April 30, 2008

I’m sick, ill, infirm, putrescent of “what happens in vegas stays in vegas.” First of all, Las Vegas is horrible. Second, it has billions of money so it doesn’t need you hyping it by paraphrasing its tourism slogan all the time. Thoid, that’s not even the line. It’s “what happens here, stays here. Figure it out! Grah! I know that and I hate that! Why don’t you, you people who say that? Oh, and there’s some dumb movie coming out called “What happens in Vegas.” No! Incomplete sentence, inaccurate reference, stupid everything! I want to punch Vegas in the nose.



There’s one, anyway. Super!

(Except “vegas” actually means something like “fertile valleys” and those lack noses so my struggle must continue).

I wish stupid ads and Elvis songs and country music awards plus all applicable broadcast signals would stay in Vegas. We should build a steel dome around it. It would be like the world’s largest tin-foil helmet, except made of steel. You can’t legally grind up and smoke some leaves to give yourself a bit of the unconditional euphoria life has denied you, but you can give $3000 to some dipe-wipe because you lost… not even lost, just didn’t win a five second card game, and live the rest of your life surrounded by popular media suggesting you must have had a grand old good time.

Perhaps tonight’s edition of Lewis Black’s Root of all Evil featuring Las Vegas versus The Human Body even though that makes no sense will address my issues. It never does, but if I tell you it won’t then it will for the first time just to make me look stupid. It seems unaware that I make myself look stupid!

It does make me mad, though. The commentary rarely extends beyond the accepted common knowledge aspects of the topics, which we’ve already been hearing jokes about, in some instances, for over ten years. Your honor, Viagra makes stuff happen and the people who buy it are old. Well I know that! You’ll devote a program to claiming that’s evil? Why not mention the health issues related to reckless reckreational idiot users, the innumerable scamming rip-off products, many of which don’t work at all, and the never-ending insidious creepy advertising in the most insidious creepy places created to sell the ineffective scamming ripoffs? Because that’s not funny? Or because you don’t actually want to truly condemn anything, despite labeling them as roots of “evil,” and risk alienating sponsors/sponsor patrons? No, it’s probably just apathy. I just like thinking there are conspiracies everywhere. Yes, like. Sometimes that’s the only hope I have.

And yet, I’m actually still seeing that awful Christmas Enzyte ad. Like right now, projected on the backs of my eyelids when I blink. But I also saw it on the tv yesterday, and at 8:30pm, when I venture to assume normal people could see it. Who, at this point, is paying for the ad, and who, at this point, is paying for the product? Sometimes I think it’s me who’s paying for this. Nothing makes sense. I believe it was the great poet Lanny Poffo who once said ARRRRRRHGHGJGHGJH NOISE LAWNMOWERS AND CHAINSAWS GO BACK TO CAPISTRANO AND TAKE YOUR DECADENT DIRTY MACHINES WITH YOU, YOU SMIRKING SILENCE PIRATES!


I’m glad somebody is taking action at last!
Even if it is in a fifty year old comic book I can’t read!

You know where these things are sold in English? India, by Jove! What am I supposed to do about that? Call technical support and have someone read them to me? And, and… “Fon tassio?” Since when? Time for punishment!

Don’t let it happen again.

Need more data.



15 Responses
  1. 1
    8:43 am, May 1, 2008

    mariella ellaaaaaaaa sez:

    Brendanstein –

    I have like, 6 friends here. Half of them are majoring in Animation and Video Game Design here at USC. I showed them your cartoons and they love them. My friend Wyatt said that you have a really unique style, and he thought your flash animations were very funny.

    I wish these kids had websites so I could show you their artwork, because most of them are very talented as well.

    I didn’t forget about making me an album cover by the way! I just haven’t recorded anything worth packaging yet but I’m hoping to do so this summer.

    Hopefully see you sometime after I get back next week! (YAY! NO MORE STINKY LOS ANGELES!)

    – Mariella

  2. 2
    2:30 am, May 2, 2008

    Splachtempf sez:

    I admit I’ve been out of the video game loop; in a different zip code in fact for ten years… do Americans have any business teaching video game design? I shall hope that they do.

    I shall also hope the friend-expressed opinions are valid. Indeed, I appreciate anyone with the integrity to resist getting a deviant-art page, even in the absence of a proper online display venue. Those things are bad news.

    re: seeing me: that would certainly be a change. I could grow antlers and it would be weeks before anyone realized it, and probably only from hearing me scrape through doorways late at night.

  3. 3
    5:59 pm, May 3, 2008

    mariella ellaaaaaaaa sez:

    Nah, no way……if you grew antlers I’d be calling you up ASAP to go buck some fools, for fun. In fact – Let me know if you ever do. Could come in handy.

    Jusssssst kidding.

    Keep putting up the Batman comics. Which, by the way, do you know by chance where I can go online to read the original series without having to pay $1,000,000,000,000,000 for such a privaledge?

    Thank you Brendanstein.

  4. 4
    2:03 pm, May 4, 2008

    Splachtempf sez:

    This isn’t quite reading them online, but if you have a torrent tracker installed and a few hundred megabytes to spare, http://www.h33t.com/details.php?id=ee1b9063619dd5a447640ac664ee40953c25a951
    should be helpful. The actual torrent file is between the needlessly animated glowing red arrows (and not the needlessly animated white arrows). If your screen starts to turn into a giant atrocious ad you can click your browser’s “home” button and then go back. I usually only get it after three pages, though.
    Batman is also known to have appeared in the Detective Comics line, but I don’t know which aside from 27, the issue he debuted in prior to having his own separate book-thing. It’s only six pages and very typical of the sort of comics that would be packaged with other unrelated things in 1939.
    There’s a torrent for those here, but I could probably upload just that one story as separate pages easily enough.
    Do let me know if you’re baffled by torrents, as I once was. I’d hate to explain it stupidly and find out you already know everything.

  5. 5
    7:22 pm, May 4, 2008

    mariella ellaaaaaaaa sez:

    I’m in love with torrents, actually! I’m gonna invite you to the best site in the world: demonoid.com

    I just have to get an invite for ya. I know I have em somewhere…….

    And thanks for the link! i’ll start downloading them.

    I gotta be careful with downloading stuff here though, they’ll fine you/take away your internet. Its realllllll gayyyy. Luckily i’m out of here for good in a few days though.

    But one time I had to be confronted by a fat dork with a lisp sitting behind a computer desk in a sketchy basement with the door closed and they asked me: “Why do we detect more than 2gb of downloaded material from your IP address??”

    I sat there, fearing for my life.

    lol.

    – Mariella

  6. 6
    7:55 pm, May 4, 2008

    Splachtempf sez:

    Truly, demonoid’s might is great (aside from the totally broken ratio system). I found a These Green Eyes House of Glass torrent there. I couldn’t decide if that was a good or bad thing.

    When “we” were putting the jope play together at Gateway community College, I downloaded some Super Nintendo spcs on a computer there to steal bits of music from. Later, some ignorant yet evidently qualified croop from the official computer department came along, deleted the spcs plus I swear some other things completely unrelated and reported to his master that I was downloading video games. It made me mad! I’ll always remember that Dr. Kerin Kelsey, whose computer I was using, actually stuck up for my right to download video games, fa ha. But that isn’t even what I did! Bah.

  7. 7
    9:58 pm, May 4, 2008

    mariella ellaaaaaaaa sez:

    People are starved for authority! What they don’t realize is that I have all if it…….

    Just kidding.

  8. 8
    1:18 pm, March 18, 2010

    Pharmc529 sez:

    Hello! ddbedkc interesting ddbedkc site!

  9. 9
    1:18 pm, March 18, 2010

    Pharmd429 sez:

    Very nice site!

  10. 10
    4:19 am, May 18, 2010

    Hotel Albena sez:

    I come up bearing an olive department in sole round of applause, and the self-determination fighter’s gun in the other. Do not hindrance the olive offshoot capitulate from my hand.

    Hotel Albena
    http://hotelalbena.webs.com/ – Hotel Albeana

  11. 11
    2:58 am, August 19, 2010

    car sez:

    Hello!

  12. 12
    11:07 am, August 19, 2010

    Frubaklop sez:

    Howdy!

  13. 13
    11:33 am, August 23, 2010

    Erectile_Dysfunction sez:

    Hello!

  14. 14
    9:06 pm, December 24, 2010

    Mavis sez:

    Blah Blah what is this Poop

  15. 15
    1:14 pm, December 27, 2010

    Preflubmrinkt sez:

    This is not the Mavis we know and love.

feed comments.

Sorry, the comment form is apologizing at this time. Which probably means I got tired of deleting robot comments off this post. It is unfortunate, but generally very few actual people have anything to say to me.

Nobody I know has a website anymore

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them`s fightin` woids: September 23, 2020
Charmlatan sez:
You owe your loyal readers an omelet!
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They would not fit in the frame, so I could not show the irrelevant Yibrick grabbing them!...
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I can’t believe we were robbed of a machine with a crown of eggs. Delicious,...
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The snake looks like it’s scheming.
August 30, 2020
Charmlatan sez:
Maybe choose the one with the cowboy hat?
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