I have not much to say about this. And I do not wish for this to say much to me!
The drawing was an attempt at understanding how mask layers work in artwork computer programs. I gave up partway through and flattened the whole thing to one layer like I generally do, but I may try it again, provided this weirdo gets away from me. I cannot handle this sort of fiend judging me.
I suspect this might be funnier without the fourth frame, which makes it sad. Somebody else suggested it was better without the fifth. So I compromised and ruined it twice by including both.
It has the potential to be accurate but for the moment it is not.
I think you are missing the greater message here. Also you may need to trim your carpet.
I was concerned I had forgotten how to draw with with clean colors and non-blurred lines. Now I am yet more concerned that I have not.
NOW you’re bringing that up? You really should have solved that problem before we got this far!
Eh well I must remember that old saying: Big plans, pigs for hands. I just made it up but in a few years it will be old! It will be a classic like drink in sand, feet in hand, and all the more impressive since your hands will now be pigs.
This is what my real art looks like now. I need to remind people now and later that my natural tendency is to draw things with no bearing on reality and even less on socially acceptable non-realities. The fact that this is somewhat clumsily drawn is not an allusion to the expression “ham-handed” which means to be bungling or unskilled; I assure you it is not a terminology I use and consequently I forgot that it existed. I think somebody who actually had pigs for hands should not even be expected to not be clumsy, and so criticizing them for it would be most unfair. My aggressive opening remark was due to the protagonist announcing the pig hands when we have work to do.
Are you not sure who your friends are? Whether you’re a good guy or a bad guy? Do you wish people would shut up about what a hero your deadbeat dad is and how little sense your sword makes?
Maybe you’re not a jedi or a sith at all, and maybe you’re a lion.
Dessert Island
I think you may be digging in the wrong place.
I acknowledge that I was raised to deal with christ-mas, that today IS the christmas day and that the picture I posted has nothing to do with christmas.
However, neither does this.
I hope you will find this informative.
I contacted expert voiceover artist Gewk Gilkengramen for the narration. Gewk refused in disgust, so I had to bring in this bozo instead from off the street. With that in mind I have also provided moderately readable text that says for the most part the same things.
I will provide more painful details at an ideally hypothetical point in the future.
Why are you pouting? Did you not pay attention to what you put in your own cart? Until after you paid and walked out? Typical miply stupid animal.
NO! Do NOT act like you are doing me a favor! I did NOT ask you to buy that!
Actually, as dopey as that thing is I would not recommend walking inside a shop rite without waterproof boots since there is usually a spill in there somewhere with no employee for miles.
If you are not familiar with Shop Rite, good. It is like a Stop & Shop or a Kroger or a Food Lion except you get an uneasy feeling that you are trash when you are inside.
The drawing is of course inspired by the older shop rite logo. The one that it is impossible to find a photograph of that does not look like a crime scene. The current Shop Rite logo does not just have weird lumps floating over a coal black mine cart; it also has shards and scraps in the mix.
Also note that while they redrew the graphic they didn’t fix the glaring spelling and grammar error in the store’s title.
This Shop Rite is at the Railroad Salvage plaza, which in the absence of better data I will presume means all the groceries were illegally stolen from train wrecks that may or may not have been engineered by the
yet older logo’s sinister silhouette of Inspector Gadget beside some sort of death ray.
This person was created when the protagonist from the Apple Macintosh Trashic “Climber” bumped into the middle elevator too many times.
Ordinarily upon collision Climber will turn sideways, flop out its legs and have impotent rage while totally immobile for 5 to 40 seconds, however much time you have remaining, which was the perfect time to strike. I would like to get my own screen shot of this but emulating old macintosh games is the most arcane and arduous task on the planet. Forced, impregnable obsolescence on an Apple product is nothing new. This is harder than using an itunes gift card without installing iTunes (AND quicktime), which is impossible. It is even harder than coming out of a shop rite without crying.
What’s worse: that this isn’t enough Chef Boy ar Dee to satisfy the masses, or that they refer to this tinned glop as “supplies?”
This person is happy because the pertinent Shop Rite is clearly out of business.
the next part of this story that only mentions shop rite at the end
the part after that one which has far too much shop rite in it
Self-Defense Portrait
They seem to work well together.
I have not had much time for image production recently! I fear it is evident. However, this one was considerably less trouble than the last evident “art-“themed picture I displayed here.
And above all, have FUN.
There is much more to say about this image! I will work hard to keep myself from doing so!
Oh right (wrong), I was complaining about this thing. What a pathetic dajinni! It has to carry its own teapot! Why is it wearing a HUGE turban? Does it think it is exercising religious purity? Does it think it will attain salvation and that I will be cursed for eternity because I do not wear a turban? Does it think it is better than me? Arrrf I want to wish for its freedom just so I can trap it in a box. But it can’t grant wishes!
Guess what, frimp: the gods have forsaken you! They made you live inside a teapot and have smoke for legs. You can only come out when somebody deliberately lets you out, and the only person who WOULD let you out would be something just as pathetic and meeply as you are! And worse, you were made you into some dumb unholy animaloid instead of a regular unholy human. You wear a turban as an accessory only and are therefore guilty of cultural appropriation, which according to the internet is problematic.
Regarding bowtie imps, some years earlier, I recalled a fragment of dream after awaking, and it featured a pathetic little creature correcting me “not meepmire, meepmere!,” as I had evidently mistaken it for the initial bow tie fool, “Mortimewde Stapleton Meepmire.”
To respond, first of all, I will call you whatever the meep I want! You’re lucky I even chose to get the first part right! Everyone hates you! Foul, wretched meepmere!
I could not recall the exact nature of meepmere and struggled to visually depict it. I can’t remember the last time I hated a beast so much before I’d even seen it. Unlike “meepmire,” it doesn’t even have a first name. It just is meepmere. It is a cut rate bootleg version of meepmire, despite having no legs, just feet, thus rendering it incapable of wearing a boot. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be a low-budget version of rubbish?
Stupid 2 cent garbage disposal animal. At one point in the pre-meepmere era, roughly mid-2005, back when I owned the world’s bloodiest television box, an advertisement for Galaxy Discount Carpet was repeatedly aired on local television, featuring a corny un-animated space ship floating through a real rug store accompanied by appropriately corny sound effects. Try and imagine the horror if you were standing on the street and you saw THAT THING appear from the sky and come toward you, totally unanimated. Would you shop at a store that IT shopped at? I was known to remark, possibly involuntarily, “AHHHHH TOO CHEAP! IT COST ONE CENT TO MAKE!” repeatedly in an incorrigibly high-pitched voice that would probably scar my vocal cords if I tried it now, thus making Galaxy Carpet the only thing that costs less than meepmere. The people responsible collectively received half a meepmere. The question, then: was it the meep or the mere?
During december the ad had a likewise cheap holly leaf overlay, that I will argue did not raise the budget since it was most certainly pulled out of someone else’s trash can. I understand that I am meant to be enamored with the cheapness, to assume “the carpet prices are surely also low!” but I don’t think I would want a carpet which was THAT cheap. It is probably made out of seaweed and diapers.
Galaxy Discount Carpet is SO cheap that its website has a different name than the store and they just figured oh well and displayed the wrong name directly beside the right name. They guarantee to beat any competitor’s price on the money they spend on advertising! They thought I would be impressed that they aligned the second, alternate-fonted instance of the telephone number to the roof, even though it only matches one of the roof parts that it touches. That phone number has no idea how cheap it is. I bet galaxy carpets don’t even fly! Perfect for today’s genie to keep inside its forbidden cave. The cave is forbidden because it is too stupid.
Some people get epiphany, life changing, prophetic visions in their dreams. They become inspired to create great paintings, novels and symphonies. All I got was MEEPMERE. And then I had to figure out what meepmere was! What a chore! Meepmere thinks it gets to control my life like that? Meepmere is sub-pumpkin! That genie probably started out as a meepmere. Meepmere isn’t superior to a doughnut! That is why in my completed displayable art there are two pictures of doughnuts and no meepmeres. I do not even like meepmere on a leap year. Meepmere is among my least favorite meeps, and I hate a lot of meeps!
Fo fum, the morning commute. I hope the bridge isn’t backed up again.
Another busy week. It is good to be busy, sometimes, when you are doing something useful. Unfortunately, I generally do not know how useful something is until after it has been used.
An elegant dragon creature has an unusual problem. I generally do wish pleasant occurrences to befall creatures that wear bowties.
I was only asked to have the creature melt and evaporate! The rest is my own fault.
A rather specific commission-animation for Mr. Brown Dragon Boy of the deviant-art website, and potentially others. This one is of course not brown, and perhaps collapses out of distaste for the discrepancy.
The situation follows-up on an earlier animation for the same instigator. Once again, not only melting, like a normal person, but evaporating afterward! What is the world coming to?
This year’s hope is coming picture.
Tracey Sullivan, the race-runner, opted for a less chaotic setup that better reflects what the money actually goes to: holistic treatments for hospital patients. The hoofed creature here is applying some manner of hand-wavy therapy called Reiki and not in fact contemplating strangling the reptile. I added the dorks behind the trees without asking or being asked to just to make it amusing for myself.
Due to cost matters, the color total was reduced. Since idiots are cheap I was able to keep them all in there.
This was the first sketch. It had, to me all the important elements: the number of years we had been doing it and something bad about to happen. I may miss the point of “hope.” Also of Roman numerals because before I sent it I wondered why I had written eight instead of seven and erased one of the columns, and after sending it realized I had in fact written seven the first time, and that is now said six, and drew the last column back in. And then I told this story and realized it made more sense if I erased the column anew.
It was at this point that Tracey asked me if I could draw someone in a hospital bed receiving reiki.
It was a good question!
I looked up pictures of “reiki” on the internet, and mostly found mildly abstract pictures of hands with explody light coming out, so it seemed reasonable to assume that it was a destructive and chaotic force. However, in the end I was asked to use my upper left design, where nothing was happening! The bottom sketch shows that I still could not help myself and tried to insert trouble into it, but in the end I kept it rather simple, which was probably for the best since I would not want to upset someone so dangerous.
I also deemed depicting reiki being done with a rake, as it is pronounced as if it is, as too obvious.
Portable Texas
Because a showdown can occur in any location at any moment.
(filmed on-location in Portable Texas)
You might possibly have encountered this older version.
I wanted to touch it up for printing, but I had some issues with the background. First of all, it does not demonstrate Portable Texas well to show it being used in a Texas-like environment.
Also, it was from a period when I was obsessed with creating the impression of otherworldliness through the color-shifting of commonplace things, until I got around to coming up completely with non-common things. So grass became yellow, tree trunks became blue, rocks became purple and all that. But these were not necessarily aesthetically pleasing, since all natural objects have a flow to them that my arbitrary shifts lacked, and in fact real grass can be yellow, real tree trunks can be blue and real rocks can be purple, given the proper circumstances and lighting. So it just looked like I had no grasp of light. On this occasion I seem to also have decided that cactuses should be red, even though I already shifted another green object to yellow, so the ugliness was not even consistent, and that desert rocks were green, so that people would just assume I was taking a lazy shortcut to drawing grass, because nobody else would know that I only drew YELLOW grass. I cannot trust people to do their research so those needed to go!
The original probably is funnier, because the more I work over a drawing, the less sincere positive energy it has, but at least less people will think I do not know how to draw grass.