numerous misguided illustrations from 2020 and at least three guided ones in video form. Please accept my condolences if you recognize them all. I do not believe that there is any single website on which every one appeared.

I completely forgot to make a “2020 in pictures” post because I suspected a video like this would be slightly more striking, and when I did one last time I didn’t get it out until january 6! finding 12-24 static pictures shouldn’t take me longer than part of one day, so it will probably be ready by January 4 at the latest.

i sped up tedious or extra embarrassing items but I have not knowingly excluded anything apart from numerous frames from beet cartoon part 3 because many are not “finished” and if they were this would essentially be that video instead of this one.

In 2020 was the conclusion of my first botched free “sketch” giveaway and the entirety of my second, which means possibly the most amount of other people’s characters I have drawn in one year, and I do not intend to do that a third time. I am curious as to if that means I will have fewer illustrations overall in 2021 and more other types of works, or if I will simply glop up more needless illustrations of my own marginally thought out concepts as a consequence of fearing i will be forgotten if I do not post at least one finished dumb picture every week. Smart pictures are unlikely.

The music, something is missing in the second half that will give it the depth I desire, but the conclusion after that point only works by accident and I am not accustomed to committing accidents on purpose and it is only necessary to be endurable, not “good,” so that will need also to wait. I do not know for certain that I ever got covid but I am plenty sick of hearing this dumb tune for the time being!

Cake Roll, a bit of moderately strange wordless music just under three minutes in length. Theoretically it can play on a loop but that does not quite occur here. I had thought it was pretty good, but kept finding slight problems to repair, theoretically making it better, but I had to hear it so many times amitz this that I subtly got tired of it and started to believe that nobody else would possibly like it. But consciously I would not put it on the internet at all if I thought it was bad. And so I did put it there, but not before spending several hours yesterday adding in additional insults from it toward itself, which makes no sense. I worked even harder on it in an attempt to communicate that subconsciously I don’t think I worked hard enough on it, thereby possibly diminishing the integrity of the product so that it comes across as worse than it truly is. Livin’ la vida bimshwel.

Another loser on the internet fancies itself a great musician? It would be me! Except this isn’t new, I was just totally terrified and un-encouraged for years, certain of humiliation if my compositions were ever heard, even though mopey low effort “chiptunes” have been getting great traction for years. Yes, imagine me overthinking something! And then trashing the effort of somebody else who didn’t!

You might be aware that I attached this drawing to a previous, completely unrelated website post, potentially because I just told you.

I reused it here because the composition relies heavily on what I call midi stairs. This seems to me like a lazy technique and proof of my amateurish music skills and I am self-conscious about it, even though I made that part in 2005 and still think it sounds good. Visually, the stairs are incomplete, uneven, and rather unsafe-looking; the sort good for falling down. Apart from that, I had not uploaded the drawing to any website other than this one, so it would look like I drew it just to attach to the music. Right, the website I put the most effort into, I give the least consideration to. We hurt the ones we love because they are dumb enough to forgive us.

I have so far received four comments on this composition, and all four referred to the creature having fallen down the stairs. When I linked to it on twitor, the drawing was not visible, and there was no verbal acknowledgment, which likely indicates the visual component is crucial, if not the only component people are aware of. Twitter of course is the best place for complex, implication-free typed discourse, and it didn’t just introduce a facebook-like automatic obscure-person-marginalizer a few weeks ago.

This is off by default, at least on accounts that predate its implementation, but isn’t it fun to have this whole new category of anxiety to contend with on a website where I am already afraid to talk?

And obviously it is a very SCRAPPY drawing. Perhaps I would do better to attach less scrappy drawings. But I do not have time to draw non-scrappy things that are only going to be seen compressed into blurry video boxes. I may have to take the risk that not everybody in the world has seen and remembers every old drawing I have ever made, in such a way that to see the drawing again would be offensive and grounds for retaliatory perma-shunning.

I did have one previous recent visible music upload, but one of the [totally inconsequential, late-added] audio samples sounded really bad, and I have corrected and wish to re-upload it. But I don’t want to reupload it because my you-tube “subscribers” will get notices. And I am sure they will disapprove because I had 16 before the first upload and 15 afterward. I know this music is better because the number stayed the same! (although the twitter number went down but I just saw that NOW after I checked my own link so I am not getting into it)

But that is a video site anyhow! I could just upload the music here! Or anywhere! But for that music, I actually drew the picture specifically FOR it and feel that it must be seen. And so I must find an opportunity to reupload it so that nobody will see it, so that I can finally show it to them.