1000 questions about your favorite friends! If your favorite friends are people who don’t even know you exist, and perhaps more importantly don’t exist themselves, you need new friends.

I also can’t help noticing the resemblance of the included disc-object to Super Games Galore, the steamshovelware cd that ruined me for so many people.

…and here’s another one. Why is it shaped like this? Just to make storage difficult? So it will not group properly with standard rectangular games? That’s a pretty isolationist policy for people who claim to be so chumsy. The alternative is that this is not a game at all, but actually one of those cardboard paged books I used to read before I could read. Some of those may have been about friendship.

The only thing worse than a Friends trivia board game is massive famine, martial law, roving rape gangs, tornados, ehhh… but the only thing worse than a Friends trivia board game within the scope of this website entry is a Friends trivia video game. If you have a Playstation 2, you could theoretically pretend to do all sorts of astounding things. Certainly more interesting than what a couple goofs do in a couple giant apartments with walls missing. Certainly more interesting than being quizzed on what they once did. And… you wouldn’t play this game alone, would you? If you have other people to play against, you could play Bomberman or Marvel vs. Candy Corn or I don’t really know what’s been released for these infernal machines in the last ten years. But even a stupid video card game would be better than this, and those are horrible. There are a bunch of Jeopardy games, surely. There always have been. I wouldn’t ever recommend them, but if you insist on awkwardly answering questions through your television with no possible planned payoff you might as well see if you can learn something.

Don’t German people have their own tv shows? I hate this form of colonialism, saturating foreign markets with indoctrinating rubbish rather than allowing them to come up with their own rubbish. It’s often cheaper to buy rights to and translate other people’s reruns than it is pay fellow citizens to produce new content, so, with all successful capitalists being scoundrels at heart, of course they do that. Or at least some book I read that mostly focused on the 1960s because most of it was written then said that. Aren’t you impressed that I read a book, though?

Although I suppose in other countries what’s vapid and mundane here (United Statia) can seem exotic, fascinating and culturally enriching, but I have to think they’ve been having Amelica forced on them for almost a century by now. Sure, my favorite comics are translated (and frequently not translated at all) from French, but they’re not recent, and they’re not about dorks talking to each other and laminating lists and uh bathing. Tintin has serious business. Tintin prevents wars and rescues slaves. He also supports labor strikes.

If you can justify one book, I don’t know, but you certainly don’t need another.

I would like to name Rachel’s beloved childhood dog? I guess not. She can do that herself. But how much money would you pay to answer insignificant questions about one of the most inconsequentially-contented tv shows of recent memory? If your answer was under $10000, then there’s a good chance you’ll not be doing it with this product. I hope it’s not out of stock because somebody bought it. And yet at the same time I don’t see how you can set a price like that for a thing which you don’t have in stock yet but expect to with enough certainty that I can sign up to be notified when it is. If you’re expecting more, then that must be because more are being made, and if they can still be made, and “they” refers to a bunch of printed trinkets in a cookie tin rather than a flying gold toilet, how can you charge that price for it?

This is getting complicated.

As I said to mxy, and in fact exactly what I said, as I merely copied the text, I’ve unfortunately not been able to work any of the truly stupid, tenuous wiki trivia into any of my complaints here. The tv show “Joey,” despite being, as I hear it, hated by everyone, had a considerable list of direct, vague, and non-existent references to Friends, the show it was spun off from. Who’d have thought, ehhh?

In the first episode of Season 2, Zak is on the table in a hospital and he makes a reference to Hugh Laurie who plays Dr. House in FOX’s House, who, humourously, is also the passenger on the plane who sat next to Jennifer Aniston’s character Rachel Green in the episode “The One With Ross’s Wedding: Part One”.

In a rare act of anything from me, I removed the “humourously” from this comment, justifying myself with

It’s a tremendous stretch merely to call that a coincidence, let alone a humourous one, and even if it is (it isn’t), the humor ought to be self evident.

…it isn’t, I restrained myself from adding. This is the sort of otherwise uninhibited boldness that only comes about when I’m awake at 9 am. Unfortunately, I forgot to loggeth-in, and perhaps the greatest of my 12 wikipedia edits is not included with the rest. If I had space I also would have criticized the needless spelling out of “Rachel Green’s” full name and the identifying of the actor who portrayed it. There’s really no wrong reason to hate Friends trivia and the people who compile it. Watch the show if you want, and even enjoy it if that’s so important to you, but keep it out of my potato salad. There are a number of packaged Friends trivia “games,” most in English, enough that it would greatly distort my focus to mention them today. Some other time, perhaps. After I finish writing about Kinder Surprise, Zelda Classic, Whirlo, my other problem with Wikipedia and being sued by Capt’n Eli (never).

Later, some other froog removed the line entirely stating

House didn’t even exist when “The One With Ross’s Wedding: Part One” went to air, so I don’t see the relevance.

Hey, don’t complain at me. I didn’t PUT it there. I thought if I’d deleted the whole thing it would just come back and I’d get one of those “Welcome to Wikipedia! Please spend a year reading our manifesto etc. etc.” things on my discussion page. It occurs to me that this kindly helper is surely as much a part of the problem as anyone, as it insists on typing out the entire title, including the “part one” and the “the one with.” It seems that every episode of Friends except the very last one bears a title starting with “the one with.” So you needn’t include it every time. More importantly, I hate enforced casualness. I should have a right to refer to them that way, not be required to. They should not officially be called that. Yeah, ha ha, it’s our running gag, right? No, because it’s not funny and it’s annoying. It’s just a ritual. You could change it but you don’t. Even change itself only occurs through ritualistic lack of change. Just like you only changed your hair because Jenniferniston’s character Rachel Green changed her hair, and often enough during the show’s run that such events are also stupid Friends trivia that the world insists on me knowing. I just assumed you had stupid hair. No, I didn’t even notice your hair, so you might as well not have bothered.

Unfortunately, by now Joey’s trivia section has been done away with entirely. Trivia sections seem to be disappearing on a lot of pages, losing me one of my greatest sources of joyful rage on Wikipedia, one of my greatest reasons to whine about it. Even the Hammerspace page, which was essentially an entire article of garbage nerd trivia has been cut down considerably into a mere brief acknowledgment on the Magic Satchel page.

It’s still a long way from being reputable though, thankfully. As long as those “this user is” boxes exist, I cannot rest.

I’m glad the writer guildists of America went on a strike. I’m tired of television. I’m tired of being compulsively tied to things which no longer interest me all that much. I wish the internet would go on strike, too. I’m busy. And tired. As I said.
Ordinarily, shows come on and I panic horribly if I do not see them, even if failing to do so affects my life not a bit. I’ll discuss the shameful, shamful implementation of “complete episodes online!” some other time than this. Maybe if that magic electric box leaves me alone for a while I’ll form a proper complaint. But I’ll tell you I suffer watching TV shows on time, and for the only free alternative to be so cruel is not nice.

Yea, one can buy programs pressed on to the deeveedies at the end of a season, usually, always, now, but then I have to pay money and then I have to find a place for them and I’ll only ever watch them once if ever and oh oh oh it’s magic if I find a solution that works.
I certainly don’t like the idea of people losing their jobs, but they aren’t doing that. They want their jobs to be better. I don’t regard it as a tragic contradiction of life that mine can only be better while theirs have difficulties because I’m just a bit weak right now. I’ll be better. Some day.

You must be thinking that I really like reality tv! If you’re any of the people who have been paid to write about this, because they always go with that angle. But it is actually the opposite! With actual thought now out of the question, I, in theory, no longer have any reason to watch television! Or at least no reason to feel compelled to! So liberating!

But oh how I hate the “expect more reality tv” line. First of all, don’t give in to that awful inaccurate label. I’ll never penetrate my mind with it. You take people specifically chosen for their personality defects, place them into goofy, phony situations, divide them into arbitrary groupings and make them compete in bizarre contests that have nothing to do with anything and you continue to call it “reality.” Ugh agh egh. And even though they’re competing, rather than defeating each other they stand in a line and then some other dork who’s supposedly better but never bothers proving it walks up and then gets rid of one, eventually, but only one. Sometimes they tell me I voted for it, but I didn’t and beside that the fact remains that an unseen external party ultimately made the decision. And sometimes that’s the way actual reality (I should never have had to make such a distinction) is, but I suspect even that’s rigged. I’ve told you 75% of my audience is advertising robots, haven’t I? I’ve additionally observed that “real” reality often lacks a clear winner. If I block every prescription drug name from comments and lock every item the robots comment on, I don’t feel any better. Then I start worrying that Todd Rundgren or Kopiu J. Plimpton or Bacon Wethersfield want to have a serious and earnest discussion with me about Fioricet but saw that they were unable to do so and moved on.

My second issue: Don’t assume I’ll watch that! I’m not more likely to view that which legally qualifies as nonfiction just because there’s more of it. I am curious as to who, if not writers, have the task of devising the nonsensical, irrelevant tasks and gimmicks that comprise reality these days. But not so much that I’ll watch these actual events in the world transpire, with the hoping of glimpsing at a few pertinent end credits. Perhaps they are the same writers, who aren’t affected in this instance merely because most of reality happened during the Summer but needed time to be edited and to wait for the Fall broadcast season. I wish someone would take a few months and edit my reality to be more entertaining. I could use a break from that, too. Also, we must give the contestants sufficient distance to prepare for a special reunion show at the game-like-thing’s conclusion. Why would they want to reunite if they’d just parted, and supposedly hated each other the whole while?

Failure is a way of life.
are you tired of video game clips of people actually playing properly? Are you worn out from seeing neat things get done? Would you like to stare at a tiny little window for ten minutes and see a mystery player bumble around like a fool, while all the while it asks what it’s doing wrong, but utterly preventing you from answering? No, of course not. But if you’re adventurous, I recommend “Let’s play games for the first time…and fail.”
aphasian.info/letsfail/2007/07/18/kirbys-dream-land-3/
It’s like having a younger sibling who wants to play with your fancy toys but just can’t, except now there’s no possibility of improvement. I suppose it’s a step up from “video previews” or “wtf games” or whatever it was called. I love it. Some chump downloads a rom, makes a quarter hearted effort at playing it and then wants a medal for that. Look at me! Vote for my clip! Favv it!

It’s about as entertaining and educational as a dog riding a skateboard, except now the dog keeps falling off the skateboard and we begin to suspect that maybe dogs are not meant to ride skateboards. As someone who won’t even watch the one dog that knows how, I must admit I’m less than impressed. I only watched two videos, so perhaps it’s not fair for me to judge the whole site based on those. And yet, that’s twice as much time as has been spent by it on any one video game. Yeah, figure that out.

It’s a bit like the modern breed of children’s programming where the characters regularly get stumped by simple tasks and then ask me what they’re supposed to do. Unlike Dora, Diego, badly drawn moose and Sand Man’s sickly younger brother (the guy from Blues Clues), the fail-at-video-gamers tend not to assume I said the right answer and so keep failing and asking.

I appreciate the internet’s supposed ability to give a voice to people who would not previously have been able to expose their works to varieties of viewers. Yet it must also be said that some people just are not amusing, and listening to them talk into a microphone for hours on end does not make for a good time.
I’m sure there are some things which would be hilarious to watch someone sincerely fail at constantly, and maybe even some video games, but there is no quality control here. We can’t know which ones are lousy until they’ve already been made, because it’s supposed to be people playing for the first time. I don’t understand why I should watch confessed amateurs fiddle around and give up when I could just as easily fiddle around myself and possibly get something more out of it or, if necessary, give up sooner. It’s not like they’re trying to scale an iceberg, juggle pizzas or throw a pumpkin across the grand canyon or anything else I could not fail at from the comfort of my own chamber.
I don’t know how popular it is, but it shouldn’t have to be for me to get mad at it.
You might as well film yourself eating a bag of fritos. Here are the fritos. I guess these are fritos. Yup. It tastes kind of like a tostito. Wow. Okay. There’s one. I’ll probably eat another one. Oops. I kind of opened the bag the wrong way and they’re starting to spill out. So I’ll adjust the way I hold the bag, then. Whoo. Look at all that sodium. I think that’s a lot. I don’t usually look at the nutrition label, though. 180mg is a lot, right? What is an mg? Gawrsh, they keep falling out. How can I stop them from falling? It must be impossible. Okay, guess I’ll eat a few more and wrap this up. I might eat these again.
It’s a step sideways from the stupid videos of peoples’ heads talking, because those at least tend to be inspired by mildly interesting topics or written out first.

I put this here in September of 2014 because I wrote something which referred to this, but this was too outdated to reword and present in the present as if it was a memory of the pre-present. I initially did not post it because I only found the website I was complaining about when somebody who approved of that posted a likewise approving link to my disapproving page about Kirby’s Dream Land 3 on a video of the game being played consciously poorly, apparently unaware of my criteria for disapproving of things. The moral here is that nobody should ever approve of anything I do.

Did you know “I have a bad feeling about this” is a star wars reference? I didn’t. I don’t think most people who say it do. Not until maybe last year did I find out when I read it online, and then I forgot it until today when I read it again. And I’ve seen all the Star Warses! I contrast this with “I love it when a plan comes together,” which I know is from The *A* Team without having ever watched the A-Team or wanted to. I know that “kneel before Zod” and any remarks regarding a “son of Jor-El” are Superman references even though I’ve read less than 5 Superman comics my entire life and they weren’t about anything. So yes, I know a few things about distinct, unusual phrases which people quote for no reason.

Nerf herders and fuzzballs which laugh it up are Star Warsy. Bad feelings are not. Nerf fuzzballs are also not. I wish they were, though. The galaxy would be a much more peaceful place, then. One rarely experiences bad feelings when struck by the orange projectiles. In the situation of decimating, vaporizing destruction caused by photon torpedoes, death-stars and the like, it may well be nerf or nuthin’ [but scattered invisible atoms which I have no use for].

I don’t think bad feelings really are Star Wars references. The legend goes that every star wars movie contains that line at least once. But a lot of movies contain that line at least once. I don’t know if it was totally unheard of before 1977, but I do know that by 1994 it was absolutely generic, and so a nameless character saying it in a situation which there is good reason to have bad feelings about is unremarkable. I hardly think mentioning every time this is mentioned every time is not stupid. However, I wouldn’t dare attempt to amend a wiki page about Final Fantasy threevi or Star Wars. I can hardly handle the scrutiny, doubting and abuse when I edit pages that I keep to myself. I have a bad feeling about telling people to stop reporting on others’ reports of bad feelings.

I’ll grant that “I have a bad feeling” is a stupid, awkward, hackneyed thing to write into a script, but stupid hackney enthusiasts rarely realize they are that, tending to be somewhat stupid and hackneyed themselves. Saying “oh, well, I copied it from Star Wars” amounts to less than a valid excuse.

I don’t fare well in tense situations. However, I have fared well in situations related to tense. In the future as well I believe that I will. Or so I thought. I recently came across a conundrum which created a crisis of confidence.

When was this place open? Or rather, these places? When were they open? Which point in the past does their “now” refer to? Were they open when they began work on the sign, but aware that they’d be closed by the time it was on display? I feel so inferior not knowing.

I’m tired of stupid factoids. Things that aren’t true but people pass around as if they are true because they’re boring people with nothing to say, otherwise. Today, I specifically am annoyed at the suggestion that no one can remember that section of the The Flintstones song. I remember reading that online maybe a year ago, and then this past week, as part of its continuing quest to devise the most asinine, endlessly repeated non-ad between show filler in existence, the Boomerang channel comes up with this. It’s a two minute muted clip show which flashes nigh readable, nigher need-knowable flintstones trivia mcnuggets set to the sound of one of those homeless bum remixes which takes a few seconds of original music and infects it with a disproportionate period of toneless drum beats. Then right at the end these words appear really slowly, like it’s the most important thing I could possibly know, even though it’s telling me I don’t know, and it’s not even right!

There! Again! Don’t these people realize that boomerangs only come back when they totally miss their mark?
It’s very possible that this article is the same place I read that comment the first time, and the promope in question is the one I cited earlier, meaning the ‘toid is only being retoided a single time, rather than three times and assumedly a great deal more, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me mad.

Surely we agree that one cannot forget what one has never known, and I suggest that a majority, if not all people never knew what that line was to begin with. I certainly never did. I used to think it was “through the courtesy of friends we meet.” Which is stupid and makes no sense, but the same can be said of The Flintstones / each and every attempt to revive interest in them after their initial broadcast career forty years ago, before those even get made. If I was skeptical that the Flintstones were only the family down the street through the courtesy of friends they met, my mishearing “let’s ride with…” as “that’s right! We’re the family down the street” must have suggested to me that they, the singers, who were therefore also the Flintstones –despite there only being two Flintstones proper with speech capabilities and at least three singers, none of whom sounded like Fred– knew it was a bit odd. “Yes, that’s right. It is just as you heard. The affable acquaintances that we sometimes encounter have generously allowed us to be a closely related group of people who live together in a place along the same road as you do.” How could I forget that?

For me, the least remembered was “One day, maybe Fred will win the fight” because it, along with “and/then the cat will stay out for the night” are only mentioned during the closing sequence. The aspect of the end lyrics being slightly different is an aspect which most lyric listers neglect altogether. A reasonable person would be surprised how often Flintstone lyrics get listed. Although the notion of Fred winning the fight took me more iterations of the theme song to identify than that of the cat remaining out, I surely knew it was there and so if I disremembered one I forgot the other, and a successful recollection of either likeways always brings the partner.

We are not all presented at our introduction into formal education, the earliest point at which we are assumed to have developed comprehension skills, with a clear recitation of the The Flintstones’ theme song words. And I’m glad, because it’s a stupid song with stupid words. I could barely handle that repulsive song about “three banana in banana tree” when I was in the kinder garten. Number rhumba all. day. long. ?! No! Not even for part of a day! The dumbest part was that it only went up to three. What good does that do me? Maybe the song ends sooner, but education wise you’re not doing your duty if you don’t get me up to at least seven, the most common amount for a pair of dice to show. I was a big gambler in my yufe. And realistically, what are the chances of me encountering a banana tree with only three bananas growing on it? They grow in bunches, and even if only three came to a bunch, you wouldn’t take all but one, would you? No, so a single bunch of 3 must be the extent of its powers, and such a low yield plant –they aren’t even trees! Fool– would never survive in the highly competitive banana business. Which isn’t really all that competitive at all, due to the few companies handling it all, ousting all mom-and-pop governments which dare challenge them.

The most consumed, mass produced fruit in the world and I hate it. I didn’t even know they were dying out until today, all because a couple bananerds in the 1920s couldn’t handle a few seeds in their soup. And bananas aren’t dying out, really. Just the single type that’s sold to Americans. Gah, that’s so typical. Putting all your money behind one thing and expecting it to last forever. Stupid Americans. Stupid Bananas. Stupid Flintstones.

I only learned what the line actually was when, for my own nefarious research purposes I read the scripts of various situation-comedies. One among them was the pilot of Full House, at the end of which the episode’s non-Olsen cast sings the Flintstones theme song. The show opening version, even though that show is just ending. Although as the pilot, in a sense the show is just beginning. But if I saw that today I’d demand that it end right there. This is not worth arguing with you about.

If that was half as horrible to see and hear as I imagined it to be in my mind, it would probably just fall under acceptable levels of sappiness, but it’s unlikely to only be half as horrible as I imagined it. I was too simple a fool to cringe at Full House when I watched it during its prime seasons; this was around the same time I came up with “through the courtesy of friends we meet” after all, but gash, I was shocked at how awful that script was. Anyway, they all knew the right words to the song and that was the first I’d ever seen them printed out. Since then, I have not once forgotten. Nor have I forgotten what I used to think they were. So, in a sense, I remember those words most of all.

Les Archives Roneldo recently turned up an unproduced television series pilot based on author Shirley Jackson’s famous 1959 novel The Haunting of Hill House.
Likely it was rejected by all potential investors because it drew so strongly and so soon from its source material as to be inaccessible to those who had not yet first read original story. Some of it I don’t even understand, and I read that dreadful book twice. Nonetheless, I find it quite fascinating.

If you’re truly desperate for context, my attempt at literary analyses from some time ago explains a bit, but… well, it’s not meant for you. It’s not even meant for me. There’s a reason I didn’t put it here two years ago, unrelated to my inability to convert RTF into HTM properly and my apparent tendency to change fonts every line. But I’d recommend this before I’d recommend the book.

I’ve heard a couple of times recently (well, about this time last year) that “Peewee’s Playhouse” has entered a re-airing schedule and had its shows released on the dvd disks. As someone who never watched the show, only saw Peewee’s Big Adventure (Peewee no Daiboken) once, years ago, I must say: Paul Reubens is creepy and Peewee is creepier. Is it possible there’s a new audience for this? Ehhh, disregard his problematic incident in 1992, and he still has an incredibly off-putting presence. He reminds me of a Drew Friedman illustration. That moves around. It’s not surprising that he does bits for Jimmy Kimmel “Live,” a program unlikely to be affected by a writer’s strike, these days.

Which brings me to

(this was the most economical storage option) Dr. Steve-O. Imagine if Peewee Herman was a real person who thought he was cool and never bathed.
Also observe the brilliant slogan: CURING AMERICA’S WUSSIES, ONE WUSSY AT A TIME. I can only presume that’s intentionally stupid. Because otherwise I have to explain how it’s wrong, and I’m just not in mental condition to do so with that… hominid staring at me. I will say that I’d rather be a “wussy” with a mysterious unnamed illness then whatever myriad others Steeb-O has. I refuse to receive any sort of treatment from a guy who’s “famous” for intentionally applying electricity to his own scrotum and filming it. Not so much that I’m afraid he’d encourage / attempt to enforce that sort of behavior in others, I just don’t want to be near the doof. I don’t want his essense in my imminence. I’d rather feel the essence of Emeril (something I would not like at all!). It would be like the time I saw a pipe protruding from the ground near the road and put my left arm into it, and when I pulled the arm out it was covered with black goop. Except instead of my arm it would be my soul. The muck washed off, but it was muy awful and… evidently I remembered it for sixteen years. Regardless of what Stevosaurus is doing in sixteen years (my guess is “rotting inside a box”), I don’t want to remember this then.

The thing I am trying to put here is causing serious problems. I shall have to make it a normal web page. Unfortunately, there’s no excuse for a normal webpage to be that bad. Back to work, then…

I recently implied a person’s brain to have “ruptured” following my display of a minor editorial oversight by the person. That was probably a tad uncalled for. It was, in fact, originally intended to follow a different, considerably dumber passage which indicted “manga nuts” in addition to the other two culprits, but then I realized I had just read it wrong, so it was only kind of dumb, and so omitted it altogether.

Ehhh!

SINCE WHEN is [the] Nightmare Before Christmas a Disney movie? I hate that. And they brought in the kooshbrain HELLY POTHUH announcer to narrate the stupid lying ad. I don’t give a boot if Touch-tone Pictures is Disney pretending it isn’t Disney. I still think that’s really sleazy to distance yourself from a production until it’s proven an ability to make money and then pretending you had been putting your name before it all along. While it does not imply the usual Disney ownership, limiting him to a role as post-mortem presenter while leaving in place the original “Tim Burton’s,” it must be acknowledged that Mr. Burton’s name is smaller and in a less legible font.

The best that came from Disney’s rare exhibition of shame was delaying the idiotic tie/cash-in video games long enough for me to hate video games and for Capcom to get the contract again (twelve years, from the looks of things), just because I’m selfless like that. Thus 1993 me was protected from another highly available acid-drip and drown pool dodging heed stomp-fest, and more importantly the worst possible music treatment when M. Sorbo played the worst possible adaptation on his Game-Gear every day during my and a select few other students’ daily hour-long, short-bus expeditions to Foundation School and subsequent half hour waits behind other buses in the dropoff line. The trip would have been much shorter, but M. Sorbo was the only member of the entire “school” from North Haven, leaving the town unwilling to provide a vehicle, but apparently East Haven is really nice as long as you aren’t black people. At least I hated the songs from The Lion King anyway.

I’ve never seen such a quick transition from overexcited back of box copy to self-unconsciously ridiculous fan reminiscing. On other websites than wikipedia.
I love that the writer tells me this Oogie character is a Disney villain allied with Malfeasance, but not that “artificial heart” means something beside the common, seventy-year old use of the term outside of a recent video game which the writer otherwise assumes I know nothing about. To someone familiar with the film but not Kingdom Hearts, for whom the paragraph is intended, else irrelevance, it seems that Mr. Boogehhh ate a lump of metal and plastic and attempted to procure nourishment from it, an act more moronic than villainous. Jack is the real monster for ordering the donor-waiting to do his trivial bidding in exchange for their very survival through use of his untested prototype, all the while knowing even the most sophisticated, non-grubby skeleton medical technology has not yet devised a long lasting replacement for the popular blood pumping organ and that the transplantation itself has a 21% chance of failure. Who’s the real “heartless” here?

Is it the combination of being a wikipedia editor and a Kingdom Hearts fan which causes people’s brains to rupture? Or is it just being a Kingdom Hearts fan? I won’t deny, it looks potentially enjoyable, but it has a truly unfortunate effect on people.
I neither wish to use the game nor can I read about it for more than ten seconds without reflexorily shouting something like “give me a break!” And I never get one¹! Yet I keep trying, because all this talk about hearts, darkness and dark hearts (not to mention tart carts when I discussed Foundation School) obviously suggest it is an unofficial sequel to Heart of Darkness, and I’m intrigued as to Donald Duck’s sinister relationship with wicked ivory traders in the Belgian Congo, the idea of which is slightly less ridiculous than some kid wearing clown shoes beating up Sephiroph with a big key for twelve minutes every single related video clip I’ve tried to watch or read the description for.

While I don’t care but I’ll talk about it for hours for a year. How can someone who writes this much only do it this well? More worrisome is that most of the Paul Sephirothchild videos start with… well, they start with showing me various STAT screens, but eventually Big S shows up and asks something like “did you deliver my message?” I know within one confrontational malformed run-on sentence whoever uploads these clips aren’t people I trust with any words, least of all my own.

Every time I see the phrase “King Mickey” I want to scream. But I don’t. So thank me, people downstairs.

I mean, if anything, it should be King Michael.

I really want to stop thinking about this.

¹Edit! At approximately 8:45 pm, eastern standard time, somebody gave me a Kit Kat bar, quite without my asking. God works in mysterious, stupid ways.

More stupid comics.
the part immediately prior
I’m sure I had something I wanted to tell you about this, but I’ve long since forgotten.

However, it has twice come at my attention that the other most recent “pages” appear to either be going backwards or to take place in the past entirely. Well, they aren’t and don’t. Confusion may have been instigated because both the complementary colored buffoons’ destination and the place they have come from are dome shaped, plus the creature that always talks seems unsure of what the new dome is. Also, NEMITZ starts in a chair, but then isn’t in a chair, as it wasn’t prior to arriving at the first dome-shaped place. Another problem may be, and it’s been this way for two years, when a viewer reaches the end of the pages I have done with, a link marked “NO” would send viewer to a listing of all pages, a listing which viewer most likely did not come from, and without receiving any indication that, ehhh, the “story” is unfinished, a person may suspect the links lead to some place new when in actuality they do not.

I don’t know which one to beat up first. The left for starting this or the right for following and being proud of that plus its previous crimes. One thing certain is that this preposterous pair do not deserve such elegant fingers.

Off the chain? You’d be OFF MY FRIEND LIST if you were on it and I was the sort of person who considered that an acceptable way of communicating disapproval. I don’t adhere to latest trends anyway, but I certainly don’t trust stupid smiling partially dressed animal people to tell me what those are!
As for the bow tie beanoid, that thing is ECSTATIC. It’s so proud to be wearing a head chain and a bow tie. As long as it can wear the bow tie it will do whatever it thinks is popular. That twit is just a crony. That’s all. It has no real talents. it uses its sychophantic skills to obtain positions of relative power and tries to get laws enacted about stupid things like bow ties. It has information… it knows things (despite being a thing which lacks a nose)… It knows bombs are being sent, and by whom, but it keeps quiet just because its bow tie seems to be respected. It demands not only that any possible sub ordinates wear bow ties, but that the bow ties be smaller than its own. Trust me, I saw its diary.

The bow tie beast could never survive in the wild. It has no natural defenses with which to fight back and no legs with which to evade peril altogether. All it has is big arms. Although the grimp does evidently have opposing thumbs, the thing can’t make and use tools; it is a tool. If it invited me to its birth-day party I would give it a one of these. I’m not just some stupid animal so I’d do it properly.

I have pages and pages of this.

25 tv commercial classics: am I the only person who thinks this is totally disgusting? Or am I just the only person who knows this exists? Should I just say nothing?

While it’s nice to hear, at last, unedited proper versions of the music that can’t help get raped by scoundrels due to being copyright free and scoundrels loving to rape, you should never listen to music BECAUSE it’s advertised products. No, you should listen to music because a passing online acquaintance of yours says “Buy this album. (period) Now.”

And nine of these are [Excerpt] so you’re still only hearing what they want you to hear. Yes, a lot of classical music is boring, but I know quite factually that Jupiter of The Planets (and Capt’ain Eli fame) is great for the whole seven minutes and to only listen to the middle is reprehensible. You’re just supposed to put this on, close your eyes and imagine never ending hideous voice overs, bowl haircut children, crystal-meth’ apron ladies, cars going nowhere, words floating in space, numbers that end in .99 and on and on. I’m lucky there’s no chance of a company building brand loyalty through selling do-it-yourself-hanging kits and thus no one selling them because I’d buy one.

It makes me mad. Some goofs want me to pay them money for music they got for free and then took stuff out of. You might as well pay someone to eat the sprinkles off your ice cream, after you specifically asked for sprinkles. Or rather, you asked for shots but they’re really sprinkles.

The orchestra has to be payed, right? Yes, and those are usually much larger than the usual group of scoundrels who make the tunes I can’t escape from, ehhhh, but no one orchestra member has the legal business cloutzenrupen of a contemporary moaning skank so I’m sure it comes out much cheaper. I bet most of the recordings are decades old anyway, so probably no one is getting paid. Ideally, that includes the people who sell this CD.

I found this searching for “aaron copland commercial,” –I’m actually a bit surprised this came up at all because as you can see by that track listing fragment it credits conductors but no composers– because all the music I’ve heard by him that sounds like anything makes me think of products, and so I sought existing commentary on the subject. And while some people mention it, they don’t seem all that bothered by it. They just acknowledge it and move on. Blogging scum. It’s always hey! Look at this! You! Watch this video! Queegysproggit, read these song lyrics! Comment my pics! Ration my rum! Change my diaper! Grease my knees and fleece my bees! I found my missing piece! Digg and fave it! Is it my job? They need to stop trying to make me angry at them and let me be angry at ads.

All these ads. Stupid ads that haven’t been on in years. I can’t always even remember what they were selling. All I remember is my rage. Yet despite all my rage I am still incapable of taking action to improve the situation. The world is a blood-sucking organism. This album’s so disgusting, it encourages use of the phrase “since sliced bread” which is only relevant as far as the irrelevant picture of bread, totally meaningless and only exists at all because dumb people have been saying it for no reason for years without realizing it’s ludicrous, just as they’ve been tolerating dumb ads and music abuse.

This reminds me, I’m sick of people trying to trick me into thinking ads are music videos by putting those stupid 1980s MTV squares of white letters in the lower left corners. I’m not fooled! If you really want me to pay attention, try black letters in the upper right corner. That’d shake things up, by Shakur. They’d never try lower right, because that’s where the never ending network logo goes and so the moment I didn’t see it obstructing what I was trying to read I’d know it wasn’t a real music video. Even though I already know it isn’t. Because the song was only thirty seconds and I was watching Jake and the Fat Man.

Ordinarily I would discourage further copying and usage of the most prolific image of something which can be found on the internet, but this is the best I’ve found to exhibit that the show is called Jake and the Fat Man, that there is a fat man, and that he is very fat man. If it depicted just Jake I wouldn’t bother. This image makes clear that while the fat man gets secondary billing, he is as more important than Jake as he and his name are fat, so much so that he needn’t even be given a proper name. He’s just a fat fat man.

Ehhh!

I’m also maddened by the popular parts of pomp+circumstance. (Me complain about before!) and Blue Danube. Put stupid Here Comes Johnny Woff forra Waf and Eye! That’s.what.I.like.about.you! songs that might as well be thirty seconds in as many dumb ads as you want (that is, assuming you acted under any inhibition before), but leave the stuff someone actually worked on alone. If you can’t do any sword tricks, don’t bother me with your saber dance!

Or your spring snake symphony! It could easily have incorporated more Danubery, but instead it used the first part twice, implying that the second part does not even exist! Someone gets a punch in the nose.
Yes, so, it was some doofus who released a “spring snake” at each part of the music where you might think he would have done that. It looked really easy. I coulda do’d it. Toward the end interesting mechanical apparratusses made things more complicated, but the guy activating them was totally out of synchronisation with the [wrong] music by then so I could still probably have done it.

I can’t find a single mention online of “Spring Snake Symphony” that doesn’t mention the D. Letterman Late Show, so I probably saw the debut performance, and maybe it can be improved, but I doubt it will be. If I had a TV show I wouldn’t let someone do something that stupid if I hadn’t seen it first and confirmed that it was the kind of stupid I wanted to be associated with. I imagine Eric Buss is quite proud of himself.

I can’t blame software developers for focusing on new projects I don’t give three beans about when mass amounts of people besides myself are willing to give many more beans than three. My primary gripe at this time is with the few people willing to go to the trouble to make new levels, for old games, for free, who always feel compelled to out-impossible each other.

Do I? If I didn’t, could this have been avoided? I just wanted new levels.

I’d much prefer that to attempting to decipher some French “RPG” quack-job that from as best I can figure out isn’t that good with the best comprehension,

and inane Flash games that are even worse.

By the way, when I was going through a bunch of hacked metroid ROMs, just to see which changed this bit of text, a great joke occured to me. What is Samus’ favorite occult-influenced English heavuh metal rock band?

Black Zebeth!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA H AH A HAH AH AH AHAH AHAH AH A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA H

This reminds m whoopth. I forgot to undo the font tag. Good thing I caught that in time. Let me start again. This reminds me of oh gosh, I left the italics on too. Now then, this reminds me that… What reminded me of what? I forgot.
Oh, a couple of times, back on gigglebounce I copied long stretches of text about Timecube and I made the font really big and forgot to close the tags and the whole page got huge, and Timmy said it was like World 4 in Super Mario Brothers 3 and I edited the post but then the system told me I needed to “rebuild the files” but I couldn’t because I wasn’t an administrator, but later Hilary gave me administrator access because I was always whining about not being able to rebuild the files, but I never messed up the font again and I felt bad for mentioning it, and I still don’t know what “rebuild the files” means. I never have to rebuild the files here. I might need to rebuild this paragraph, though. Remind me later.

With Metroid, I understand that the one available editing machine does not allow for the altering of key locations or their specific functions, nor the creation of additional room types. The extent to which you can be original pretty much ends with stupid mazes. I understand that. No, it’s the Legend of Zelda nerds I’m mad at.

There’s a thing called… ehhh… pardon me, remembering how I ruined that page with a giant font has made me most unwell. I cannot continue.

oOH, here’s another one: what did Samus say after finding out that she had to go through a whole new zone to reach Ridley?

Hey, Norfair!

AH HA HAHAHA HA HA HAHA AHAH AHA HAH Aiche.

I feel better already.

Taste my wrath!

Graaaaaaaaargh!

Suffer for the crimes of your ancestors!

Ha ha ha, ho ho ho, hee hee hee, heh heh, heh…

. . . . . . . . . . . .

I have depressed myself. I have to go lie down.

I think you broke it, Intendo tapes | How to lose a guy in (2) days | !