The votes have been counted and the people have spoken, if we understand “speech” to mean the minimal blackening of selected regions on paper sheets:
By decreel of 5,419 versus 4,987 opinion units, Madison will not be getting a new library. Better luck next time, Scranty! It may yet be seen how the unavailability of red ink pens in addition to instructions to fill ovals rather than make check marks within squares affected the validity of would-be yes votes.
In retrospect, the plan to renovate the library into a dinkity model was perhaps misguided. How was anybody going to fit in there?
Bimshwel.com/index.php would, however, like to congratulate
Jerry Espenson on making partner at the law firm of Crane Poole and Schmidt. We were with you all the way, Jerry!
Additionally we extend the heartiest, most nutritious of welcomes to
president-elect Oprah Winfrey. We loves ya, Opey!
Finally, in perhaps the biggest news of all, it brings us great joy to herald the arrival of
Mobil Mart’s new breakfast burrito. It’s about time you guys replaced that thing! It was starting to get an attitude. If there is nothing else, I would very much like to get back to poking what I presume with my complete lack of anatomical competence is a swollen superior deep cervical lymph gland, which may indicate syphilis. Good night and good mandible.
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A victory potato sez:
I always disliked the name “Scranton”. It sounds like a skin disease. Possibly a skin disease contracted from scrod. I think this was probably the most important factor in defeating the above-mentioned library initiative.
Tina Thompson sez:
Hey, I think it is great you make the time to do these. They are very helpful. Hope you are having fun.
A. Hamster sez:
Mr. Oprahrest was on the Show today. In person, too! Not via hologram.
I too am excited about the new breakfast burrito. This is change we can believe in (to date I have been having a hard time believing they change the burritos in the machine at night.)
Beanbiebklar sez:
Potato: Fortunately, I did not know there was a thing called scrod to associate scrantin’ with, quite despite my use of the exclamatory phrase “oh scrod” several time units ago, and also looking up the word before I did. You are probably right in your hypothesis: in a community like this one, many residents have lived through several wars and do not forget so easily.
Teetee: I wish more of my robots were as polite and optimistic as you.
Hamster: By “the Show” I assume you mean the Oprah Winfrey Show and not some generically titled government program we will all soon be required to watch under the terms of the Obey paranoia I’ve seen in some more McCainy parts of the internet. I hope the person had something to converse about beyond being an Oprahrest.
I like thinking this hologram technology has been around for a year or two now but was deemed too special to not get a special election day debutante ball.
I wonder if the old burrito was forced out or if it was sufficiently evolved by the time of its deposition to have left on its own.
A. Hamster sez:
Yes. “The Show”, for the moment, is not required viewing. At least not until Oprah announces that one of her new “Favorite Things” is One World Government.
Mr. Oprahrest did have a few things to say, unfortunately none of them stuck with me. For all I know it was something about his previous life as the old burrito.