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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
November 22, 2014
you’ll discover the meaning of the season in a place you never expected




As you are no doubt aware, 2014 is the tenth anniversary of the all time smash record setting play Jope and Some Dopes. The script has aged well; the text is just as deep black and the background as pure white as I remember them being ten years ago. I would like to take this opportunity to reflect on some of the Jope-related events and achievements of the past decade.

With that out of the way, I should also acknowledge that 2014 is the 20th anniversary of the planetary disruption of the earth and moon that destroyed civilization and led to the rise of Thundarr the Barbarian 2,000 years later.


So watch out, 1,980 years from now.


Prior to then, I scanned what seems to be the first round of character drawings, including the only known appearance of the one called Kierfo. If you cannot tell which that is, it is probably not important! Likewise you probably do not need to see it bigger by poking it.

More recently, jope evidence could be found on one of those crummy websites that automatically generates pages with prefabricated lies about the actual content, of which there is approximately none. You cannot watch Jope and Some Dopes there or anywhere!

I actually wrote a description for them, but to the shock of nobody, exactly as many real people actually participate in building these pages, so I must assume the “suggest edit” page feeds directly into a metaphorical dumpster without anyone seeing it, which is appropriate at least considering the involvement of dopes. I suppose “Open End Theatre” would technically be the production company, but the production was not at all technical, and if we kept the ends open what audience we had would fall out.

Anyway before I intervened it said GREEGOEP which is equally incorrect (though Michele was generously granted a bonus L). Greegorp is a character portrayed by Quentin Farris, who is the only actor named on the page, so I assume whoever named him put his character’s in the wrong place and deemed it not eccentric enough spelled properly and now it is fact for all time.


Although to be fair, the original cast list was printed in the font “Curlz” and Quentin’s own last name had a misplaced E in it. But we needed to print up about 80 of these less than an hour before the show. I sent my proposed update to that webpage over four years ago! I like to imagine a real human getting it and thinking “hey! Some rabble rouser is trying to steal credit away from GREEGOEP! EDIT REVERTED” I say I imagine that because I believe that one person moderating suggestions is far more than have been spared. With today’s observance I made another attempt at the update so we will see where, if anywhere, that goes, provided one of us remembers to check before 2024.


A google search also revealed erroneous details of the tv spinoff series Jope With Office Dopes that turned out to be a result, again, of a computer thinking it is smarter than people and messing up.

I could not think of a fitting ending for the play, and so it also goes for this entry, therefore I will let the printed, non-computer program give us a proper conclusion:


Also, everybody I worked with on that was great and this website entry should not be interpreted as bitterness unless absolutely necessary.



May 4, 2013
Go upstairs and see the king. He will save your game and call you a bumpkin.

I cannot answer that, but I can tell you which New Haven, Connecticut-based university probably doesn’t have a front page space devoted to this comparison. Arbitrary lists of cartoon series titles qualified based on nothing may be a tougher call.

The list’s presence, prominence, perhaps is a dubious complaint for me to make with regard to this comparison, because I think college newspapers in general are unnecessary apart from letting students think they’re good at something that seems important but isn’t, and isn’t that hard either (regardless of whether that is the fundamental function of college for most people). Maybe getting the thing arranged, printed and distributed -on time even- is an accomplishment, but imitating the bland tone of a paid journalist isn’t. I saw somebody reading the yale newspaper on The Bus once and it was filled with great big headlines and white space. I could almost read the main print from where I was and I could tell I wouldn’t have cared to even if I were a student of the place’s, and I don’t even think it was about football. I think it was about grass. Like on the ground, outside. Oh oh hey what’s this?


Breaking news: football won the football game

Anywany, the real difference is in the benefits: You Yale folks think you’re all hot,

getting discounts at vegetarian restaurants and

dentists and what not



we get the getty mart! look, they even almost spelled the sign saying so properly. WE get to buy lottery tickets and cigarettes! We don’t get any discounts, but we can pay full price at any time of day (with our Hoot Loot), if we’re lucky enough to not be murdered when we come down this street after 6pm.

It’s not like that’s Krauszer’s, or something. That’s in the other direction. Getty Mart: it’s on the SAFE side of the school!

Dear students: we didn’t catch the guy.
In the interest of uninteresting pedantry, I should add that this notice is from last year and there was a fairly high-profile murder at Yale of a student by another, and that we’re all lucky to get out with our lives. Why focus on the differences? Regardless of your income level, you can die at college in New Haven.




8:49am, february 14, 2012: I arrived at the art building to find this memo taped in various places. After my first class was over all the memos were missing. I’d never have even known there had been any accusation against David Chevan, someone whom I had never had a class with or met or seen if not for that. An accusation is not proof, but failure to acknowledge an accusation is not a solution. Anyway,


Now I am conflicted. I am heavily anti-creep, but I am also a creep. Rarely deliberately. If I were removed from the school for that reason I never would have seen this to know why.

Please don’t use this ending.

Does it increase sales to promote the college’s merchandise as being licensed by itself? is this distinction necessary? I would sincerely be more interested in bootleg scsu junk. Both what and why.
I had assumed this was the same sort of thing as Stop and Shop’s generic brand food, utterly lacking in prestige and cheaper than the competition, but SCSU rubbish is actually MORE expensive, and its mascots are worse than stop and shop’s.


Yes, I am saying even this generic dinosaur is more appealing than an owl, or Ceramic Fred Flintstone. I think the implication is if you eat little rocks out of a fish tank for breakfast every day you too can turn into one (a rock, not a fish tank).

It worked for this guy, anyway, even if he lacks the charisma of a Rock. That is a cartoon representation of professional wrestler John Cena in a pose and level of detail that would surely be incompatible with the budget of The Flintstones. He also starred in a movie called The Marine, which allows me to retract my previous parenthesis because a fish tank is the closest he has ever come to actual military service. I’m as much a marine as he is because I rode in a jeep with one once. He kept a big knife on the passenger side, I presume, to give him more of a challenge if he needed to kill me because he suspected I might tell people he was at a furry convention.

Ehhh after Hulk Hogan urged kids to train themselves and eat proper vitamins throughout the 1980s and was revealed to have been using a different sort of “vitamin” the entire time, I suppose it could be an effective confoundment strategy for the World Wrestling Ederfation to imply its most pushed and therefore most scrutinized star –because the amount of push WWE gives a man is directly related to how many steroids he looks like he is taking– eats total garbage and watches cartoons all day. How could he be juicing? There’s no fruit juice in those things! Are there any serious questions? Oh dear out of time.

I couldn’t figure out why a 70-sheet notebook cost $3, and I only looked at the school’s brand because I assumed it was cheapest. I assumed it was my perk as a student to be allowed to buy cheap notebooks. Not at all. In the school’s mind, it is my perk to be allowed to buy official SCSU notebooks. I should pay extra to do so, beyond the tuition. With that in mind the recent email advertisement for branded school merchandise is not surprising.

It is assumed that I am a “fan” of the school’s athletic department simply because I am in attendance at the institution they are vaguely connected with. I’ve never even been at the part of the campus where those sorts congregate. I don’t know why anyone who didn’t have to, would. Certainly I’ve been seeing people wearing SCSU GO OWLS sweatpants since I’ve been here, but I assumed, as before, that this was simply because the stuff was cheap and convenient to purchase. That is in the minimal exertion spirit of sweatpants. I wore sweatpants every day of my life before I learned how to be ashamed.
But this, it is very proud of itself. It wants me to also be proud of itself. I cannot be proud while wearing sweatpants! I don’t like owls much, either, except for when I had a cat that thought he was an owl.


I think they look funny, and I like that they’re supposed to be really “wise” but in fact tend to be dumber than other real birds (which may be appropriate), but I am not taken by their visual presence. Owls are scary outside in darkness, where they are hard to see and make creepy noises. In full light they’re boring. In fact,


I just blacked out. What… what have I done?

And the school wants me to come in on a SATURDAY to buy stuff. I ha[d] an hour free every thursday [when I wrote this] and I NEVER go in there. Why would I set aside two hours to deal with buses, get in there, and deal with buses again to get back here? I wouldn’t have to come home if I never left it. The last time I went out I accidentally killed an owl, anyway. I don’t trust myself outside right now. The world is safer with me at home.

I am not the person I was when this entry started.

Oh jolly good.



November 9, 2012
Casper’s death (as well as the reason why he became friendly) have been disputed since that time.

Were you aware? The LucasFilm company has been sold to the Disney company.

Eyyyyyyy! What is dizzzz!

It’s true! A sequel was promised immediately, because the last few were so good and Neville forbid we stop trying to reenact the 1980s with hip smirky scumbags. Some people like this news, some people do not. Nobody should be surprised, though. Do you remember when George Lucas announced an intention to place all five *nsync members into New Star Wars, and how mad people got? He didn’t even ask “is this a good idea?” because he is not a person to whom self-doubt occurs.


Expect a lot of announcements like that. Justin Bieblesworth already looks like the 1970s Luke Skywaffle. They may even bring Hilary Duff out of the Disney Vault for this one. The new movie is going to have 7 Jar Jar Binxes and they’re going to sing. Chewbacca will speak perfect english and be played by Jack Blaque, and have a “love interest” chewbacca-type played by Quinn Latifer. C3puh will be all computer graphics and voiced by Robin Willyums in a Latino accent for some reason and will ALSO have a female robot “love interest,” also played by Robin Williams. R2Deetu will then refuse to appear in the film and will be replaced by an iPad. Andrew Hussy will be in it; he won’t make a cartoon, he’ll just be there himself and people will pledge money at him. In fact the whole movie will be guilt-funded through kickstarter even though the Disney gang has so much money that it can spend 4 billion on a totally solvent and profitable company on a lark. All the concept art will be done for free by “contest” entrants who get no financial stake in the anything. Also, the Pirates of the Carribbean and Harry Potta and the Witch and the Wardrobe and Lonely Island and Ron Paul and and Loki and Kony and Tony Toni Toné and a cat with imperfect command of language and an animated gif of Dr. Who and whatever else that’s popular now that Disney can buy and edit in before the premier are all going to be in it. And don’t say “This. Is. Awesome” like it’s three statements to try and slow down and prolong my exposure to your degenerative dialect. People who talk like that always think asinine mixups of “epic” trash are a good idea and that’s why we keep getting movies like Snakes on a Plain, Cowboys and Alienated Indigineous Peoples and Abraham Lincoln: Stunning Vampire.

Even if they were good I would assume they weren’t and prevent myself from watching them because they remind me of garbage off the internet. All that nonsense I just said as a joke because I believed it functioned as a joke is being pitched sincerely and having hundreds of millions of dollars invested into it because diluting the effectiveness of ridicule flung against you is evidently worth that to major movie companies. “You think my movies about sports betting, talking dogs and predictable romances are dumb, huh? Well watch me make a REALLY dumb movie that YOU can’t come up with any hypothetical thing dumber than!” We have a film industry increasingly fueled by dares. And they still make money, even when, or perhaps especially when they fail to exploit the full potential of an absurd idea, so now there’s no incentive to NOT be asinine.

I would report this as an abuse twitterer even if it WASNT a robot wasting random peoples’ time. The word “awesome” has NO MEANING because almost everything is “awesome” to some people. Or worse, “kind of awesome [guys].” I think the word you’re looking for in that case is “good” or “adequate,” and it isn’t even that!

One thing I like about the Star Wars films is the absolute absence of references to contemporary society, especially television and the internet. There is advanced scientific technology all over the place but nobody sends stupid text messages. The first Star War was waged in 1977; It would have been so easy and obvious to hire the Bee Gees to provide the soundtrack and have all the fights disco-themed. Even when George Lucas alienated/fired/imprisoned all dissenters in the company and started making goof-fests like Willow and the Star Wars prequels, he avoided linking his movies (that is, the movies themselves and not the external promotions) to junk outside of them that I hated. Can the “actual” Disney employees keep that up? Probably, but that doesn’t mean they will and I like pretending they can’t because I am compulsively contrary. I had the same fears about the recent Tintin film in something I wrote that I may or may not have posted before that last movie. I was worried he’d have an iphone and be posting facebook updates, either because facebook paid to be in the movie or because the sloths in charge thought that would make Tintin relatable, but that was mercifully not a factor in the end. One of Tintin’s strengths is that he remains relatable (provided it’s not one of the books with black people in it) even though he clearly belongs in the 1940s, and he doesn’t need to be a smug jerk and the captain doesn’t need to loudly belch and have a Scottish accent to remind people of other things that make money. Eh nobody is perfect. This imperfection makes it relatable. In the interest of awareness I should acknowledge that my spell-checking apparatus is greatly displeased by my use of “relatable.”
Still I will probably watch the sequel because I like the original property. So hopefully you can see why i need to limit the amount of properties that I like.


breaking news: Robin Williams to have supporting role in Tintin sequel following up on his terminally acclaimed performance in Star Wars 7.



March 19, 2012
It’s divided into 4 acts, reenacting the story of Headdy and his friends, fighting for their beliefs against the evil Dark Demon King in order to save the Puppet Kingdom from its self-appointed ruler.


The idea here is to show four major playing cards from a hypothetical complete set based on a theme, and I chose dangerous or lethal fruit. Fruit amuses me, as do unfortunate happenings befalling pitiful beings. A full deck might include, as opposing “suits,” dangerous vegetables, or fruit which has qualities other than danger, such as safety (throwing a lemon at a button across the room which deactivates a doomsday laser) or repulsiveness (lemons look kind of dumb). I am optimistic about the great amount of possibilities.

Regardless of some questionable design decisions and standards compliance on my part for this project, I found the Adobe Illustrator experience to be useful. It is an effective tool for making basic art look more complicated than it is.

The “apple” shape was chosen based on no research which determined apples to be the quintessential generic American fruit. I experimented with making the apple into a lit fuse bomb or a medieval spiked ball, but these were deemed to create an outline which was needlessly difficult to manage in large quantities. In the end, a simple, unaltered apple seemed best, for that allows for minimal cutting, plus the crucial element of surprise. Nobody should expect the horror that lurks on the other side. One focus group member reported being so unsettled by the experience that even the innocuous apple on the safe side began to develop fearsome attributes such as intimidating sharp teeth and devilish glowing eyes.

Pears are fired through an automatic ball-pitching machine at a tube-nosed vagabond.

A pineapple is vigourously scraped against a restrained generic lizardoid.

A watermelon is involved in a hiking accident.

A tangerine is used to soil the garment of a respectable citizen, whose gesture of shock assists a large-eared bystander in acquainting itself with a barrel of an acidic substance.

And now you know.



July 26, 2011
The country engulfed in protest – welcome sign of normalcy

Or Disgracy’s Angstgiving Malaise, if you prefer, but why would you?

Do you remember when I used to write stuff? Well I have forgotten and that is why there have been so many of these lately.

It was meant to be a response to that because I talk to myself. However, I rarely listen, so it was rather a bit over a year before it could be shown. Ordinarily, people would have stopped caring by then, but fortunately nobody cared to begin with. The only thing I got right was the bland layout.

It may strike you as decadent for one character to hog the rope belt AND the single suspender. Are you going to put up with that?

Through no deliberate thought by me the central figure (“dope”) is the most dignified looking idiot here through not having made any botched attempt to appear dignified.

And now that I have made this, what do I do with it? It has no purpose. There is no reason I should have spent so long on it. I lack even the motivation to update this page’s banner twits. The secret to online fame is to acknowledge and pay reverent homage to stuff that already exists, but that doesn’t work if it’s your own stuff, unless you referenced other stuff prior to referencing your own, and chances are people will be annoyed that you didn’t just reference the stuff you usually reference.


I didn’t say so in the past but generally these things conceal links to larger, more clear versions of themselves. I don’t actually believe that this conveys any information here on the page. I don’t believe the full size conveys much more, but it’s slightly more and that’s the amount I intend.

Most of the development for the background occurred before I had merged it with the characters, because at the image size of 20000×7000 pixels it was irritating having to deal with constant delays while I added large amounts of blurry computer paint (the fourth row is just a temporary mock-up that I have saved for some reason). Having multiple layers, then, made the situation totally unbearable. Then at some point I realized nobody would notice or care if I reduced everything to 10000×3500 and after I did, it became feasible to merge them and development escalated, now (then) that I could see where things were in relationship to each other better. The result was still an unsightly, muddy mess, but and I’ll think up a justification later.


This was removed from the space where the yellow creature eventually was placed because the character is sort of boring, and I thought it worth incorporating alternate modes of improper dress.

This was earlier removed from the same position not for looking too stupid, but I imagined this thing would not be pleased that others challenged its bow tie supremacy and would refuse to stand with them. At that point I had considered having the center dope also wearing a bow tie, which further complicated matters. I drew a new one into the background because I forgot I had made one already.

The creature elpse is mildly allergic to stripes, and so appears to merely be sneezing, rather than protesting. In fact this sneeze would have seemed to be directed away from the dope out of courtesy, which I cannot allow.

This pose was too interesting.


Of course I’m kidding. Most of these characters need to be in trash AND jail.



June 5, 2009
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston

I have an inferiority complex. I’m sure yours is better, though.

______________________________________________


People aren’t interested in civic matters. This sign was designed by a person who likes it that way. Why should I vote yes on what? This entire awareness campaign relies on the hope that nobody else invents a “no” sign. The issue of import[ance] seems to actually have been three things, increasing the town budgets for various purposes. You might figure out from my vague grasp of the proceedings and consequences that I took as much civic interest as anyone else. You might say that it is my responsibility to know for certain what is being voted on, and before that happens, but shouldn’t it also be my responsibility to make up my mind about it? See, even if the sign did what I wanted I could still complain about it! I welcome you, sign, to make a suggestion, but I do not detect the presence of a “please” or so much as a “hey why don’t you” preceding the order to get votey.


I’m guessing at least one of the votable measures passed through the thing those pass through, as the property taxes just went up suddenly, increasing to levels more befitting a town of boat-wiping, fence-raising, weed-whacking, police-calling-because-I-went-for-a-walk-during-daylight-hours connecticreeps. Unfortunately, this affects my location as well, even though we do not own a boat or a fence and if we needed to squirt our house with water for some reason would be content to use supersoaker technology or hope wet droplets start magically falling from the sky.


Oh, the plight of us peons, having to manually charge our water pistols, without strapping big jugs and model T engines to our backs, never knowing the joy of treating entire neighborhuds to 90 perpetual decibels with no regard for decency or necessity when we squirt our houses.


Note to buyers: “Bigger” Rotisserie Chicken may be same size as before, smaller than before but bigger in comparison to other products, not actually bigger than anything, or utterly non-existant. Big Y supermarket will not be held responsible for misconceptions on the part of the consumer regarding the relative size or presence of the product in question.


We additionally accept no responsibility for offering pizzas designed with California pizza standards in mind which bafflingly choose to market themselves based on that.
You, California, won’t allow gayed up marriages, but this is acceptable? The marriage of pizza and California is at least as queer as… Florida pizza.
I had a chain-fresh California pizza and I found it to be at or below the level of a frozen non-California pizza from my preferred ice pizza factory. If there are two unfortunate culinary styles, generally tolerated out of convenience, that are worth combining, I am not going to assume it is these two.



December 24, 2008
Make We Joy Now in This Fest


How many more must not be helped before you are satisfied?!

/\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\


Oddly enough, so far in this December session I haven’t even heard much of the songs I complained about the other times I complained about Christmas songs. They are determined to irritate me in new and despicable ways. It’s been a lot of “I’ll be home for Christmas but not really” and “Although it’s been said many times and many ways!” I don’t know what that one’s about because I tend not to notice it until that part. Which would be great, but then the singer just says “merry crist-mah-ozzzz to you” to me and that’s the end. It sounds like something should be there to rhyme with “ways” but it never arrives! “Ways” most likely is spoken to itself rhyme with something that came before it, but the song is so agonizingly slow and badly plotted that I forget by the time it’s supposed to happen. I believe it is something to do with excluding ninety-three year-olds from the merriness, which strikes me as rather a poor business decision by Tony Bennett with his new Christ-massing album of semisinging.


Also, apparently “Mr. Sandman” is a Christmas song now, as I heard it coming from more than one inescapable magical electric God-voice courtesy of more than one horrible band, which is what Christmas is all about.

A Destiny’s Child Christmas medley is a thing I was not previously aware of. But it is so wicked and dastardly that it ought to call itself a Smedley instead.
This the actual audio preview I found on some junky website selling a cd disk containing that track. D’s C took a simple, repetitive song with no depth and through a true Christmas miracle left it with less depth than that. And then somebody else decided that was best part. It was the worst song I heard all hour. Even after venturing through the incinerating dot-gobbling corona of a Pac Sun playing “Rock rock rock rock rock and roll high school” I considered this to be the case. Destiny needs to get her kid in line.

I understand that this Santa feller is coming. But he also is doing things besides coming. He is proofreading a spreadsheet and ordering us to conceal our emotions because evidently shedding tears for any reason at all denotes naughtiness. Santa Claus is obviously not a practitioner of Domestic Discipline, in which tears are rather the only cure for naughtiness.

Destiny Jr.’s ruindition of the reindeer song is not included on the christmas album. I am certain this has more to do with a contract than mercy. I imagine it’s supposed to be an incentive to buy the dvd of some stupid thing that’s on free television every year at about the only time of year anyone would want to watch it. “HOLIDAY EXLUSIVE” is printed in tiny little letters right at the top there. By my reckless reckoning anyone to whom prime-time advertising is a deterrent would be uninterested in, if not this show itself, at least Destiny’s incorrigible offspring warbling off yet another moany rendition of what this is intended to elaborate on and straighten the proverbial record of.

And Frosty the Snowman, evidently he’s a very. But we knew that. I only mentioned it because it reminds me of when I used to think the song about having a holly jolly Christmas in fact desired for me to have a very very Christmas. I never did.

One I’ve obviously heard before but with increased frequency this time through is Little Drummer Boy, The, the tale of the tragically abbreviated music career of Jake “The Snake” Roberts.

What’s important is that due to its alleged actual Christianity content you tend to get a slightly more reserved set of people than usual singing it, or when it’s the usual cash-munching whorbies they momentarily pretend to have dignity, and what they’re singing is “pah rumpappum pum.” I just thought you should know.


Stop him! He’s getting away!

Bah, I forgot what I was talking about.


Oh, that’s right. be sure to get your anthropomorphic drag queen fruit spayed and neutered plus whatever further measures you deem necessary.



December 1, 2008
We have come to challenge you, in mortal kombat.

I remember, a few weeks ago, there was this big News headline to the effect of “Jolie disses Aniston” above all other things and I was utterly baffled by it but not curious enough to attempt reading it. Even now that I accidentally deleted the last month of pictures I saved off of websites I remember it, but only because I dictated an angry complaint through my fingers to my keyboard about it.


Sure, the “news” service had “yahoo” in its name… in fact “yahoo” was its name, but apparently we’re not supposed to consider that any more than we are meant to associate selectively non-naked rain forest ladies who battle Grimace-esque Draculas with the sale of books.



Here, though, is a totally different diss-themed headline involving the popular kids. Nevermind why, nevermind when, just know that it happened, and somebody with a better google rank than me noticed.

Boysenberry! Ambush!

Ah hass! Reinforcements!


I don’t even remember why I came in here.

Who are these people? Have they nothing better to do than exchange disses?
What are disses? If you actually read some of the stories attached to these titles, the “diss” invariably turns out to be something utterly trivial and unworthy of bringing to so many peoples’ attentionses. Capcom did not “diss” X-Box, as much as I’m sure it could stand to be dissed once in a while. Somebody employed by Captaincommando expressed a concern for the state of the former Box’s online service but in such a way that suggests he expects it to improve. This did not need a graphic. No obliterating blue fireball was thrown. Use of diplomacy suggests a desire to avoid dissing. Not disrespectful in the least!

Great Moments in History
November 30, 2008:
Roneldo Disses Disses

This is of even less consequence than that time Danny Devito choke-slammed Presidente Bush
through a table and bashed him with a steel ring bell.

Just jolly Jolie herself has achieved Paris Hilton levels of mention-on-tv-without-justification-ability simply for, as far as I can figure out without specifically looking her up, adopting a couple kids. Isn’t it good to adopt children? Isn’t that preferable to them not having parents? Even if the new parents happen to be diss-drunk doibydickleses? I’m sure Joliebean was in some movies at some point, but either I never saw them or did and just didn’t find anything about her particularly memorable. Eh, eh, I’m receiving a transmission… I hear that she has fat lips. Is that it? I’ve seen people with big lips on screens before.


And then at some point she was acquainted through the six-syllable name club with Jennifer Aniston, who also supposedly did something, but now they hate each other for some reason, and it’s assumed that I know that. Actually, I’m sad to admit that I figured out right before The Friends Show was canceled or whatever that Anniston was on it. And Matt Leblanc, Matt Perry or Luke Perry was also on it and oh, such good times they had. I either need to stop watching television or watch a rumproastload more of it.

A helpful robot provided me with this. It is everything I need to know. I wish I could have Jack Perkins read it to me.

I’ve been hearing about Angelina Jolie and Brad Petunia for… maybe 8 years now? I seriously don’t think about them. I don’t find jokes about them funny. They have failed to matter even in a mocking way within muh mind. They’re barely boring.


I
seriously just [three months ago] saw Bradd Pitt in an ad for a movie with Brad Pitt in it and couldn’t figure out who he was. I eventually settled on Val Kilmer, TV’s Madmartigan/Air Bite Guy From Top Gun before being corrected by onscreen text that it was the Pitt fellow I’d heard so much about.

Oh, much longer than so! I would never forget! We madmarted before, and we will madmartigan.



September 24, 2008
SOCKAMAGEE! I’M A CANDY SUPER-HERO — KING KANDY!

I had planned an important Popeye update, but other things have come up.

For some reason I only have until the first week of October to design and complete a christmas “holiday” card this year for whoever I did it for last year, and for some other reason the person who was supposed to tell me that didn’t and so I just found out today. The last time I saw that person was August 29, and of course Christmas Season doesn’t start until August 31. I don’t have much time to think of and consider ideas, so if any person happens to see this within a reasonable period I would appreciate input as to which of these seems the most usable. Otherwise, just laugh at my inefficient creative process and annual failure to empathize.
Last year’s cards are eventually mentioned here.


1 “Nemitz” misunderstands the point of exchanging presents and offers up “Mortimewde” (bow tie animal) to “Elpse” instead of a cartoon giftwrapped box. This doesn’t work primarily because nobody would know that horrible monster always wears a big bow tie ribbon and secondarily for other reasons.
On a less pressing note, is it stranger for the elpse imp to wear a coat and no pants (with shirt left to mystery) or for it to be fully clothed but the nemitz [fur-covered] one nude except for a scarf? Or should they both be fully clothed? It seems odd to do that. And yet it also seems a shame to waste an opportunity to put silly accessories on them.


2 and 3 essentially the same, but the circumstances differ.
In a proper version, the first would more obviously present the idea of a little, pitiful ice pond surrounded by non-navigable terrain. In the second, I wonder if it’s scientifically feasible to freeze your own wading pool, and without destroying it. And if you could do this, why not ice down the road? I don’t know enough to assume ice-skates would not properly grasp such a thin layer of it. And yes, if I go ahead with this I fully intend to use my neighbors’ house as a model. Oddly enough it’s easier to use that than my own but that’s not even why.
I suppose I could always just use the old picture these would be follow-ups to because it hasn’t been publically displayed at all.


6 And so we see there is no shortage of pitiful places to not skate. This is on a beach, in case you aren’t familiar with the international symbol of monochrome sand texture, random black dots. The only other major distinguishing feature of the local beach I can think of is a big black rubber pipe that connects to the septic system or something and I am not sure how normal it is to have one of those (but I included it anyway). I thought this particular scene might not “connect” with people outside “connecticut,” but then I realized that it doesn’t have to because these won’t be for sale, probably even outside New Haven, if anywhere.


4 The Riddler hangs question mark candy canes on a deliberately christmas style tree. Not incredibly inventive but it would look so stupid that it might work. I just wouldn’t feel proper charging people money for a picture I made with The Riddler central to it. Also, I would have to learn to draw The Riddler. That could hold things up. I assure you The Riddler will be wearing pants in any event. Suspenders could hold things up.


5 We seem to be one ski short.
I keep thinking people associate ice skating with christmas more than skiing. And yet this seems off with skates. Regardless, the joke is a bit weak because bombs are funnier (and curiously, easier to relate to) than tails are. The same moral question as before applies to the clothing. If I made this I would probably reverse the creature’s positions. My personal “preview” pictures are often backwards, I’ve noticed. I usually notice in time to do something about it.
I suspect people would much rather buy something that featured pog (the irrelevant middle figure) than the other two but eh.

——————

It occurs to me that none of these are things anybody would want send to someone, certainly not in observance of a federal holiday, but it didn’t when I posted them here. Obviously. My Veterans Day cards, lacking any traditionally associated weather conditions, will be even less relevant.

——————-

And this immediately after I accused people of being impulsive in their need to exhibit visually unimpressive rubbish and demand attention for it. The main difference is that I feel like a terrible person whatever happens.


This would work better as the second or third in a sequence.
Maybe in the first the foreground imp finds a big lump of snow and decides to shape spheres from it, and only in the second is the background scheme revealed. But I will do what I have to do once I figure out what that is.

I wondered if freezing water in balloons was possible, and it is, and supposedly people do throw them at each other sometimes, though they may prefer to remove the balloon from the ice first. Ah ha! But nemitz is such a dumb scoundrel it did not realize the water would freeze, ha ha? Iygm, what am I doing? Maybe those creatures are the problem. Would anybody even want to commemorate their favorite Jesus Day with wicked smiling servants of Satan, these frightful yak-beasts from the foulest depths of eternal suffering? Of course they would not give me decent inspiration.

——————————


It was suggested to me that I do something like this. Hopefully it will be deemed acceptable by whoever is intended to accept it.

======================equal signs this time

I was not able to discuss the terms of the image with the other party and I know it won’t be available again until Monday, and so, in the absence of official, external doubt, I spent much of this day (this day being Friday, and not the Wednesday the above date seems to suggest) constructing a prettier version of the possibility immediately above here.

And yet I keep thinking that one was a bad idea and that no one will like it. Which is normal, but generally that is in regards to things that I just make because I feel like making them.
Perhaps this will be my own personal Adventures of Pluto Nash. It would be nice to think things could not get worse. The down[er] side to that would be that only the likes of Norbit and Meat Dave remain in my future, and I don’t have a never ending avalanche of Shreck Bucks to support my life’s pursuit of worthless art.



November 6, 2007
Stop! At the green! …For a pile of gasoline.


I’m glad the writer guildists of America went on a strike. I’m tired of television. I’m tired of being compulsively tied to things which no longer interest me all that much. I wish the internet would go on strike, too. I’m busy. And tired. As I said.
Ordinarily, shows come on and I panic horribly if I do not see them, even if failing to do so affects my life not a bit. I’ll discuss the shameful, shamful implementation of “complete episodes online!” some other time than this. Maybe if that magic electric box leaves me alone for a while I’ll form a proper complaint. But I’ll tell you I suffer watching TV shows on time, and for the only free alternative to be so cruel is not nice.

Yea, one can buy programs pressed on to the deeveedies at the end of a season, usually, always, now, but then I have to pay money and then I have to find a place for them and I’ll only ever watch them once if ever and oh oh oh it’s magic if I find a solution that works.
I certainly don’t like the idea of people losing their jobs, but they aren’t doing that. They want their jobs to be better. I don’t regard it as a tragic contradiction of life that mine can only be better while theirs have difficulties because I’m just a bit weak right now. I’ll be better. Some day.

You must be thinking that I really like reality tv! If you’re any of the people who have been paid to write about this, because they always go with that angle. But it is actually the opposite! With actual thought now out of the question, I, in theory, no longer have any reason to watch television! Or at least no reason to feel compelled to! So liberating!

But oh how I hate the “expect more reality tv” line. First of all, don’t give in to that awful inaccurate label. I’ll never penetrate my mind with it. You take people specifically chosen for their personality defects, place them into goofy, phony situations, divide them into arbitrary groupings and make them compete in bizarre contests that have nothing to do with anything and you continue to call it “reality.” Ugh agh egh. And even though they’re competing, rather than defeating each other they stand in a line and then some other dork who’s supposedly better but never bothers proving it walks up and then gets rid of one, eventually, but only one. Sometimes they tell me I voted for it, but I didn’t and beside that the fact remains that an unseen external party ultimately made the decision. And sometimes that’s the way actual reality (I should never have had to make such a distinction) is, but I suspect even that’s rigged. I’ve told you 75% of my audience is advertising robots, haven’t I? I’ve additionally observed that “real” reality often lacks a clear winner. If I block every prescription drug name from comments and lock every item the robots comment on, I don’t feel any better. Then I start worrying that Todd Rundgren or Kopiu J. Plimpton or Bacon Wethersfield want to have a serious and earnest discussion with me about Fioricet but saw that they were unable to do so and moved on.

My second issue: Don’t assume I’ll watch that! I’m not more likely to view that which legally qualifies as nonfiction just because there’s more of it. I am curious as to who, if not writers, have the task of devising the nonsensical, irrelevant tasks and gimmicks that comprise reality these days. But not so much that I’ll watch these actual events in the world transpire, with the hoping of glimpsing at a few pertinent end credits. Perhaps they are the same writers, who aren’t affected in this instance merely because most of reality happened during the Summer but needed time to be edited and to wait for the Fall broadcast season. I wish someone would take a few months and edit my reality to be more entertaining. I could use a break from that, too. Also, we must give the contestants sufficient distance to prepare for a special reunion show at the game-like-thing’s conclusion. Why would they want to reunite if they’d just parted, and supposedly hated each other the whole while?



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