It seems like only last post I was talking about how it would be the final of the year. And so, we have another year, and with a new year come new opportunities, new adventures, new people, new ideas, 12 all new gladiators. As it has been often said, gone away is the rue year, here to stay is the new year, at least for another year. What inspiration will today’s year bring?

Everything’s the same as before! Everything’s just as stupid as it used to be! I was a fool to have hope!

But anyway, as this helpful, awkward, contractual obligaty cobranding moment –in which Terrence “Hulk Huggin'” Bolero appeared on the World Wrestling Ehhh for the first time in a couple years for approximately three minutes to promote his new deal and was never seen again– informed me not terribly long ago, the American Gladiators will be “””back””” on January 6ifth. Even though none of the same people seem to be involved. I’d like to make some proper comparison pointing out all the apparent differences which displease me, but in actuality I would not like to do that. And I don’t have to, because the advertising makes no secret of big changes.
This is not your grandmother’s American Gladiatort.
That from Hogan, Hulk Hogan, who’s almost old enough to be my grandmother. And what if it was my grandmother’s american gladiators? My grandmother had good taste.
But in reality, my grandmothers did not watch american gladiators. One of them was British at the appointed time and can not be assumed to have had the ability nor patriotic privelege to have watched. So they did not watch american gladiators. I did. When I was twelve years old. In the full time space of television it really wasn’t on regularly all that long ago. Therefore, I am my own grandmother.

What I always thought the show lacked were loud sparkly things and winners standing around boasting. Also, hosts who I know and/or will be constantly reminded the names of. I can’t tell you who or what hosted the other show. It may have been no one. It wasn’t important. I also like hosts who stand around acting tough but are totally uninvolved with any physical competition. The other host is Laila Ali, who is probably a preferable satiating of “the biz’s” un-stoppable/explainable nepotism hunger than Brooke Hogan.

I used to have some great pictures of the episode of Family Matters where Steve and Carl battle each other on the old geriatric American Gladiators, but even if I still do it’s anyone’s guess what I saved them as or where I put them. The internet also has a tendency to swallow up helpful websites where you can find episode specific images from tv shows and replace them with useless empty automatically generated subsections on various clone directories of nothing with “tv” in their urls. At no point in human history have there ever been greater collections of nothing by nobody for nobody than at whatever the current moment might be on the internet. If that’s not enough, they all want me to log in and write their pages for them. Like this is my fault.

There’s also no shortage of “hey, remember that episode of Family Matters where Carl and Steve were on American Gladiators?” comments saying nothing at all else turned up from dopey weblogs with probably as much substance, all regarding the new nbc program. Doesn’t anybody have anything unique to offer that’s not simply a regurgitation of non-information or an acknowledgment of a vague memory? Who let this happen?!

Like this is my fault.

Not that it’s the commentators’ faults that every not necessarily intended to be significant thing they say is recorded by search engines, but certainly the engines themselves could detect some distinctions among the various bits of data they collect, and additionally allow me to tell them which to tell me about. Ehhhm.