Well pho much for my attempt to post something every day. I ultimately get pulled in too many directions for me to remember this on all days. Still that was about 15 posts for January, more than any other month the last eight years, more likely. In fact I stopped reading The Onion about eight years ago because it started posting new things every day instead of once a week, and those things started being videos that had one story, and then ALSO a text crawl of ludicrous headlines that would require a second viewing to catch. Or more likely a third viewing if I tried to pay attention to both parts the first time. And THEN it added a separate sport section that also updated every day. I never was interested in sporting but I had to look anyway and it was too much. It was too much time spent reading things that were made up and of no consequence, and then much worse if I let them pile up unread. Also too much of it veered to Saturday Night Live style where it was 90% copy of a regular boring news story with one key sentence off a bit now and then to remind readers that it was “satire.” It was like a job. And then I let the same thing happen with the tv shows I still watched. I was relieved when Steve Colbert’s Report show concluded because I actually did like that show and did not have the option of quitting because I wanted to. I relish no longer wanting to watch it.

I was disappointed that my favorite muppet, The Count, was absent from the final broadcast’s time-wasting guest montage. However, Henry Kissinger looks sufficiently muppetish, and is also a vampire.

Also note that while Colbert Report’s website deleted his interview with Bill Cosby from last September 24 barely a month later when longstanding allegations against Cosby were abruptly given credence by The Main Ice Cream Media, Kissinger, a war criminal before Cosby ever abused a glass of Jesus juice, whose actions actually killed people, and is, one assumes, due for an abrupt mass retroactive hate dump at any time, was deemed public-relationsly safe enough to close out the series as a whole yet later than that. Because unlike Kissinger or the now-beloved convicted rapist Mike Tyson, Cosby kept his secrets secret for a long time, so instead of getting a public reprieve in older age, he has to take major scrutiny and blacklisting for the first time. So is he, like Jerry Lee Lewis, who may or may not have murdered at least one of his wives, going to have to retreat to his hometown and buy off everybody? Surely he has enough money that he CAN. He does not NEED to be on television to pay for whatever Neverland Ranch kind of place he might start living in as a recluse. And Kissinger is 91. In ten years Cosby will be 87. He may yet have a few years of appreciation waiting after people resume not caring what he might have done. Clearly I need to start committing some big crimes to get more attention a few years after I get punished for doing them. Although THEN everybody will be disappointed when I fail to post an update every day.