2-24-2009
11-6-2019
glad to see I have spent ten years well
the first one to me is funny, but the second one actually looks painful and makes me feel bad for the dope! even though the dope LIKES being beaten up by elpse. It also likes when I feel bad so then then I don’t but the dope also likes when I don’t feel bad and that isn’t fair! I do NOT authorize the dope to share in my non-misery! arrrrrrrrrrrgdopes.
Did I have a broken video here for the past 5 days? I thought I switched it to one hosted on my own space but I must not have saved that. Whoooooopth.
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A person identified as pinderhooks recently alerted me to this. Somebody uploaded the full film without permission from the copyright holder Pulse Distribution and I then likewise edited it without permission from that person.
“Hercules” is a low budget cartoon from 1997,that probably has only about a standard tv time slot’s worth of animation which is stretched, sometimes painfully so, out to 48 minutes so it can occupy an hour block and present itself as a feature film instead. I assure you, the cutting room floor was EMPTY. Everything they had went in here and it still wasn’t enough. Consequently its most striking feature is the profoundly horrid editing; at points there is up to 12 seconds of no/barely any motion before something happens. It has a look like it is animated by the company which did robert smigel’s “saturday tv funhouse” cartoons with assistance from the cdi-Zelda gang for closeups. The only indication that you are seeing the film as intended and not an insulting edit like this one is that the music keeps playing and playing and playing unbroken. I really should have had the sound muted while making this since that dorky trumpet fanfare is haunting me now
I watched it once and had the terrible idea to cut out and assemble all the stupidest parts. Completely on a whim when I have obligations stacked higher than the person who storyboarded this I decided to spend several days making a cheap movie that nobody cares about look even cheaper and less worthy of interest. I initially endeavored to maintain the spirit of the original cut when altering the film but when it came out to over ten minutes, nearly a quarter of the full film’s running time, I wondered if it would even come across that I didn’t extend the length of those scenes myself, and in the event of such a perception, why had i chosen the most boring parts to do that in? Somebody thinking sensibly could probably get this under nine minutes but every time i go looking for stuff to cut out i remember another thing from my initial viewing that might be worth squeezing in there. Somebody wishing to only show everything important and not waste time could probably get it to five minutes.
At times the film resembles a bad stage play, in which actors struggle to remember their lines or read off of cue cards. I wonder if the dialog was recorded live, like an old popeye cartoon, with the actors watching the cartoon and waiting for the right time to say lines, but with a considerably lower production budget and no ad-libbing. At one point you can even hear a character, the boss hydra head, start to say “oh shut up” while the character is off-screen, then seemingly realize it, and wait for the scene to change to complete the line. It is not in this edit; eventually I considered that the significance of that would not come across due to all of my deliberately bad editing.
There are a few moments which could be seen as vulgar and uncharacteristic of what I usually produce but once they suggested themselves to it seemed pointless to not use them. They are vague and might not be apparent anyhow.
I do not actually hate the film, even if Hercules himself is dull and conspicuously beardless, since the primary marketing strategy for this sort of product was to get their product mistaken for the disney version, even if the actual content is quite different, and that second fact works in its favor, I think. Apart from calling every character by their Greek names except for Hercules, but that convention predated Disney’s version. Eurystheus’ voice amuses me. There are numerous bits of weird animation and dialog that I like just as they Are. The film is broken and confused, and I relate to that. It screws up and skews the myths but not to the banal extent that disney did. Hercules, as a “hero” who murdered hundreds of people, including his first wife Megara and their children, and had considerably more male lovers than female, chief among them Iolaus, his companion in this film and nephew (and also recipient of Megara as a re-gift-wife in versions of the story in which Hercules only kills their children and not her), is never going to be a g-rated 1990s role model for children. Hercules’ murderous fit of madness is actually alluded to in this film but you only see a ruined city and it is said that only one person was killed, and that person is not even really dead.
Everything i know about the disney version is from contemporary advertisements for it and a description of Danny Devito’s character that I read on a burger king cup around that time (as with the nuggets, Burger King didn’t bother to not give the cartoon-branded products to regular customers) and what I read on wikipedia just now, but I know it depicts Zeus as monogamous and Hera as Hercules’ biological, non-hating mother. Zeus’ infidelity to Hera and Hera’s utter hatred for Hercules is at the very core of the Hercules story. And making Hades the easy bad guy dumps all nuance of just what the god of the underworld is. He isn’t Satan: he does not buy souls, he doesn’t trick people, He isn’t evil, he just happens to preside over the dead. The Greeks had this idea millenia before mopey nerds started obsessing over the idea of misunderstood sad monsters. Mopey nerds who of course only consider the disney versions of anything so they think this concept is new. Hades does covet the souls he has and takes revenge when people try to cheat death but all the gods are covetous and vengeful. Anyway Hades does not appear in this Hercules film so that is unimportant.
Conceptually, this only took about 5 seconds.
A hurried animation example that nonetheless required days to assemble.
I will probably at least fill in white behind the moving objects and add more pauses, maybe some zooming and panning so it is less confusing, but otherwise this is not designed to be “finished,” not for a long time, anyway.
Also I would greatly appreciate a vector video format similar to flash but without all the proprietary technology and “not supported on any mobile platform” rubbish since exporting something like this as a gif is a miserable process.
I made some music that caused me to think of hats, and made a picture to accompany that. Then I thought I should have a little animation for it since I have not posted any in a long time. Then I decided to spend three days straight cramming as much stupid trash in there as possible, then spent two more days on it. Then youtube played a series of tricks on me resulting in a “final” product with a number of anomalies that I could fix but don’t want to reupload and make re-public after three past attempts the same day. However they occur too near the end to be at fault if anyone shuts the thing off in disgust.
Then after nearly a week I put up another version
Also it is a bit long and I couldn’t choose from the two closers I considered. A sensible person would split this into two videos and solve both problems. Indeed.
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artichoke this website is a mess. On tuesday i am going to upload another version of the same dumb video and actually look it over properly, in the intended context. And pog willing it will be acceptable and I won’t have any major reservations about its state that allow my mind to justify spending more days making “last minute” revisions after quickly sorting out the one thing I was actually supposed to be doing.
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I have now updated the video and believe that I will not do so again for a much longer period than elapsed between its other updates.
a just barely edited video to show the latest developments in degeneration. I have not spent the time to make a proper video to share on websites other than this one since the dopes still have the same bland green cheerio attack and terrible sound effects from eh fifteen years ago, and the last part has even more stuff that has to go, including the boring old “weapons,” but I was bored of that ugly test room. I intend for there to be at least THREE ways to destroy dopes but these at least do as many things as the old dopes did, apart from attack with their umbrellas, since they no longer have umbrellas since there are too many existing characters which attack with umbrellas, and that was so even before i gave the first dopes umbrellas!
a bonus that i missed at first: the dope at approximately 29 seconds melts without being hit. It is so: these dopes are SO DUMB that after doing their STUPID dance they RANDOMLY DROP DEAD! Unfortunately I fixed that and it won’t happen again. I wouldn’t mind it but they still have the ability to take regular damage and then start walking around again so that is just confusing! I COULD set them to randomly drop dead and stay that way but that is too stupid to do on purpose.
I do not know if this counts as progress but it seems worth[less] mentioning
What is WRONG with those things? They just want to follow me around, to CHASE me, and for WHAT? Just so they can do THAT? I want to KILL those things. Unfortunately i have not drawn new destruction frames for them yet and so can only get angry at them. What is especially infuriating is the red dopes: they will be OBSESSED with locating the player dope but then turn around, go into their STUPID dance and just FORGET they had a plan. I didn’t see any red dopes for a few minutes and then found them all staring at the same empty corner. what HORRIBLE dopes.
this trashy video is meant to display some stupid yellow creature that throws a bowling ball, but since I have not yet made level spaces well suited to that, I ended up using non-ideal sample areas that happen to also be the ugliest areas i have yet made.
I am quite sad to say that as lame as i imagined this looked, i imagined i was exaggerating to try and set myself up to feel better when it actually does not look so bad, but this does in fact look quite bad. even in these brief samples meant to display a single object, that I admittedly have not yet made appropriate landscapes for, I see an inordinate number of unchanged graphics from the original Doom game and amateurish non-original game graphics that I mean to remove.
The original “plan” called for the bowling imps to be placed beside stacks of bowling balls but I discovered that it did not look terribly “wrong” for them to just grab the balls out of the ground so that is how things presently are.
I show it here because I spent so much of the last two weeks getting this to work that I have nothing else to show! it feels like too mundane a creature to spend that much time on, but the time has been spent. I drew it throwing the ball from 8 angles, when most people would just do five, even though that motion takes 15 frames. and STILL is somewhat jerky. that is 15×8, 120 frames, not including the just standing there and “hey stop shooting me” frames, ALSO drawn from eight angles instead of five. I merficully allowed to accept a single angled “death” animation because it just turns into globs that would not necessarily be noticeably not rotating when walked around.
None of the monsters die, they just fall over and look sad, unless they melt. The few non-goop monsters that actually can bleed still have their eyes open when they get disemboweled. I want to hurt them, not to kill them. I want them to think about what they did.
i made this one into a goop monster that melts rather than an “organic” one that simply falls over and looks sad since it is uniform of color and unclothed which suggests goop compatibility, even though I only have three non-goop ones so far, and two, based on lope (pathetic blue lizard) and nemitz (incorrigible orange imp), have to be redrawn to NOT look like them since the theme has become more specific than “weird junk in doom” since I first implemented them roundabout 2003-4ish,, and I cannot imagine lope being any good in a fight anyhow, assuming it would ever be even willing to fight. Also, chronologically speaking, nemitz should not be present at this point. Yes you will believe I have a serious timeline for this “story” even though it is ludicrous broken garbage that will always be somebody else’s game even though I guarantee you I wasted more time from my life than id software collectively did while developing doom and the predecessors it follows from. I MUST justify the time spent, by spending yet more time on it. I might have justified this paragraph better by actually including those two IN the video but I mean to assure you that they are nearby since I can hear their noises.
a video compilation of animated icons, mostly (but not entirely) commissions, that I spent entirely too much time on irrelevant aspects of. The music is an acquired taste that you will probably want to misplace.
I had to stop doing commissions entirely because THIS really is what I have to show for it! As I have become more obsessive compulsive I have run out of time to do anything else. The only real animation I have done in a year is that irrelevant bit at the end.
Two more 100×100 pixel animated icons, for Malkaiwot, showing Mallorie Koopa, who seems to be adept, possibly overconfident with unusually-sized carpentry tools. And also Goshi, who is purple. The official version that I post on other websites will have horizontal non-dithered background lines because they were requested when I showed this alternative but I am keeping the alternative for here in honor of I think I use those horizontal lines too often and also I uploaded it here before I asked Malkaiwot’s opinion on it. I tried vertical straight lines and they look awful.
These will be last such icons for a while, I think. The one on the right (or the one underneath depending on your view resolution) works better, even though i spent much less time on it. It works better probably BECAUSE I spent less time on it. I wish could say it was because I knew spending less time on these things was the secret to doing better with them but I am simply tired from not doing better!
Gosh there are five colors on the red side and only four on the blue side! Ordinarily such asymmetrical oversight would be unforgivable!
Elaborating on my reason for not accepting more general offers is not effective in my current state, so it might be better to wait until I am no longer thinking about it to think about it. I spend too long articulating depressing things about how I spent too long making dysfunctional things.
For the time being, it is better to get nowhere making a few big projects for myself than a load of small ones for other people that will not make a great difference in their lives.
an animated introduction sequence for www.twitter.com/alonzorion that hopefully is self-explanatory! It revealed to me that there are limits to what is reasonable to attempt to draw in the manner that I have been doing this, but it looks nice, I think, I believe. That was over a month ago! But it was not in fact done. I have to cancel doing these for a while. To give you a sense of why:
This is the next oldest version. There was three hours of fiddling between this and the one above. Can you see three hours of effort? No, nobody realizes how hard it is to make these so I cannot actually charge for the time they require. And if I did I would need to spend even longer on them to justify it to myself!
And… now that I see it here, I want to adjust the letters again to make the movement less jerky every tenth frame. But I won’t because they have been like that since I made them and was not asked to change their motion, though every requested change was related to them. I would estimate about 80% of the time spent on this was with the dumb letters. I did not charge for anything to do with the letters. because when this started, I didn’t know how I was going to handle the letters, declared it “experimental” and charged nothing for it. Likewise with the exit. Mr. Zorion had proposed just having the video fade out after the wave!
This isn’t even the worst example, but I mention it here because I like how this one turned out, overall. I have to expel the negativity in a positive context or else I risk transforming into a batman villain. And not a good one, one those thugs that appears without introduction on the first few pages for Batman to beat without any trouble just to establish how tough he is so it is more meaningful when he has difficulty fighting someone really scary like a guy who wears pajamas and tells riddles.
well since you mentioned it I went back and screwed with the letters some more anyway! They still look terrible but slightly less so than the last time I saw them. And now I am going to go and work on something for which I don’t have to worry about screwed up letters!
bow and arrogance
A rather large (230×230) pixel commission for Egger Righteous of a creature who believes that archery is not challenging enough.
(I also forgot to draw anything holding the quiver in place, don’t tell)
The last time I posted an unusual animated gif I made for somebody other than me, I mentioned that I appreciated the variety, ended up going on about how if I post too many drawings that are similar, people who are sexually aroused by it assume I also am and talk to me in an unpleasant manner and possibly send me pictures of themselves unprompted. I want to avoid doing that again because shortly afterward that specific person sent me MORE creepy pictures of himself or or somebody unprompted, and if I keep going I will actually show one and I don’t want to do that. It isn’t explicit but it is ugly and I do not want it on my page.
in fact I did not even want that person’s icon in my telegram lump so I added a bunch of fake drafts to other people I was NOT sending messages to just to scroll it out of view. I of course cannot remove the person completely since telegram deletes your message history if you remove contacts and I need evidence of the full story in case I am murdered and do not want to actually LOOK at that evidence for the purposes of making copies at this time.
I have many stories to tell and pictures for most of them but no energy to pound them into coherence.
a animated pixel commission icon for bats of, what else, a chicken person named Bwengo, who does not appear at all pleased about it.
I thought at first that I would not be able to draw this at all, especially considering the state of the reference images which had been illustrated by a third party who is obsessed with drawing gross things, or non-gross things in a gross way. People eat that up. I don’t know why. I can’t eat something that looks gross. Which of course can be in your favor when you resemble a chicken, but once again I seem to be in an extreme minority here. But I found a way to draw it which was not gross, and since there are almost 0 chicken human hybrid enthusiasts on the internet this animation will not be circulated among them so that I get a superficial increase in viewership whose goal is to find the part of the drawing(s) about which I am least comfortable and try to convince me to quadruple down on it for them for less money and then either shun me when I refuse or worse, NOT shun me and keep at it. This isn’t one of the stories I am too tired to tell! This is one of the stories that contributes to me being too tired to talk about anything more potentially entertaining! Creepy people used to be FUNNY to me. But now that they are creepy directly TO me, to try and make ME creepy, my only defense is to become BORING instead!
Yes this was almost two years ago, when melt-fetishists thought *I* must be a melt fetishist because I drew animations of things melting because I thought it was funny, and I have kept future incidents from happening with foot fetish people who thought *I* was a foot fetish person because I thought feet were funny, but I kept them from happening by changing into a boring person who says nothing strange or ambiguous, and I stopped THINKING in a strange way, even in venues totally unrelated to me trying to get money for artwork without pursuing it through legitimate channels. Even though the fact that people read my humor as perversion and my actual perversion as banality is the strangest thing of all.
I was talking to this person for hours just because it was so bizarre and I could hardly believe that somebody was sending me all these weird pictures and videos, mixed in with totally innocuous clips of stuff filmed underwater and from a helicopter. And I subconsciously changed my entire public persona just to stop that from happening again. Bloody rubbish. Please don’t send me pictures of bloody rubbish.
The fact of the madder is that “normal” people get really weird when they are sexual, and under just the wrong circumstances, they interpret my latent aversion to typicality as eroticism.
Gosh looking at this now it appears that I only drew half of the nose ring during the pecking part. Oops. I merely forgot to finish shading it but the effect is the same since it is visible so briefly that its impression is partly subliminal. It seems like there is one big dark nostril on one side and not the other. I had been trying NOT to look at the animation between when I declared it done and this point since I was worried I would see something that I had a little problem with and treat it like a huge problem. But this IS a BIG problem. But I already posted this on the sharing sites; anybody who was going to see this already has. If I fix that, nobody will ever know! What a tragedy. Except for you dear viewer! For you and for me I will fix it. Yes yes yes. In fact I already did. There is no reason to have the picture of the wrong frame here! Get that out of here!
This looks familiar. I thought it prudent to find a way to make this look dumber so I could post it on faceboof, where animated gifs are justifiably not permitted.
The lizard of two evils
in the disrespect that it looks very stupid and is also animated.
The dumbest thing is that the lizard thinks it has to change its pose to a broader stance with its arms crossed, like that will impress people, which is NOT the case. What that absurd moron fails to recognize is that nobody on earth or elsewhere is impressed. Not elpse. Not even the dope! nemitz, maybe, but i think we should all aim for better than that. It also seems unaware that its head is disproportionate to its body until it falls down since the square boundaries are difficult to optimize for an upright-standing figure. Or even a degenerate bow-legged dork like this one.
i absolutely did not need to make this. I considered that i had not animated anything recently, and also that my most-appreciated overall artwork have been low resolution pixel icons.
And apart from one that made before I knew what I was doing, they all feature other people’s characters. Some of which I do not like at all. Not necessarily any of those, though not necessarily not NOT any of those. And those that I dislike inspire other people with equally bland or worse requests to come to me instead of ones I could potentially find a mutually beneficial situation with. Which is not to say that i APPROVE of either of the morons that I am showing today, but i disapprove of them in a way that amuses me. Nor do I mean to suggest that I think drawing dumb garbage like this and then waiting is going to solve any problem, but I was starting to think that anything by me with wiggling creature toes being used as even a remote representation of myself, as I had done with the second icon here, was creating problems.
I could not tell you WHY there even is a problem that exists which is caused by that. I have lived a strange and unrealistic life, and that has its consequences.
If only life could be such a fantasy! It would surely be my final, were i to believe in it.
Three 100×100 pixel icons for Sherymon.
One more for beepy isopod plushcub.
Anything else I am doing right now is boring and not worth mentioning. I know because I just typed it all out and it sure was! I am not going to post something long and negative again unless it is negative in an interesting way or I forget that I said this. Of course I believe I have said that before and forgotten it.
even Superman sometimes forgets that there are thousands of other garishly-dressing idiots with super powers on his version of Earth and also the simultaneously existing alternate versions of earth that also have alternate versions of him on them. And also to put on a shirt, or to NOT wear glasses and a goshdarn belt buckle identifying his alternate identity when forcibly evicting trees from his property.