March 11, 2011

Hello there. Busy busy busy.

============================

Don’t read this, but…


Is there something wrong with me for thinking the Super Mario Wiki’s description of Pauline, from Donkey Kong, ‘s physical appearance is really creepy? The one for Princess Toadstool is similarly alarming, but there’s so much more silly rubbish on that page prior to that point you’d be unlikely to come across it unless you were looking for it, for comparison purposes. I can’t even get past the “contents” section. In my case, I had merely taken to wondering what Nintendo had done with D Kong’s preferred kidnap victim since the first game, since I know Nintendo loves to reuse old characters

(except for them), and before I knew what I was reading I had found that. With the princess, her being one of the primary Mario series characters, and this being the internet, it is not surprising that over the years someone with spare wiki-writing time would have developed a weird obsession (in contrast, I failed even to notice that her hair color changed between games). I didn’t think anyone could possibly care about Pauline. The writers are content to state that Mario himself is “a short, plump man.” If I was the sort who got into the businesses of others who have business, I would take it upon myself to edit that page to say something like

Mario is a rotund Italian American. He is approximately three feet tall but can grow to twice this by ingesting a magic mushroom. His mustache is composed of a brown arc with 6 humps along the convex side. He appears to be turning to stone. He often has four fingers on each hand but sometimes has five. The buttons on his overalls serve no apparent function.

I have a follow-up to this but it changes the subject entirely and I have a headache. Wondering what color nightshirt Mario’s father wears isn’t helping. Actually the more I think about it the more I think this information is presented in such a manner entirely as a joke. However, “the more I think about it” is further than that sentence should have gotten because I really should not be thinking about this.



15 Responses
  1. 1
    1:00 am, March 12, 2011

    A Grand Goomba sez:

    Good sir, this is the internet. Such peculiar obsessions should seem par for the course by now, especially considering some of the sites you linger in the vicinity of.

    Am I the only person in the universe who never assumed that Mario ate the mushrooms? I mean, they have eyes; it’s be far too freaky to eat something staring at you the whole time. And he presumably doesn’t eat the flowers or the leaves or especially the feathers and stars, so clearly seizing a powerup is enough to acquire its arcane gifts.

    The buttons, incidentally, generally do appear to serve a clear fastening function in the majority of images. Also, you’ve carelessly revealed the secret of why so few of your characters own proper footwear.

  2. 2
    8:14 pm, March 12, 2011

    Zinkugel sez:

    They are par, but it’s still weird and I don’t play golf!

    A mushroom is the only one that is traditionally thought of as being food, though indeed you may have a valid point.
    I do have a tendency to exlaim “yum!” in a falsetto voice whenever an object in a video game disappears immediately and inexplicably, since I am less bothered by the idea of consumption as spontaneous non-existence. However, indeed this does not come up with most mario objects, since they tend to make him change colors or momentarily explode, suggesting some otherworldly reaction has occurred due to them being absorbed so I don’t need to introduce my own explanation for where they went. As the mushroom only causes mario to stretch, something different must surely be happening.

    Few of my characters own any property at all that aren’t funny-looking plant-trinkets which most likely were not paid for. They are all destitute!

  3. 3
    2:50 am, March 13, 2011

    PurpleSpace sez:

    It has always bothered me that Mario’s sideburns are a different hair color than his mustache. Why is the brand and color of men’s hair dye solution he uses not included in the Mario wiki?

    Do you not give your characters proper footwear so someone will not describe their footwear in an online descriptive archive of information that is called a wiki for some reason?

  4. 4
    9:08 pm, March 13, 2011

    Grimbling sez:

    What a curious topic to read about on my birthday, Mario being an Italian variant of my top-secret real-life name! It is truly fate, or mushrooms, that have made this a possibility.

    Allow me to say that discovering your website, writings and delightful monsters has been an utter pleasure. Now I must cease waffling before I revert back into my sarcastic Hyde-ian form.
    -Grimby

  5. 5
    6:29 pm, March 14, 2011

    Zinkugel sez:

    Spaceo:
    I noticed the hair difference, but then I thought “that’s so obvious it must be normal and I know nothing about mustaches.” I remembered that Hulk Hogan’s beard doesn’t match his mustache, and, not to imply that the man whose entire family has a fictional last name is “normal;” I just didn’t know where to start looking for additional examples.

    I don’t give them foot-wear because they have oddly shaped feet. Also, they never asked. And if they did I would berate them for acknowledging my existence. I don’t doubt that any one of them would look sillier with such adornments.

    Grimbeo:
    Well happy old birthday to you! Are you secretly Mari, the great Capcom composer who disappeared inexplicably around 1993 or so and then allegedly contributed one track to Megaman 10 last year?

    Thank you for saying such a thing! It’s terribly not terrible to know that you think what I do is worth doing and that you find any of it delightful. How did you come to see this? Are you and the purple one acquainted? You seem to have both begun dropping comments around the same time.

  6. 6
    9:05 pm, March 14, 2011

    Grimbling sez:

    I don’t know a “purple one,” sorry about that. I don’t even remember how I found you! That was probably through a strange chain of users and favourites on art sites (which I should be ashamed to admit to visiting) until I found the candygeddon work of yours.

  7. 7
    10:47 pm, March 14, 2011

    Zinkugel sez:

    The “purple one” being “purplespace” who commented before you, but I have enough information to satisfy the query.

    Shame is significant in my life, but you hardly seem like anyone I’d wish it on! If a thing doesn’t degrade the quality of your existence or make you behave miserably toward others, you probably do not need to regret it. Anyhow, if you found something I did, it would most likely have been because I left it there!

  8. 8
    11:23 pm, March 14, 2011

    Grimbling sez:

    Oh man purplespace! Now I look like a twit. :)

  9. 9
    11:26 pm, March 14, 2011

    Zinkugel sez:

    Is the smile because you just realized you are perfectly qualified to be here?

    Oh gosh that’s the fastest I ever replied to a comment here. I will probably retire to my mattress lump momentarily due to the shock of it.

  10. 10
    3:00 pm, March 16, 2011

    PurpleSpace sez:

    I refuse to man up to anything!

  11. 11
    4:14 pm, March 17, 2011

    Pigbuster sez:

    I would like to wish you a “happy birthday”! I know Facebook tends to be the website I tend to use for such well wishes but I felt like that’d be strange to pop up among the people you actually know to give you a brief birthday congratulations, so instead I am using this website as a proxy.

  12. 12
    11:30 am, March 18, 2011

    Zinkugel sez:

    Hey there, Piggy! (or should that be Busty (no probably not)) Thank you! Well gosh you can say anything wherever you like. Congratulations probably aren’t in order since living so long isn’t an accomplishment in this part of the world, but it’s nice to be acknowledged! I am aware of when shamefully few of my acquaintances, both real and from the internet, have their respective birth-dates. When is yours?

  13. 13
    5:17 pm, March 18, 2011

    Pigbuster sez:

    I was born on June 13th, which isn’t too far off at this point I suppose! It will also be the day I turn 22, which is a significant age because of its insignificance. At least next year will come with being eligible for the FBI, and with a degree in animation I am SURE to be accepted. 22 comes with pretty much nothing at all. Oh well.

  14. 14
    1:17 pm, May 10, 2013

    http://ecigpromocodes.org/green-dope-coupon/ sez:

    Is it okay to insert a portion of this in my web site if I publish a reference to this site?

  15. 15
    8:55 pm, May 10, 2013

    Heapinfrimp sez:

    As long as it hurts your business!

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