enough votes to pass.[4]

This sign advertising the republican primary is actually still up, but even the actual election sign only offers “cut taxes” as any indication of what this person will do and I suspect the sign’s keeper didn’t notice the difference. Although “cut taxes” is loads more information than these signs typically give.

Stefanowski is running against Ned flippin-dippin Lamont, who I complained about in 2006 as also having nothing new to say or contribute. As with the 2014 election, I do not think it matters which one of them gets in. Ned of course won the democrat gubernatorial primary on the strength of not winning the previous Connecticut election he was in for a lower office.

My brother Een produced a song parody that I don’t totally understand. It depicts Ned Lamont in a ludicrous fashion, but treats Stefanowski in a sincere and serious fashion even though he is just as much a red/blue stereotype as his opponent. And then does it to the tune of a song by someone whose prime fans are cartoonishly devoted to the opposition party. But Ian came and jump started “my” car when I was stuck in the miserable Walmart parking lot yesterday because I hate driving a car and every aspect of it exists to spite me, so I know Ian is a decent person. Would Bob Stefanowski help me get away from Walmart?

As usual, the only candidate who actually proposes anything is the one who isn’t supposed to be allowed to win, Oz Griebel, and wasn’t supposed to even be allowed to debate but slipped into one on a technicality when people running the venue were under the impression he was a great and powerful wizard.

Which is not to say I believe in Griebel, but of the three he offers something that can potentially be believed in. I don’t believe in anyone anymore who I cannot directly interact with.
I had wanted Trump to win the nomination in 2016 and gut the party because I underestimated republicans’ ability to be party members first and humans second. I also underestimated the democrats’ ability to pander and regress themselves to try and compete with that. People that get retweeted at me simultaneously say “you’re part of the problem” if you don’t vote for what you believe in and also that you’re “throwing your vote away” if you don’t vote for the sad compromise that they order you to take. I might as WELL vote for a wizard. Half these people are corrupt imbeciles, and the rest are running for office.

Ned Lamont has an unusual bonus this time in that some group has paid for and distributed sarcastic campaign signs announcing that he is “for taxes and tolls” even though only Griebel is openly in favor of tolls. They are obviously fake signs because the real Ned signs don’t say he is for anything. We only know that he is the white guy with a three letter name who is NOT going to cut taxes, and with the people I know, that might just be enough. Even though they don’t actually pay all the taxes because they get their wages in cash off the record.

I do not have a picture of these signs because I only see them when driving.
I hate driving. But I also hate having so many pictures that I cannot finish what I am writing because I want to insert them all. But I hate even more describing something that would work better if I had a picture of it. You know what I like? Lo mein. I believe in noodles.

I actually don’t mind paying for road improvements because I hate driving and would like to feel slightly less like I am going to suffer imminently every time I do it. My issue with tolls is that paying them is terrifying because it requires getting in a specific lane and having a specific amount of money and probably having somebody behind you angry at you for something beyond anybody’s control. Or you have to pay a fee to get a special automatic toll-paying brick from the government, even though the point is to help THEM get money from you more easily. I would rather mail Ned a dollar every week, and I hate mailing almost as much as I hate driving. I will vote for the candidate that will institute a statewide pneumatic tube system so I do not have to drive again.

Although the previous winner, Dan Malloy, declined to seek re-election because he was so tired of people complaining about the non-job he was doing, that gives me no hope that the next job-haver will do a better non-job.
(Ian ALSO has a song about Dan Malloy, and I like this one better because Ian sings it himself and it isn’t to the tune of something I can tell he doesn’t care about, but you wouldn’t know it without excavating it from facebook because the unaltered music from the original song that Ian sang over got it blocked on Youtube which I discovered just now. And then the video shills for some local radio dorks whom I doubt have his best interests in mind)
Grimbedly poketer, nobody complains more than people who win and get what they what.

Something that is “really popular” obviously is liked by more people than hate it. These scumbags get to smear their essence on everything while pretending to be victims.
This guy is set for life and was putting out the narrative “anyone who doesn’t like this thing that I made is a hater” in ADVANCE of it being available, –literally assuming it WOULD get popular because it was already crowdfunded for more money then I will smell in six lifetimes– and people that I KNOW are repeating this years later like that is to his credit, IN ADVANCE of whatever other thing he made more recently, even though the first thing ended up just about the most loved and inescapable heap of happy hype plopaganda relative to the amount of effort involved that may have ever existed and everyone involved has a mutually beneficial situation.

You know what happens if someone who actually is hated complains about being hated? Nothing, because people actually hate that person!

This forklogan who is only ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THIS HAPPENED is exponentially more loved than I have ever experienced! And doesn’t even watch the page, judging from its own screenshot, only leeches off it.

I don’t have a choice to not know or to form an independent opinion on the pertinent matter, which i have personally dumbed “Dintydoone” so I can pretend it is a combination of my favorite inexplicably named supermarket products that also thrive without me ever buying them. I only know it is there because I try to force myself to deal with things that I would rather not be aware of, to give an amount of consideration to the people who come to me, because I worry that avoiding what my instincts tell me are bad news makes me look like an unkind person, and my inability to function when put in that position has made me LESS kind. I don’t have a choice to simply not be interested, even though if I mention what I like I get gloated at like “ho ho I’ve never even SEEN that” like it’s an accomplishment that they haven’t, if I get acknowledged at all, which I probably won’t be. Maybe, MAYBE we are BOTH have a right to like different things. I don’t understand how this is a foreign concept. Of course our political system is preposterous: THESE are the people the candidates have to reach.
And I can’t just not use twitter because the websites that make sense were thoroughly devalued when every person who already gets what they want vacated those sites in favor of ones like this where nobody EXCEPT them can do so.

Do i overreact? Yes absolutely! This is a consequence of a life spent as a square peg trying to get through a round hole when I am actually a tea kettle, and now the culture is dictated entirely by square pegs which includes the hole which is also now square. My only hope is to avoid it entirely. I don’t mind people having their fun and their own personal false gods. They can be furries and bronies and John Balbonies but it is imperative that they be people foremost, and accept that no frivolous expenditure of time can have unanimous approval. Whatever the case I won’t beat myself up anymore for not liking enough stuff that I have no foundation on which to like, and hopefully I won’t make [as many] spiteful drawings on the topic, either.

At least the Hamilton guy, who came into and ruined a piece of my life equal in size around the same time has humility about his fame and considers that it is something of a fluke, even if his creative work comes from the perspective of the abrasively unhumble. He knows, on some level, that is garbage and only for show. I don’t know if he tries to communicate that to his fans, but he definitely wasn’t on 60 minutes 4 times warning people that there is something wrong with them if they don’t like his annoying songs. I bet he would jump start my car even if he read this first, although he might jump ON the car and sing a few lines from Man of LaMancha as punishment for my besmirching attitude.

I heard a [different] song, again, without wishing to, whose primary lyric was “i wish that i could be like the cool kids. like the cool kids.” no rhyme, just that over and over again. While this seems in conflict with “i’m a nerd and i’m cool” and thus a distinct personality type, both speak of a feeling of subjugation. “I’m not cool, I’m not good enough” & “I AM cool, other people who think they are cool actually aren’t.” People in the first group aspire to be the people in the second group. Both see themselves as nerds that society does not approve of, and both are disingenuous. If your song is on the radio and I hear it at the laundromat, you ARE the cool kids. And then if you say you are a nerd, then I have said this before.

Oh chads. Having a prefabricated message from nobody that mysteriously speaks in the first person and that is sent to every single actual person regardless of merit or attempt at it has thoroughly appeased my desire to be appreciated, and so I go out and vote for my favorite factor of purple now.

which is convenient since I literally cannot determine a thing about either of these people beyond that one is a lawyer and the other filed for bankruptcy in 2010. I have to think if somebody WANTS to be the dintdooned registrar of voters they would have a reason for it, or at the very least some piece of personal information they would want me to know before I knew they filed for bankruptcy.

Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

them`s fightin` woids: July 20, 2021
Frimpinheap sez:
instead of dopesona i recommend “dopes oh no” to let everyone know to keep away from...
July 19, 2021
Charmlatan sez:
Fantastic! I’ve been meaning to make a “dope-sona”, but why stop there when I can *become*...
July 11, 2021
Frimpinheap sez:
It does help that part 2 is a better game with generally more logical clues, and consequently...
July 9, 2021
Frimpinheap sez:
I seem to no longer have the video file on my present hard drive but I took the screenshot at may...
July 9, 2021
A hooberdoober sez:
I would imagine the purpose of the multiple, differently-angled belts in the second image is...
July 8, 2021
Frimpinheap sez:
because it is grey now
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