Not just Scared Guy, but I just generally hate the idea of “Guy” as a last name. People are always calling themselves guys because… because… because because because because becawwwwwse… don’t know why! I had hoped elongating the previous sentence would have given me time to think of the reason, but it didn’t. All I can come up with is that they’re obsessed with being male and defining themselves by single characteristics. Or they’re just stupid whores who copy each other. It’s not all that interesting. That’s why I had to bring it up.

(note: don’t click any of these) Allow me to introduce Mustacheguy! He likes mustaches, has a mustache, or IS a mustache! Ooh, watch out for Sarcasticguy! He’ll burn ya! Don’t listen to Stupidguy! Every one of his opinions is totally invalid by his own admission, and he has no intention of changing! I wonder if Linuxguy likes Linux? I wonder if he would regularly make that quite obvious in conversation regardless of his name? I wonder if he knows his website is a dot-biz? Hark, it is the call of Filterguy! The one who sings the high notes in every R&B song! Brrrring. Brrrring. Hello? Oh no, Potatoguy! He’s not human! Is that Quarterguy? I don’t know, he’s only one fourth complete!

I wonder if there’s a Lawnmowerguy? Of course there is! Every one of the guys I mentioned and most of the ones I didn’t turned up member profiles for the pertinent guys. Not only is there a Bastardguy, he’s registered at a site with “rant” in its name. His profile is empty because he’s already told you everything he wants you to know. Curtainguy plays a keyboard, naturally. Scarfguy Saltguy Pieguy Popeyeguy Beanguy, and there are more Guyguys than any of them. And there are more active Deadguys than Guyguys somehow. Enough with the guys!

So many people prefer to be known by identityless descriptions rather than names. I feel like they should be fighting Megaman. Excuse me, Megaguy, the thirty three-eth level Briton Infiltrator.

Or maybe this Guy.

Possibly even this Guy, and he’s in a wheelchair.

“Guy” at the end is really no better than a random number, and plenty less mysterious. I suppose for some people it is homaging the animated televisual series Familyguy, and doing that online never gets embarrassing.

I’m also not especially fond of Guy Gilchrist, but that’s a story for another day. Presumably a day occurring after the other another days I’ve referred to stories being for.

One unusual exception to the guy rule was the one time I encountered a person only known as “Star Tropics Man.” Curiously enough, his avatarian-image depicted Luigi (the Mario brother) and he had a website about Battletoads. I may possibly have combined several persons into one within my mind, but that’s not important. What’s important is that there are people in the world who like Battletoads.

Studies have shown that I rarely end with a picture.