November 8, 2008


Most of us like to believe that the Obama election will prove to be a comparatively good thing for United Statia, and therefore the whole world which must deal with that, but I don’t like that he’s giving birds ideas. And my disapproval comes not from there being a lone brown bird among a gang of grey birds. What it comes down to is just that birds are not entitled to ideas. Look at them, hopping around on rocks all day. You’re missing the point, birds! They’re like lizards with feathers. I can’t stand it. And then a more important issue arises:

I don’t have a problem with there being a brown bird, just one that seems to think it is a duck. Guess what, bird! You’re not a duck! You’re just a regular, dumb old bird. Why would you want to be a duck? Birds which are not ducks but think they are must not be tolerated under any circumstances. They have lost that privilege. This bird needs to stop using the existence of racism as an excuse for it to act like a duck without consequences.

Try and imagine my uncontrollable discontent when I see a bird, glance away momentarily and suddenly it has no legs. And is floating toward a place it could easily have flown to. What a decadent bird! Why do we allow them to have so many methods of transportation? I would suggest making it an honorary duck, but I don’t like to imply that such a wasteful scoundrel is in any way honorable, nor that any duck could potentially be. And in fact upon reexamination I realize this bears no similarity whatsoever to Tuesday’s vote results. Thinking about ducks breaks my mind, sometimes. Now it only remains for me to decide whether to seek monetary damages or revenge.

Related news: on a previous occasion which might be documented directly below this occasion depending on your local listings, I used the subject line “His chair goes up, his chair goes down, the dentist is my pal” and followed that immediately with a picture showing, in part, NEMITZ in a chair of the sort one might expect to be adjustable. I would like at this time to clarify that NEMITZ is not licensed to perform dental work and more importantly not my or hopefully anyone else’s “pal.” Additionally I would not refer to nemitz with such a specific, personifying pronoun as “he” because the thing does not deserve it and may not meet the qualifications, besides. I decline to more closely examine this situation.

The suggestion that I pal around with nemitz is absurd, irresponsible, and perhaps just a bit offensive. Nemitz is my nemitsis. Arrrgh, I’ll throw a tugboat at nemitz. I think we appeared on the same season of Temptation Island together but that’s it. And this story that I attended a fund-raising event at nemitz’s house is the most ridiculous of all. Nemitz does not have a house. Nemitz lives in an abandoned Geo out in a field somewhere and besides that we didn’t raise much money anyway.

Never-you-mind dental work, I’m not even sure nemitz is licensed to be nemitz. A proposition was recently approved in eleven states making it illegal to be nemitz. Being a dope is illegal in all 50, but one must keep in mind that it’s a lot easier to ban every dope than to specifically ban nemitz. I consider it a victory for democracy.

You don’t want to get to a point where you’re asking people at the borders “are you nemitz?” While sure, nemitz would be dumb enough to respond favorably were nemitz smart enough to say something resembling “yes,” it would be a hassle for everyone else.

5 Responses
  1. 1
    11:03 am, November 9, 2008

    The Iron Curtain sez:

    Surely Nemitz is at least Elpse’s pal.

    When I was a wee lad, I used to think that fund-raisers were in fact known as “fun-raisers”. ‘Twould seem I was far from the only one, as years later when I entered [Rock n’ Roll] high school, there existed some sort of extra-curricular group which would periodically increase its capital by hocking boxes of donuts bearing the words “FUND Raiser”. Personally, I always thought it somewhat inappropriate to refer to any food product as “fun”. Ideally such an item should be pleasant, of course, but “fun” suggests a far more active engagement than the semi-passive activity of eating really seems to merit. I’ll give McDonald’s old “Food, Folks and Fun” slogan a pass, though, if only because most of the associated restaurants feature a so-called “playplace” which could serve to fill the last requirement. Mind, at the time, I actually thought the words were “Food Folks are fun”, the Food Folks in question being the various McDonald’s mascots, most of whom are associated in some way or another with a food product, and who are normally portrayed as being quite the merry bunch. In retrospect, this may have actually been a more effective slogan than the one ultimately used.

  2. 2
    11:47 am, November 10, 2008

    Beanbiebklar sez:

    I can’t think of much to say to that. That sort of thing is really more suited to appear by itself or at least as an official rebuttal beyond the comment form. I could send you to the administration page but you’d probably be better off just having your own website, as this one is going noweah. I perhaps should talk to Mike Gravel as well, but he seemed upset so I won’t.
    And this doesn’t have any mechanism installed to differentiate between multiple post-making persons. I think there was but I removed the code because it seemed pointless to have everything say “by mupe” next to it. And you saw how well I handled the comment preview issue.

    Sometimes when I want to leave a comment like that elsewhere I just don’t and use it here instead. Or at least I did a few times and then I forgot that I wanted to do that and went back to leaving big comments that baffled people but that I suddenly felt bad about replicating here.

  3. 3
    9:03 am, November 11, 2008

    The Titanium Venetian Blinds sez:

    I’m pretty sure I’ve been legally barred fom administering anything–websites, medication, justice, the lot. As far as my own website goes, I doubt I’d have sufficient content therefor. I’m pretty sure I still have a journal I hardly ever update, even though I’ve been meaning to document another round of lavatory graffitos for weeks now. It was much easier back before my audience disappeared–not merely because one is more likely to fell obligated to post something when there’s somebody around to read it, but also because the system of mutual journalizing and back-feeding served to keep one intellectually engaged and provide an ever fresh source of inspiration. I think all the cool kids migrated to MySpace, though, as that allows for far greater attention seeking without the implied necessity of content.

    As for the comments, I think the lack of differentiation between posters is rather a good thing. It’s far more entertaining to constantly adopt new pseudonyms and/or personas. I also think it serves to foster a spirit of freedom and egalitarianism, which is an important thing in any forum for exchange of ideas. Preview wouldn’t be a bad thing, though. Despite my best efforts, I always seem to overlook at least one error in each one of my comments.

  4. 4
    12:46 pm, November 11, 2008

    Ralkbeibnaeb sez:

    Oh, these names are fine. I meant on a non-comment. I seem to recall the template I altered originally denoting a post author where it now does not. Since it seemed to me I would be writing them all, that would be redundant and egotistical. But if I need reminding, in the adminstering zone, in the upper right page corner is always the text “Howdy, Beanbiebklar. [Sign Out, My Profile].”
    I can change my name, for the purposes of comments; my “real” name is mupe but my “nickname” is not nick but in fact malleable and is all anyone sees; therefore I can be identified however I wish, but I need to go to the Users page and alter that. If I only want it changed temporarily, it can be manipulated in any comment it appears with. Indeed I can change everyone’s names but so far I have only touched myself in this manner.

    Re: audience, surely you could find a new one. I wouldn’t know where, but a lot of other people seem to.

    While there appears to be a comment preview function now, I cannot guarantee it won’t lie with regard to the bits of code this system so enjoys to masticate upon before putting into operation

  5. 5
    2:29 am, April 17, 2011 sez:

    Bimshwel.. Huh, really? :)

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them`s fightin` woids: February 13, 2020
Frimpinheap sez:
don’t let me stop you!
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Dewd sez:
ON that globetrotters thing under all-new I wanted to wright Shitting the limits..
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That is such a great question that I would not wish to foul it with an answer.
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Why doo yo sy h=g=how to kill a sexy dood?
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Righto, now it’s live!
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