March 15, 2010

I am working on something, but I have to go now!


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I guess I have to update this thing on Sunday. It has been difficult lately. Gosh. A stairway!

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First of all, whose friends are they? They wouldn’t be mine if they really thought my dumb, would they? I know it’s bad thing to have my dumb be thought, because it has a sideways sad face next to it! And it has an equality symbol rather than a colon, so it’s stylized, like it was drawn in the 1920s or something. Has my been dumb for that long?

I’d think 100 percent would fail because vampires are FICTIONAL.

I will come clenly and admit that I don’t know a whole lot about vampires beyond what I just said, since their non-existence didn’t inspire much urgency to read up on them.

Who’da thunk it! So now I know plenty.

This has got to be one LONG book. I may not live to see the end, but on the positive end that also means I won’t ever have to start on that Goosebumps volume over yonder.


Vampires also know the Romans had filthy mouths. They were around, they remember. They also remember the Romans were very democratic. Vampires may live forever, but they can’t deliver the content you need without your precious delicious oozing votes.

Incidentally, I believe having an open mind is important, but it will take a bit of doing to convince me that drinking blood is expressing an opinion of some sort.




ANYwuh, what we have seen is merely an inexplicable update on another old standard, the easy question that you’re supposed to feel special for knowing the answer to despite the fact that some unknown entity is trying either to sell you an unknown thing that it has been determined you’re best not knowing too much about in advance or merely to shove more ads at you on a different page that IT gets money for. Look at that, “buffalo” isn’t even capitalized, like it’s the animal rather than the city, because you’re so smart you only need two real choices. These days you’re even specialer because 97% of some group of people that also is not specified can’t figure it out, and you’ll go through the ad JUST to PROVE how brilliant you are because you already know! It feels good to be among the elite few, doesn’t it?

Huff, well I never! Don’t you know, this is the OFFICIAL quiz[.com]! This is the one the government uses to recruit for its official vampire hunting squad! This is the same one Sarah Michelle Gellar used to get off All My Children! Now she is an international superstar!


And then I had her arrested on pedophilia charges for getting all my children off.

All because of the official quiz! Do I hear a thank you?


Do you see the skulls? Do you see anything BUT skulls? Angela Lansbury must be coming for a visit. I understand that unlike some people she has a new product to promote, too.



That is to be expected, since I always think it’s the same person, creepy Adobe Illustrator rendering regardless. How do we know that’s not a ventriloquist dummy used to stand in and provide an alibi for Lansbury while she did the murders? I’m not fooled. I haven’t forgotten about that pie shop she ran in the late 70s. Surely this constitutes a violation of her parole from being a teapot.


In other news, I give praise to any handless conjoined twins who can pull off a successful burglary. It’s a shame they’re about to be murdered.



6 Responses
  1. 1
    9:38 pm, March 15, 2010

    Your dear old dad sez:

    Alas, it seems folks will never quite come to terms with the fact that highly idiomatic insults cannot be literally translated between languages. I admittedly don’t speak Old Romish, but I do know enough English to suspect that our friend’s university mottos are somewhat flawed. While it’s not entirely impossible that “Rectums are not tolerated here” (if indeed the phrase in question manages to commicate even as much as that) might succeed in more or less getting its point across, albeit sounding as bizarre as the above phrase does in English, I highly suspect that “Do not conjugate with us” would likely be interpreted quite differently by Virgl et al. That said, I’m disappointed you did not take advantage of this opportunity to make a reference to Vulgar Latin.

    The sad thing about many of these ads is not only are they dopey, they’re not even dopey in a unique and interesting way. Rather, they all copy each other’s tired, worn out forms of dopiness. Now, one may argue that they’re merely attempting to copy what has proved in the past to be a successful marketing strategy, but in doing so they in turn overexpose this very same idea they value for its at-one-time remarkableness, thereby rendering it to so much background noise. They thus seem to be shooting themselves in the metaphorical feet. Or is there indeed someone out there still being fooled by this sort of thing after all this time…?

    On a related note, ’tis pity you deleted the recent joke-telling robot’s comment. At least that one tried to be a wee bit original.

  2. 2
    10:13 pm, March 16, 2010

    Rabivit sez:

    First of all, I am glad we are on speaking terms again, but I still won’t go into the family loan shark business.

    I assumed the translation was taking some questionable liberty, but I know as much about non-English languages as ever and decided not to make an uninformed condemnation on this occasion.

    I tried to communicate a similar bafflement in the previous thing I put here, but I suspect I am getting boring. It is generally not possible for me to get inside the minds of those who keep the internet profitable, nor do I expect I would particularly enjoy my stay should I successfully breach the dedenses.

    I didn’t delete the comment, I merely “unapproved” it, my having been in a bit of an un-dedicated mood at the time, and not wanting the thing’s link there but not wanting to permanently remove it from existence until I had given it more thought, for the sight of it was most curious. It is actually the second “joke” robot comment, but the other one was pre-un-approved. They have both been granted parole and a stay of execution for the time being.

  3. 3
    3:01 am, March 20, 2010

    Hootie of the Blowfish sez:

    Ah-ah-aaaah, wawn-luh yu, th’ bay-sad, the bay-sad-eye-cane. Th’ bay-sad-eye-cay-ay-aaaane…

  4. 4
    10:46 pm, March 21, 2010

    Rabivit sez:

    I luh yu too, Mr. Blowfish. Not your singing so much, but I don’t believe you would say that to me if you didn’t mean it.

  5. 5
    10:40 am, March 22, 2010

    Cher circa 1998 sez:

    DooOOOO-belEEE-belai-abbala (abbala, abbala)…?

  6. 6
    9:58 pm, March 22, 2010

    Rabivit sez:

    I am trying! Say did I ever tell you about the school busvan driver I used to deal with who listened to some staticy out of state radio station exclusively even though every genre-defined radio station in the country pulls from the same box of songs and he would turn the volume all the way up when this song of yours came on? Good times, good times. I think I may have gotten him suspended or temporarily transferred to another job position because I thought he was plotting against me for unrelated reasons.

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