Sometimes I write topical things and forget about them. Yet I regard this as no less relevant. If it is not relevant now, that only means it never was.

I remember a box of weeks ago when people were mad, people were outraged because Melinda Doobinkum was deleted from Americ- I don’t even want to spell it out. I refuse to contribute another instance of the name. I’m just going to call it Questionable Singing Contest TV Show, which is probably its title in Japan anyway.

Oh oh! She deserved to win! Yet once more you acknowledge that the whole thing is meaningless and the “voting” has no legitimacy! And again, once more you continue to watch, because you take what you’re given and you like it. Watching dancing with the starbursts out of protest proves nothing, because it appeals to the same interest (otherwise it would be “Dancing With the Dancers”) and probably shares a lot of sponsors.

I ask: why “outrage?” Every one of those thongadips is getting a record contract. Bucky McPhee and Kopiu J. Plimpton and one very charismatic tea kettle. The not-quite winners still go on every talk show and are legally forbidden from singing because they’re still owned by Sony BMG. That’s a crafty company. Don’t forget it found a way to stay in business selling entire albums for 1 cent. Or at least one of the 573 former record companies it currently owns the properties of did. Persons who are eliminated prior to the hokey moan-offs get contracts out of pity. Yonk, they’re often more famous than the winners. I don’t know who got the big prize, but for some reason I know who San Jaya is. I know that he was only kept on the show as a joke and was generally thought to be resented even by the people who watch that show, many of the dumbest people in America, who maintain lists of favorite ads. Yet still somehow it stomped over here, dumped a bucket of nuts on me and made itself my business. It’s upsetting.
If Sanji was there in error, why was he a big deal during it and afterwards? Why was he first guest material? Why were there more montages of Sanjaiuh hair styles than actual Sanjaya hair styles? Because he’s a big star! Even the atomic diaper in the audience who cried watching him is more famous than 98% of the world’s population. I want to cry just hearing about it. Where’s my international prime grade air time?

Not surprisingly, Simon Cowbell gets a cut of every one’s benefits. Whoever wins, he wins. Whoever loses, he wins. Whoever cries in the audience, he wins! By the way, he also has had American Inventor coming up just in time to get him and cronies some money and exclusive rights for the summer, too. A lot of those shows in some way get him money. There’s no point to listing them all, but it is worth noting that Wrestlemania, the singing professional wrestler album, also got him money. He has acknowledged that it was a wretched album, but he doesn’t regret it because it got him money. What a ho. I could really lick a shingle if he’s “rude.”

Hopefully, by providing Hacksaw Jim Duggan’s song-length thing here, I can deprive Mr. Cowell of a few cents in royalties.