August 2, 2011

Dumb dragons that nobody is afraid of. Why do they not protect their obvious snouts? And what’s the point of being a dragon at all if you need a sword? I mean, in the event they were smart enough to hold the pointy end facing out. Or an ORB, for that matter. Dragons love their stupid orbs. Unless that’s the crystal coconut, I’m unimpressed. And that brings me to another topic:

Come to think of it, I’m still unimpressed.

This was screened in my home once, eleven years ago. Do you remember when this sort of thing looked impressive? Neither do I. These days people make stuff like this alone as personal projects, but there was a time when it was made by professionals in France and licensed by the Japanese to be sold to Americans. It was an animated series that I could easily find out the entire length and broadcast success of, but there are some particles of knowledge that I prefer leaving to the pre-/early internet fog of past pop-culture vagueness. As far as I’d like to think, only one episode ever aired, which I came across on cable or whatnot, laughed at the very idea of, and promptly removed from my sight. After the cancellation, the producers cut together a bunch of episodes to form a single semi-coherent narrative. Not to try and make back some of their investment so much as punish me for my bold, childish hubris.

If you didn’t know this was associated with Donkey Kong, what would you think it was? (don’t watch it, I’ll just barely explain it) The first three songs possibly pertain to some storyline or another, but by this point nobody’s sure. In an earlier song, the fore creature, Captain Scurvy, sings about wanting to steal the Crystal Coconut from Donkey Kong. This has no possible relevance to anything. Scurvy has by this point failed to acquire the coconut and gone back out to sea, because this isn’t really a film, only some random episodes with no direct continuity. So forty minutes in there’s just some dumb pirate croc singing about booty while a camera pans around his chronically understaffed ship for no reason. My guess is they realized they can’t sail this thing with just three people and they’re doomed to die at sea, so they slipped into highly delusional states, unable to cope with reality. There may be additional reasons to lose one’s coping capabilities while within that version of reality. After this sequence the view cuts to some totally different booted scalous lump in a totally different place doing a totally different thing. My mother took special displeasure at the fact that the lizardoids had nipples. I think shortly after this she demanded that the tape be switched off. We were certain it had been three hours but Amazon.corn insists the total running length is just under one-and-a-half.

Although Amazon also displays a five star rating, so maybe I ought to be suspicious. I meep, that’s only half the stars that Who’s Your Caddy? got.

Oh yes

“Oh yes” was an artifact of something else I started to write there but ultimately removed. However, when I found it just now, left and forgotten, I decided I approved of its presence.

The song was introduced to me through my less eld brother, who one day appeared (he was a sorcerer) singing parts of it and the other songs. HE had been influenced by a friend, who we’ll call “Erik,” that being his name, who in addition to singing these songs in public, sent to an approximately random assortment of people he knew an email message –equally explicable as the loosely related series of animations or his fascination with them– which referenced several of the songs, chief among which being “the booty booty.”

Though chief among the references on the whole were local inside jokes that couldn’t possibly make any sense to you. Finally we have something in common!

After listening to the song I accepted this as the title. I had to listen to it, because we apparently needed to rent this movie, because everybody in town was terribly afraid of Erik and did anything possible to appease his demands, or at the very least understand them. He was much like his romanticized Viking namesakes, except instead of burning down our house he and an accomplice just broke into it while we were away and stole a bag of frozen peas.

The song is posted in youtube with this bootastic title, also (where it is identified as “song #4.” I have not actually reviewed the program in full to make my song or minute counts) It was not until I read some recently posted comment that I realized it’s actually, in all probability, SUPPOSED to be “Booty Boogie;” a boogie being a dance, and a sort of thing a person can be said to “do.” It will surely go down in misery as the most intellectually stimulating thing I ever read in a youtube comment. Why did this never occur to me? Why did it seem so perfectly acceptable (considering the context) for the pirates to be saying “booty booty” that I never for a moment wondered if maybe they were saying something else (apart from the actor pronouncing “boogie” as if it was pronounced “boo ghee”)? More importantly, why am I thinking about this now? Why did I ever think about it enough that I remember what I used to think?

I’m glad we got that out of the way before I had time to chastise myself for bringing it up.

Google is confident that I can boo ghee even if it requires the question be changed.

So, to recrap: I was afraid to let anybody see me playing E V O on an emulator, but other parties had no shame about bringing

this into my home. Why, then, a decade later, am I the only person with ready access to plus lingering shame for both?

I think that’s twice as bad as being either.

Also at this time I declare an indefinite moratorium on the wordish “booty” appearing in this here web location.

5 Responses
  1. 1
    12:51 am, August 4, 2011

    Fear flower sez:

    I recall you once mentioning that you had not extensively played the Donkey Kong Country games in the past. Now I see what might have moved you to avoid these.

    Also, I was under the impression that the booted reptilian pirate was named Kannon, but perhaps I was confusing him with a certain bodhisattva of mercy. Such things happen now and again, I suppose.

  2. 2
    1:50 am, August 6, 2011

    Jumbi sez:

    Oh my god why did you remind me this show existed?

  3. 3
    2:50 pm, August 7, 2011

    Uvprimlurx sez:

    scary plant:
    I replayed the first a few years ago, and didn’t find it too bad. I know I wrote something about that but it might not have been used/memorable, because it’s more fun to talk about things I don’t like. Although it is less fun to DO things I don’t like, so in theory these balance out.

    Because everyone else was too cowardly.

  4. 4
    9:07 am, August 10, 2011

    PurpleSpace sez:

    Those dragons do love those orbs. They are always portrayed as guarding them over-protectively. Someone should tell them they are just glass, or else it proves once again that dragons are attracted to shiny objects!

  5. 5
    3:18 pm, August 18, 2011

    Uvprimlurx sez:

    The problem is that the dragons themselves are often made of cheap metal alloys designed to look like more expensive real metal so they are fond of similarly inexpensive material. They relate to it. Finding others like them allows them to be more proud of themselves.

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