September 11, 2011

It’s a pity that I make this website entirely for free. If I was paid for the deed, I’d have long since been fired for missing deadlines and then I wouldn’t feel compelled to do it anymore.

====================================




Well I’m glad somebody does.
Maybe then I’ll be allowed to stop.

I’ve only heard it twice today –across approximately three minutes– and I’m already sick of the FOX FOOTBALL commercial break fanfare. Popular culture has no respect for instrumental music. If we hear it at all it will be three seconds long and looped endlessly. without variation, just right to be rapped or barely sung over. We have to marginalize it and restrict it, else people might realize that it’s a valid and functional art form and thousands of redundant, inspirationless vocalists could be out of jobs.

And the commercial breaks themselves. Yarp, Family Guy’s still ugly. Simpsons are still stagnant/animated at way too high a frame rate for how ugly they are. With the money you spend on these superfluous in-betweening you could get some much nicer artwork, but you never would because this show hasn’t evolved a scrap since I stopped watching it in 1992. Glee’s still grinsufferable. Aw grapes a kidz bop choir singing an irritating pandery song about New York City that I hated even when the real singer sang it. You want to be a millionaire? Be a skinny lady and sing about how great New York City is ha ha GOT EM. I do not miss network television. I do not miss bars. They get along so well together, they probably wouldn’t notice if I stayed home. I also do not miss not complaining about these things. I’ve said all this stuff before and better. Now it’s boring. I need NEW stupid things to inspire me (“these lights” also not cutting it).



Isn’t there supposed to be some government agency in place that keeps the word “natural” out of the vocabulary of nugget peddlers? Even for Florida, a land where a town can be a wholly owned subsidiary of the disney corporation and be built on land that shouldn’t exist (and probably won’t in two years) I think that language is pushing it.

You know, consumer health advocate’s fundamental problem with chicken nuggets isn’t the chicken. I can imagine the meeting…


what can we do to make fruit less wholesome?


Have you tried making it into nuggets?


Good show!


In fact it’s such a good show I declare it shall be a mini-series. This builds suspenses for the next episode and has the added benefit of letting me go to my bed before 2 am when I have junk to do in the morning. I’ll talk about nuggets more next time. Unless I talk about something else.

Ah ha but here you are wrong, my good warlord! I suffer for my rest!


MAN, sleeping in beds is SO HARD.
And now, good NIGHT. IF that’s even POSSIBLE!



5 Responses
  1. 1
    4:51 pm, September 12, 2011

    Realward Nameson's slightly conservative brother Backward sez:

    Those fruits are hideous! How can people eat that arguably organic material without being offended by … those…things. That tangerine is not a dream (nyeck nyeck nyeck); it’s a nightmare! You have my sympathies for being forced to coexist with forces as destructive as the collective hideousness of those fruits.

  2. 2
    4:47 pm, September 13, 2011

    PurpleSpace sez:

    I don’t approve of snakes telling me where to get my nuggets.

    Also, that snake, whose name is Nyololin, has never appeared in any other nintendo title, yet that yoshi-thing has appeared in numerous. Will we never get to play Nyololin’s Island?

  3. 3
    6:24 pm, September 13, 2011

    Uvprimlurx sez:

    backward:
    I’m so used to seeing stupid anthropomorphisized fruit in my supermarket photograph collections that I must have momentarily forgotten how incredibly strange these look when I posted it here. No doubt that was a factor in my deciding to take the picture in the first place, however. Instead of unfeasible cartoon eyeballs they or an unknown party (perhaps each other?) have ripped out pieces of their own skin and shaped that into cruel, functionless mockeries of eyeballs. The nugget fiends don’t seem to mind, but is often the case that a shriek of joy temporarily shares a facial expression with unfathomable horror.

    purpward:
    I don’t take no sass from no snakes. Snakes that aren’t poisonous always give bad advice either because they are dumb or because they wish just as strongly to inconvenience you.
    I am also highly alarmed that two totally different people who comment on my page here, out of maybe 13 total who have across all time, can name the monsters in Super Mario Land.

  4. 4
    4:42 pm, September 14, 2011

    Realward Nameson's avant-garde brother Forward sez:

    If anything, that serves to make it even more repulsive. In retrospect, I would normally have been relieved to not have noticed it at first, but seeing how I was inadvertently forced to realize it later, it renders my previous potential relief utterly irrelevant. This is, after all, not the kind of speculation I would normally find myself pursuing, so the fact that I looked in those empty eyes adds further to the unfathomable abject terror I am going through at the moment as a direct result of those terrifying things.

  5. 5
    9:03 pm, September 16, 2011

    A perfectly unsusicious-looking human sez:

    Ah, anthropomorphized fleshy plant seed-coverings with a wedge-shaped section removed so as to suggest a grotesque analogue of the human oral opening, an orifice which I am quite familiar with, being as I am a human myself, and thus appreciating such fine allusions to such familiar aspects of my human experience! This is precisely the thing for which I’ve been scouring the internet for a dog’s age, as we humans say, making fond reference to our fellow citizens of the kingdom of Animalia! This shall prove an indispensable source for my doctoral thesis! Drink heartily of the thank-cup, fellow human, and quench your biological desire of thirst with which we are both intimately familiar, this forming the basis of a shared human bond! Please accept these links to useful goods and services as a token of my appreciation!

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