Are those people on The Office at all concerned about this documentary crew that’s been filming, following and interviewing them for eight years? Isn’t that a tremendous drain on productivity? Are they curious as to when this movie is coming out?
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A lot changes in a year.
I hardly consider that sufficient warning!
I would hire a note-taker but it would not be fair to impose this on anyone else.
The idea here is to show four major playing cards from a hypothetical complete set based on a theme, and I chose dangerous or lethal fruit. Fruit amuses me, as do unfortunate happenings befalling pitiful beings. A full deck might include, as opposing “suits,” dangerous vegetables, or fruit which has qualities other than danger, such as safety (throwing a lemon at a button across the room which deactivates a doomsday laser) or repulsiveness (lemons look kind of dumb). I am optimistic about the great amount of possibilities.
Regardless of some questionable design decisions and standards compliance on my part for this project, I found the Adobe Illustrator experience to be useful. It is an effective tool for making basic art look more complicated than it is.
The “apple” shape was chosen based on no research which determined apples to be the quintessential generic American fruit. I experimented with making the apple into a lit fuse bomb or a medieval spiked ball, but these were deemed to create an outline which was needlessly difficult to manage in large quantities. In the end, a simple, unaltered apple seemed best, for that allows for minimal cutting, plus the crucial element of surprise. Nobody should expect the horror that lurks on the other side. One focus group member reported being so unsettled by the experience that even the innocuous apple on the safe side began to develop fearsome attributes such as intimidating sharp teeth and devilish glowing eyes.
Pears are fired through an automatic ball-pitching machine at a tube-nosed vagabond.
A pineapple is vigourously scraped against a restrained generic lizardoid.
A watermelon is involved in a hiking accident.
A tangerine is used to soil the garment of a respectable citizen, whose gesture of shock assists a large-eared bystander in acquainting itself with a barrel of an acidic substance.
And now you know.
I invented fallopian tubes.
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This is why capes are essential in everyday life.
Now you know the full story.
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The thing that is currently blocking wikehhhpedia is really wimpy and easy to turn off. Or am I missing the point? Or does my going to wikipedia with the intent to see what its blocking measure looks like and if I can get around it exhibit a fundamental missing of many potential points of my existence?
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I recently learned that some people were blacking out their internet in protest tomorrow of SOAP, the notorious remover of blessed and peaceful blackness through the centuries. Well it’s about time I say. With that in mind I upload some particularly grimy watercolor objects from last year, confident that as few people as possible will see them. Although I keep up the fight every day by washing my hands in the dark, I’m used to people taking years to catch up to my trendsetting ways.
Notice that neither of these is doing anything but they’re both not doing it in approximately the same fashion, and both deserve our harshest retribution for it. The one on the right is probably only slightly worse.
Every thing it does is an atrocity. Every act is reprehensible. Every deed is dirty. The bow tie animal could be one of the spaceballs. All it does are dirty deeds. This is interfering with my right as a citizen to protest cleanliness. It is outrageous that that THING is still on the streets. I mean, it should be on the streets. It should be tossed out of a window onto a street. Perhaps out of several windows onto several streets, and perhaps motor vehicles will more closely acquaint the animal with the streets. It’s THAT bad. The thing is horrid. HORRID. horr-id. Can it be stopped? I honestly do not know. Every day it gets horribler and horribler. Truly it is atrocious. Can anything really be THAT bad? Yes. But a little stupid animal? Yes. Do not give it any appreciation. Do not even pretend, to get it to shut up. It will not shut up. It’s so dumb it will think you mean that and think that means it should continue talking about its bowtie or its feet or whatever stupid thing it might talk about. You can only win by not letting it win.
How about this: I’ll cut them off and toss them in a field and then you’ll have to find feet. The bowtie animal is a bozo. i would call it a bonehead, but i suspect it lacks a proper skull. It looks too punchable to have a skull, and if it has a brain surely a skull would have prevented the extensive damage which has no doubt occurred. Oh mushrooms I’m over the deadline by a minute. Now I’m a traitor and don’t support not supporting censorship. All because of feet. In fact I do support censorship but primarily of the elements close at feet at hand.
I know pretending I think SOPA is “SOAP” is really lame and obvious. I assumed it was, thinking I might have a decent angle on it. However, I legitimately do wash my hands in the dark and like imposing my weird habits on people. I have showered at least twice. Interpret that sentence any way you like.
This is a primary reason why I talk about pointless topics others don’t care about; I can have all the dumbest jokes to myself and not be concerned what lazy idiot I’ve never heard of already did it poorly and annoyed someone else I’ve never heard of in some never ending, never starting MC Escher gauntlet of unplacatable judgment of crimes which don’t matter (stop me if someone else on the planet has mistaken Escher for a rapper from the 1980s at some point in history). In fact the less people I’m aware of, the less I want to scream at. I’m a worse judge than anyone and can’t handle it very well, since I’d rather not yell at anyone louder than me. Additionally, when I see “hurr” or “derp” in a simulation of another human I lose my ability to consider it in a rational manner.
I don’t understand how people can reserve scorn for Justing Beepy Eeper when that “catch a grenade for ya” guy is still on the loose.
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Perhaps you have wondered what, apart from my championship ego-mania and being the first person to ever have a relationship go badly have prevented me from maintaining a regular update schedule. And perhaps not; I’ve had quite enough of it.
It started out easily enough. I was to create a “series” of painted images with some sort of unifying theme. I couldn’t think of one in the time I was given because it coincided with the inadequate time I was given to do several other tasks I wasn’t qualified for. I decided to show a pointless creature going on a pointless journey, which would make the lack of a point the point. I was not enthusiastic about that idea but also figured that I could change my mind and construct a point while I was making the first. I could not.
The second image is a version I made on the computer first to assist in making the first actual painting, so in fact this came first but I chose to show it second. It occurs to me that I have referred to this image and the third image, the second painting, as simply “the second,” and that is most confusing. Ah fiddlesticks.
People on the internet statistically liked the fake unfinished one I did in a few hours about as much as the real one that I did across two weeks, but as the fake one is more directly compatible with the internet, and I’m used to not being impressed with what people on the internet are impressed with anyhow this is probably a personal triumph. Though I say “people on the internet” with a derogatory implication I am obviously not talking about you. You’re so pathetic I know you couldn’t handle it.
Nonethefewer the painting looks nice enough in person. Impressive considering that at 24×18 inches, it was four times 11×9, the size I’m used to not being comfortable working at. It even merely looks like I didn’t feel like mixing paint, rather than my having no idea how to do it.
The specifications of the second image are the same, apart from being perpendicular. I do not feel this functions as well, overall. I am accustomed to making pictures with horizontal orientations, two dimensional layouts, stage perspectives, in deserts, that have nothing to do with the pictures that came before them. I am accustomed to snow but not recently. The only things I was comfortable with were the balloon and the goat, those being the most out of place elements.
The biggest difference between this painting and the first is that regardless of art website approval points nobody but me cares about the first actually looks better than the grubby computer version I made to assist in the painting’s creation. Assisting its superiority was that I was so preoccupied with inventing a resolution to appear in the next painting that I forgot I didn’t need to compulsively obey the pixel arrangement. I made it to help and now it’s just being a jerk. Also I never arrived at a resolution.
This painting I did not even want to go to the trouble to scan in 5 parts. That does it slightly better justice than digital camera interpretations, but I do not feel it is entitled to justice. It is a reprobate ne’erdowell. I didn’t want to scan it until I had fixed the parts that I didn’t like, but once I had done that it would be another month before I could place that into the scanner without damaging one or both. Though I can’t say that neither deserves it.
Initially I wanted a sunset, but then that would mean the figures would be backlit, which I imagined was undesirable. So I had to depict the side of the sky opposite from a sunset, the boring side. It being still pinkish but less interesting. It didn’t occur to me that sunlight reflects, rather powerfully, off snow-covered surfaces, and further that nobody cares what direction cartoon characters are lit from. Also that this goat is in fact a sorceror of black magic who is immune to light sources.
The picture on the whole needs more “light.” However, at the time, I lacked the time to give it light before I started the third painting. Now I have the time but despise the deed. Anyway here comes another.
This one, thankfully, benefut a great amount from the scan procedure. I again tried to take photographs of it, but the noirish-mixture reacted to light in a consistently inconsistent manner apart from the other colors. However, the bland uniformity it takes from the scan isn’t so splendid either. Alas, lamentation, woe and whatnot.
Since it was supposed to be a “series,” and I knew I had no goal, the only way to grasp at cohesion was to put as many elements as possible in all three images. By the third, this largely prevented me from including anything else! Yet it is clear that I tried. It’s clear I tried because I said I tried and if I was going to lie about myself I’d tell better ones than that.
And now I’m annoyed at myself for not working the goat into this one. The goat seems reliable.
Aw beets you know you’ve run out of ideas when you have to put your dorks in space. Even the Leprechaun and the Critters didn’t take their pointy-toothed ghostly floating heads there until their fourth respective, respectable films. I can at least assure you that my fourth and fifth paintings are already “done” and neither conspicuously takes place in The Hood.
Oh now we’ve done it. Wonderful. My paintings officially remind me of Rygar. Now you know the real reason I’ve been depressed the last few weeks.
Moon scenes work when they are desolate and peaceful. My paineding is incapable of being peaceful because it is full of little objects of all different colors (and also that honorable faceless warriors the likes of Rygar are unemployed during peace time). The lighting doesn’t make sense because I imagined most of the light was coming off the earth-like planet orb, and so the shadows should go away from it. Yet if they did then the foreground figure would, once again, be backlit which wasn’t what I wanted. My solution was to light the characters from the front and the terrain from the back. Which isn’t a solution at all because it just looks like I have no idea how light works. Rather, I have a weak, ineffectual grasp. And yetter if the Earth is lit that’s only because the sun shines at it, and the earth’s light is a mere reflection, so in fact the shadows should be reversed. And yettest to face the sun directly while in the minimal lunar atmosphere would be painfully blinding and there’s no way this creature can read its map. Yes that’s supposed to be a map. Although it is lost so clearly it cannot read its map. Conclusion: This isn’t one.
As for the sky itself, again realistic references were a problem. None of them showed any stars. None of them showed any galaxies or color variation. The stuff that makes space fun to look at. The stuff that makes space fun to fill!
Here is a photograph of the stupid moon car taken on the moon. Very grey, no stars, no atmosphere, painful unfiltered light, obscure shadows.
Here is a crummy online representation of a painting that somebody more competent and compositionally imaginative than myself made prior to technology allowing cameras to go to the moon to take photographs from on it. Lots of stars, reasonable light, lots of shadow, lots of temperature. If I’d looked at this kind of thing instead of photographs I’d have done fine.
In fact I DID look at made up silliness but only for the sake of copying and didn’t consider the thought involved in the collective context within which I located the object to be copied. So I’m a hypocrite and a lousy copier. I’m also a terrible dancer.
Fahhhb. And for all I know this kind of thing is more accurate anyway and the cameras just mess stuff up when used outside on sunny days.
In which event my painting is still true to life. Life is often disappointing.
except when it’s worse.
Which being consistent with my expectations is not a disappointment at all and therefore not an exception. Which means Windows 95 isn’t going to lock up today, which is very good news, considering that I’ve already condemned myself to Rygar dreams after I post this.
A somewhat more awkward lope than usual is distracted and nearly misses an important incoming transmission.
It is awkward because the base sketch did not include the hat or the other accouterments and evidently those need to be considered from the start to prevent them from getting unruly.
I cannot justify the existence of this work, and so it fits right in. The actual object, border included, seems to be round-about 6 square inches, so it is mercifully easy to hide.
(strike it and it gets bigger. You must establish your dominance to to earn its respect.)
I like hats and rock formations.
Most of these are appropriate reactions.
I would like to tell you I have been too busy to complete any substantial written thing, so you may imagine I have just done that.
This is the best painting I have uploaded. That does not mean a whole lot. It means enough for my opening statement, however, and that is grand because I do not know what else to say about it right this moment.
Or Disgracy’s Angstgiving Malaise, if you prefer, but why would you?
Do you remember when I used to write stuff? Well I have forgotten and that is why there have been so many of these lately.
It was meant to be a response to that because I talk to myself. However, I rarely listen, so it was rather a bit over a year before it could be shown. Ordinarily, people would have stopped caring by then, but fortunately nobody cared to begin with. The only thing I got right was the bland layout.
It may strike you as decadent for one character to hog the rope belt AND the single suspender. Are you going to put up with that?
Through no deliberate thought by me the central figure (“dope”) is the most dignified looking idiot here through not having made any botched attempt to appear dignified.
And now that I have made this, what do I do with it? It has no purpose. There is no reason I should have spent so long on it. I lack even the motivation to update this page’s banner twits. The secret to online fame is to acknowledge and pay reverent homage to stuff that already exists, but that doesn’t work if it’s your own stuff, unless you referenced other stuff prior to referencing your own, and chances are people will be annoyed that you didn’t just reference the stuff you usually reference.
I didn’t say so in the past but generally these things conceal links to larger, more clear versions of themselves. I don’t actually believe that this conveys any information here on the page. I don’t believe the full size conveys much more, but it’s slightly more and that’s the amount I intend.
Most of the development for the background occurred before I had merged it with the characters, because at the image size of 20000×7000 pixels it was irritating having to deal with constant delays while I added large amounts of blurry computer paint (the fourth row is just a temporary mock-up that I have saved for some reason). Having multiple layers, then, made the situation totally unbearable. Then at some point I realized nobody would notice or care if I reduced everything to 10000×3500 and after I did, it became feasible to merge them and development escalated, now (then) that I could see where things were in relationship to each other better. The result was still an unsightly, muddy mess, but and I’ll think up a justification later.
This was removed from the space where the yellow creature eventually was placed because the character is sort of boring, and I thought it worth incorporating alternate modes of improper dress.
This was earlier removed from the same position not for looking too stupid, but I imagined this thing would not be pleased that others challenged its bow tie supremacy and would refuse to stand with them. At that point I had considered having the center dope also wearing a bow tie, which further complicated matters. I drew a new one into the background because I forgot I had made one already.
The creature elpse is mildly allergic to stripes, and so appears to merely be sneezing, rather than protesting. In fact this sneeze would have seemed to be directed away from the dope out of courtesy, which I cannot allow.
This pose was too interesting.
Of course I’m kidding. Most of these characters need to be in trash AND jail.
A perhaps obsolete edition of a creature called Jumbi faces the ultimate temptation. This image was made to commemorate Jumbi, (no relation), more recently called Cosmos Ogler, soon to be called let’s say Sorbet de la Murklebean, who is very helpful and it is a shame the situation depicted is ultimately so stressful and conetentious. These are harsh coneditions which cannot be conedoned.
I ought also to point out that the Jumbi person, merely through noticing that I was hiding them in stupid places, was in large part responsible for the continued proliferation of pine cones (that’s the what the thing in the center is) in the images I produced after late 2008 or so and so it seemed logical to include one. That would be the only logical thought that occurred the entire time. As for why I started hiding pine cones to begin with, I was most likely afraid my oppressive governess would find them and scold me severely.
I had been meaning to put this image in the internet for a while, because this is the sort of thing I put there, yet I had not put it there, because it wasn’t well finished, for almost a year. I put off finishing it because I have trouble finishing things like this, but I thought I should. So I’ll try and get around to that later. And then next year maybe I’ll do another.
I produced four or five things like this one in 2010… the first one was good and each subsequent one was less good, so when I got to this it seemed sensible to postpone completing until people forgot I had played the style out. Fortunately, I forgot also and was able to put it off even longer.
You might observe that I only noticed that the large figure’s head was somewhat off-model toward the end, and my revision did not work as well because I have very limited abilities and in any event didn’t think about it for long enough. Either the eyes are huge and crossed or they’re creepy.
Another paintish from a photograph whose origin I neglected to properly record despite taking the time to scan it.
I didn’t like this as much as my job with the bird, though I didn’t make a second attempt either. I think it should be far darker, but the issue has been raised that strictly imitating the photograph isn’t always the ideal end goal. Yes, a goal would be a good thing to try sometime!
The subject is an unadorned rock wallaby. Indeed any observer can see that it is quite naked.
Water-color paintings of an intense bird which starred in a series of photographs in an issue of National Geographic magazine from 1982 or thereabouts. The second was an improvement but the first attempt was more colorful, yet I can not justify displaying the same picture twice under peace-time circumstances. One of them has to GO (away).
I have forgotten what sort of birds these are. I only know that they are very judgmental and potentially seek vengeance.
This was my de-fac-to vague personal identification object at some shindig recently, as my previous assortment of them curiously eluded my grasp, possibly out of fear of sharing display space with this artifact.
I’d like to tell you that the curious red lump near its mouth was a result of my walking around with a painting in a sensitive medium on a series of moderately rainy days, so sure, let’s pretend that’s what it is.
or Solicitor General calls for efficient delivery of justice. There’s one site where I upload these pictures, where all my titles are pulled from vaguely relevant news headlines, because I didn’t want anybody to be able to type the normal titles of my pictures and find out I used that site. Three seconds later I realized nobody is stupid enough and I’m not important enough to make anybody stupid enough to actually try that, but my compulsion usually outlives my rationality. To my great dismay LAPD Apologizes for Bogus Alert About Terrorists Buying UPS Uniforms on eBay was over the title length limit by a considerable amount, even when I eliminated the word “bogus,” first because I’m just not gnarly and tubular enough to use such vernacular and also the alert is probably valid in this situation.
Eh so two people expressed a willingness to see this lamentable lump of imagined existence again and at least one of them meant it so now everybody has to suffer. The time now is to make a decision. It is too late to change your address.
Ayato drew a dope once (I do not advise this). He has additionally drawn many great things which were not dopes. Lovely backgrounds, also! Not like this. I’m not sure where this is supposed to be. I initially was thinking of some space shippy sort of environment like Ayato often produces but it wanted to look more like a Romanesque era church that was converted into a shopping mall and then into an Amiga game.
Ayato. He openly admits that his name is Brandon so I may do better to say that, but it’s too close to my own name which I’m not at all fond of, even less when someone misspells it, and if I get confused and momentarily think that I misspelled it myself then I will feel very silly.
The orange creature is an upright walking wolfish being with the appropriate name of Lupine and the grey creature is a space alien called Scott. Although I suppose they’re both space aliens because I’ve never seen either of them around here. With that in mind I don’t know what Scott is at all. They are supposed to appear in a comic strip which has itself not appeared because it is better planned than mine. I don’t have time to plan things because it takes me a month to make one page when I am unencumbered by other obligations. I’m pretty sure Ayato made
page 1
page 2
page 3
page 4
this sequence in a few hours, just on a whim. I couldn’t even draw the car. I couldn’t conceive of the frame where the hand grabs the gear shift thing because I cannot DRIVE a car. Not two years ago, anyhow. I shouldn’t have looked at that. Now I just want to eat horrible things and sulk, and I already did that today. Not efficient.
My drawing was supposed to be quick and thoughtless, because I don’t have time to do substantial things these days. Unfortunately, I spent that time on it anyway and so the thoughtlessness became glaringly apparent, but perhaps that is appropriate given the presence of the blue unmentionable in the lower left. The dope is so dumb that I typed “right” instead of “left” the first time. How dare it make me do that? It is drawn to and in places where thought does not occur. Ayato remarked “somehow I think Scott and dopes would get along all too well.” I don’t know what dopes are anymore than what Scott is so perhaps they are both dopes. One just happens to be better drawn than the other. Don’t need no pair-a-dopes.