everyone’s favorite moraff monster (since it is the first monster stored in the game and most people have no knowledge and thus no preference about the topic this ends up being the default and therefore overwhelming winner), the [giant] garbage can

when i arrived at the topic of how to handle the matter of drawing a new one i abruptly remembered a picture of the shakespeare character falstaff who seemed to have similar dimensions and presumed demeanor to the trash can. the result scarcely resembles a trash can but it didn’t before either and at least has a lid now.

although i might underestimate his abilities; i understood falstaff to be a drunken boasting imbecile but this generic unnecessary website that came up when i tried to find a high resolution version of the image assures me that Falstaff is a “public domain super hero.” Or maybe that is referring to the page-assistant on account of an uncanny ability on display to put up with Falstaff and resist the urge to run him through with his own sword.

regardless of staff-feller, the rubbish bin’s file name is ‘mon_garbage.png’ which makes me think of “bonjour mon grande garbage” and this certainly looks frencher now despite paris having no public garbage cans at all when i visited due to worries about terrorists hiding bombs (or dopes) in them so instead were just plastic bags attached to rings. but that would not do for the moraff receptacle that is both proud of its exterior and secretive about its contents. Or at least that was the case at one time:

little knownst to anyone except those he told about it because he wanted them to know, Moraff, less than two months ago, decided to do his own remake of “Moraff’s Revenge,” the game that game before Moraff’s World, the game before Dungeons of the Unforgiven (the one i am making new pictures for a remake of), in chat-gpt, because that is what he is into now, and it even has a creepy ai rainbow garbage can, mercifully not ainimated (and also somehow clipping into the floor just slightly). But we can at least see inside it and now observe no conventional garbage at all, just a differently-unpleasant-looking mouth interior whose perspective is at odds with the rest of itself. supposedly Mr. Moraff’s goal was to recreate the game without telling the robot it was that game specifically or that he was moraff. i had no intention of taking inspiration from this… this output, since the boots were very important to me, but I never played moraff’s revenge enough to know that it even had the ding dang garbage cans in it and i wouldn’t have been able to tell they were rainbow since that is a cga game and EVERYTHING looks ugly and oversaturated in that. so he described this thing to a robot and there is no way it could have known about the rainbow unless he insisted it be colored that way in 2026, so he absolutely always intended for that to be the case.

I am told that he is a “techno-communist” these days and does not believe in intellectual property. And to think i was once worried he might have found out that i was very briefly offering the full version of dungeons of the unforgiven for download on my insulting webpage! Maybe he did find out and simply did not care. However that might also have happened AFTER he stopped outwardly selling his games and was just allowing other companies to presumably pay him for the right to sell the games so maybe it makes no financial difference to him if they are purchased or not at this point.

But why am i working so hard to make new graphics for a game that probably not many people will play, branded with the name of someone who doesn’t care if it is ever finished? Because it has a tangible end and will be published in a form slightly elevated from anything i have done previously. Even with hardly anything going for it, more is going for it than usual. And i like to think it has more going for it than it did in 1993 since Jimbly has set it up so that players can choose how unfair they want the game to be and also change their mind about that at any time. There is also no artificial intelligence involved in the [re]creation of the game. I don’t know how much real intelligence is involved either but I certainly attempt it on my end.

while the alternative makes everything around it stupider so hypothetically i should seem smart at some point, even if no one that i become smarter than will notice. They aren’t paying attention to me anyway, too focused on the robot telling them how smart they are, so it is enough that i get some satisfaction out of it, perhaps.

while trying to find where i had saved the picture of the chat-gpt garbage can i found this picture that i saved in march. i was less concerned with whatever podcast than: oh no friggin BABYLON BEE and AXE COP are connected to the same people. and then today i continued: axe cop, i remember, being less a comic strip than a sequence of illustrations of random stuff happening with no connection to anything before or after it or the title character and the author kept making sure to point out that his six year old brother wrote it, like that excused it. I exclusively encountered it via hyperactive resplorging dorkos on livejournal gushing over how “badass” it and “Snakes on a Plane” sort of trash was and i guess at some point it was made into a tv series and i thankfully had fewer dorkos in my life at that point to try and inferior-pressure me into watching it, but periodically i wonder what the deal is with some annoying celebrity or actor person and just about every one of them has had a voice credit on it.
All the irritating garbage* that i want no part of bleeds together and never truly goes away.
*this statement was in the file name which resulted in it showing up in my image serch

And the problem with babylon bee is that effective satire depends on your core premises not being false or appealing to and favoring the interests of the worst, typically wealthiest, power-abusing creeps on the planet, even if “the bee” as those in the no call it, tries to make a show of targeting such people occasionally.

Look this proves we’re not fascist crapaganda! We waited until McConnell was definitely not dead to make fun of him with a weak ad hominem insult that doesn’t criticize the damage he has inflicted on the world while smugly smiling! tee hee ho It is gentle ribbing at worst toward folks who would rightly have their ribs shattered and fed to crocodiles and oops i accidentally wrote another installment of axe cop. we just need to make the victim “apolitical” so that flagrantly political shills will agree to provide voices.

and flob forbid you try to go to their website to get a recent example because you felt like you “owed” it to them to have evidence when you complain about them and you’ll get to see this jd-vance looking beardo with a maga-coded t shirt in front of a background trying to tie itself to when Stephen Colbert was funny pledge-driving at you. You can’t even say no without saying thanks also.

here this is the one story on their bluesky page. they reposted it several times pretending they had no idea why their account was getting blocked by people over a transphobic joke 3 decades past its expiration date and then they gave up posting further. i don’t assume the axe cop dork wrote this but he would have known it ran stories like this when he joined up.

unless he was taken against his will; apparently he has had comics published by a company called “slave labor graphics.”

I first learned about babylon bee when my older brother linked to a story from it on his twitter page, maybe a bit before he lamented the lack of lynchings amidst the january 6 2020 shenanigans, and more recently told our mother that he was starting his own religion with chat-gpt. that makes sense; ai-generation is also a scam pretending to be magic that destroys/further destroys everything it touches.

hence this local company with a flagrantly ai-logo (note the inconsistent amounts of fingers) despite it being something extremely easy to draw advertises jesus in just as many spots. ai absolves you of responsibility for work and jesus absolves you of responsibility for destroying the world with data centers that fuel the ai that you use to cheat terribly, and both somehow tell you that you’re right no matter how awful you are or who your awfulness hurts. I try to ensure that my own awfulness hurts me more than anyone else.

section 6 monsters. i actually drew the section 7 ones first but it took me so long to put up a web page that i can show 6 before 7 as torture intended

giant worm

i like that the original worm looks sort of like it has a proud facial expression even if that seems to be inadvertent. on other occasions i emphasized the parts that i thought were funny but since i am weird about unorthodox “face”s i decided to go aggressive. and is the brown fluid blood from stuff it ate or something to aid in consumption/digestion that is going where it shouldn’t to emphasize how gross this thing is?
this is not quite as bad as with the watery graverd. everything that goes wrong will be compared against that

oozing blob

again i might like the original better. i tried to make it look like gloppy blue hands were grasping the sword. though it might absorb defeated foes in the game it attacks just like a normal monster so maybe it uses a partially absorbed sword to do that. or maybe i was just desperate for any approach other than simply redrawing what is already here

squishy cube(s)

THIS one approaches watery graverd difficulty even though it is clear what the three absorbed figures are. this monster also has a color cycled gradient over some of the pieces and i might omit that since i do not know what i would do with that

shape shifter

yet another where the initial pose is probably superior. and after i drew this one i imagined a pose with a longer chain spiraling around the narrowest part of the body, though that would look even less like an attack. and ironically this is the least absorby-looking monster from the section yet it is the only one that drains levels. i should add a purple aura around the weapon like i did with the were-rat-bat

section 7 suddenly has recycled moraff’s world monsters in it and i wondered if i could bring in more consistency but since it starts with arachnids and i am extremely weird about anthropomorphisating those i got stuck

scorpions don’t actually have heads distinct from their bodies like that, although in the game it is spelled “scorpian” so maybe it is a different type of creature ultimately.

spiders turn out to be much closer to the familiar tetrapod forms than worms are. and so i can justify giving big central cartoon eyes to it if i give it two side-eyes, though it will be unpleasant for me if those also have pupils. then i considered that one of the spider references i could stand to look at that i downloaded also had its fore limbs raised, albeit without hands, so i added those as well, which almost block the side eyes anyway.

the rat, despite how bad the whiskers look when hard resized for this website i actually do rather like the look of. the utter lack of polish on it testifies to what a brief period i spent worrying about it, but ideally i will fix that later and make it look just as overprocessed and smudgy as the cube picture.

no not quite it can definitely look uglier than this

and also the non-rat bat is decent enough. but then i liked the rat pose so much i wondered if it was a waste to not give that to the bat since rats can have slithery ground poses that bats generally would not be expected to, though bats can in fact walk on the ground on all four limbs which i didn’t think about until writing this explanation but i already chose the poses so i don’t need to try that one. and again, you have something like spiders that are known for trapping prey and sucking the life out of them, yet the bat is the level drainer, and we already had a bat level drainer. hence i should perhaps put a purple aura on something here also.

a third moraff update.
i did not mock-up demonstration scenes this time since it takes too long (it shouldn’t but i do everything the wrong way) and is not relevant to the final product; i only needed them to summarize what i was doing otherwise so i will ideally not make any more of those. also i haven’t drawn new walls yet, because the regular game just palette swaps the first set of walls so if i simply interpret again i will have nearly the same walls i already made so marginally more thought may be in order if i don’t just swap in more graphics i already made for “watch out for dopes”

for section 5 we have

monster 1 troggisher’s weapon makes no sense and i wondered if i should change it so it made a slight bit of sense but i was eventually reminded of a totally impractical 1990s star trek weapon called bat-leth that klingons use to show how manly they are, since i guess if you can win a duel with a terrible weapon more likely to injure yourself than your opponent that proves you are the best in a totally irrelevant category within a society that has phasers and photon torpedoes. And i wondered if the original troggisher’s implement was inspired by that. still it might be worth turning the skull around since that will be more identifiable as a skull even though its horns will then only serve to make the implement more difficult to use. one person did suggest that the skull was actually the creature’s clothing and the weapon was actually two axes that just due to awkward image composition appear to be stuck in the skull’s eye zone, and even in that scenario the axes are not being held in a way conducive to using them

i was surprised to look at the original palette values and see that they are perfectly yellow, equal parts red and green. i interpret them as slightly green and presumably most people do. so i left them the same on the troggisher, just with some intermediate values. but since the new game is not palette limited except for the color cycling affect i can make the other locals have different greens. i don’t know who if anyone is going to play this dumb game long enough to see module 2 but i keep going because there are five!

monster 2 dozard does NOT have a green protrusion on its head originally but it looks enough like it does that it seems a shame to not include in a pose where the tail would not have a chance to give the same impression. also potentially this helps it look less like a donkey kong country adversary.
the pose calls out for an embarrassing tattoo but the game has retained the trait where monsters randomly decide to be backwards so it would be limited to symmetrical letters or symbols.

dozard is classified as an “armored” rather than high attack power monster but apparently the armored ones do have slightly elevated hit strength relative to “average” monsters, though they lack a few speed points. which thus makes a running pose inappropriate but maybe it doesn’t run very far

curiously, monster 3, the torman, the only character in the game with a face-concealing helmet, is not given a high armor rating. nor a high strength and certainly not a high speed rating, I thus made it look more powerful and faster than the other three.

and also i am terrible at drawing muscles. that isn’t new but hopefully in the intended context that will be minimally evident. ironically i could probably alleviate this slightly by drawing more armor on them.

something was telling me to give monster 4, the crab-horse-spider, a buck-toothed smile and i eventually realized i was thinking of the awful crab beast from moana. i had earlier kept worrying it was looking like something from monsters incorporated but couldn’t pinpoint the character since i have somehow never been in its presence.

i have no tolerance for “coming of age” “uuuughghh this is SO unFAIR!!!” disar and pixney mopey-smug-mopey-smug tweens arguing with family movies they have been cranking out endlessly since the lion king, but i also don’t like their movies that aren’t that but came out within this same period apparently, and i feel like my niece has watched all of them in front of me (except the monster one i guess). i don’t blame little mermaid for that since it wasn’t so much copying a formula from an earlier disney movie though i still don’t want to see that again much less hear its songs again.

i also saw the cinema preview for the moana remake that is evidently SO redundant that even disney cult shills old enough (meaning my age or greater) to be permanently set in that can’t see a reason for it to exist. there is so much computer imagery the only apparent difference is that Rock “The Dwayne” Johnson actually had to go to a film set, and SUPPOSEDLY at one point there was a plan to just make an artificial intelligence puppet out of his face and superimpose that on another actor and HE WAS FINE WITH THAT IDEA.

the only reason it didn’t happen was because disney might not legally “own” that. can you imagine a world where disney can’t just own everything? The procedure being horrifying to think about and likely also to look at and wasting an obscene amount of electricity and water to make this ostensibly pro-ocean movie did not enter into the matter.
also that article does not actually explain who “Reed” is and I wish i were able to not notice things like that when they pertain to topics that i greatly desire to not know or care about.

Anyway this crab-horse-spider doesn’t remind me of moana now beyond it reminding me that it used to remind me of that.

yes apparently that is all for now since this is essentially half of a patreon post i just made and i have to tell myself that the ten subscribers are actually getting something exclusive and not just giving me money out of pity without necessarily looking at what i upload or caring if they are getting significantly before anyone else does.

another moraff update.

the were rat bat looks like it has fake wings held on by shoulder straps but upon close examination that might not be the intent, nonetheless i went with that. my first sketch gave the bat legs instead of arms since a slightly less fake bat would have wings as its forelimbs, but there is another bat in module (episode) 2 that has legs and is less well drawn so i will wait for then to take excessive liberties. i was already messing with the vulture. feathers are not bones but according to a morbid image search withering ones can apparently be found still stuck to vulture skeletons, either because they don’t rot the same way as flesh or just nothing wants to eat them. in my endless wisdom i depicted the OLD version of the vulture’s head on the ratbat’s shield. the shadow variant is stored as a separate image so i have the power to give that an appearance distinct from the regular ones and maybe i will give that the more pterodactylyian traits of the original. but i also have at least 72 more monsters to draw so i should perhaps prioritize that

i started on a watery graverd –all these years i thought the name was graveyard and wondered why it was being spelled graverd in the game text development spreadsheet and also in the several years old gamefaq –that despite including contributions from me as “porticulo” i apparently never read completely since the project leader Jimbly forwarded me to it when i asked a few questions about game mechanics– but looked at my very old screenshots and it plainly says “graverd.” perhaps moraff erd in spelling it that way to begin with but i will likely never know and in any case that is its correct spelling now.

i started on a sentence about watery graverd but my digression was catastrophic. the drawing i started on also was in different ways. a comment i got a few days ago that the akismet spam detector helpfully prevented me from seeing until the commenter told me specifically two days later that it had left a comment that never appeared and i went to search for and forcefully appear it after i had already drawn my initial version suggested that what i was interpreting as antlers were actually meant to be arteries, and i wondered if maybe rather than being incomplete and awkward it really was intended to look like that. i am not fond of vestigial heads but i decided to try a “creature” comprised of other creatures stuck together, which didn’t work very well but looks better than what i already had,

although replacing the inadvertent smiley face with a blue dope was inspired and it is always a shame to NOT beat up dopes. maybe if i draw alternate variants for shadow monsters i will also draw variants for non-shadow monsters and the dope will return to have revenge enacted upon it.

the new version is still a mess and matches the old description of a being that “evolved directly from the rivers” better than then new one written by a mysterious entity called Merlin thast refers to “a menagerie of drowned corpses” since presumably a few of these would have had difficulty drowning, but it IS possible to look at this drawing and mostly determine what the individual pieces of it were intended to be. since i think the remake will only be available in the full version a hypothetical player will probably be in the place where you actually see these for less time than i needed to draw it. the full graphics is 2586×2014 and at least on my screen looks slightly better in the game than in this website sized gif.
in moraff’s world all the undead or demonic-looking creatures drain levels if they hit you but dungeons of the unforgiven makes no such effort at consistency, with the vulture of death in section 3 just being “fast” so me making the watery grave[ya]rd into a zombie mass that shouldn’t be a problem. although the best way to do that is to have it dripping with seaweed, and in the final section 20 the level drainer is a mass of sentient seaweed. and then the dorky crocodile with a hammer or axe is the evil level drainer instead. i think it would be logical to swap them but that would be the first logical event to occur.

even without the sea weed it looks rotting and wet, like a shoe that tried to walk through a puddle too deep for it. my drawings often look like this when i spend too long trying to fix bits that aren’t working and usually it works against them but for once dripping and disgusting is the intention, even if this was accomplished inadvertently. this looks like the weird soup a roommate once made with ingredients from the asian grocery store and then left on the stove for three days without saying anything about the soup or him leaving for three days. i swear i mentioned him on this website before because i distinctly remember including a lemur’s head to conceal the identity of the person in the photograph i showed but i cannot now prove that this happened and i would prefer not to dwell on that at length.
both merlin and jimbly have met steve moraff but i do not believe he was asked for insight on specific creatures, and i do not know if he gave instructions as to how the things were to be drawn either, so a few of them being utterly dissimilar to the originals is probably not of great importance. I have also been informed that he was shown one or more of my web pages but i do not know which ones or if he was exposed to any of the text. it seems likely that he does not care a whole lot one way or another so long as the finished product with his name and ownership implying apostrophe-s is not outwardly objectionable.

the “she demon” has for now marvel wolverine style claws. the original when closely examined seems to have a single knife attached in a similar position but the drawing always casually looked to me like “i’m stabbing my own wrist” and i didn’t necessarily want two single straight blades and then a club in the same drawing. better to have three distinct objects. the sword i drew actually has a CURVED blade but from this angle it looks like it isn’t. whuipth. i can potentially make the second head look less like phil and lyll’s mother from rugrats but up to this point i was more worried about the bubble fiend.

ironically the flooded zone of the original game probably inspired my ultimately unrealized attempt to make similar sorts of areas in the doom engine in pretty much every level i ever tried to construct, but always having difficulty figuring out why the water never looked right, and eventually becoming keenly aware that water just doesn’t look blue except in large bodies that are open to the sky, and now i am in a spot where i cannot proceed unless i commit to it looking blue and opaque in an interior space. whatever i came up with for free with wimpy technology somehow looks better than our government got for 14 million dollars but that isn’t necessarily saying much since they have spent billions on worse.
beyond THAT to create the effect that the water is not just a floor moraff had stretched the walls vertically so that the lower portions get cut off and then drawn over the edges in blue so that they would superficially appear to be actually the edges of the floor that isn’t supposed to look like a floor. no evidence exists now but i recall copying THAT also but i was trying to match it with doom’s own “nukedge” and “blodedge” textures that are supposed to look stained with toxic waste or blood rather than make the floor look bigger. and i did it in BRIGHT blue since my water texture (which does still exist because it was alphabetically earlier and so got on to the iomega zip disk before the last time the computer agreed to finish booting into windows 95 but is not relevant) was lighter blue so it would match the bright blue waterfall i also drew. oh the thought of it is uglier than the watery graverd. the present “couple from hell” i have up there DOES look light-blue stained because i drew that before i drew the water and initially would have matched with the more saturated light blue and i tried to fix it and i have gone back to take that screenshot about 12 times and it might come down to i put out this web page today or i fix that graphic and i don’t want to work on the web page tomorrow unless it was posted yesterday and the most nagging thing wrong with it is actually wrong with something outside the web page that is not at risk of being seen by anyone else for a few months probably. That might be comparable to the amount of viewers i get on the web page but the point is to talk myself into posting the thing, not whether anyone apart from me ever finds out.

thankfully i have more important things to worry about

you were probably unaware that an authorized unofficial remake of moraff’s dungeons of the unforgiven is in progress, and you very likely didn’t know that game existed in the first place. most people probably don’t, and so as the one person on the internet to have uploaded a medium level effort tribute drawing for the game, i turned out to be the obvious choice for game artist in the absence of a budget with which to hire a real one.

in fact i had an earlier run-in with the project leader last year and attempted to write a website post about it, but it was mostly pedantry about the game’s source graphics that i never got around to uploading the pictures for. and now i have to be even more pedantic than that in order to make sense of what i will be redrawing.
I am meant to not show screenshots of the actual game in its present form but i CAN show my own contributions and I have other methods available with which to accomplish that

Although i have been encouraged to take liberties, i do not want to totally disregard the designs of, at least, the well drawn ones, allegedly by a long lost individual called Logan Gilbert. i presume much of the awkwardness was due to trying to maximize the viewing area they appeared in, since only one monster can be directly in front of the player, and also getting 32 colors total to use at any one time since Moraff needed to also reserve 16 ega colors, 16 wall colors, 16 floor colors and 176 ridiculous color-cycle highlighting colors. I started out trying to be fairly accurate with my recreations, particularly on the harpey whose frightful intensity i have always appreciated despite it being one of the easier monsters to defeat, but maybe it is better to ease into my sort of erraticness anyway. the green creature “sustrontima” looks less correct than the other three but its dorky joviality amuses me.


in section 2 i made even less effort to be accurate. i figure somebody who cares about this game and wants to see the original poses will simply use the “classic” graphics and i will have wasted more time than usual for less reason than usual, as usual.

it was only amidst this project that i became aware of the deformed hay-stuffed hand hanging off of one of the knives hanging off the sustrontima and was not sure if i should include it but it sounds like i should so i will add that later. I also considered the similarity of this appendage and its tool of choice plus the mysterious yellow lines falling out of it to some of the details on

my favorite least favorite monster, the flaming idiot, who INDEED has lost one or more hands. i will at some point have to redraw this thing also, and i suspect i will be considerably less accurate than i have already been.

this is another one i have been dreading having to redraw, by the better artist, even. it is called “watery graveyard” and i was never quite sure what precisely its illustration is OF

it looks sort of like two humanoids and a cat or beaver stuck in bubbles, plus something ELSE. but what IS that??!

the two human like shapes are already vague and the left looks like it has antlers or french fries coming out of its head, and i suspect the illustrator was given very few colors to sort this out in, so whatever i was supposed to see is even harder to see than it initially might have

The upper right piece looks sort of like a griffin claw but then what is on its head? a flower? that turned grey due to a shoddy palatte? with frog legs coming out of it? but the lips of the one of the identifiable entities are also green and probably not suppose to be so maybe the frog legs are supposed to be red and something else. bacon?

i wonder if the flower thing is even maybe the watery graveyard’s “mouth” and the nearest shapes make no sense because they are being consumed. but i always figured it was something unseen within the water, capturing creatures with bubbles. if it is a flying mouth it could do this anywhere

THIS part looks SORT of like a malevolent face but it is uncharacteristic of how logan gilbert draws faces

maybe it is even a stereotype of an early 1900s irish immigrant who works at a foundry or something and also has weird antlers

oh no i just realized i already spent several weeks this year drawing that

i must escape!

i also just realized i have another unfinished moraff post from 2018 which intended to end like this

It takes me so much by surprise to see anyone talking about moraff that I miss the point and the context if it is the slightest bit below the surface.
oh no comments are disabled on the post so i cannot even go over there and acknowledge my error. now this person who never heard of me and already forgot i quote-posted that will never know that i now know i misinterpreted it.
“pc-98” is a japan only computer system known for high quality pixel art, at least outside of the main sprite graphics, which tend to be pretty crummy and minimally animated, even when they aren’t cursed. I know this, I think about dumb falcom games all the time, and how they got away with recycled game engines, awkward monster battling, lack of things to do apart from battling, and the total absence of special effects that they get away with rereleasing over and over forever due to the strength of their background music and also their unusually detailed shop-keeper portraits and opening cinematics. But usually I do not think about this at the same time as moraff.

but this did manage to remind me

of a recent Moraff sighting on the Great British Sewing Bee program. a less fantastic British sewing bee could never handle such an occurrence. I also have ANOTHER moraff update but it is getting complicated and I would like to stop looking at these eyeballs immediately so maybe I will try that another time.

steve moraff’s vision comes ever closer to reality. In a sense we are all “super entrap”ped by our kind’s environmental ravaging and pillaging.

As the internet’s first, foremost/only authority on Moraff’s Dungeons of the Unforgiven, I felt it prudent that I should also have the foremost/only unofficial terrible illustration of it.

That secret of mana picture did not quite sit well with me. In fact i never finished articulating specifically how it did not. This here i probably also could have done better, but nobody else would have tried at all! And the chance that this will completely make sense to anybody is also almost nonexistent, which I can live with, because when I try to be understood, people find a way to understand the opposite and I spend hours trying explain what I meant and by the end nobody really cares. It is more efficient to start there!

I still managed to push out a small novel’s worth of moping text about it, and so I have pushed that even further! As much as bimshwel.com is at home written on restroom stalls, the website is not meant to function as a thought toilet.

I referred to this but forget to place a link. I’m sure you will find this invaluable.

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I’m behind on my comic strip, anything written for this website, my college class schedule is ridiculous because I made it with the intent that I would live nearby, which I have failed to achieve, my chosen major is not anything with practical applications, yet I struggle with it, and I still can’t legally drive a car. HOWEVER…

True success! I have now truly mastered the Dungeons of the Unforgiven! But didn’t I do that a few years ago? No, I had merely completed the game under actual adequate conditions. I decided getting through a game with draconian level up policies and roving gangs of hostile, invincible rubbish bins that deletes your save file if your character dies wasn’t difficult enough, so I generated a player character that was utterly insufficient for the mere task of surviving; using the “monk” character class. Monks are the absolute worst class (yes, even worse than amphibia).

While monks are popularly known for their ability to perform astounding feats of acrobatics and concentration and match traditional orange robes with brand name sneakers, Moraff monks proceed cautiously and are afraid of things that most players don’t even notice, leading me to suspect that Moraff based his version on the Tony Shaloub character.

In addition to not backup up my character data, I refrained from making use of the inter-module escape tunnels, and the

magical respawning level 0 garbage can which drops dead instantly when approached but often leaves helpful trinkets behind. As helpful as you’d expect from a sentient waste receptacle, anyhow. It returns to the exact spot of its vapourization moments later and can be murdered and plundered over and over again. Yes, so, I denied myself even this glorious privilege.

Monks get the least hit and spell points and will not carry rings of regeneration, essential survival items, for spiritual reasons.

Fortunately they have no such reservations about hauling huge heaps of Worthless Greater American Dollars around. They are the Yang Song of the dungeon, and designed to die.

Do you know how hard it is to have a leadership of 1? You get 5 just for successfully ordering french fries at… eh… say, where should I get my french fries?

I have taken Moraff’s toughest challenge and been victorious. But in a sense, it is also his greatest curse; in the past such a character would be killed quickly and I could go and do something else. In fact, it DID die, once, but so quickly that I thought a retry was in order.

The longer this ineffectual figure lives, the less I live. It cannot win, only persist. I have very much in common with Pudensis, the gender-confused (the first one was female, the second was male), rodent monk.

This is another view of the Demon Queen as seen by a taller person. I like it because it looks like a really bad postcard.

Getting through all this took me about a day’s worth of hours across half a week, but what would I have done instead? Read the Southern Connecticut State University course catalog? Registered for classes pertinent to my interests? Actually prepared for them? Clearly there were more pressing and educational matters to tend at (Such as framing my Morvard rejection letter). I am a pioneer in making bad games less interesting and more tedious than ever. My place in history is secured. I may do well to drop the classes I did sign up for and write a book about this experience.
The Moraff scholars among you might have noticed that I have only played to the end of the first dungeon in the game, and have not yet entered the subsequent easier identical modules. Well we all need something to look forward to in life!

Aw bees, I wish I’d thought of that!

Monday, July 30, 2007, 12:39:54 am, East Haven Standard Time:

Roneldo survives Dungeons of the Unforgiven actually playing the game properly.

Sounds like a plan. Several plans.

Roneldo is feared and respected.

moraff, popular with the robots, scrollneldos | How to lose a guy in (281) days | !