All kfc famous bowls will get you are famous bowels. Ha ha ha ugh.
We might as well toss it all in a blender and make a convenient drink. And do you know anyone who eats like that? People in ads always engulf their food in such unconvincing, often gross ways. They do the same thing with hot dogs* and Snickers Bars. First, they hold it sideways, in a Price is Right inspired position. Then they open their mouths really wide in a “wlahhhhw” fashion and slowly grind down on the thing and pulsate their mouths around while nodding their heads as if to say “oommmm hoommmm!” Who has time for that? I never did that. Even when I was six years old and I always loudly exhaled “ahhhhhhh!” after drinking Coke from of a can I didn’t do that.
*actually, I think the proper way to eat hot dogs is sideways. What I mean is that people hold the things upright, which is sideways from the most efficient way of eating one. Ehhh.
In the rare instance people not from the 1970s are shown eating the titular product (“Kentucky Fried Chicken”), they’re always holding it at opposite ends the way nobody does and smiling kookily even though it’d be impossible to take a satisfying bite out of with such a weak grasp. If you tried you’d drop it. I just thought I’d mention that.
I realize that in the making of ads like these people typically have to pretend to eat continuously throughout a day of filming because… they’re obviously really bad at making it look natural and so require a lot of takes. And yet we still end up with this as a final product. I forgot what my point was. Which is good, because it was a counter-point to what I was already saying. I face quite enough doubt already without adding my own.
There’s always room for doubt! I’ll see you shown!
But ehhh, I’m tired of KFC scheming up new ways to trick me into buying things from it other than what its name is. If there actually was a KFC within fifty miles of here, I’d make this well known. Get it: I don’t want your “sides!” I don’t want smaller pieces of chicken! I don’t want more paper and cardboard junk to throw away! This last point is alarmingly and increasingly prevalent among many food servicers. I can’t figure it out. I went to Target, recently, in search of the green Chex Mix, the primary reason I go to Target. It was not present.
There was CHOCOLATE Chex Mix, though, and a pleasant space where the green Chex Mix should have been. Because what better complements a salty savory snack than chocolate? I’m surprised KFC doesn’t put that in the famous bowls. While there are chocolate covered pretzels, I never seem to find them in my mouth.
And when I say “green chex mix” I mean the “hot m spicy” variety, not apple cinnamon, which is also much more ridiculous and much easier to locate.
I don’t even know what to do with one bag, and now I have two!
And no, the suggestions printed on the bags concerning what to do with the bags don’t help. If it was up to me, I would have figured you out you wouldn’t be trying to give me plastic bags. In conclusion, Target without good Chex Mix is Wal Mart, and I don’t need to travel to Old Saybrook or wherever to find one. Also, this.
KFC Famous Bowls are like Hungry Man dinners without the organizational skills
…I typed out of apparent whimsy a few weeks ago. Yesterday, I discovered that not only did I lump all parts of a Hungry Man’s smorgasbord together into one section, I also prepared it beside chicken meat-like-products. Not pictured: the leftover Wendy’s salt packlet I emptied in the vicinity of food-stuffs that were already 80% sodium. There’s probably more nutrition in the oven mitten. How have I survived this long?
And before you go home tonight from the grocery store trip reading this has no doubt inspired thinking that I, Quilfip Unidar Earvanbib Glinkob II can only eat two Jose Ole (great food with an accent!) brand taquitos, I should inform you that they come 15 to a box and of the items you see before you those are the only ones my sister also will eat so I hate to hog them. I can’t imagine what she finds off-putting about the rest of it.
This reminds me:
For years, in various supermarkets I’ve seen Hungry Man frozen bad dinners and Hungry Jack frozen bad breakfasts.I wondered quasi-recently, what precisely is the difference between Hungry Man and Hungry Jack? At this time I have but a theory.
Jack gets so hungry at night that he forgets his own name. He is now just a man. A hungry man. Jack has become a meat-eating beast with no identity. What does he hunger for? I don’t know what it is, but it’s inside a thin cardboard box and can stay there for years without spoiling. Jack’s affliction doesn’t… afflict me; I only eat good frozen rubbish.
I always make sure in advance that it’s at least approachable.
Do we have enough giant cars? I think we might. I would like to briefly speculate as to which theoretically ingestible products’ (besides Nutripals’) plastic exoskeletons litter the dark regions of these large automobiles…
It was only a matter of months before the KFC Famous Bowls approach to food architecture was applied to candy. Now all it needs is a great mascot to become totally unappealing.
Like so!
I do like all sorts of candy, and yet…
Ehhh.
Speaking of KFC, as I did briefly, if ever you store left-over kfchicken meat in a refrigerator, you’re better off eating it cold than attempting to restore heat to it. The stuff is not natural. Sometimes I question if this sort of thing is worth breeding and murdering over 50 billion of the birds every year for. Considering that it and related orange-coated meat allsorts comprise one of my personal principle food groups, any attempt at compassion and regret is probably a sizable step.
I went to some place yestorday which listed on its menu the possibility of ordering, for your consumption, 100 chicken wings. That’s probably meant to be shared between several people, but still it’s all just a bit disturbing.
However, it is yet better than Meeting the Deedles. I suggest we combine the two ideas and Meat the Deedles.
I find it peculiar that the official Michael Jackson youtube page… that there is one, but also that it has “favorites,” but only fourteen, and one of them is Patton Oswalt talking about one of my own favorite topics, famous bowls. You know he called you “molesty,” right? (watch out, it’s noise and it’s thirty-five seconds) And yes, I recorded Oswargo’s entire set talking to dumb obe Conan. I used to do that. I actually still do that on rare occasions. Eeb, some people can get the actual video and audio fed directly to their computers, and in fact there are entire communities devoted to that, one of which I may have just linked to, and here’s stupid me in 2008 taking pictures of my screen and fixing a microphone under it. That’s like something someone’s grandmother would do. Which I say because I once read something someone wrote about some relative which my memory has interpreted as “grandmother” doing that and it was sort of depressing. I remember thinking “oh no, I do that too!” And now such a loverly anecdote it makes.
But anyway, does this mean Jackson is an Oswalt fan, or just that the person who runs the page is? I imagine when you get that job there are probably very strict guidelines as to what you can give the sacred bedazzler-glove endorsement to. Or maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way and Emjay just really likes the Famous Bowls. How much do we truly know about his eating habits, anyhow? I know he likes Taco Bell, which despite making absolutely no sense if you accept their food for what they say it is is operated by the same company as Kentucky Fried Chicken. Maybe the dancing lizard money wasn’t distilling the gravy and Taco Jacko became a Yum! Brands shill. (British people pronounce “tahco” as “tacko” so that rhymes because I’m technically European by Rob Schneider standards. Now we just need to find out what “jacko” means.)
I assume that’s the official Michael Jackson page because it’s “friends” with the Sony BMG page. I should never have had to type such an incredibly stupid sentence.
Also, it has comments disabled. An impostor would leave them on just to see how many “is this the real michael?”s it could collect. Those pages are made for attention, and it’s cheaper than buying a giraffe and a ferris wheel.
I know he looks funny, but there’s really no reason to disparage his masculinity like that. Or maybe I just ended up at a fake page for someone else and welcomed an opportunity to show excerpts from it which I’d already saved before the topic came up. The fact that it’s someone I’ve never heard of would only make any desperation inspired more lovably tragic if I loved tragedy. In fact, I’ve witnessed so many muffin-eaters transform into ducks that I’ve become numb. Yet this continues.
