“You don’t just eat ’em” is the trademarked slogan for pringles brand potato crisps. What does that mean? I thought eating them was the extent of my obligation if I came into possession of them, but apparently that is inadequate. And like many rules of society, the further expectation is not explained. What else should I be doing with these not-quite chips? Is the moronic “duck mouth,” which dominated the brands’ 1990s advertising, and which nobody should ever, ever do, now compulsory? Am I supposed to build something out of pringles? Is Kellogg, who purchased the brand from the Proctor and Gamble company in 2012, with its greater investment in remotely nutritional products, looking to instruct me on the full function of my digestive system? You don’t just eat em, you digest and excrete em.
And yet the ambiguous grammar of conversational english makes it difficult to determine if this is instruction or merely information. Sometimes an orator says “don’t” when one means “shouldn’t.” This may mean you SHOULD not merely eat Pringles. Be a responsible citizen; recycle the can afterward. Make a a kaleidoscope or store your travel toilet brush in it. Keep one as a blank round for a t-shirt gun and another as a marital aid for any medium-sized ungulate you are keeping (whose marriage is in need of aid, obviously; I would be practical, not lewd). Or perhaps this means that you should not eat Pringles without adequate preparation. Don’t just eat ’em, consider the risks. Ask your doctor if Pringles are right for you. The Pringles virus may already be inside you.
I have been out of the pringle game a long time, so this catchphrase, arriving in my presence without the context of a greater advertising campaign, has me somewhat bewildered. I stopped buying them when the company stopped putting fake little green things on the sour cream and onion chips like every other company does. Not that, in my experience, pieces of real native onions are ever green, you, the producer, have cultivated me as an american consumer to expect certain things without considering if they link up with reality, especially with regard to the color of things I put in my mouth. Grape is purple. Dew is green. Cheese is orange. Sour Cream and Onion chips have little green things on them. If you suddenly change a color or remove a component that contains a color, I need to know why. Otherwise I start wondering what those green things are or why I would eat “sour cream and onion” ANYTHING. I will not consume actual sour cream. I always make sure it is not in my burritos. It is essentially the Mexicish equivalent of mayonnaise for joints that never kept up on their trendy fees enough to have been issued chipotle mayonnaise. Disgusting white goop needs to be in all prepared food. They invent new names to make it harder for me to ask to not have it.
Now “aioli” is the unexplained mystery ingredient but I am not fooled! I would not even eat Aioli pringles.
I have seen some people who claim to “blog every day.” Is that something to be proud of? There is no legal guideline for what constitutes “blogging” and it can amount to nothing more than posting a video you found or had found at you. I should not compare myself to such people. If my page is just stuff off of other peoples’ pages, why should anyone come to it? With that in mind, here is something nobody else would want on their page. I fell out of practice on this method, but most of my better pictures are done in the method so clearly it should not be ignored. Nor should consideration of subject matter quality.
Street tacos, made with real gravel and grit. Throw on some mud gravy if you feel adventurous. Then put it in your mouth at some point.
Unless I am to take this as “tacos from a street vendor,” which means face and brain matter, for the authentic cabeza flavor, and the cost-effectiveness that one reasonably associates with selling food out of a truck, unless you are still saving up for the truck. I forgot to check the ingredients but I am sure they are in there. Sure, I would eat that frozen and reheated. I hope this same brand starts offering street pizza as well. After eh, what is “evol” but evolution –survival and adaptation of the fittest– cut short? (It is also evil misspelled).
I hate the phrase “the inmates are running the asylum!” I have, on two distant past occasions, been involuntarily hospitalized, and if by some error I suddenly had freedom the worst thing I would do is leave. I would not trust in my ability to operate it as a business. Using the word “inmate” suggests an expectation of a prison-like state of affairs; what do you think most prisoners would do? Stick around and wait for Batman to show up? If you think they are wearing strait jackets also (and they would not be) then they would be in no condition to fight!
I do not think google gets my joke.
Time for dinner.
The problem should never have gotten this bad.
Well pho much for my attempt to post something every day. I ultimately get pulled in too many directions for me to remember this on all days. Still that was about 15 posts for January, more than any other month the last eight years, more likely. In fact I stopped reading The Onion about eight years ago because it started posting new things every day instead of once a week, and those things started being videos that had one story, and then ALSO a text crawl of ludicrous headlines that would require a second viewing to catch. Or more likely a third viewing if I tried to pay attention to both parts the first time. And THEN it added a separate sport section that also updated every day. I never was interested in sporting but I had to look anyway and it was too much. It was too much time spent reading things that were made up and of no consequence, and then much worse if I let them pile up unread. Also too much of it veered to Saturday Night Live style where it was 90% copy of a regular boring news story with one key sentence off a bit now and then to remind readers that it was “satire.” It was like a job. And then I let the same thing happen with the tv shows I still watched. I was relieved when Steve Colbert’s Report show concluded because I actually did like that show and did not have the option of quitting because I wanted to. I relish no longer wanting to watch it.
I was disappointed that my favorite muppet, The Count, was absent from the final broadcast’s time-wasting guest montage. However, Henry Kissinger looks sufficiently muppetish, and is also a vampire.
There may be other characters he resembles also. For example, here he looks like Mr. Wright from the Super NES version of Simcity.
Also note that while Colbert Report’s website deleted his interview with Bill Cosby from last September 24 barely a month later when longstanding allegations against Cosby were abruptly given credence by The Main Ice Cream Media, Kissinger, a war criminal before Cosby ever abused a glass of Jesus juice, whose actions actually killed people, and is, one assumes, due for an abrupt mass retroactive hate dump at any time, was deemed public-relationsly safe enough to close out the series as a whole yet later than that. Because unlike Kissinger or the now-beloved convicted rapist Mike Tyson, Cosby kept his secrets secret for a long time, so instead of getting a public reprieve in older age, he has to take major scrutiny and blacklisting for the first time. So is he, like Jerry Lee Lewis, who may or may not have murdered at least one of his wives, going to have to retreat to his hometown and buy off everybody? Surely he has enough money that he CAN. He does not NEED to be on television to pay for whatever Neverland Ranch kind of place he might start living in as a recluse. And Kissinger is 91. In ten years Cosby will be 87. He may yet have a few years of appreciation waiting after people resume not caring what he might have done. Clearly I need to start committing some big crimes to get more attention a few years after I get punished for doing them. Although THEN everybody will be disappointed when I fail to post an update every day.
If a bullet ricochet sound effect has been heard in a Yosemite Sam cartoon, please consider not putting it in your serious World War I movie.
And speaking, as I was, of over-promoted, mostly empty objects,
These Patriots balloons seem to be floating low compared to the others. Perhaps not inflated sufficiently?
Otay, I don’t care about it either. It is precisely how little I care about it that makes me so aware of its pointlessness, which I do care about. No other 100% frivolous topic – local elections, cartoons, late night talk shows – makes people feel so much like they have to go out of their way(s) to warn me that they don’t care before commenting. I do get a few “I don’t watch televisions” here and there, but I would also not watch it if I had the choice.
By now putting GATE at the end is you admitting that it is an overhyped stupid story that is a waste of everyone’s time. Television network news loves this kind of garbage. They have only 21 minutes to fill with information of the entire world’s concern, not even 7 days a week, and they waste time on this repeatedly.
Today (yesterday) the big story was this year’s Historic Buzzard. Weather is also ludicrously fetishized by tv news, but this one is an actual world story, at least, in a sense, perhaps inadvertently, since presumably other countries were messed with when major transit hubs canceled all flights in and out.
That was about half the broadcast. They STILL made time for more nonsense about the stupid footballs. The caption literally was “WHO DEFLATED THOSE FOOTBALLS?” The answer was, essentially, “dunno.” Gosh if they DID know, something might actually happen, ehhh? There might be something to TALK about! Would we postpone or cancel the Superb-Owl to do a proper investigation? To find out how long this team that almost always wins has been cheating? No no no, do not even say that! Oh my word, the very thought of it! We’ll steal back a gold medal you won legitimately because you smoked weeds that probably harmed your performance, if anything, but we don’t mess with football.
The NFL’s biggest stars are conceited thugs, and the ones that aren’t are getting dementia from bashing themselves in the head all the time. Tv providers bend over backward for an opportunity to bend their customers every other way for the obnoxious “package deals” major sport associations force on them. They would love to imply the the very worst thing going on is that a few balls do not have enough air in them once in a while, and get more free press for the biggest adsturbation ceremony of the year in the process, since we have assured everyone that will NOT be called off under any circumstances. Perhaps I DO care, then, but I put effort into it.
I used to write about someone I identified as W, at the time for his sake, now more for mine, that I knew via the stupid furry art websites and was infatuated with, and later hated intensely after I got jealous of the people he liked better than me. Throughout this tenure, when he was not in hiding with an emptied art page, every few days he would post a totally empty “I hope everyone is having a wonderful day!” kind of message on his page, just to give the impression he cared about his disciples, important to do because he didn’t. It worked; I fell for it, after all, so long as I was told individually and not only ever as part of a group. The only time the trance ever broke over the cultists was when W would mention football during his weekly addresses. People were displeased, almost OFFENDED.
The stylesheet is broken because this is an html copy I saved, because at the time I was in a different stage of my huge mental problem and saved EVERYTHING. If you had told me I would be using it to criticize everybody in five years, I might have thought it plausible but I would have been disappointed since at the time I was regretting what I had gotten into five years before then.
Excuse me, this is the INTERNET. We are COOL NERDS. We don’t “do” physical activity. I can’t BELIEVE I need to take time out of lusting after juvenile cartoon rodents to criticize somebody for giving in to an inexplicable base urge for personal enjoyment! I don’t even disagree with his comment and I want to punch this guy, just because it is so pompously-worded and uncalled-for. And later (but before we hated each other) W told me privately that he didn’t even really care about football; he just had to pretend to so he could fit in at work. That is always what he did; whatever he thought would make people like him best, occasionally getting freaked out when it worked too well. He was a military veteran and could not relate to regular people anymore and just pretended to. I am not certain what he factually thought of the sport, but the reaction from others is more relevant. If you like football, people will hate you for that. And if you hate football, other people will hate you for that. And if you just mention it casually people will need to let you know where THEY stand so they do not have to live with thinking you think they think otherwise. And this is not the Gaza Flippety Dippity Strip where there is grey morality and uncertain truth of who is launching more rockets at whom in what order; it’s a stupid game where people move some dumb lump around and usually do not kill anybody. Nazi furries don’t get as much grief as casual football acknowledgers because it seems logical to assume somebody would have called out the nazis before you found them.
Football is just so profoundly stupid and overexposed that every remotely marginalized maniac can unite against its dread destructive oaf force. Organized religion has lost its grasp on right wing mass media, but football is still very there. The police would toss tear gas grenades into your grocery store for having a little Jesus manger hidden in a corner but a cardboard Taj Mahal to football filled with salty crunchy poison right by the entrance is just part of life. In a way I support this resistance, and in another way it seems like the opposing forces have plenty in common. They both think they are best and want the other destroyed. Self-described nerds NEED “jocks” to hate, because otherwise they cannot claim anyone is holding them down. They cannot claim this culture filled with noisy bleepsy hand-held devices with magic powers, “awesome” depressing breakfast foods, inexpensive personalized porn, unlimited sequels to everything and self-contained communities and economies built around just being FANS of stuff is ignoring their interests.
Anyway, I do not see what the big deal is about under-inflated implements. Presumably both sides have to touch the thing.
In summary, I care about everything, especially the things I do not care about.
16 Hollywood Stars & Their Escalator Banisters
I am not certain I agree with that!
Cool dudes not permitted.
In fact dudes in general should keep away from me.
Oh no, floating head graduation hat dudes!
This school is totally rotten! Seriously, the students illustrated here look like meat that has been left in a refrigerator for a month. The situation is ugly, but at least we saved ourselves from
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRmadillo! The virus is spreading! Soon we will all be dudes
Do not panic! How bad could these dudes be?
No!
It’s World War Dude.
Some people observed the Golden Globe statue award program in my house. It sounded like Church but with tackier music and more applause breaks. The major difference is that Catholicism’s rituals are slightly less abstract and impractical. I think the ceremony could have been improved by a few pantocrations.
The film titled “Boy-Hood” won a few of the year’s best picture awards. I think there were about five different “best picture” awards given out but Boyhood won two of them, so that is a pretty good score.
I did happen to witness Boyhood some months ago; it is a film recorded across 12 years, focusing primarily on one child from the age of 4 to 16 years. Note that this is not Boy in a Hood, who would probably not have gotten through many years like that. Other characters appear, and then they disappear and we hear no more about them. Just like in REAL LIFE! Yes alright, I have been watching that for 31 years, and I consider its lack of recurring purpose and closure one of the more frustrating matters. A filmmaker has the ability to show just the ones that are important and not waste my time. In the second half I kept thinking it was going to end at literally any point, since it seemed like it had stopped building to anything, but it kept going, adding new people, then dropping them, and when it DID end it was just as abrupt as it would have been when I first expected it to end.
I do think it improves upon the other film directed by Richard Linklater that I saw, Waking Life, but watching a phonograph record spin from start to finish without audio output would be an improvement on Waking Life because it would be over sooner.
In fact neither film has a point and both are too long, and primarily interesting from a production standpoint, but I did not feel the urge to apologize to the person I was with after “Boyhood,” although in that case it was not my idea anyhow so I would not have been at fault, but I did not expect an apology either! Still I felt somewhat empty.
It WAS interesting, and somewhat sad to watch somebody go from periods I recognized, 4-8-12 year old child with no real control, and suddenly jumping to somebody driving a car, living alone, doing sex, things that never fully happened in my life of nearly twice the length. Even choreographed on a screen I missed the transition. Not that I WANT to do all those things, but it would be a change to have the choice to do or not do them. In fact I can drive a car but it always worries me, and I am afraid to do it alone and have never been certified. I passed the knowledge test but the road test was for some reason scheduled for months later and I could not find anybody to drive me to it!
If you are not familiar with Waking Life, good. It is a series of rotoscope-animated scenes of dorks talking at the camera about abstract concepts that lasts two hours. Around the time when I watched it there were also in circulation advertisements called “Talk to Chuck” that were cartoon-filtered “real” upper class scumbags talking at the camera about NOTHING. Imagine watching those for 90 minutes, just with less plot. It is supposed to be like a “dream,” and it is, in the sense that when analyzed after waking up it has no meaning and determining what order events occurred in is impossible. The difference is that if I tried to walk away from the movie my legs would actually have found traction on the ground and I didn’t bother to try. So Boyhood is better than that. It increasingly turns into a series of dopey philosophical interviews as the boy whose hood it is gets older and the script gives him more lines, but at least he is talking to other people. Sometimes he is driving, sometimes someone else is driving. Sometimes he is in a forest.
I would like to see a story filmed in order across a number of years, but Richard Linklater does not typically deal in “stories.” The screenplay was also nobidated for a yet different award, which surprised me via the revelation that it has a screenplay. I thought Dumb and Dumber To had a more solid narrative (but just as much driving). Gosh even that was sad, these people who are supposed to be the stupidest in the universe never have an anxiety panic turning left at an intersection, or any trouble getting on or off a highway or parking.
On the topic it strikes me that studios would not make a Space Jam 2 without Michael Jordan, but went ahead on an official Dumb and Dumber follow-up without Charles Rocket.
not quite; this guy can actually live with himself (and is still administrator of that website).
It has been said, possibly by me, that if we compare the amount of people simply shot with firearms, deliberately or otherwise, in this country, guns whose current state of regulation may not be touched, except to make less so, without strong public and corporate protest, it greatly overwhelms the number killed by “terrorism,” which we are regularly forced to forgo civil liberties as part of the “war on.”
To me, organized terrorism differs from the usual mass shooting we get in the US, because “mass shooting” often involves the perpetrators shooting themselves at the end, and it is difficult to determine what they thought they could accomplish. The recent Paris murder-fest was planned in advance, threatened about in advance, the people who did it knew exactly who they came to kill, and they got away. By NOW they have mostly been captured (by death by bullets), but the fact remains they intended to go on living afterward. Is that justification for monitoring my telephone calls and humiliating me at an airport? Not at all. If anything, I think the abuse of citizens by their own government is more valid justification for criminal acts than insulting drawings. But it proves these matters should not be considered the same thing. It is not just plain old murder. It is as bad as murder, but simply getting mad and sad at the idea of “terror,” a basic emotion that all people can experience, is not going to solve the problem. I do not know what will solve the problem, but I feel obligated to think about it, since I did not have an emotional reaction, but observed many such reactions.
Why are depictions of Muhammad banned? Allegedly because they might lead to iconography, worship of the symbol. Muhammad did not care how he was shown, he just did not want people to worship it. Or, rather, one segment of his followers thought he did not want his image, and possibly any images, worshiped, and then across a few centuries some subgroups remembered the main part of the rule but forgot why and got really serious about it. Would anybody worship an INSULTING picture of Muhammad? Of anyone? Killing over it makes no sense, even from a fundamentalist perspective. In fact this seems like the opposite of the prohibition’s intention, since you are holding the ban as sacred and infallible. The Law is your idol, your god, and you cannot be convinced that whatever you think it says is wrong.
It is difficult for people from non-fundamentalist-islam backgrounds to grasp the iconography issue, because so much of our culture is defined by ancient art, that was generally financed by religious fanatics, because they had all the money.
The odd thing about iconography, to me, is that this would seem to be descended from similar judeo-christian bans, bans which really did not stand the test of time, despite two iconoclastic periods in Byzantium and an entire dark age in which people were just too impoverished and miserable to make art. Consequently nobody actually knows what any of these constantly depicted figures looked like and Christianity’s number one symbol, the +-shaped cross is highly unlikely to have been the implement of Christ Christy’s crucifixion; evidence and records favor an X. Anything that shows a t cross is automatically wrong.
At some point The Church realized that its rituals and LATIN masses made no sense to the lay people, who all spoke mangled mixes of french, german and elvish, so then we had elaborate paintings, stain glass windows, decorated facades, all of ostensibly instructional value, plus gold to instruct peasants that the church is better than them. All in all a general business of exploiting people for money to pay for opulence for the church, forcefully financed by church patrons who probably cannot even afford to bury their kin who die of ludicrously preventable diseases. And they liked it! Or thought they did. They would travel all across Europe to visit all the churches and church relics, often body parts of saints, or just boxes that they were told contained such things. It’s really the thought of Saint Francis’ mummified trachea that counts. It is only the newest pope who finally considered, hey maybe the amount of money us popes hoard is totally incongruous to the message of humility and generosity we teach/name ourselves after.
And then this week, in a story that I admit I only read in the first place for a totally different reason, ol’ popey will be attending an event in Manila, in which people parade a statue of that darn Christ through the streets, a statue that supposedly has magical power to heal the sick and whatnot, and bring “good fortune.” Idol worship, witchcraft, greed, incontinence, all sorts of nonsense going on. It is ridiculous and has nothing to do with church doctrine, and yet it is a happier celebration than the mopey Catholic stuff I grew up with. Although I am also inclined to believe the home lives in any society so focused on a religious ritual is probably solidly patriarchal, abusive and opposed to change (but they always get cranky when they need one so no sense putting it off). We need to separate our joy from religion, and we need to separate our mandated misery from it. If Catholicism had been more jolly maybe I would have stuck with it and never gotten to the point where I realized there was no need for it. But if I did not have the freedom to quit church, or access to parts of life unrelated to church, and had been forced to believe in stuff that was made deliberately arcane and impossible to fully grasp, and thus impossible to question any aspect of, I might well have become the angriest, murderiest person on the planet.
And this was in the era of “Jesus loves you.” Jesus did not always love the proverbial you.
“Christ Pantokrator.” I know it is called that. I had to memorize what this was during my ill-advised art education. But what is a pantokrator? I do not know, but I presume it describes someone who does whatever jesus does when he makes that face.
Who cut this tin can in half and glued it to my plastic wig? Just because that knife you bought off the tv CAN cut a can that you subsequently attach to Christ does not mean you SHOULD. Christ is displeased. Thou shalt be pantocrated.
Religion, in general, does not wish the best for us, I think, overall. If you grow up thinking God is angry, and you aren’t allowed to think about anything else, you will be very very angry. There are indeed nations, entire countries, where it is ILLEGAL to quit the local brand of Islam. In United Arab Emirates, the punishment for trying is death! Like it is not enough that Allah will hate you and condemn you for your deed, you have to die NOW. In 2015! Or at least in 1996, which is when wikipedia’s source dates from. But the shooters, they were my age. I lived through 1996. Don’t think I don’t remember when RENT and that third Mighty Ducks movie came out. This stuff didn’t happen so very long ago.
And there probably are Christians today who think all depictions of Jesus are evil. They just do not get angry or motivated enough to shoot anyone. Over that reason. Maybe they will shoot you for being gay. But arbitrary conditions for slaughter is certainly a part of their Christian history. It is part of American history. This nation is as backward as it is because we “won” all our wars and were never forced to pay for our bad history by people badder than us. A murderer is a hero in a land claimed by murdering. Beside the point!
And I wonder, for people angry enough to plan a spree-execution like our recent one in such detail over insults, past the point of reasoning “hey I GOT to France, nobody has the legal authority to kill me for not being angry here” what makes them happy? If they believe the path to salvation involves wholly forgoing joy or whimsy in life, perhaps killing is the only fun they have, and the only fun they learned to have. This article‘s writer thinks the shooters actually are not so bothered by cartoons and just want an excuse to shoot people and jumpstart retaliations toward Muslims in general so that they can plan more counter-retaliation attacks. That almost makes more sense. Since up to that point nothing made sense, I will go with that idea. In fact I know somebody who thinks the Newtown, Connecticut shooting, a few towns over from where I am, was arranged by the US government as an excuse to take away The Guns and/or encourage a race war for some reason. Which does not mean I also believe that, but there are people out there who think a race war is really coming or could come, and maybe they would do what they could to encourage it if that sounded like fun to them.
I wish they could find more socially acceptable ways to have fun!
I have been on the internet too long, because this comes across to me like the person being interviewed is way too into the idea of people wearing diapers. This can be read as if he is issuing a general recommendation for all people to wear diapers in their every day lives.
I like the statement that he will “try” to wear one also. As if to suggest it is a challenge that only the most worthy and dedicated may take on, and he wants to pretend he has not been doing it all along and looking for an excuse to pretend it is someone else’s idea, then pretend to be surprised when he takes to it really well.
He is turning into a Charmin bear in my mind and that is really not what I came here to-
Cease this talk at once! And don’t you dare try and touch my sequined copy of my book about me! Pantocration is imminent!