I am grateful to have gotten to spend time with New Haven Connecticut’s historic first electric toilet this weekend
realizing that a dirk is essentially a dork has profoundly changed my world view.
my first experience with this was in the Batman Nintendo ES game. somebody with access to the instruction manual proclaimed the disk-like weapon that splits into 3 a “dirk.” that really isn’t what a dirk is but sure enough the manual really does call it that. which means batman is pretty much throwing dorks at his foes. imagine how close he must have come to using Burt Ward as a weapon back in the 1960s.
a few years later while playing final fantasy threex my elder brother had the hero Relm use the “sketch” attack against Hidon and totally screwed up the game, resulting in multiplicity of rare items like gem box and illumina, but more importantly HUNDREDS of dirks. which as we know MIGHT AS WELL be hundreds of dorks. think of the damage you could inflict with THAT much unrepentent corniness on your side.
players these days apparently gripe about the heroes Cyan, Gau and Umaro, but at least they have honor enough to REFUSE to use a dirk.
Sabin also doesn’t use dirks either but he also spend s a lot of time rushing bums and in most cases I consider that disreputable.
Although in this specific instance Sabin engages a foe who used to be a regularish person who was SO greedy that he transformed into a lizard, that is not always the case.
(I don’t know what chief programmer Kan Naito is talking about here, I just think the way he says the title at the start is funny)
The sega genesis game Landostoka contains, as a clue, the poemoid
What happens when dorks get dangerous?
I mean that “skeletons” is the correct answer, not that skeletons themselves make wise decisions. You solve the puzzle by ignoring all the skeletons except the one that isn’t white, then beating it up. In skeleton lore, having a dumb color makes you a dork, which is a sin against God requiring your immediate termination. Skeletons have also historically been racist. that is just history. In fact all these skeletons reveal themselves as dorks just by the way they JUMP without extra animation frames to go up stairs, but since that doesn’t come across in a screen shot I cannot for the moment effectively criticize them for that.
initially I misremembered the skeletons here as being knights possibly due to this corny line being permanently enshrined in my consciousness
and consequently referred to knight lore rather than skeleton lore.
This is important because my next point referred to the Ultimate Play The Game game “Knight Lore,” which involves no knightly deeds or insults whatsoever, only slowwwwly traversing a castle named “knightlore” which is itself pretty dorky, without even the assistance of any dirks. instead your fragile traverser becomes a werewolf who seems to be no less fragile but does waste an extra 3-6 seconds of his life and yours changing to and back after the approximate amount of time it takes to walk across five rooms. All times are relative because any moving objects apart from the protagonist in a room slows it down considerably.
this game achieved massive critical acclaim. From dorks.
I cannot confirm a rumor that the werewolf’s appearance and ill-acclimation to video games inspired Paul “TX Critter” Fusco to create ALF, I can merely start that rumor right now.
complete freedom to pick up objects and drop objects, unless touching them destroys you
COINCIDENTALLY, there is another nearly identical game called Batman that involves Batman doing the exact same thing, just in a cave. Batman no longer needs to use dorks as weapons; verily, he can’t use weapons at all and is victimized by everything, for he has become the dork.
Don’t read that. The story is that a bunch of characters you won’t see are somewhere else because batman can’t keep track of his stuff and apparently is so clever that he placed fatal duplicates of his stuff as traps for, apparently, himself, in his own cave
they DARE to make THIS the box art for such a game.
People associate disappointing licensed games with the nes, and it seems like a miracle that Batman got a good one, dorks notwithstanding, but he actually beat the simpsons and ninja turtles to point-missing nonsense by several years
1980s computer software companies were just cranking this trash out. Since Ultimate Play The Game pioneered this isometric interface amidst a crown of minimalist black-void background side-view games people were in awe of it even though the computers of that period were too wimpy to do anything interesting with it, and apart from that Ultimate Play The Game’s developers were more about abusing players than entertaining them. This was made plain when with access to more powerful Nintendo hardware and calling themselves Rare Ltd, a self-labeling improvement, I admit, rather than making a GOOD isometric adventure game they made Roger Rabbit, Wrestlemania and Battletoads instead. Also Snake Rattle n Roll which actually is isometric but I don’t known enough to hate that enough to complain about it. However they licensed Knight Lore to Jaleco who made an even worse version of the game than they did.
I can’t remember what I was talking about. Stay away from video games. They will ruin your life even if you don’t have time to play them anymore.
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10-28-2022 updating this website may not be feasible again before novemeber. do you care? somebody told me you did.
I was trying to sort out what prints I had, and saw an old picture that I thought was funny but could be improved. It wasn’t this one, but when trying to find the image file for that one I found this one first. As with that, I thought it was funny, and finally saw what was wrong with it that I couldn’t make sense of years ago: the two primary figures have different line weights. ha I know how to fix that, just make the lines thinner on the bigger character. BUT since I saw the resolution was lower than my present standard, despite being more than high enough to make an 8.5×11 inch print, and me not INTENDING to print this anyway, I redrew the whole thing, but still couldn’t be at peace with my way of using lines from years ago, and so started blending it up, and the more it changed the less what hadn’t changed still worked, and now it is a mess. And it is the only thing I worked on today. a FEW parts are better but the primary part is not. Bad bad bad.
this also reminds me
An unimportant non-player character in some dragon-warrior-looking nes (I think) video game proclaims “Good good good.” when talked at by the player, possibly after some objective has been met. I thought this was in Star Tropics but that seems not to be the case. Whatever was it?
am concerned it might be Ultima Exodus. I don’t think I have it in me to seek out all the inanity-spouting imbeciles of that Sosaria in the near future.
I last played Ultima Exodus so long ago that the blue-armored dork here is literally the first time I used the name “Elpse.”
Inexplicably a text dump of supposedly all the dialog in the game has been made, and “good good good” was not in there,
though this is almost as dorky a thing to say. Within the context of the game, surely I am too BUSY failing at saving the realm to read books. Within the context of somebody playing a game, obviously I am not reading books nor likely to any time soon if I expect to complete this game without cheating. Though I question if it is possible to play “properly” and not lose. There may be a larger message here, but I am not playing real life properly and such a message may seem like an excuse. But even trying and failing to improve one’s singular, limited skill is more productive than trying to crack NES ultimas or regular ultimas. Unfortunately I already determined that nearly ten years ago, so even learning from that I haven’t really gotten better at.
I had hoped to present this as printed art-work for the october art show i keep worrying about but not really doing anything solid to prepare for, if anything can be done at all, but it may need to be reconfigured as a horizontally oriented piece, or a thoroughly print-incompatible square, since it continually mutates. When it started it only had five characters!
if you had told me that including final fantasy auron would have made this picture take so much longer I would have believed you, but I wasn’t going to ask you about that! but his shiny belt trinkets give toejam something to look at once I finally looked up its original game and realized it is not a prankster sort who would be tripping whirloxandra (pitchfork-bearing swamp beast) on purpose, at least not without making it look like an accident. Not that anyone knows Auron has belt trinkets but he certainly looks weird enough to be accepted as having belt trinkets if you didn’t know he did. But does shining force domingo fit in here? Not really. but having domingo small on the left (where shining force gaiden’s pink clone amigo presently is) just because I thought of it late didn’t seem right since I like Shining Force more than most other video games. Maybe I will think of 12 more mouthless video game heroes and hero-adjacents that will make this setup totally dysfunctional tomorrow and that will save me from believing it can work.
pog knows I sure NEED a wendell figure. I have lacked one this whole time and look at where it has gotten me!
where is Wendel? Hopefully Arkham Asylum if that is the best picture available.
Ironic that the topic should be presented like this because on every previous occasion that I saw Wendell I typically wondered where the other two chefs had gotten off to. My reaction has not changed and evidently this psychopathic artwork has not changed either. But maybe the story is bigger than Wendell and the only way to keep him from talking about his disappeared colleagues was to subject him to the same fate, whatever that was, or pack him away to a place where no one would hear his story.
so send this cinnamon toast creep there, too
what the help? does being near cinnamon toast crunch give people brain damage? or is that youtube?
or perhaps cinnamon toast crunch works to attract people who already have damaged brains
thankfully the purplish idiot is significantly easier to animate than the yellow one. I didn’t bother yet to include it in the previous similar updates but since it invades the yellow one’s personal space it is necessary to detail it to some degree and this just looked bad with only those parts filled in.
as before, this audio will likely be replaced. the small thing ended up having sillier, more pathetic movements here and later than I initially “planned,” since I hardly plan anything at all, and a meeplier voice may be in order.
now I need to prepare for the “art show” in october. relative to past years, I learned this week that I will supposedly only have 8 by 8 feet and far fewer neighbors, no opportunity to set up the space prior to the exhibition date, if I am even permitted to preview the space in advance, if I am even permitted to know where it is, and so my preferred tactic of overwhelming with quantity, to distract from my general lack of completed, appealing, cohesive or marketable work will not be possible. I had been rushing (if two weeks to draw six seconds qualifies as rushing) to improve the scrappy beet cartoon with the perhaps irrational expectation that I would be able to exhibit it like previously, which would have been extra important since I won’t have a new comic book, and I shall have neither. So I must determine what both can be had and what would be beneficial to have.
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addendoy: I obviously have not done much casual thinking about measurements lately; 8 feet is actually twice as long as I was imagining it was, and 8×8 is comparable to what I had in 2019, though setting up, exhibiting, and setting down in one session is still an inconceivable effort unless I scale back my expectations.
the entire bimshwel family is saddened to hear of the death of Queenie McBear. We remain inspired to learn lessons about individuality and friendship by your purple stretch pants and pierced ears. Would that we all could own a bicycle with as many speeds as yours.
I saw this sign briefly, from a distance, while driving [some weeks ago] and was momentarily worried it portended the opening of
a Shoney’s in the area. you know bad news is afootly when I, me, worry about a buffet joint,
since I have a stomach of steel and a chemical resistance to 1.5-star yelp ratings. A contributor to my shoney disinclination, surely, is my long-held disdain for Shoney Bear. On the next occasion I mentioned shoney’s, I also took issue with the Shoney Bear.
just about the most generic “generic character” character there is. red shirt, blue pants, and the mouth always, ALWAYS open like that. A weird buckety scoop a fraction of the width of the upper part with an unsettling red bean cradled in it.
Note how the “updated” version still is fundamentally awful, just more modern digital corporately-executed awful. The previous artist had to learn how to write the stylistic text of the restaurant name into the drawings but this one probably just copy-pasted it. I would consider the brown pants just SLIGHTLY less boring than blue pants, but the addition of red mascot shoes and an ugly baseball hat pushes it from “funny animal,” with human traits but living in a vaguely defined wilderness area and doing childish things, to “furry,” essentially a regular person with an animal head who does boring things like go to school and play mobile games or just exist in a white void, which is worse. And STILL with the mouth like that.
and here is a picture of somebody else asking me about the darn bear. It really transcends the dining experience.
kids apparently abuse mascots in general, which would be great if actual humans being paid minimum wages, and apparently starving to death and struggling to sit upright didn’t have to directly inhabit their costumes, but I am inclined to wonder if kids hate Shoney Bear specifically, or if it was just me who did, and if not, why not?
that can’t be it; where I come from, people put up signs that evoke Shoney’s, and also write web pages about seeing those signs.
ALSO I am aware that historically Annie Oakley, a fictionalized version of which appears in the film still I just showed, comes from Ohio, a long way from Shoney’s origin zone of West Virginia, but historically Oakley wasn’t a prancing nitwit who lost a shooting contest to a man on purpose so 1950s American patriarchs wouldn’t feel threatened either so I can imagine the movie version came from Shoneyland.
following from that, here is a bit more visual progress. This isn’t pretty but it looks much better than it did, and I think better than the six seconds before it presently do.
It has often been said that if you hold an Ortega brand taco shell to one ear that you can hear New Jersey. I do not think that is true; I have been to new jersey and it does not sound like taco shells, but nemitz is ignorant and inclined to hold fanciful beliefs.
I have received word, late, and vaguely, so that I had to directly inquire about it, and so learn yet later, that the art shows I attended in person that were cancelled Cuz Covid for three years is returning in person this year. I am absolutely not prepared for that. I spent those three years jumping between various matters that are unrelated to in-person art shows, and eventually assumed this one simply never was coming back. I didn’t regret its loss at all and didn’t investigate other art shows. But feel like I MUST attend, even though I am not ready, lack time and resources to become ready, and even though I have to pay money for the right to do it. My life is silly. Consequently I have little patience for imps with BIG SMILES that listen to taco shells.
I worked on a few cheap commission drawings this week. “commission drawings” being pictures that other people paid me money to produce.
this is not one of them
I am still not impressed but I am content to use more civilized text entry to say so. I need not reduce myself to this imbecile’s level.
I will however unfortunately need to widen this picture if I want to put it on instagram. I do not want to do that. This moron does not deserve more space.
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an addendumb: I did widen the picture. it was still not wide enough to not have the upper and lowest edges obliterated by the instagram machine, but i decided it deserved to have harm come to it, even if the affected portions of the image were relatively innocent.
yes that is all it is. and it took me a week! Or possibly more than that. When did I update this last?
corresponding with the part at this location
it needs more work but it has also taken more work since I have a terrible habit of increasing how much work something I have done before takes. Incorporating a chair piece that the creature’s left arm goes both in front of and behind necessitates a surprising amount of that. In the second beet video, the hand stays behind the chair arm, even when it shouldn’t, and if anyone noticed, I apparently didn’t, until I checked on it this week or last week.
the flash animation program not allowing me to change the cursor to an “eyedropper” tool with the alt key nor of lifting colors off of inactive layers is also a problem.
i only today thought to make a palette-only layer that doesn’t intersect with anything else and is always active. I hope i remember that in the future.
with regard to use of those colors, should the whiskers be orange? and out-lineless? Uncertain. I drew the first frame like that as a placeholder, then wondered if they needed outlines or to match the skin.
the voice needs to be re-recorded also, plainly. oh so much to do. I thought I might have the voice redone tomorrow, but I am concerned I would find a way to make that also take a week.
page 3-56 of the bimshwellian comicoid. a classic, overstuffed page, whose backgrounds are inexplicably vague despite the visual excess. the next part, for the lizard, at least, I wrote out over 12 years ago and will probably need to be amended considerably. I still do not know precisely the visual nature of what it will encounter, or if there is a way to avoid showing it.
I do also need to tend to the gnomes that infiltrated the lizard’s apartment, but those pages can be made later and possibly pushed up in number if it seems like they should be mixed in with or before this part. but that part cannot conclude until after this part does. Does that make sense? It shouldn’t!
I also do not know if I will attempt to sort out the next sections right away or other unrelated un-out-sorted matters, as the beet cartoon has gone un-fiddled-with for longer than this had up until last week.
page 3-55 of the bimshwellian comic strip. Possibly design elements of the background and the strangely attired character in two frames will be revised on a future occasion but for now I can’t figure out what their problems are.
welcome to denver
I didn’t even know about these, I just now looked up “drunk airline passenger,” wondering if it supported my taking issue with the amount of alcohol ads in the airport, and found this many from within a month. If I worked on an airplane I would be furious to walk through the airport and see so much encouragement for passengers to blotto up prior to boarding. You can as well purchase alcohol on the airplane but the flight staff will have more direct awareness of who is getting it and how much, and people STILL get drunk off of that. And I have to think most of the time these incidents aren’t widely reported on or the drunk people quite insufferable enough to get the flight diverted. For example, on the flight which followed my seeing these a passenger near me ordered at least two little vodka bottles and got way too into family feud on the little television screen his seat forced him to look at. I was not HARMED by this but it sure was depressing. Although this makes me consider how many of the crummy movies advertised on these screens think they are being funny and I didn’t hear a single laugh that whole flight except after a baby started imitating
the trash-collecting flight attendant’s bored, droning calls of “traash… diggity traash…” while proceeding to the rear of the vessel. I missed the prime example but did manage to preserve the primary trash.
People watch bad tv and crummy movies on the screens because the screens are THERE but they don’t care. Or otherwise simply endure the screens’ presence because they have resigned themselves to sad choicelessness, and maybe that is a deliberate system to keep them paying for expensive expired poison and drinking it until they pass out or clobber someone. I should be GLAD this dork enjoyed families feuding so much and without hurting anyone else, except possibly my mother who had this guy’s seat reclined into hers from the beginning and occasionally bouncing around. But I’m not because it isn’t good, it is simply bad in a different way.
this isn’t selling beer but clearly every person involved with conceiving and producing it was inebriated, mentally challenged or both. You can’t just put the word “flight” any old place and have it work as a clever or even hacky pun. You might as well say racquetball of sausage or agatha of polenta. Also according to their website those three little pancakes cost $12.25 altogether, and the ones at the airport location definitely cost more than that. Or maybe they were only permitted to set up inside the airport because they were selling little pancakes for four dollars each.
And I know they are little because a plate shaped like a banana wouldn’t fit on their awkward circular tables unless it was of underwhelming proportions.
I’m kidding I have proof that the corned beef hash I ordered for $13.75 costs more than their website says it does, another $12.25, and twice as much as the local diner whose hash that was only as good as charges so the pancakes probably go similarly but I am tired of posting pictures of sad expensive places I didn’t want to be at.