I wouldn’t want to use internet inside a place that smells like a Subway Restaurants. I don’t think I could go inside anyway after Jared caught me spying on him. Actually, it feels more like he’s spying on me and that’s worse.

Relevant to the televised material I recently, illogically feared being wronged by: I appreciate that Saturday Night Live’s legendary expensive, pointless, sketch-ruining guest star budget saw fit to bring in a harmless, w-list goof like former pornography mogul Jared Fogle, but it still would have been funnier if they just cast some random dork wearing glasses in the part. As it would have been with William Shatner, just not necessarily with the glasses. Really, how much is NBC paying Darrel Hammond to appear in one sketch per show? I don’t think I’ve even heard Bella Corolli speak on more than four occasions in the last 12 years; anybody could have done that impression and I wouldn’t have known how accurate it was. I think Hammond may actually just have been hired into the cast the last time this guy was considered relevant enough to put in a sketch. That’s how long ago it was. I like funny impressions more than supposedly accurate ones, anyhow. But even then there’s only so much Regis Philbin, real or otherwise, that is tolerable.

I didn’t see this week’s (now last week’s) because through some unusual for me circumstances I was instead watching the film Waking Life, which has successfully displaced Harry Nilsson’s The Point as the most boring movie I’ve ever seen. However, I had a picture I wanted to use for that complaint, and having occupied a bit over five eighths of my allotted, purchased web space has somehow managed to fill it beyond capacity and I can upload no more files without first deleting others (ftp access gives a more concise “disk full” explanation) and I’ll probably have to spend a week filing official complaints, after which, assuming I am successful, in the company of winners like American Carol and Beverly Hills Chihuahua, an underexposed art-ish film from six years ago won’t seem like such a big deal.

Clearly, I am a tremendous drain on resources.

As long as I mentioned THAT program, here’s something from six months ago. At the time I was of the opinion that I mentioned that I watched that show and that it bothered me too often. Evidently I still do. Let us hope this is the end of that. Let us also hope I become independent enough that I no longer need to ask permission to have hope.

March 8, 2008, I even dated it because I anticipate forgetting about things now.

Did you see this Saturday Live Night sketch? I did, but I did not understand. It makes no sense whatsoever if you don’t also watch Project Runway every single week -notwithstanding the intense irony of me saying this in the context of another tv program lots of people don’t watch-, because all it’s doing is imitating someone who was on Project Runway. Not even in the context of making fun of the show, just someone who acted realitied on it getting a spin-off show. Beyond the idea “yah, I guess they do just give shows to random oafs and hope it works,” there is no joke. The focal person just says “tranny” and “hot mass” or something a lot. It’s fully possible to assume this is a essennell “original character” in the Dana Carvey tradition except Kristen Wiig isn’t doing it. I know about Project Runway because my mother always watches the popular shows before I find out they’re popular. I’d never heard of House MD, at all, and then one day my mother is watching it and another day he’s the avatar of everybody on deviant-art. Remind me to tell you about deviant art some time.

There was another sketch about Daniel Plainview from the feature film There Will be Blood. If you haven’t seen the movie, it’s not funny and just seems random. And if you have seen the movie, it’s kind of stupid. If you see the sketch and THEN see the movie, you’ll probably get annoyed at suddenly realizing “oh, THAT’s what that meant. Ha ha?” Guess which I did! And the popcorn was less than satisfactory, too. These sketches literally have no value to somebody who doesn’t obsesively keep up with every stupid new movie and tv show because there is so very little to the sketches outside of imitation. They cannot stand on their own and will make no sense in a year. A program that sells its reruns for decades afterward should be more conscious of that.

I liked when Will Ferrell would be Haray Caray or Robert Goulet or somebody I, and presumably most of the audience, knew nothing about and make such fools of himself as them that I wanted to know who they were. The current showmasters just give the cast tapes of celebrities and say “here, do this.” Fred Armisen, who actually looks and sounds funny when he’s talking normally as himself, seems to almost be in pain as Barack O’Bama, just because he’s trying so hard to sound like Baraq Obomma I believe he eventually stopped but in March he hadn’t. I think sometimes these people forget that they’re putting on a comedy show and not a Las Vegas wedding.

I’m not going to say “time to cancel the show” because I’ve probably said that before and there’s always some yahoo saying “OK, NOW’s the time.” No, dorf. It was time in 1994, it was time in 1998, it was time in 2005. This show is an incumbent senator. Jay Leno will be forced off the air for good before this show will, and that will probably only happen when he dies at 109 50 years from now. It will have to be really bad for really long before it gets cancelled. It’s recovered so many times people expect it to recover.

And don’t forget (unless your mental wellbeing requires it) all the home/office/youtube “comedians” who thrive on emulating the trashiest aspects of the program, who’ve never had a creative thought their entire lives, who see the Saturday Night Living as “institution” and buy the best-ofs on dvd and say to themselves “if it’s on Essennell it must be funny! It’s a comedy showww!” Until THEY stop watching, it will endure. Until they rush to the “MadTV vs. SNL” topic they started on imdb.com and switch their vote and change their arguments into “this message has been deleted”s, it will go on.

Unless you vote now!

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The time was insufficient, but I successfully lobbied for more days. So.

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I only have a day remaining [to complete a christmascard picture] and I fear it will be insufficient for my needs. I have special needs.

I need to correct the feet of the purple thing and the green thing, make the red one look less constipatory, figure out the background some more, decide if I absolutely must designate every aluminium siding piece, possibly place a string of tacky lights along the house-edge thing, and ideally keep myself from finding anything else wrong with it that seems fixable. If you have a helpful suggestion that’s not hard to implement eh I should have asked yesterday. I’m not into that whole whip in progress or whatever it is sort of thing. That’s not professional. And usually I’d say “neither am I” but massively jpg-exporting, uploading and image-code-entering unfinished rubbish seems like a fairly easy thing to not do. In this case I just don’t like having gripes about dumb tv shows at the top of my page, if anywhere. Ooh I’ve seen several people claim that horizontally flipping an image can be heap big helpful in correcting vague errors. I don’t like flipping so I just rotated the thing and hopefully that’s enough. And I don’t think I’ve turned it back around yet.

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