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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
March 23, 2012
Concrete ‘monstrosity’ stands idle on beachfront

Are those people on The Office at all concerned about this documentary crew that’s been filming, following and interviewing them for eight years? Isn’t that a tremendous drain on productivity? Are they curious as to when this movie is coming out?

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A lot changes in a year.

A lot even changes in a week. I decided I wanted a more haggered looking-pose than last time and it was necessary to fully declothe the fool to get the proportions correct, and I must not have re-partially-clothed it. I suspect this earlier edition may be more respectable. However, respectability was never a goal the creature pursued in a logical manner. And yet if I were to directly intervene I would disserve all residents to not remove the fat-nosed fool entirely. Some people can’t get a break. I refer to me, of course.

I hardly consider that sufficient warning!

I would hire a note-taker but it would not be fair to impose this on anyone else.



January 18, 2012
By the end of the cartoon, though, he had discovered spinach and switched over to it. Whether the story was “real” or whether Popeye was just trying to get his nephews to eat the green veggie is open to debate.

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The thing that is currently blocking wikehhhpedia is really wimpy and easy to turn off. Or am I missing the point? Or does my going to wikipedia with the intent to see what its blocking measure looks like and if I can get around it exhibit a fundamental missing of many potential points of my existence?

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I recently learned that some people were blacking out their internet in protest tomorrow of SOAP, the notorious remover of blessed and peaceful blackness through the centuries. Well it’s about time I say. With that in mind I upload some particularly grimy watercolor objects from last year, confident that as few people as possible will see them. Although I keep up the fight every day by washing my hands in the dark, I’m used to people taking years to catch up to my trendsetting ways.

Notice that neither of these is doing anything but they’re both not doing it in approximately the same fashion, and both deserve our harshest retribution for it. The one on the right is probably only slightly worse.

Every thing it does is an atrocity. Every act is reprehensible. Every deed is dirty. The bow tie animal could be one of the spaceballs. All it does are dirty deeds. This is interfering with my right as a citizen to protest cleanliness. It is outrageous that that THING is still on the streets. I mean, it should be on the streets. It should be tossed out of a window onto a street. Perhaps out of several windows onto several streets, and perhaps motor vehicles will more closely acquaint the animal with the streets. It’s THAT bad. The thing is horrid. HORRID. horr-id. Can it be stopped? I honestly do not know. Every day it gets horribler and horribler. Truly it is atrocious. Can anything really be THAT bad? Yes. But a little stupid animal? Yes. Do not give it any appreciation. Do not even pretend, to get it to shut up. It will not shut up. It’s so dumb it will think you mean that and think that means it should continue talking about its bowtie or its feet or whatever stupid thing it might talk about. You can only win by not letting it win.


How about this: I’ll cut them off and toss them in a field and then you’ll have to find feet. The bowtie animal is a bozo. i would call it a bonehead, but i suspect it lacks a proper skull. It looks too punchable to have a skull, and if it has a brain surely a skull would have prevented the extensive damage which has no doubt occurred. Oh mushrooms I’m over the deadline by a minute. Now I’m a traitor and don’t support not supporting censorship. All because of feet. In fact I do support censorship but primarily of the elements close at feet at hand.

I know pretending I think SOPA is “SOAP” is really lame and obvious. I assumed it was, thinking I might have a decent angle on it. However, I legitimately do wash my hands in the dark and like imposing my weird habits on people. I have showered at least twice. Interpret that sentence any way you like.
This is a primary reason why I talk about pointless topics others don’t care about; I can have all the dumbest jokes to myself and not be concerned what lazy idiot I’ve never heard of already did it poorly and annoyed someone else I’ve never heard of in some never ending, never starting MC Escher gauntlet of unplacatable judgment of crimes which don’t matter (stop me if someone else on the planet has mistaken Escher for a rapper from the 1980s at some point in history). In fact the less people I’m aware of, the less I want to scream at. I’m a worse judge than anyone and can’t handle it very well, since I’d rather not yell at anyone louder than me. Additionally, when I see “hurr” or “derp” in a simulation of another human I lose my ability to consider it in a rational manner.



December 21, 2011
Holy hairdo! It’s a girl!

Well that was quite a week, wasn’t it!

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No this is about something else!

I had a half-hearted complaint about fox television [back in September] and realized I hadn’t posted this where I said the same stuff better. It’s old but time increasingly has no meaning to me.


from the creators of arrested development comes another ugly, ugly, vulgar lecherous cartoon. Usually they can say from Mike Judge or Seth McFarlane or Matt Groening, established ugly cartoonists who just happen to have had success in the field. Arrested Development was not an ugly cartoon. Why, if they were to transition into animation, would they choose to have their product be ugly if the possibility existed that it did not have to be? Footooraba at least has some competent background design work, even if it’s no less derivative of 1950s science comics than any live action shows of the 1980s. THIS, if I am accurately informed uses no background design at all and just swaps in photographs. It appears to take place at an academic institution of some sort, if I had to guess, and I do because I’ll never watch this advertisement with the sound on or again, I’d say it’s a High School, because America[‘s broadcast masters] can’t get enough high school. I’ve been avoiding tv shows and movies set at high schools my whole life. There have been so many, that I could watch a few regularly and still miss enough to claim to have avoided them.
After a bit of reading I probably definitely shouldn’t have bothered with, I discovered that far from creating this, Mitchell Hurwitz merely copied the idea from ANOTHER show from Australia and then pitched it to networks after the American The Office got popular, and it was only the Fox channel in the end who demanded it be a terribly drawn cartoon. The character designs, incididdly, are by Mo Willems, of whom this page claims “His illustrations, wire sculpture, and carved ceramics have been exhibited in galleries and museums across the nation” Of COURSE they have.


Somewhere there’s an exclusive club made up entirely of multi millionaires who had absolutely terrific times in high school and want everyone to know it.
Glee, I saw the first episode, and no more. Maybe that’s not long enough to form a proper judgment but it should be long enough to make me want to watch again and I didn’t even want to finish. It was a mildly entertaining rehash of the same old high school-themed junk I’ve been sick of/utterly unable to relate to for most of my life. It didn’t do nearly enough to bring me back for a second show, but the dorkwash of praise around it was plenty adequate to keep me away. That stuff is 100% market research. People will watch anything if it has high school or kids singing at the screen in it.


I simply have no interest in people playing sports and falling in love and losing sports but then winning sports and going to classes sometimes in highschool, regardless of whether they’re the first black anything. No part of high school for me was easy and definite enough that I would let it pass in a montage. This was related to some movie that came out a few years ago that I almost wrote about but I can’t remember what it was, but it’s worth saying, because they make that one a lot. I don’t suppose anybody wants to watch a television program about filling in worksheets, twice daily hour+ long busrides, or a year long speech strike resulting in expulsion, including me, and my situation(s) are so unusual that I shouldn’t expect anybody with money to know, much less care, much less gamble a pilot on it. But what they show instead is such a fallacious fantasy that after a few tries loses its novelty value and we realize it’s not meant to be novelty value but they think that’s reality.
I’m sick of “anti-hero” nerds. I’m at the point where The Most Unlikely is always exactly who I expect it’s going to be. Being a nerd must rule. You actually understand course material and there’s an established clique of like-minded gorkachus who share your interests. To date the only depiction of high school I’ve seen that I relate to that I recall occurs in Billy Madison, one of the least realistic movies ever made, even by Adam Sandler stadards, assuming he has any, in which at one point Billy starts yelling out the corny lines (Chlorophyll? More like bore-o-phyll!) that made him popular in grade school the week before and suddenly nobody thinks he’s funny anymore. Thankfully he only had to be in high school for a month. Forrest gumping Gump got through high school and college in about three minutes evidently without any stress or emotional crises, dropping only some narration of the length it time it took in non-montage time, five years, that’s supposed to make him seem like a twit for not realizing that’s longer than it’s supposed to take… I’ll be lucky to do it in six, not including the four year break in the middle! Clearly I’m not going to find fictional underachievers more pathetic than myself unless I invent them.


How is this at all fair? Even they get to have a dumb club.

Golly goopity I typed “gleek” into google to get a picture of that dopey blue monkey so I could post it here and pretend I was confused, not expecting gleekitude was an actual THING that people have taken upon themselves. I can’t tell if the television marketing ad executives invented it or if the viral marketing ad executives invented it, but it’s awful enough for either. Ha ha look we are proud to call ourselves an insulting name! We are very fond of labels! Please sell us official authorized merchandise with this word on it!


Alfight so I wrote most of that last year… by now this trope processing plant’s been on television for about a year and a half and it already has [at least] seven albums –depending on whether the two christmas albums are included in that total– presumably all covers, performed by the exact same people. I don’t even think Now that’s what I call an album title that’s annoying to use in a sentence was chudding them out that fast, and they weren’t presumably also producing a quasi-weekly and one imagines scripted national broadcast at the same time. Why indeed even make the television show? Glee Christmas II: Return of Durant has twelve songs on it. Unless the program has already degenerated to the point where every week is a christmas episode, it seems most likely a majority of the recordings were produced exclusively for the album, which unlike the TV show people have to pay for in currency apart from their souls and I am meant to think they do. Maybe the price is worth it to be able to imagine the singers aren’t in tv high school.

My theatre class ah teacher let’s say pronounced me a “gleek” when I stated that Michael Crawford from the film edition of A funny thing happened on the way to the Forum went on to play the Phantom of the Opera, after she posed the question of what Crawford was best known for. First of all, if I’m anything, it’s because I know Michael Crawford starred as Phineas in the London West End production of Barnum in 1981 and while I admire his linguistic speed and ability to walk across a fleeping tightrope while singing I still prefer Jim Dale’s official Broadway cast album version of the same songs because his put-on American accent sounds less like Regis Philbin.
But second, I object to having my awareness of things that predated my existence summed up in terms of a tacky sponsor expo that’s younger than my external hard drive. If I’m older than Glee but share some of its passions then perhaps glee is a meek. Ha uh oh no.

If this smarm mill is for establishment nerds who aren’t cool enough to like Kidz Bop, the muhponies of a few weeks ago may be for those not cool enough to like Glee. Whether or not that is true it lets me transition into the next bit which isn’t looking to be relevant again soon.


I can’t tell if this is a gag or not. I no longer have any concept of what’s funny and what’s serious to these people (“these people” being the users of the website with that or similar layouts or other websites used by them dissimilar in appearance). If you’re unacquainted with the orange-horned albinos that’s well enough but they tend to manifest their presences in the exact same way as the diminutive equines. This person isn’t against obsessive fans; just obsessive fans for other properties. Although I suppose merely having a ripoff character that you represent yourself with is a long way from the extreme of obsession, and this person has a considerable list of obsessive traits that he does not possess. So I am instead concerned that he possesses an obsession obsession. I am concerned because I saw what that affliction did to me.

However, is there a club for me if I’m also anti-random tough guys with mustaches? Must I align myself with the Ice Road Truckers to express frustration with something? Must I stand behind Animal from the Legion of Doom to have a say in this?

By Skipper I don’t feel safe in this company. Gleek’s not going to be any help against the Legion of Doom; the Wonder Twins were cut from that series!


Whatever am I going to do about pink-shirted, booted men in gargoyle poses flying through space by their own power?

No, not compose an ode of praise!

A more important question, perhaps: does this make me an obsessive Superfriends fan? If it’s possible to ask the question, to be in my presence without this becoming immediately apparent then we probably don’t have to argue about it.

Furries, glecowafers and their ilks are very much like the people in Flatland, a book about a world that exists entirely in two dimensions (there’s an inaccessible bit for my math class), in that they are incapable of looking at matters as a non-furry would. They can’t be “against” any overpromoted entity for breeding monotony because they’ve never been “for” anything that didn’t.
But I was here to talk about Glee and the gleek army specifically, right? (sort of) Well good news I’m done. They may live and do as they please.

But good news for whom?? Oh deef. Well I hope somebody managed to learn something from all this.


I also look forward to next year’s means of being dumber than this one.



October 10, 2011
Mystery Jaunt Revives Hope


A somewhat more awkward lope than usual is distracted and nearly misses an important incoming transmission.


It is awkward because the base sketch did not include the hat or the other accouterments and evidently those need to be considered from the start to prevent them from getting unruly.

I cannot justify the existence of this work, and so it fits right in. The actual object, border included, seems to be round-about 6 square inches, so it is mercifully easy to hide.



July 26, 2011
The country engulfed in protest – welcome sign of normalcy

Or Disgracy’s Angstgiving Malaise, if you prefer, but why would you?

Do you remember when I used to write stuff? Well I have forgotten and that is why there have been so many of these lately.

It was meant to be a response to that because I talk to myself. However, I rarely listen, so it was rather a bit over a year before it could be shown. Ordinarily, people would have stopped caring by then, but fortunately nobody cared to begin with. The only thing I got right was the bland layout.

It may strike you as decadent for one character to hog the rope belt AND the single suspender. Are you going to put up with that?

Through no deliberate thought by me the central figure (“dope”) is the most dignified looking idiot here through not having made any botched attempt to appear dignified.

And now that I have made this, what do I do with it? It has no purpose. There is no reason I should have spent so long on it. I lack even the motivation to update this page’s banner twits. The secret to online fame is to acknowledge and pay reverent homage to stuff that already exists, but that doesn’t work if it’s your own stuff, unless you referenced other stuff prior to referencing your own, and chances are people will be annoyed that you didn’t just reference the stuff you usually reference.


I didn’t say so in the past but generally these things conceal links to larger, more clear versions of themselves. I don’t actually believe that this conveys any information here on the page. I don’t believe the full size conveys much more, but it’s slightly more and that’s the amount I intend.

Most of the development for the background occurred before I had merged it with the characters, because at the image size of 20000×7000 pixels it was irritating having to deal with constant delays while I added large amounts of blurry computer paint (the fourth row is just a temporary mock-up that I have saved for some reason). Having multiple layers, then, made the situation totally unbearable. Then at some point I realized nobody would notice or care if I reduced everything to 10000×3500 and after I did, it became feasible to merge them and development escalated, now (then) that I could see where things were in relationship to each other better. The result was still an unsightly, muddy mess, but and I’ll think up a justification later.


This was removed from the space where the yellow creature eventually was placed because the character is sort of boring, and I thought it worth incorporating alternate modes of improper dress.

This was earlier removed from the same position not for looking too stupid, but I imagined this thing would not be pleased that others challenged its bow tie supremacy and would refuse to stand with them. At that point I had considered having the center dope also wearing a bow tie, which further complicated matters. I drew a new one into the background because I forgot I had made one already.

The creature elpse is mildly allergic to stripes, and so appears to merely be sneezing, rather than protesting. In fact this sneeze would have seemed to be directed away from the dope out of courtesy, which I cannot allow.

This pose was too interesting.


Of course I’m kidding. Most of these characters need to be in trash AND jail.



June 11, 2011
I’m the funniest looking Swede that you have ever seen

I’ve run out of ideas. I don’t know what to do about it,

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I decree that as per the terms of my trying to have this website sorted better that a meandering editorial like this need not be directly attached to the thing that it relates to. I did not intend for it to meander, but I ought to have noticed that it did so. And lo, I did! So there, lo. I don’t need you judging me all the time, lo. That’s really low. Ha uh.

Four years ago I would never have dared make such a picture as that, much less display it publicly. How do you feel, internet, to have allowed such an atrocity to occur? Yes, yes, I realize that’s what you DO, internet, and therefore you feel just fine if you noticed at all; my question was rhetorical!

A few persons commented –not necessarily complained, but I interpreted it as such because I am a whimpering weasel of a human being– about the creature’s conspicuous lack of trousers, and indeed even before such comments existed I was hesitant to display the image here for that reason. I didn’t put up the one I linked to within that link either, but now it is relevant and thus I must. As much as I appreciate illogical character design, that one aspect is hard to justify, as I’ve probably mentioned many times before this because I’ve always thought it very strange, not in a way that is inherently funny, and I am somewhat miffed at myself for proliferating it. I do not do this out of pointless adherence to convention, I merely came to find it a pleasing aesthetic in the past series of years for some completely baffling reason. Perhaps this was the tradeoff for no longer preferring a computer operating system environment that looked like this

I think I remarked about such remarks before, but I don’t recall where, I felt bad about it, and in any event this is not an attempt to excuse such a peculiar anti-dress code (Or it sort of is, now that I’ve seen the end and my two subsequent uses of the word. I was hoping it wasn’t that but it is).
And It’s my own fault for showing that midway image to begin with. My own self-consciousness about the issue drew attention to it that it would not otherwise have gotten, or gotten stated. As I said I think this is strange too. I agree with you!

While I can cannot recall a great quantity of images that the dumb beast ever wore respectable thigh insulation in, the lack only becomes conspicuous when the fool elects to wear a shirt and other accessories. It is like Eve and Adam of Adam and Eve suddenly being ashamed that they are naked, except this thing isn’t ashamed and we wonder why it isn’t.


The famous doughnut picture is one such image, and yet it seems not so blatant here. And why? The demi-dressed deinonychus itself is less prominent, but also it has not adapted an iconic commercial dress code to match this odd preference. Unless we consider

this guy. I’m guessing that we don’t.

And that’s far from an excuse!

In the doughnut scene, you could say the semi-shrouded struthiomimus just put on a coat or whatever, but in Special Dorklivery it has examined a standard OOPS uniform, not attempted to wear each part, and then appeared before us anyway. Unforgivable. Also, people are more inclined to accept fur as a pants substitute than an absence of everything. On another occasion, It has a bigger, stranger hat, a decent sized coat, a big feather and more colors.


Essentially, stuff to distract viewers from the shank-shield shedder’s lack of pants without actually giving it pants. That is still its dumbest style choice but no longer the only dumb style choice. And you might ask “why not just give it pants then? Wouldn’t that be easier?” Yes, it probably would. Please don’t ask that.


Certainly nobody would accuse this of being respectable, after uh.

However, the creature’s legs amuse me. They are so blatant. Almost like its stupid nose. It cannot be helped. They must be seen. Yet anytime I see a reasonably proportioned, cartoon humanoid animal wearing partial pants I can only think of


or worse. Even without elbow pads and a skateboard it’s going to remind me of Chuck E. Cheese and the Kool Aid Man (incidentally the name of the detective drama I pitched to CBS) circa 1995 and honestly I don’t have the time to put that much obnoxious photoshop blendy colors on everything. Thus the solution would be to have the atrociously attired agathaumas wear a skirt or similar noncommittal leg adornment.


But nobody yet has suggested that, so until someone does I shall ponder my excuse

and I shall hope that it is not inexcusable.



June 11, 2011
Special Dorklivery

or Solicitor General calls for efficient delivery of justice. There’s one site where I upload these pictures, where all my titles are pulled from vaguely relevant news headlines, because I didn’t want anybody to be able to type the normal titles of my pictures and find out I used that site. Three seconds later I realized nobody is stupid enough and I’m not important enough to make anybody stupid enough to actually try that, but my compulsion usually outlives my rationality. To my great dismay LAPD Apologizes for Bogus Alert About Terrorists Buying UPS Uniforms on eBay was over the title length limit by a considerable amount, even when I eliminated the word “bogus,” first because I’m just not gnarly and tubular enough to use such vernacular and also the alert is probably valid in this situation.

Eh so two people expressed a willingness to see this lamentable lump of imagined existence again and at least one of them meant it so now everybody has to suffer. The time now is to make a decision. It is too late to change your address.



March 17, 2011
pier depressure

I enjoy rain and misty voids. I’m not certain the protagonist here necessarily shares my view, for it seems to have brought an umbrella.

My favorite part about using photoshop is that it doesn’t ask you what the eep you’re thinking when you accidentally initiate the “revert” command. It has enough respect for me to know I would never do something so silly.

I am trying to upload “complete” pictures here again, and in fancy individual wordpress things so that I don’t need to have a big heap of them all at once to justify an html page, because apparently I’m just not going to do that. I am marking them, to the best of my understanding, with their proper dates, so that they appear in a chrono sensible order and also so that they aren’t placed at the fore on the main page, assuring that nobody ever sees them. I will possibly let you know when “everything” is in the system. You have my assurance that I have devised a new annoying step in the process to make this just as annoying and slow as the old way.



January 23, 2011
It won’t burn gas, it runs on laughs

A person from the internet recently alerted me to the existence of Freddy Milton, whose Danish comics about a trio of dragons called Gnuff appeared translated in the allegedly long-running “Critters” comic compilation book in the 1980s, a publication which I heretofore never cared to care about. I meant to talk about this on another site better geared toward the discussion of critty sorts but then I kept adding words so it could really only go here, where I don’t care if I get no comments, so I hope you’ll excuse me if this seems more sincere and less abusive than usual.

Have you heard of him? Maybe you have but I hadn’t until recently and he is what this is about. I’ve spent irresponsible quantities of the last six days scouring this material and it’s the sort of thing where now that I’ve almost run out I have to impose it on somebody else. Thankfully, there are no ill-advised video grames for me to play through this time.

There are a bunch of links here to pictures because in an odd twist of irony I actually like this fellow’s work and so don’t dare display it on my page as long as I’m linking to his. I was well educated in my yufe about the perils of Freddy coming for you.
Ehhh well he’s probably not watching, but one can never know what vigilant force is.

He seems to have done a lot of Carl Barks sort things. Or at least mentions Carl Barks a lot, and is something of a Danish authority on the subject. Carl Barks being a cartoonist who popularized increasingly outlandish adventure type comics featuring Donald, Scrooge, et al [Mc]Ducks and inspired many creative folks in his day. Barks was largely responsible for getting Disney comic artists and writers (or at least himself) proper credit where once all had been anonymous, for his ways were too distinctive for anyone else’s to pass as his. Milton doesn’t try to do that but clearly holds dear many of the destined duck depicter’s key principles. Right, so, I never heard of Carl Barks until maybe 2004 or so and he’d been dead since 2000. Herge got dead two weeks before I got birthed and Franquin met his demise before Barks did. Freddy Milton is still alive and from what I can tell maintaining his own website. I greatly approve of this development. This is the sort of person I need to scoff at me.

Alas, as far as I can figure, most of Milton’s output is only available in north-European languages which I cannot read (as opposed to the other European languages I can’t read), but there are a number of complete-seeming comics in English on the website, appropriately enough located in the section “English Stuff.” In fact, the English ones are the only complete long comics there, from what I can tell! Still, you get to ask questions like RIG ELLER AERLIG? I don’t know the answer but it has something to do with fat birds in trenchcoats smoking cigarettes. (It is also worth observing that a buck-toothed proto-gnuff is a recurring element in this series.) Rats really seem to hate the flamboyant flautist. Despite the predominance of human characters, that series looks to be the most saturated with avant-garde weirdness. That is, before the time comes to learn about the activities of disturbing anthropomorphized sausages. Although at least sausage is made from animal matter and can take on instinctual tendencies to flee from peril. They never had a chance!

I’m too amused by the fact that one of the gnuff dragons has a striking, if better-designed resemblance to the lope creature I draw a lot (and I think this is why the topic was mentioned to me) –including wonderfully punchable facial expressions; look at the floating head in that fourth frame. I don’t think I’ve ever been that happy about anything in my entire life– for me to approach that series rationally. I like the Woodrow Woodpecker comics, which the gnufflings aren’t in, so that thankfully suggests maybe there’s merit beyond my fondness for pitiful lizards (we can discuss CROCKY DYLE another time). I haven’t seen any fan-art of them on any of the, admittedly, Amero-centric websites I tend to find embarrassing fan-art on, so I assumed that they are still fairly obscure to English speakers. Or maybe just nobody is a fan of them. I might have sought to rectify this if that were the sort of thing I did.

Though it might seem as if the glorious civic chaos concludes with the woodpecker stories, I found a very incomplete “Critters” torrent which included an excerpt from a gnuff story about some enormous trees once again toppling the fragile local government, in under ten pages! But that isn’t on the website, unfortunately, so I don’t know how it ends. I assume the trees get mistaken for giant broccoli and a giant George Bush Sr. with a dog nose shuns them out of existence.

I’m not sure what the gnuffs’ relationships are to each other. The translated text identifies them as “siblings” but I wonder if that’s just because the Americans thought it would be weird to show a married couple that slept in separate beds. But then in the Orva story, about an unstoppable graffiti artist who gets the national guard deployed, these bird people are clearly in the same bed and nude so I should just trust the translation, even if it did change the peculiar name “Gnip” into the unimaginitive “Gnicky.”

I’m too pleased to observe the constant crossing-over of characters between the various series even when obvious copyright matters seem like they shouldn’t allow it. The W. Woodpecker antagonist Buzz Buzzard becomes a [some other bird] when he’s a Gnuff antagonist but he wears the same old-timey aviator costume and flies the same airplane. A glance through the danish cover gallery reveals that this replacement bird appears again, suggesting that Milton never forgets a useful character. I love that sort of thing.


It’s like when Dick Dastardly became the Dread Baron but still had the same airplane and sounded like Paul Winchell when Hanna Barbera made Yogi Bear and the Spruce Goose which if you’re lucky I’ll never mention again. You can further help this along by not attempting to chastise me for leaving out that he appeared in Laff-a-Lympics first. Give me a break. You’re like a little kid with all this cartoon geekery. We’re talking about Comic Books starring talking animals here.
Even the gnuffs themselves are primarily obvious –acknowledged at that– stand ins for more or less generic ducks and woodpeckers, because the story is more important than who’s in it (compare this old drawing with the updated one on Mr. Milton’s site). For all I know the sausages were replacements for the California Raisins. Which doesn’t bode well for my own prospects, which favor main characters that have massive personality disorders who don’t accomplish much and are hard to draw, especially when the guy doing it properly claims to not make a squeam of a lot of money now that print in general is less profitable, (due to the downfall of reprint venues like “Critters,” for one thing) but I won’t give up soon [enough].


And then uh some of the things are really well drawn. The guy makes lots of corny cartoons but he also draws difficult things like automobiles, banisters and non-psychedelic clouds, and boring things like circuses and an astounding quantity of supermarket scenes, all with perfect perspective and in a manner I don’t find repulsive or boring. I admire people who can work in so many different styles. I can’t comprehend it. It’s humbling. I want to cry. I can’t even draw a potato. I’m used to being inadequated by artists… increasingly kids a fraction of my age who won’t acknowledge me, but rarely professional comic people, because the technically proficient ones aren’t funny or I rationalize everything with “but their ideas are unoriginal tripe.” This is not always the case, obviously, and when that happens I can either hide from it or deal with it, and despite the part of this paragraph that I removed after I posted it I’m not hiding today. I can’t. I made those three pictures and I need some context here to justify their existence. I intend to write Mr. Milton a very embarrassing e-mail at some point. Oh right and practice drawing things I don’t understand more, naturally. Of course a week is the general length of my mega fascinations, and coincidentally my now common length of time between updates. Who will be next?

Perhaps I will make it two weeks and claim my prize!

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Alkaseltzer is far and away the best antacid named after a notorious maximum security prison. If I had TIME to give you an update don’t you think it would better than that?

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I’m worried that enough people have asked google if worrying burns calories that it’s one of the suggested search strings for questions about worrying.



August 5, 2010
Mail flawed

I was self-conscious about how stupid this was at one point, but then I uploaded it anyway so that’s kind of pantless. Pointless, I mean. It is very pant-less.


I added those weird squares to trick you into thinking this had a background.

An acquaintance told me how another acquaintance of his, whom he told about my dumb comic, had referred to this blue imbecile as “the UPS dragon” when I guess through some means or another the topic came up, even though this creature is just a regular dumb old lizard and not actually employed by a legitimate delivery service.

In fact it’s hardly a lizard at all. It doesn’t even have scales. I don’t really know what it is apart from very happy and very stupid.


About halfway through I considered the commonly associated UPS brown semi-pants, but I was of the opinion that while that looked very dumb it was not dumb *enough.* As it went, you can tell right away “this thing is incompetent.” Although having the hat backward also accomplishes that goal. The fool looks like an idiot both times that way. There may be other exceptions, as well.

I do not accept this!



June 16, 2009
The legacy of great intention

I probably won’t post something new tomorrow.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

page 30 (scroll down) of this.

Superfluous data:

The inking went better on the letters this time, but the actual drawings were still a mess and needed just as much post-scan mending as on past occasions. I at least seem to understand curtains better than I used to, but it’s still not enough.

People who have remarked have a few times done so to the amount that they don’t know what the characters’ names are. One thing that I find wacky about comics and indeed most fictional media is the manner in which plot details, including names, are compulsively stated even in situations where all parties (frequently just one person speaking to itself) should know everything and not need to say so. Still, somehow or another the reader ought to be informed, in most cases. I inserted a couple of names in here and it looked quite weird (apart from the the usual unusualness, naturally). It seemed like somebody else wrote it. I changed one of them to a “you.”

I drew the creature without ears, and then I saw some other picture where it had ears, so I drew ears on the next one, and they seemed unnecessary. If you’re bothered by the inconsistency you may imagine the fool has retractable ears.

No such excuse exists for the various background elements which are not totally consistent with prior depictions. Which is odd, because I knew all along what my intent was, so I should have been able to work something out. Maybe the room has more than one door and that control panel thing behind the bed is a stage prop.

I am not sure what the difference between a doctor and a doctrel is. Maybe this just regards the collar style of the laboratory coat worn, when applicable. Or perhaps doctrel is how they are addressed but doctor is what they are, even though this contradicts what I have already established. Maybe one kind is mean and the other kind is incompetent.

Between the page halves I lost my remaining point-three millimeter tip Techliner pen. It was certainly not the ideal drawing instrument and I only paid two dollars for it, but it was the best I had. I had to substitute… some other pen. It says “Pilot G2 07” but I think that can’t mean 0.7 millimeters because the “big” pen I use, for most of the outlines and the frame edges, is only 0.5 millimeters at the edge.


I thought we were friends.



May 18, 2009
The actor and movie producer Steven Seagal has worked closely with Dr. Gary Young in creating a life- sustaining product he could survive on. To the desert, on the mountain – he takes PowerMeal.

Aw beans! page 29 of this.
It is below page 28. It is sort of dull.
The creature’s horns are different because of some reason. This change may not have been a good change. The thing looks too much like a pokemon. It did before, but the horns at least were in opposition to that. I may change them back. I have that power. (and I used it)

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Monday, the eighteen
For the first time, I cooked a ham today. Or, more accurately, I placed a pre-cooked ham on to an aluminium foil-covered tray which I then placed into an oven and checked back on an hour later. It tasted adequately hammy, but that it bore a flavor like the flesh of a slaughtered animal proves very little. How well I actually did will only be revealed by how soon and how severely I become confined to the intestinal cleansing chamber. As a child it was common for me to eat just meat during a meal and ignore any side items provided and I suffered no ill effects from it, as far as I can recall linking ill effects to meat consumption. Today, less than ten minutes after eating four or five sizable slices of the ham I’ve already consumed nearly two snapple bottles* worth of water as part of my recovery process. Phlegm production has only just begun. It is an exciting time to be alive.

*I used this curious unit of measurement as I drank the water out of a snapple bottle.

And now, I place here the things I placed above the previous entry, because it was already obscenely long, and I hate to dilute the glory of Buck Choc, besides. I will have a nap and decide if I still like these being here when I wake up.

And no, I don’t, but they can’t go anywhere else.

llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll


Sunday the seventeen: I am not a third wheel. Third wheels provide safety and stability. I am a fifth wheel. I am the tire-shaped object attached to the back of a jeep after the tire has been used. I’m just some round thing that you have to teach yourself to not be aware of because it’s so out of place that it cannot be tolerated.


(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Saturday, the sixteen:
Mad Television, a program which I have spent far too much of my life (that being any of it) complaining about the errors of, never quite able to totally pull myself away from, much like a drug, just without the superficial fun times and convenient dulling of the senses, seems to at last be airing the series “finale” it’s had coming for a decade or so, thereby pulling itself away from me instead. Ah ha, ha ah! I win! The question on every me’s mind is: can the Mad Televised get through the last show they’ll ever do without padding up the 48 minutes of air time with old sketches featuring people who aren’t on the show anymore and isolated instances of writer competence despite producing at least eight best-of specials, presented as new content, in the past two years, these specials themselves not able to find enough usable content to justify their existences, needing to be padded up with needless, annoying “host” segments? The answer may bore you.

The still thriving program alleged to be its counterpart also had some slightly unusual thing going on today, yesterday or tomorrow and I said something about that but I’ve been in strange places lately and what I wrote currently still is. Curiously enough, if I had it I’d say nothing because I’d realize it was a mess and I just wouldn’t use it. I don’t have time to realize this is also a mess.


??????????????????????????

Friday, the fifteen:
I’m tired of “funny” white rappers. Saying rhyming stuff over slow beats while wearing sunglasses isn’t in fact incredibly hard, and it isn’t necessarily hilarious just because you have light skin and chose deliberately dweebish subject matter. I don’t think Andy Samberg invented them nor embodies their absolute worst qualities but he certainly empowered them. I realize I linked on more than one past occasion to a web [my-space] page by some Mad Dome Gettaz, but a: I am related to one of them and 2: they could actually rap, however big a fan of that I may not be.



March 31, 2009
got to wake up so early in the morning, got to swing on the golden gate

I need to take a nap.

‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”

The problem isn’t writing new things, it is amassing the courage to deal with what I’ve already written. Sometimes I wish I wrote less new things, quite honestly.

‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”‘”


You have nothing to blame but your own incompetence! You should not have tried to do that! Stop faulting society for your own failures! Do not pout at people more capable than you! They can not help your inadequacy! That one has its own problems anyhow. Observe:

See here, the large one thinks it is better than the small one, but they both have the same dumb smile. They also have similar ears, but that is, hopefully, beside the point. They are almost certainly like-minded fools. I do not like their foolish minds. It is not good when the only support I can get comes in the form of a badly drawn fish already being used for support.

This is quite stupid. But we knew that. Yet it helps to reaffirm our knowledge sometimes. Why can’t any of these characters be smart? Why do they all have to be stupid?



Negative! You are not what I wanted! You get less respect than beans. You get less respect than green apples in cartoons. You get less respect than the Anthony Michael Hall season of Saturday Night Live. You get less respect than Disney’s The Black Cauldron. You get less respect than video games without army guys or zombies in them. You get less respect than chickens. You get less respect than Awesome Possum and Socket combined, assuming that low levels of respect are recorded as negative values, thus meaning that to add them together results in a lesser total figure. You get less respect than a Personal WBS Home Page. Posing with a bow tie animal does not at all improve your chances.

 


NO! YOU DON’T GET TO DO THAT! There’s already a picture of you here! You are not making a shocking entrance! Ha, ha! Vindictive typed laughter! I have beaten you this time! Unless… no! That can’t be right. Something is wrong. You’re trying to distract me from…



BANDITS WEARING BOW TIES!!!



March 13, 2009
I am Fidelity’s Chess Challenger, your computer opponent


If you have a ridiculous neck that makes you look dumb, there’s nothing smart about a big collar that’s just as ridiculous. If anything, you look twice as dumb. The best thing about this creature is that two people can strangle it at once.


Look at that idiot! It’s almost smiling even though I have challenged it with threats and insults.
G’dahh! I’ll punch it off the screen. Hold on to your paper, for bandage purposes. You’ll look like a mummy when I’m finished. Since mummies are also not allowed, you will be ordered off the premises. I think it is actually rather benevolent of me to use that on you right off the roll.


Don’t you point that at me! What is that thing FOR? I’ll yank it off! You don’t deserve it! I will strangle you again with it, fool. I will cut it off and put it in a box and you can come get it when I’ve forgiven you. You have FAILED as a monster. You aren’t scary and you can’t win fights. Punishment. Those brown pointy things are probably pieces of plastic you stuck to your head because you’re conceited and pathetic. And yet I suffer to think of how stupid you’d look without them.


Oh? OH? You’re fortunate I choose to address you at all! Beast. You should know that you have no right to stand up for your rights. Oh, and by the way that green frame doesn’t match this background at all. I don’t think it would match any background. It’s far too bright. That was your worst idea. Why do you even think you deserve a frame? You’re not special! Nobody would hang you on their wall in anything but the most literal medieval sense!

Is there a frame there? No frame! And you have no proof that is my wall. I may be borrowing it.



February 2, 2009
This ain’t Hollywood. This is a small town.

I still cling to the delusion that my page is only officially ugly once I start embedding video clips on it.




Do they love me, or my frogger? A question for the ages, which we all may find reason to ask ourselves at key points in our lives.

The frog from Frogger, presumably also named “Frogger,” escapes from the publicity and hype surrounding the smash megahit video game “Frogger” by playing Frogger. A secret copy of Frogger, no less. If anybody would be expected to own one, it’d be that frog, right? Thus we are introduced to a world of intense inner conflict and private, shameful obsessions. “It’s a challenge, rribbit,” laments Frogger.

Additionally, there is something altogether unsettling about an anthropormit frog wearing several layers of coatery but no pants asking if people love his “frogger.” It must be noted that the one who speaks “ladies first,” presumably a lady, only lacks shoes, as far as standard gendereal clothing prescriptions are concerned. I suspect a gay orgy took place. By the way, you’re all invited to my ninth birthday party, 3pm this Saturday at the highway McDonald’s. I’ll have to ask my mom which side.

It may be argued that many configurations of legs and hind regions preclude the applying of the standard run of presized leg-wrappings, but not merely drooping fabric, and in that case I don’t understand why they can’t all wear drooping fabric. Surely it is more prudent to violate non-applicable human dress style norms than to wear nothing at all, itself also rather a violation.


You do not count because you are an imbecile.

Odd fashion and dumb lizards aside I still prefer the troubled, introspective frogger to

the rubber frogger,


the douchey frogger


and the scary frogger.

This will be all the more so if it is revealed to me that the three non-preferred froggers are in actuality a single ultra powerful non-preferred frogger.


I assure you I have enough problematic frogs in my life already.


They demand our nation’s supply of gummy worms as tribute.


Our children may be at risk if we disobey.


Yet, alas, it is nothing new. Frogs have had it in for us for millions of years. Is there anyone who can stop them?


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! h



Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Nowhere
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pc72
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video game music database
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