I guarantee you this fat, blurry, needlessly animated-giffy baby is not dancing to nor in any way relevant to the news of your ad. In fact, now that I have saved it as a static png, the baby isn’t dancing at all.
Dancing is also the ultimate way to sell a service totally unrelated to dancing through a banner ad.
I’m only impressed when real people dance in unison, and even then it has to be a better dance than that. That is what I thought at first. But with persistence I was won over.
The upper torsos of drunken businessmen miming climbing ladders always puts me in the mood to graduate online in 13 months.
These Santa Clauses, I am sad to say, make less sense. Not because they fail to represent a dancer-demographic I identify with, and not because they’re, you know, dancing for absolutely no reason, but because they aren’t animated! Even before I saved them as PNG they weren’t! The Santas, while not too busy to go back to Santa school, obviously, could not spare time to compile additional frames of needless movement. They just stood still in that position, bound by the erroneously layered gray shadows so cruelly shackled to their ankles. Although the leftmost Claus is NOT chained, he IS missing a hand, which may yet complicate matters. The fanciful font took offense at the effeminate hand wave the santas dismissed it with and sought to make an example of one of the bold upstarts.
Uh oh, now we’re really changing it up. Ipod punks dancing in a lava lamp square. But dancing was not good business! A short time ago it only took 13 months to get a degree, and now it takes 24. That’s almost two years! At this rate I’ll never get my unaccredited diploma-mill certification in time to pretend to be a doctor at my ten year high school reunion so nobody knows I’m a loser who clicks banner ads that promise shortcuts they can’t possibly deliver all day!
Look at this! I’m only 90% a winner now! I cannot justify the effort and dedication it would take to follow this link and attempt to collect my fictional prize money if I’m not absolutely assured that I have won prior to realizing I had not entered any competition that the ad banner would know about. All the same, it’s nice to see the animated gifists of america have finally upgraded to Windows XP now that Windows 7 has been released.
The problems don’t end there. During our splendid recession some of the irrelevant dancers were laid off and replaced with creepy, self-scratching cowboy sillhouettes. Wasn’t the entire point of the neighborhood watch program specifically to keep these guys out of town? Now they’re trying to shut me up about my auto insurance rates. “Think You Pay Too Much? I reckon You oughtta Think again, pardner. Yer a long way from Alabama. Mind if I use your shower?”
This was all your fault, Moms! Obama Asked you to Return to School and you did weird turning sit-ups instead. Your course of action is not scratching the proverbial cowboy silhouette.
I think there was a nicer way you could have said that.
Ifihadjo sez:
Upon reading this I had a strange urge to dance. . . in the shower. . . wearing a graduation gown. There were no gummy cowboys though. That’s probably a good thing.
I thought I was making a difference when I received my college degree but now
. . . I’m not so sure.
The F-word sez:
I remember seeing one of these for the first time and trying to figure out the connection between the bizarre dancing figures and the offers made. At the time it did not occur to me that there should simply be none.
In this respect I rather think that internet advertising is regressing. For the most part, the internet at large ceased decorating pages with excessive numbers of irrelevant animated GIFs years ago. Yet apparently the designers of the above ads seem to think this a bold new direction to move in. I cannot fathom the though process at work here. Who, precisely, is the intended market here? To whom are these horrors expected to appeal?
Worse, I think, though, is the “targeted’ ads, as I find myself rather insulted by the bizarre conceptions these machines seem to have made of me. Among other things, I’m apparently very interested in the “Snuggie for Dogs”.
Umpulurgit sez:
If I only had a jo:
Obviously, people with actual skills and/or educations aren’t of use to these masterful entertainers. They dance/scratch not for you.
fwordo:
If nothing else, this helped me to prove that the secret interest-loggers are still at work for me as well, because the very next day, after I put this here, whom should I find but the rollerskate dance ad again, for the first time since July. Much like a certain Maine-based Capt’n of note, it knew I had mentioned it and considered that an invitation to return to my life. I used to assume that since I shared a computer the targeted results would be totally random, but since I have become an exclusive user the ads haven’t become any more apparently specific or pertinent to my actual interests. And so either once again millions of dollars have been invested into market research for nothing, or there are no services in existence that are for sale that I want. Or perhaps I merely have no interests.
There is now “snuggie for kids,” and the box picture shows a generic white male child lounging Caesar style on a sofa couch clutching a video game control unit. But it has been my experience that those function just as well beneath an actual blanket and there is no reason to build special sleeves for external access.
Snuggie. A curious device. A thing that would not sell in a nation where “sedentary” was not considered a “lifestyle.” Or so I imagine.