August 14, 2009

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After eating food off of one, it is not polite to leave your plate wherever you happened to be at the time, for someone else to get. Unless, that is, you place a used, crumpled paper towel on it. This shows that you are concerned about cleanliness. It additionally serves to make non-visible whatever food you did not consume, thus rendering the task of rinse-scraping that food off the plate unnecessary. You get a gold pinecone if the food was of a moist variety likely to dry and cause the paper towel to stick to the plate. Then it can stay there forever.

This cupboard runs out of board before I run out of cups.
Look at these. Some of them haven’t been used for years. And new ones keep showing up.

What is this? What could you possibly drink out of this and be satisfied with the amount you have received?


Who’s juicing oranges? Who in this house ever has? We don’t even have oranges. When we have oranges, they get eaten. We do, however, have a gallon jug of store-purchased orange juice in the refrigeration chamber which was bought in anticipation of the previous being fully emptied, so it’s not as if we’re waiting for our stock to run out before we start making our own. I took the juice thing out of here and put it in a drawer where bigger, weirder kitchen tools that aren’t cups but are hard to fit with the cups go. The next time I put cups away the juice thing had returned to its former spot.

The last time I put cups away I accidentally let one drop and it had the gall to break. After cleaning up the glass and blood I was at least glad to know that there’d be one extra space next time. Which brings us to the present.


I’ve never seen this before in my life. Anyone would think we run some sort of British country club here, but in fact there is only one resident who drinks tea regularly, and he drinks it out of coffee mugs.

Ehh, that won’t be necessary.

I wasn’t talking about you anyway, birdo.

Which does not mean you can stay.

By the haybale, if you know what computer program I went quite out of my way to download and get pictures of these things from, I think you’ll find me very cooperative where minor blackmail demands are concerned. Nobody needs to know I acquired Microsoft Bob in 2009 by my own free will just to harass the stupid mascots.

The only things I find shocking about coffee are that people want it, constantly, believe they need it, will pay any amount of dollars you charge them for it, and that this is engaged in by allegedly respectable people, some of them admitted fools, who laugh at kids for wasting money on Pokemon cards, High School Musicals, Tamagotchis, cigarettes and licorice. The kids these days, with their licorice and macaroons and marzipan. I’m tired.



7 Responses
  1. 1
    4:25 am, August 15, 2009

    Tomcat Zen sez:

    I would like to speak in defense of the smaller vessel. Sometimes, just a small amount of beverage is indeed precisely what one wants. They are also indispensable with regards to food preparation, wherein they are extremely well-suited to the storing and mixing of small quantities of seasonings which one for the moment nevertheless wishes to keep separate from the primary preparation container.

    As far as coffee goes…it’s important to remember that inconvenient work schedules often leave a large segment of the population chronically sleep-deprived. In such a situation, it is easy to see how coffee (whose almost preternatural life-re-imbuing properties I’ve praised before) can easily come to seem essential in getting one’s self through the day (and it probably also doesn’t hurt that it’s in a very real sense–if admittedly mildly–physically addicting). As far as disproportionately expensive variants go…well, most of those are for unpleasant milky, sugary concoctions devised for individuals who don’t like the taste of coffee but nevertheless desire its useful effects. I avoid them entirely, myself. Spending a bit extra on high-quality real coffee I can understand, though. Even during my low-income/high-expense days as a student, a bit of high-quality tea was the one real luxury I’d allow myself.

  2. 2
    11:45 am, August 15, 2009

    Finkeldey Fabrax sez:

    The cup doesn’t have its capacity listed on it, which would make it not quite suitable, I thought, for concocting purposes. Obviously, I don’t prepare much food and so know little about these things. In any event, this cup should have appeared with an explanation of its purpose so to keep me from complaining pseudo-publically about it. But all that is irrelevant as now, due to tininess, the object has seemingly become lost to the world within the time elapsed between that picture’s creation and now.

    It is absurd for so many people’s livelihoods to be dependent upon an artificial stimulant. I suspect plenty of those people exaggerate this requirement, even if you don’t. In situations where exaggeration is not a factor, I still consider caffeinated beverage reliance a sad and unfortunate thing no less worth being shocked by, even if not in the condemnatory sense I obviously meant it in when I wrote that thing yesterday. Whoopth.

  3. 3
    3:50 pm, August 15, 2009

    Popeye Martínez sez:

    It doesn’t look like they were juicing an orange. It looks like they were juicing a cup. A blue one.

  4. 4
    3:51 pm, August 15, 2009

    Mxy sez:

    Popeye, it’s rude to point out such things.

    Please pay no attention to Popeye.

  5. 5
    8:04 am, August 16, 2009

    Bobcat Goldthwait sez:

    The vessel in question does not particularly require a listed capacity, as it is more intended for holding the already-measured components rather than performing the measurements themselves (which is usually done via spoon with such quantities). Throw a quick glance at any cooking show if you’d like to see similar items at use.

    I imagine most people probably could drag themselves to work without a cup of coffee beforehand (and occasionally do so out of necessity), but it becomes something of a drudge over an extended period of time, and I personally shouldn’t begrudge them something which makes their day a little bit easier. Overdependence on stimulants is indeed a non-ideal circumstance, but alas, such is the price of the conveniences of modern life. Which is not by any means to suggest that heavy stimulant use is solely a characteristic of contemporary western society, of course.

  6. 6
    8:44 am, August 19, 2009

    An overly eager criminal canine sez:

    Coo-OOOOOOOkie Crisp!

  7. 7
    6:26 pm, August 20, 2009

    Finkeldey Fabrax sez:

    It was once suggested to me that “all across the country, now, everybody’s doing the Cookie Crisp howl.” However, I remain skeptical.

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