just today (april 3, then i forgot i wrote this until july) i saw an electronic sign declaring “put the phone away or pay.” Meaning to not fiddle with a little mobile device while driving, which is a good idea; with all the vibration and divided attention, the operator should use a larger electronic tablet while driving instead. But this reminded me of “click it or ticket,”

from when the department of transportation was trying to raise seat belt usage, and rather than saying “you will be hassled by police and forced to pay money if you refuse to take basic safety measures in a motor vehicle” they said something less clear but that was cutesy and stupid. For as I declared back in 2008, I never do anything unless compelled by a grammatically questionable rhyming threat. But the declaration was in a mouse-over text tag so that message may not have been adequately emphasized, hence taking 17 years for the next great moving violation couplet to confirm that in fact the department of transportation also can’t issue an edict unless the command rhymes with the punishment for disobedience. so to help this proceed before 2042, i considered some new ones

stoplight or hoplite: it you fail to adequately respond to a red intersection light, ancient greek soldiers with gold helmets come out and poke you with lances

yield or garfield: disregarding a yield sign requires you to watch a garfield movie, and you won’t know which

buckle up or knuckle up: similar to the above but you know that you will have to specifically watch Three Ninjas: Knuckle Up.

Also don’t be confused since Garfield has only seen 3 Ninjas High Noon at Mega Mountain.
On account of that confusion it was proposed that rather than watching a specific 3 Ninjas film that violating parties be kidnapped by North Koreans same as Three Ninjas: Knuckle Up director Shin Sang-ok had been in the 1970s but that plot was considered too niche and implausible to have a sequel

litter or twitter: proposed but scrapped when it was determined that the people who still use twitter are the same ones who think human environmental abuse doesn’t actually damage it in any way

one-way or nunway: driving in the wrong direction on a single lane street will be require the violator to attend a fashion exhibition at a convent

meter or skeeter: failing to properly pay for a vehicle’s parking spot will imperil you to paint your skin blue, speak in a falsetto voice and honk anytime you approve of something. see also the civilian infraction Look both ways or Patti Mayonnaise

slow down or hoedown: those driving at speeds beyond the posted limit will be forced to wear overalls and take square dancing lessons, EVEN IF they already know how.

wiper or diaper: failure to maintain optimally functioning windshield-clearing equipment will be met by incontinence control devices tossed at your vehicle. If you manage to ignore that as well you risk being forced to wear a diaper. In the event you enjoy that your car will need to wear a diaper also. In the event you enjoy that as well then your life is probably difficult enough already.

you seem to be taking it well