I was on Connecticut’s route 34 tonight. Twice (in a car). It is a horrible, scary place.

I hear Tuxedo Mask has been slated to portray Kato in the proposed Green Hornet feature film.

Craig Ferguson was talking to his tie on his Late Late program on Friday. Anybody who’s seen Bimshwel: The Live Show knows that is totally my schtick. And he knows; look at his guilty expression there. It’s been bothering me all weekend. He’d better watch out.

As you may be aware, I am sick sick weak of the growing number of products available in “singles.” I would have assumed, with the elevated environmental awareness so many persons, places and things claim to have that the trend would be opposite. I have noticed that what I would have assumed is almost always terribly wrong. It’s a good thing I didn’t actually assume it. People love wrapping smaller and smaller bits of stuff in more and more wrap-stuff. That’s the real reason potato chip bags mostly contain air. If they simply contained the chips there’d be less plastic, but plastics make it possible! It’s an enabler, that’s what it is. While much of Connecticutland has decent water service, I’d say we are decades behind where we should be with regard to our in home potato-chip taps. I mean, mine doesn’t even get mesquite barbecue. Shameful.

As we’ve observed in the past, canned soups are now available in smaller, more complicated packages which don’t taste as good. But were you aware that Hamburger Helper is now, also? Well I hope so, because otherwise you didn’t see a picture immediately above here and I know I put one there. I concede that the default HH serving is considerably larger than that of canned soup, but, eh well it’s hard enough to retain one’s dignity eating Hamburger Helper under normal preparative conditions. Microwave ovens make everything trashier and rubberier.

Poptart “Snak Stix” fall into the popcorn chicken/mini-muffin category of lousy attempts at disguising decreased amount of filling.

Oh, these are different and called “go tarts.” The exact same thing, except with more plastic and no longer named after a river in hell. This makes me wonder how close they came to being called mr.roboto tarts. I think about it all the time.

Crunch Stixx. With two Xes. One more and Daffy Duck can drink it. What is so much more marketable about snacks in stick form when spelled improperly? Eh, I suppose this is preferable to calling it “chocolate jerky.”

Kool Aid, too is available in “singles.” Putting a stop to that doesn’t begin to solve the kool aid problem, however. One time somebody gave me kool aid and said it was water and i thought it was kool aid but i tried it anyway and i knew it was kool aid and i don’t remember what happened after that.

I was under the impression that you’d be buying wretched Caprisun-style bags of premixed Kool Aid, but I now see they are in fact just little packets of dust. Pretty much you buy these if you can’t work a measuring cup. Or you’re training your kids to take over the family meth lab.

I’m sure they’d like you to think they are promoting recycling, but it seems more likely to me that for a reason I lack the science-understanding to uh comprehend, it is illegal to sell Kool Aid in bottles. Maybe they explode if they break.

As we’ve already digust, I never drank Kool Aid. I always imagined it tasted bad. And this was at a time within which I would put ketchup on pancakes. At least it was Ketchup from a proper glass fancy ketchup flaskoid. I’m tired of finding little bags of ketchup and suey sauce and various things of that nature which I have no use for. One time I got seriously twenty of them. I counted. I remember because I didn’t think it could be more than eighteen. What can be done with them? I know there’s somebody that makes portraits with it, but aside from being kind of gross, how is that any more special than using red paint? And why would you want a bright red portrait, much less one that smells like McDonald’s?

The Wendy food-vendor chain, and for all I know other places, there aren’t any around here, likes to employ extra large reinforced bags (paper and otherwise) for especially gluttonous orders (id ehhh: mine). However, they still insist on placing the contents within regular sized bags first. Cowards.

And remember, it’s never too early to start. I took this in December, but still. I have many glorious memories of waking up at 7 am on Krimmid and unwrapping sparkle parcels full of week old hamburgers and milkshakes. But I think the sign is meaning for you to simply give the card to someone rather than its spoils, in which event “easy” should not be confused with “appreciated.” You definitely shouldn’t give them to any German or Norwegian people, because “gift” means “poison” and “card” probably means something, too.

I seen these at Stop & Shop, the superbmarket. It seems like a conflict of interest for a grocery store to be promoting its arch-enemy food service, but that wouldn’t be allowed so obviously this is a mutually beneficial relationship and I will have none of it. Obviously. These are right beside the checking-out region, as if to say “maaan doan cha hate waiting behind other people and then having to wait some more before you can pay? And then having to carry stuff in bags? Well clearly you don’t so come to our places where you can also do that!”
A Wendy’s card is probably better an than applebee’s card, though. First of all, Applebee’s. Second, there really is no occasion when it’s dignified to have gotten a bill and then rise up from your ridiculously low Applebee’s booth seat and say “ehhhactually I will be placing the first five dollars of this on my Applebee’s gift card. Your tip is on my other Applebee’s gift card in my pants.” Although if you bought any and are suddenly feeling bad about the idea of giving them to anyone I will gladly accept them in my [convenient card-holding wallet compartment].