Good news! I did not transform into a turnip.

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Margarita salt, made from salt. Nothing else. You might be curious how that makes it inherently margarita-y and not just a box of salt but I remind you that it is shaped like a hat.

I spent more time confined to an automobile today than I expected and productivity was mysteriously minimal, and thus I have only a hastily assembled bad website entry rather than a laborious bad website entry.
I was fortunate to dispatch this crucial transmission at all.

Fortunately the car party was eventually directed to safety by the magical yellow shrek ghost that appeared from amongst the Food Lion generic Lucky Charms. It’s an interesting reversal; the lucky charms come out of the leprechaun, but the shrek ghost is born directly of the cereal. Pardon me, did I say interesting, I meant… well in fact I am interested by that idea.
I had become distressed in recent years that the store brand totally necessary cereal mascots were better than the national brands they were supposed to be worse than. It was kind and benevolent of the vicious, dynastic lion to set things back as they ought to be. There was a cereal called “fruit rings” whose character was so dopey looking that I didn’t want a picture of it and didn’t think I’d have anything to say about it. Yesp.

This will do, however. Look, it’s even blurry. That’s just unprofessional.

Good news, it’s kosher. Bad news, there is no god and thus nobody to care that your mutant cowboy pickles are cloven-hoofed ruminants.
I had never been to a Food Lion store before. Not just because my house is 500 or more miles from any but also because lions are just dangerous. This is exhibited in the lion’s unwillingness to carry natural foods or low sodium variants of products. I was fortunate to escape with my life. This product is notable because in most other stores this would be the worst merchandising character I found.


I do not consider movie cinemas stores.

This, I was referring to. This can probably be found in other joints than Food Lion. However, I generally cannot also be found in them. Because in those situations I hide or wear a disguise.

I did say most other stores. As I’ve only been inside an Aldi one time my “most” holds up. I believe it was the great sage Eminem who spoke “be smart, don’t be a retart.” However, he never warned me about becoming a toast-tart, and thus I did. This is not a picture of me, though. I just told you I wear a disguise! You’d never recognize me in my fancy hat. I hire a salt company to smuggle them inside of stores for me in case I forget.

Millville can put shiny photoshop eyes and a mouth on anything. Don’t think they won’t. Please don’t challenge them.

An inifinite possible number of seperate, ever thinner, fully sentient, utterly immobile bread slice face-oids can be yours for less than the price of a box of cereal from most reputable dealers and precisely equal that price from millville.

The psychotic turtle is probably the sanest of the many millville mascots, and therefore the least interesting. In fact I’m so bored I’m turning this website entry off. I suggest you do the same!