a video of pictures I made last year set to some suspicious music.
I hope you hate pine cones, since three or four of these pictures don’t have one.

It took a ridiculous amount of time to make this considering that it is 95% comprised of stuff I had already made. My trashter plan to display gzdoom-engine material from within the gzdoom engine rather than as gifs of the source material did not help like I thought it would. I opposed gifs since while I design the graphics grouped, I have to separate them to put them into the game, and I refine them after separation, so I didn’t want the less-refined versions. and some pieces, like the launched yeep parts mentioned (but not yet drawn and so not shown) previously, were separate to begin with. howEVER, since I draw the stuff at ten times the 1993 game’s resolution, and my computer is less than top-of-the line, those graphics need to be reloaded each time the game is started, and then I am having it load extra graphics and generate extra objects on top of that, IN ADDITION to me running video capture software, which means loading all that tomfoolery in an extra window while simultaneously saving a copy of it all, the game can’t help but choke up for a few moments when stuff is exploding. and SO I spent an extra day, two days? trying to reduce that, just a few seconds of the dumb video. And I already spent an extra day drawing all those dumb letters and setting up the circumstances under which they appear and explode. originally they were to use the same explosion frames as the launched yeep globs, hence my using the same colors, but those explosions looked too uniform, unless those were themselves launching more globs, but more globs meant more lag. and SO i drew EXTRA explosions for the letters I and O that would prevent them from needing to launch globs.

but that still means loading extra graphics so it doesn’t reduce THAT much lag. I also had the letters L and F turn into I and G into O as they explode, and that still wasn’t enough! For the yeep section near the end, I had all the pertinent graphics pre-load before I started recording, but that wasn’t an option with the letters because they FALL FROM THE CEILING as soon as the level starts. I COULD have preloaded all the graphics if I had thought to suspend the letters on disappearing floors or had them teleport into the room, but I was too busy to be thinking! I also forgot to set the level to change the colors to something other than orange, so that the aftermush looks less like a nickelodeon logo family reunion but if I had, I would probably still today be trying to optimize or fix it in some way and I am glad to not be doing that.

I can’t even show this picture without needing to explain it. the level editor shows a 2003 dope rather than a 2018 dope because it assumes the player character uses PLAY-named sprites, but the newer dopes have DOPE-named sprites, and I simply never took out the old sprites. the weird background is irrelevant; it is the first graphic in the definition file, since for some arcane reason that graphic shows up invisible in the game, but not in the editor. I needed it invisible so that the background shows through it. there are other hacky ways to make the ground and walls invisible but everything I do is already hacky so I preferred something that worked consistently.
these are off-center relative to the player character’s viewpoint because they seemed to my own viewpoint to be showing up offcenter when I placed them IN the center. However by the time I made the video that seemed to no longer be the case but I was too tired from the endless re-records hoping for less lag and more interesting random splat locations, then inserting that into the video, cropping out the wrong takes, then moving it to the front, then dumping it all that since I wanted to go back and change something else in the setup and then need to re-record again, that I left the positions alone.

“AASCREBO” will go to the top of most lists. It is not necessary for the list to be alphabetical, but I was trying to amuse myself. Regular Doom2 calls it

which I dislike seeing in the list, and regular regular Doom calls it

which I hate even more, and not just because the base-2 display system means you aren’t actually ALLOWED to make 24-length wall textures! Even if that worked it wouldn’t work! screbo is stupid garbage that nemitz says, and I had already changed the poison logo to feature nemitz, so it fits. I placed it over the pile of skulls that is shown by default after coloring them purple. I don’t want any of the base game’s graphics in this, even edited ones, and nemitz endorsements of rubbish are anachronistic within this project’s complex chronology of being set before nemitz, but as noted previously these don’t actually show up! but even THESE are a problem since floor graphics are backwards on the ceiling. If I want to control invisible objects that it is possible to move beneath, I risk seeing not only a backwards S but a backwards nemitz inside the level editor’s 3d view mode. What could be worse than that? I probably won’t find out until I try to make next year’s video.

and after all that, I today realized: the ORDER of the primary content is terrible. It starts on a snake comic strip that nobody cared about and then ends on generic wall textures that nobody SHOULD care about. I should have started and ended on stuff with meaning. I too more concerned with irrelevant nonsense to consider the marginally more relevant nonsense. There is probably an important life lesson there but I am too concerned with complaining to process it right now.

less than stellar music with no video
because I spent so much time endlessly optimizing and getting stuck redrawing bits that I previously didn’t realize were terribly drawn of the sprites that struggled to show up in the less than stellar video with no music that I posted last week, in a sadly desperate attempt to make them load faster because I am in that far too deep to re-do them all [again] but slightly smaller, that this is the only moderately interesting thing I have done since then that isn’t just something I already did.
I still write complaints, but mostly in scraps on twitter that I don’t have the presence of mind to reformulate into paragraphs. I really don’t know WHY I do it there because it puts off people who just want to look at my drawings, and they greatly exceed the number who have any interest at all in me as a human being with thoughts. But I also might resent that as if I am entitled to have an audience and so continue to dump thoughts out of spite.
but this here is an example of the sort of “tunes” that come to me now: mostly fragments of several notes that only just barely form a cohesive structure. The reason I couldn’t get along with people who praise the music for zelda 64, when I recognized it to be mostly dumb little 3-to-8 note ditties stuck together, when it had music at all. Thankfully I do not require anybody else to replicate those 3-to-8 notes and then hear them additional times in order to progress, and constantly. This sticking-together here in its present form comes to about 40 seconds, followed by the actual voice recording that I made the morning of June 30 to give myself a sense of what the tune sounded like for a hypothetical point in the future when I might feel compelled and also have time to run the composition software, which turned out to be the same day AND it doesn’t sound like anything at all, but I committed to it anyway since I put the notes on the grid one bit at a time and so was partway in before realizing it didn’t work. As always.
I have yet to listen to a majority of those voice recordings, of which there are HUNDREDS, and I worry that a majority of them are also like this. Because the tunes come to me while I am sleeping or attempting to, and then I attempt to replicate them with the dumb mobile that I keep in my bed before I forget, but my partially asleep mind does not always realize what music sounds like, or remember it even long to imitate it. and that is evidently important enough to me to risk a shortened life expectancy due to radiation poisonining from keeping a tiny computer that never turns off several feet from my brain for however many hours, and then only a few feet further away every remaining hour. AND sometimes hearing the noise come out from my mouth causes the notes I just heard to overwrite the ones after it that I theretofore had only imagined, making it impossible to complete accurately anyway.

this is a common occurrence. These are just the ones where I spelled “forgot” close enough to correctly that it showed up on a search for “forg”; I lack adequate control of the dumb phone keyboard to spell words properly consistently and until this point when I am searching them for a specific letter combination I had no incentive to take the extra effort to sort that out. Keep in mind that quite often my intention is to go back to sleep or go into it to begin with so I do not want to be forcing a more alert state.

numerous misguided illustrations from 2020 and at least three guided ones in video form. Please accept my condolences if you recognize them all. I do not believe that there is any single website on which every one appeared.

I completely forgot to make a “2020 in pictures” post because I suspected a video like this would be slightly more striking, and when I did one last time I didn’t get it out until january 6! finding 12-24 static pictures shouldn’t take me longer than part of one day, so it will probably be ready by January 4 at the latest.

i sped up tedious or extra embarrassing items but I have not knowingly excluded anything apart from numerous frames from beet cartoon part 3 because many are not “finished” and if they were this would essentially be that video instead of this one.

In 2020 was the conclusion of my first botched free “sketch” giveaway and the entirety of my second, which means possibly the most amount of other people’s characters I have drawn in one year, and I do not intend to do that a third time. I am curious as to if that means I will have fewer illustrations overall in 2021 and more other types of works, or if I will simply glop up more needless illustrations of my own marginally thought out concepts as a consequence of fearing i will be forgotten if I do not post at least one finished dumb picture every week. Smart pictures are unlikely.

The music, something is missing in the second half that will give it the depth I desire, but the conclusion after that point only works by accident and I am not accustomed to committing accidents on purpose and it is only necessary to be endurable, not “good,” so that will need also to wait. I do not know for certain that I ever got covid but I am plenty sick of hearing this dumb tune for the time being!

Cake Roll, a bit of moderately strange wordless music just under three minutes in length. Theoretically it can play on a loop but that does not quite occur here. I had thought it was pretty good, but kept finding slight problems to repair, theoretically making it better, but I had to hear it so many times amitz this that I subtly got tired of it and started to believe that nobody else would possibly like it. But consciously I would not put it on the internet at all if I thought it was bad. And so I did put it there, but not before spending several hours yesterday adding in additional insults from it toward itself, which makes no sense. I worked even harder on it in an attempt to communicate that subconsciously I don’t think I worked hard enough on it, thereby possibly diminishing the integrity of the product so that it comes across as worse than it truly is. Livin’ la vida bimshwel.

Another loser on the internet fancies itself a great musician? It would be me! Except this isn’t new, I was just totally terrified and un-encouraged for years, certain of humiliation if my compositions were ever heard, even though mopey low effort “chiptunes” have been getting great traction for years. Yes, imagine me overthinking something! And then trashing the effort of somebody else who didn’t!

You might be aware that I attached this drawing to a previous, completely unrelated website post, potentially because I just told you.

I reused it here because the composition relies heavily on what I call midi stairs. This seems to me like a lazy technique and proof of my amateurish music skills and I am self-conscious about it, even though I made that part in 2005 and still think it sounds good. Visually, the stairs are incomplete, uneven, and rather unsafe-looking; the sort good for falling down. Apart from that, I had not uploaded the drawing to any website other than this one, so it would look like I drew it just to attach to the music. Right, the website I put the most effort into, I give the least consideration to. We hurt the ones we love because they are dumb enough to forgive us.

I have so far received four comments on this composition, and all four referred to the creature having fallen down the stairs. When I linked to it on twitor, the drawing was not visible, and there was no verbal acknowledgment, which likely indicates the visual component is crucial, if not the only component people are aware of. Twitter of course is the best place for complex, implication-free typed discourse, and it didn’t just introduce a facebook-like automatic obscure-person-marginalizer a few weeks ago.

This is off by default, at least on accounts that predate its implementation, but isn’t it fun to have this whole new category of anxiety to contend with on a website where I am already afraid to talk?

And obviously it is a very SCRAPPY drawing. Perhaps I would do better to attach less scrappy drawings. But I do not have time to draw non-scrappy things that are only going to be seen compressed into blurry video boxes. I may have to take the risk that not everybody in the world has seen and remembers every old drawing I have ever made, in such a way that to see the drawing again would be offensive and grounds for retaliatory perma-shunning.

I did have one previous recent visible music upload, but one of the [totally inconsequential, late-added] audio samples sounded really bad, and I have corrected and wish to re-upload it. But I don’t want to reupload it because my you-tube “subscribers” will get notices. And I am sure they will disapprove because I had 16 before the first upload and 15 afterward. I know this music is better because the number stayed the same! (although the twitter number went down but I just saw that NOW after I checked my own link so I am not getting into it)

But that is a video site anyhow! I could just upload the music here! Or anywhere! But for that music, I actually drew the picture specifically FOR it and feel that it must be seen. And so I must find an opportunity to reupload it so that nobody will see it, so that I can finally show it to them.