in its 1993 release Liberty or Death, the computer game company Koei recognized that preserving the essence of Banastre Tarleton’s stupid hat was a crucial priority, above even getting his nose and eyebrows correct.

Why is this no longer deemed important three decades later? What were our founding fathers and uncovering uncles fighting for if not freedom from foolish haberdashery? I bet kids these days aren’t even taught that Benedict Arnold switched sides exclusively so he could wear a sillier uniform. I also wasn’t taught that but I was in special education so I wasn’t taught anything else either

apart from “the length of this bus puts you at the bottom of even the dumbest and wimpiest of adult baby social hierarchies for the rest of your life,” which is what made it so important for me to determine the facts on my own.