All I want to do is eat.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Yoderhunt.
I’ve witnessed some low and tacky attempts to get people to view a website before, but a newspaper promising the opportunity to watch actual kids die is new to me. Hence why it’s in the news paper, I suppose. And this is the New Haven Register,
but I think it ought to be held to SOME standard, if it wants its demise to actually be lamented when the only thing left is the CNN-style news it’s supposed to be better than. Still, it is, at least, not as bad as West Haven,
whose newspaper is apparently an ad that looks up my ip address to find out what towns I live near but is otherwise oblivious to matters of local interest. I think they should do some fact checking, though, since I am in Madison, and I can’t, anyhow, give much credence to breaking news that is a question. Can I? Get the story straight before you FLASH me, please. However, you see, it MUST phrase the headline/onlyline as a question because it’s trying out for Jeopardy! google actually isn’t Hiring Americans To Work From Home and this, like every ad that’s ever appeared in its own window, is a trap of tricks. Implied untruths and and false representation of your business are a-cocaine, thankfully. I do praise it for finally figuring out what state I’m in;
I was getting annoyed at being associated with those weird, beard, fail-happy Alabama homeowners.
I do find it funny –and oh ho ho, how I laugh!– that WEST HAVEN, among other incorrect guesses, is the town it goes with to appeal to me. West Haven is the trashiest town in Connecticut. EAST Haven, home of the discarded McDonald’s bags and shopping carts-in-marshes, at least has Tweed Airport in it so if you steal enough wallets you may be able to afford a ticket to a real airport from where you can imagine you might go somewhere nice one day. This here… is Chicago, near Midway Airport. I took pictures here specifically because it reminded me of West Haven (despite it being superior by virtue of the exit station). Low buildings with voids behind them, overgrown fenced lots with no apparent function, absence of non-homeless pedestrians because the only active businesses are gas stations… the sort of things that make one glad to only be passing through. I know this is Chicago, though, because I remember seeing lots of billboards for “The Princess and the Frog” while I was there, which no town in Connecticut is worth outbidding creationism enthusiasts for the attention of. No, I don’t have a picture of that, but try driving through Meriden sometime. Considering how they feel about apes, I reckon they wouldn’t cotton to the idea of people evolving from frogs.
Chicagaw, though, and I can’t think why, has ad space to spare. So, anyway, there’s a guy with a purple hat and a gap in his teeth. He is the princess. And so the fat alligator with a trumpet must surely be the frog, because those are the only two characters I recall seeing on the signs.
Here is a sign with a frog, in Connecticut, outside Ocean State Job Lot, which is like the equivalent of a Wal Mart brand Wal Mart. Christmas Tree Shop[s] laugh[s] at Ocean State Job Lot. Job Lot laughs right back, though, since people actually steal from there. Ocean State Job Lot is not to be confused with Big Lots, though I’m sure it wouldn’t mind and neither would notice. Ocean State Job Lot doesn’t have the endorsement of megastars like Coach’s Jerry Van Dyke. Just frogs.
Such an honor! Anyone would feel like a princess.
A visionless hack sez:
You sure have a lot of havens in that there Connecticut.
I too get IP-address-examining ads which assume I live in an incorrect location, in my case the fairly distant Greensburg, a place I have never set foot in and will likely never will. I rather wonder if they don’t perhaps screw these things up on purpose, in the hope that we will be charmed by their affable bufoonery and thus more likely to make use of their advertised product or service than if they displayed the correct location. Or maybe they’re just inept.
In other news, it’s encouraging to know that wherever we may roam, we can always find a slum which reminds us of home.
Umpulurgit sez:
There are West, North and East Havens, with the latest and greatest New Haven in the center. North Haven was the greatest for a while because it had the only Roy Rogers food joint accessible in under an hour’s worth of driving time, but eventually that was replaced with an Arby’s.
Not enough advertisers take the pity route. If they did I would probably complain about that, too.
I may yet quote you on your closing line. It would seem rude and surely counter to whatever point I might be trying to make to credit it to a visionless hack, however.
A monkey sez:
Everybody finds it funny when you describe a monkey as “funky”.
Chester O'Chimp sez:
You fool! Now the secret’s out!