May 19, 2013

Tuesday: alas, my inability to fulfill my hope is not irregular at all.
==============================================
I shall return to my regular quarters on Tuesday. Hopefully that will permit me to resume irregularity.
==============================================
May 27, no major dope news to report.

==============================================

I recently was looking through some of the sketchbook pages I had computer-scanned up to now, and came across a letter I had quite some while ago sent to somebody after also scanning. Included in the letter, and perhaps the reason i am no longer on any terms with the recipient, was a tiny drawing in the lower left corner. Since i thought i might want to investigate the image more thoroughly later without having to be reminded of the awful words, I cropped the image and saved it seperately. Without thinking (its subject matter made thought unwelcome) i named it “captaindope.png.” This morning (February 13) it suddenly struck me:
CAPTAIN DOPE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

Who gave it that rank? Who commissioned it? Who promoted it? Why is it such a prestigious naval officer? captain dope outranks Lieutenant Dan!

I am not personally fond of Forrest Gump or his film but I sympathize with Lieutenant Dan, especially when his orders come down the line directly from captain dope. Forrest Gump has many skills by accident. The dope has NO SKILLS on PURPOSE (with NO purpose). I would NEVER obey ONE order that came from captain dope. If IT ordered me to not jump off the ship that is preccisely what I would do! And no, captain dope is not smart enough to utilize reverse psychology. It isn’t smart enough for most things. Its only ability is to stand there and smile. and by the way if I stayed on board I would go over the waterfall.
Who put the dope in a sailboat and who put a hat on it?

This isn’t the first time; a recurring unstandability of mine is that some dopes will randomly be wearing hats. who is the rogue maniac traveling the lands putting hats on dopes? obviously dopes do not put hats on themselves. I get the impression they “know” how much stupider they look and become accordingly more oppressive, however.

I DEMAND that a dumpster be brought on board so that captain dope can be tossed into it. captain dope is even less qualified than captain crunch, the man who orders himself to crunchatize himself and once “accidentally” turned all his cereal into choco donuts (not to be confused with chocolate doughnuts, which choco donuts meet neither legal minimum requirement for).



Captain Crunch, who apparently recently started an internet video series where he is made of paper and re-enacts classic comedy bits from trailers to cg animation movies (screaming for no reason). Oh yes and shills for sugar-encrusted bits of gravel intended to function as meals for children. Keep on reaching, dope.

I question whether that is the real captain in the video. First of all, his mouth isn’t open nearly wide enough, and also his eyes are firmly embedded in his head. To have captain dope aspire to be an imposter of someone so amoral is just icing on the icing (cake would be too nutritious).

Our crack reading team is currently investigating other reasons to avoid cake.



3 Responses
  1. 1
    9:58 am, May 20, 2013

    PurpleSpace sez:

    This is an excellent idea! I shall give characters I have arbitrary ranks as well! That burd I have can now be major generalissimo burd (esquire). Now with that title comes the authority to hand out cake badges! Why would anyone want cake in badge form?

  2. 2
    11:31 am, May 20, 2013

    Heapinfrimp sez:

    I did not declare that awful beast captain dope deliberately with a sound mind. It was an accident with lasting implications. I hope you will take the time to consider your decision that I did not.

    Most cakes I have tried would not be good in any form. A good cake, sadly, is an exception. Badges I likewise expect to be disappointing, but not so threatening.

  3. 3
    12:34 am, June 2, 2019

    Prescription Pudding Pinged With:

    […] competent leadership at the Keebler tree. The fact of the matter is that Ernie the elf and captain crunch are both senile white-haired old men, and one assumes lucky the leprechaun has a few centuries […]

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