Maybe modern times and issues have made me needlessly paranoid, but I still think there’s something a bit unsettling about a large hatted, mustachioed man with an incomplete name leading any expedition labelled FOR KIDS ONLY. He surely does this a lot, too, if he went and had the stamp made. Even my standard monocle bonus cannot completely cancel the residue of such behavior. To think that an embodiment of colonialist values would sink to such lows! I must obtain an official statement on the matter.

Oh. Well, that’s perfectly acceptable. Please forgive my suspicions.

It does strike me as just a bit odd that a man so dressed made his fortune selling sun-block lotion. He has a tie on, for frog’s sake. He’s probably wearing gloves, too. If he hasn’t seen fit to employ long pants, –excuse me, trousers– then undoubtedly knee-high socks complement his jungle boots.

It is worth at this point acknowledging that I choose to keep my own skin adorned with fabric through the summer months, but I’ll not be seen sinisterly lurking at beach clubs attended primarily by swim-attired children. That’s what the cameras are for.