June 4, 2011
This was supposed to go under the last entry. Whoopth. I probably forgot it because it is absolutely unimportant.
Maybe dopes are like metroids, in that they have several stages and each takes more missiles to destroy than the previous. I wouldn’t say they are like pokemon because I always imagined a dope pokemon would go something like this
I wish I hadn’t.
I mentioned this briefly before, but more bears mentioning, if we can bear it being mentioned. Mustid dope bran costs more money to produce than most cereals because the dope’s contract requires that both its ears be fully represented on the box and all promotional imagery. But why does the dope GET a contract? What position is IT in to be making DEMANDS? How did it SIGN its name on the contract? Does a person have power of attorney for IT? What IS its name? Is it truly content with people just calling it “the dope?”
Uhhghghghg… mustid dope bran. That has to be dumbest cereal on the market. It HAS to be. It is required by law. And it is also in the dope’s contract. It’s even dumber than raisin brain, and that’s saying something. Specifically, it’s saying that dope bran is dumber than raisin brain. Raisin brain… what a dumb cereal! I lament that I have not brought it to your attention prior to now yet also it surprises me that word of Raisin Brain has not come to you through another source.
Raisin brain is the cereal that makes you incapable of thinking of anything except raisins when you eat it. You cannot act, since you cannot think about moving. Only raisins. It is surely one of the dope’s favorites. The dope is not legally entitled to enjoy things.
Yet we must not relax our vigilance for but a moment. Mustid is on the march, and our great warriors seem strangely preoccupied with other matters.
Grimbling sez:
If I ever became a rapper, my stage name would be “BIG DOPE.”
Zinkugel sez:
You’d probably get shot. Although rappers get shot anyway, so perhaps they have more in common with dopes than I am yet comfortable considering.
Grimbling sez:
So would I be more likely to get shot for identifying with dopes? Such anti-dope extremists exist? And to think we lived in safer times.
The human flower sez:
People who identify with dopes (thereby implying they share many similar qualities) are likely to shoot themselves on account of pointing the fire arm in the wrong direction before firing.
Also, I assume the “Congratulations!” in the two latter Dopémon images is meant to be spoken sarcastically?
PurpleSpace sez:
Saying the dope is a Pokemon implies there is more than one of them, since I doubt dopes are considered legendary!
In fact, it might imply there are enough dopes for everyone to go out and catch one for themselves; thereby, being forced to by Dope cereal to feed them.
Zinkugel sez:
flo:
This is too much. How can I justify pushing legislation to restrict the gun rights of dopes?
“Congratulations” is the normal message, but I think it is made to seem ambiguous because in the video game it applies to voltorbs also, which are terribly disappointing to realize you spent time increasing the level of.
pur:
I did not mean to imply that there is more than one dope (though I fear there may be), merely that it is monstrous and can be stored in your pocket, so that you can conceal its monstrosity until whatever time that serves your purposes.
The only reason to catch dopes is to deprive them of freedom. I wish that they ate; then we could deprive them of food as well. As things now stand, they are too dumb even to starve.