I was having difficulty choosing a new solid state drive but I think all my problems are solved.


The mistake most manufacturers make is assuming i want to put the drive into my computer. They do not guess that I want to tape it over my eyes and punch the air with both hands at the same time like The Question.

If you are not familiar with The Question, the important things you need to know are

1: he ain’t got no face.

2) he is an expert at saving time.

3; he won’t give in to what is wrong and we refuse to stand up for what is right!

4, his best friend Prof is controlled by two puppeteers, one for his head and body and one for his hands, so he can perform coordinated actions, similar to Rowlf the dog.

this person is actually named “Tot” but I call him PROF because that is what his mug says and it appears like this is extremely important.

5? the answer is murder!

6! if he goes to Germany he HAS to dress like a nerd

Anything else?

I probably will not link to this post there!

This came into my house recently. I share a home with my mother, sister and niece (all different people). Space is not always plentiful but we get along, generally. Usually it is just me who thinks the big budget dvds are as irritating as the Chloe’s Closet/Shimmer and Shine/other kid-targetted shows with home video releases tier fare, and I try to keep my negative treatises to myself through the first fifteen rescreenings because my sort of assessment ought to be opt-in only, but I don’t think anybody liked this specific production. First of all that blurb right on the front states “the biggest animated movie of all time.” What does that mean? It makes no attempt to justify itself. Everything about this is overbloated garbage that it never gets called out on because it says “disney pixar” on it. If you hold the box right up to your face, microscopic text may appear clarifying “domestic box office,” which means ticket sales in the United States. But that is garbage since ticket prices go up every year. The newer a feature film is, the more money it makes for the same amount of tickets. And this isn’t even the first time I have said that on this website but it is the first time I have seen that mislead cited on the front of a box. In truth it means “highest domestic grossing animated film of the several year period it came out during at the time this label was printed” but that doesn’t seem special when misunderstood it so it would never be used even though it actually communicates what it is actually saying. As long as that goes consistently un-clarified, every few years this “landmark” gets to be restated without retracting the old one.

You see this? Don’t try to read it. Not even there where it is legible. This is ALL blowhard wikipedia writers citing and comparing statistics of the money Finding Dory accumulated relative to other movies of various time periods across various time periods and NONE of it will matter once the next Avatar, Avengers, Frozen, Meet the Deedles sequels have come out, except to make their own bullshingle statistics sections longer. And this doesn’t include the NON-domestic grosses. It is gross wherever it goes.

This contextless blurb “Perfect May Be An Understatement” on the back of the box, attributed to Mark S Allen of “ABC” which incidootily is owned by the same company that produced the film, and what I initially came here to complain about, “perfect”ly illustrates what is wrong with the state of our mass media. 5 stars, 10 outta 10, 100% on Rotten Tamaytas and even the word “perfect” itself have been used so often to describe things that are just kind of good that they are now treated as if they are not good enough when a production to be rated is marginally better than kind of good. Our superlative language is just as inflated as our currency. When I declared Black Panther to not be radical I was presenting my opinion, but perfect CANNOT POSSIBLY be an “understatement” because the singular purpose of the word is to describe a thing which is as good as it possibly could be. Being better than perfect is only possible if perfect doesn’t mean what a dictionary says it does. In which event it is a pointless word because there are already words to describe kind of good whose meanings are less debatable.

I mean not to accuse that Allen is biased because ABC pays him to say nice stuff about disney-owned properties. I mean ABC wouldn’t hire somebody who has any remotely divergent or considered opinions. He has a wikehhhpedia page with a big smiley unblemished soulless picture of himself and a huge list of awards he has won but no indication that he ever had a thought in his life or even A life outside of being visible and awarded for being visible. Like Ryan Seacrest or Regis Philbin, he only exists to be in California and on television and radio and to like stuff that he sees and be quoted saying so by whoever requires a quote.

Just to be certain I looked up Regis’ morning show, which is in fact filmed in New York City, the only other place this sort of person is allowed to be, but EVIDENTLY Ryan Seacrest now has Regis’ old cohost spot. I believe these people spent a year “searching” before they found Ryan flurpindurpin Seacrest like I believe perfect may be an understatement.

And beyond that I know Finding Dory isn’t perfect because it still features the voice of Albert brooks — look at that orange fish in the shot just accidentally, I could tell before this was even screened in my presence that the fish was saying something scratchy and abrasive I did not want to hear. And every other male voiceover sounds mysteriously similar in jerk raspiness quotient, including a manta ray, an octopus, a beluga and a clam that is so grating and fake-comedic that even the other grating unfunny characters don’t like it. And even the ones that aren’t raspy are still obnoxious and neurotic and phony but then suddenly abruptly serious with sad music and from a non-voice actor just like every voiceover in every animated movie made since shrek came out and constantly throwing immersion-breaking “real world humor” at viewers like every cartoon since 1994 aladdin even though in aladdin it came via a being with magical time-transcending power who ultimately is a ripoff of daffy duck, who ceased being a bankable character around the same period (and also gilbert gottfried but he at least sounds inhuman and the remaining actors weren’t cast so their names could be advertised). It lacks the pacifist carnivores in a selective context that is presented as if it is plausible and sustainable that the first film irked me with, but there is about 3% effort put into making any of the characters sound like characters and not actors talking into microphones. I appreciate that it has less Albert Brooks than the other film but there is still a gorkload of albert brooks and people who talk the same way. And the obnoxious nebbishy dialog-

NEBBISH I said. I was trying to avoid saying “Jewy” but you have forced my hamlessness. I think the hurriedly talking over each in other in calm but annoyed voices and constant instances of “sorry” is supposed to make the characters seem “real” but real people aren’t like that unless you live inside an episode of Dory-voice Ellen Degeneres’ 1994 sitcom “Ellen,” which I as a child actually enjoyed, it being a tv show with live actors rather than a cartoon with talking animals, but for the sake of my example I shall say “Seinfeld.”

Which is how that “bee movie” got made eleven gosh darn years ago but that flopped because it actually presented itself as for scumbags instead of pretending it wasn’t because people don’t want to admit they are scumbags. Finding Bory isn’t a movie for children. It constantly jumps backwards and forwards in time, like it thinks it is Watchmen with fish. It heavily features the conventionally dreary heard-in-ads songs “What a Wonderful World” and “Unforgettable,” for crying out hopelessly. This is a movie for adults who think they are creative and open-minded because they watch movies for children. And Disney markets to THEM because they have more money than children and more contacts on the internet to hype-vertise at, but if they have children will also impose it on their children and think they are GOOD PARENTS for doing so.
I believe there should be cartoons for adults, but I think the pixar approach is disingenuous.
Findor Doingy also features Ty Burrell doing his best impression of the creep from archer after his character turns from also sounding like Albert Brooks partway through. I had to look up who it was just to be sure it wasn’t; that is H. Jon Benjamin. I know that’s his only voice but it confounded me to think that somebody else would be hired to try and sound like him. But the continued success of things that I hate indicates that confounding me is, from a business perspective, a very good idea.

Additionally, computer graphic technology has advanced to the point where environments look totally real, great, so you might as well just use real environments and superimpose the characters over them like Walter Disney himself and indentured friends were doing back in the 1940s without any computers, and contrary to now where it means the budget is 200+ million dollars, those filmmakers did it to SAVE money since so many of the art-laborers had been drafted into military service. I do not see the point. But these things all do a billion in sales, big buck$, inflation notwithstanding, because toddlers have no taste and adults live by rituals, and toddlers grow into children with their own rituals based on parents directing their toddler tastelessness toward stuff that they the parents like. I have been on deviantart long enough to see that hasn’t lead to a generation of more sophisticated children. Thankfully Violet (the niece) tends to lose interest midway through these things and wants to paint or play with playdough instead, and says nonsense that she makes up instead of movie quotes, but without my searing hatred for the companies that make the movies so hopefully she will have an easier time later in life being surrounded by people controlled by them than I do, in the event those people and/or those companies don’t overtly run the government by then.

Another ten+ year old lingering matter:

from that page, this to this. As with my last such comparison, the actual changed page has not yet been uploaded, since that seems to require a different mindset than working on them does, and the work is not finished! I hope to pog I do something about that ugly carpet. And I said not long ago how unimpressed I was with “*gets popcorn*” as a response to rambunctious activity. I did try to draw the plant thing from the initial image looking at a map to indicate it was confused at being in the wrong version of the picture, but then that means you would always need to have seen the old version of the page to “get” the new one, and the whole point of the new one is to let the old be forgotten, and also then that means I would always need to have the old one available somewhere, and for THIS? Ridiculous. Also its body makes no sense so I couldn’t actually draw it in a way where it looked like it had a map.

You will believe I can spend longer on one frame than some people do on entire comic books, and then spend as much time writing about it. This requires that I accept most “24 hour comic book day” offerings as entire or books, which I generally do not, but the statement felt superficially profound when i thought of it.
The old drawing of course looks more consistent with the style I was using in less-altered frames, more effortless and un-self-conscious, but I am too eaten by obsessive compulsion to handle this in another fashion.
I am sick to agony of Mario, Sonic and Link. In ten years Nintendo went from a video game company to a religion. In all honesty I never need to play Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat, the series alluded to in the preceding frames, ever again either, but I don’t know anybody who lives their life around homaging those games. Perhaps they exist but I do not know them. Oddly enough, my initial Zelda 3 reference was itself a protest to indicate my dislike for Zelda 64, which was by then nearly ten years old and being lauded by not-yet-religious nintendorks as the pinnacle of human accomplishment. And I STILL protest that, but Aganhim is not iconic in the way that Link is, so somebody might just think this means I drew any old weird Link variant with a generic wizard. Neither is especially funny to me, also, unlike the Kombat and Street fighting allusions in the other frames. However I “needed” the replacement to also include a wizard who uses lightning and a hero who uses a sword. Even though I ultimately totally redrew them both. But if I changed the layout, that potentially meant I could change the entire page’s layout, and if I did that I might as well NOT have a page full of irrelevant video game references, but I didn’t want to spend two more weeks on this.

Regarding my replacement, Final fantasy fandom IS overdone, but not to the same degree that anything first party Nintendo is, and certainly not with dumb old Golbez or Cecil. Although the TROUBLE with drawing any Final Fantasy playable character is that the version in the game is different than the far-from final one in the concept art. And in the case of Cecil, also substantially different from the one in the DS Remake.

Cecil even looks different from concept art to concept art because Yoshitaka Amano never adds keychain trinkets and circus stripes the same way twice.
also: there are two different flamboyant dark-armor people shown in these drawings and neither is Golbez. They are irrelevant to the present matter!

Also I OBJECT to the DOPE EARS on that one’s helmet.

It seemed most sensible to match Elpse to the Cecil that I recognize, but in fact that looks almost more like the Actraiser hero when drawn in here, and somehow it mutated into this gaudy mix-match that is not quite any version of Cecil. But whatever, Golbez, by virtue of being 50 feet tall, is sufficiently detailed in sprite form for my imitation to be identifiable and Elpse does NOT look like Link, apart from my forgetting to change the dingle-ball that I had attached to elpse-link’s hat, which arguably fits in better here. I would have liked to put a Shining Force allusion in there, but none of the prime antagonists use lightning, plus quite honestly the demonic character designs are too on-the-nose for this, and this is not about my favorite video games, besides; bubble bobble, hinted at two rows down, sure isn’t. This page is about whatever I was thinking ten-or-more years ago except for that one thing that really bothered me which had to go, and so it did.

you don’t know the half of it, buddy! To think I didn’t draw elpse in Tellah garb because I thought it would look too weird. (Also Golbez is afraid of Tellah’s Meteo)

If I lived in Japan I would be even more confused since the sword-wielding homecoming queen hero on the game’s box has had his colors swapped around to an even more extreme degree, likewise with his two companions, and the two people following THEM are generic nameless wizards that you merely encounter loitering around various places. I have NOTHING to say about the bird.

the back of the box, as well as that of the “easier” rerelease from a few months later shows this non-accessible party lineup against a monster groupings from the Mt. Hobs stage against the inside a town background. In fact the players and their positioning is identical to this other rumored fake screenshot.
Presumably the idea was to not spoil certain aspects of the characters’ identities. Yoips I WISH marketers took that approach more often, especially with the way Star Wars junk is promoted.

_{Slain: ONE golbez}
For goop measure, here is Yoshitaka Amano’s Golbez concept art, which the version put in the game is about as consistent with as anybody could hope for in 1991, apart from the sprite artist just having to say screw it and force in the appearance of feet and not translating the arms to semi-profile view very well. I never even noticed the feet until maybe ten years after the first time I saw this. I always imagined golbez was floating and turning, casually pointing a finger at his enemies while turning away because he knows they are already done and he has more pressing business elsewhere, rather than just standing there rubbing his wrists together. This gameboy advance version is slightly condensed compared to the original super nes version, so golbez almost looks like he is posing in a bad rap video or doing the macarena.
In any event I think we have seen the last of Golbez for a while.

how did this take hours to do?, Not Being Cool, rogue clowns, Uncategorized | How to lose a guy in (6) days | !

Apparently I had “published” this at some point prior to completion and not realized it, since the primary clue is that the word “publish” has switched to “update” in an inconspicuous location. Since it was necessary to edit an older entry that I linked to, I had been using the update button on that one, and so probably mistook the publish button on the new entry for the update button it did not yet have, when I should have clicked on “save draft,” which is in a different place, even though it has the same purpose on a non-public entry as “update” does on one that is visible, on which the old save button vanishes. Does that make sense? No, it does not!
Anywuh,

breaking news [a week ago]: arbiter of notability has opinion on arbiter of history.
Jimmy Wales is the founder of wikipedia, the encyclopedia that anybody can put an article on that any administrator can delete on the grounds of it not being “notable.” Proof of notability is typically determined by appearances or references to a topic in advertising and cartoons. So if you want to make something notable, rob a bank and buy an ad on a cartoon that wikipedia administrators watch. Or go back in time and insert it into an obnoxious compuserve chain letter from 1993.

The only arbiter I trust is Bjorn Skifs,

for, you see, he knows the score.

however, the recent release and big money ticket sales of Guardians of the Galaxy troubles me. All I knew about it prior to viewing was that there was a talking raccoon in it and that Bjorn Skifs got money for it. The film includes a character whose power comes from a secret cassette tape of corny radio hits from previous decades. Which is also what happens in the low budget, beat-top-gun-to-market schlockbuster Iron Eagle but people actually paid to see this one. One of the songs heavily featured is the 1970s song Hooked on a Phonics Feeling, which Bjorn Skifs sang the lead vocals on, and it became a number one america hit song when it was released.

Skifs only became the Arbiter in 1984, ten years later, and it did not bring him the same level of recognition due to the song being less horrible. By then he had spent most of his Hooked on a Feeling money on extra zippers, height implants for his boots and one night in Bangkok, so his powers of arbitration were kept under control.
But now, with his old song in a hit movie, he must be getting big royalties. I estimate that every time an advertisement for the film airs on television, Bjorn Skifs gets one cent. By this point he probably has enough money to see the movie for free. Maybe even a 3d screening. How is that fair? He thinks he is such hot stuff now, we will probably never get rid of him.

Oh, OH, like this is my fault? What a trick! Now any time I walk near a brick building I need to worry that Bjorn Skifs will be lurking about in a camouflage brown 1970s suit, ready to step out of a doorway with just one leg so I need to slightly adjust my path to get past him. And fleepsy forbid I want to go IN that doorway, right? You think just because you won the second annual Karamelodiktstipendiet (Gold Neckerchief) that you can do this to me? I am not going to stand for… what? Oh gosh. Oh dear oh gosh

With no one left to arbitrate our dispute, I had no choice but to do as Bjorn Skifs demanded, and take advantage of his sporting head start to seek safety. At some point I managed to lose him, by running past a building made of concrete, and took refuge in my stylishly dilapidated 1920s apartment for several days. I think… yes I think it is safe to go down now. He would have gotten me by now, surely, if he was going to.

And then Bjorn Skifs murdered me. The end.

how did this take hours to do?, rogue clowns | How to lose a guy in (2) days | !

Howdy. I will try and… aw beans I don’t even know anymore. If I put something new here then it will be here.

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I think there should be a movie in which He Man, The Smurfs, Fat Albert, Garfield, The Thundercats and every other cartoon all-star to the rescue accidentally enter a magic portal to New York City at the same time. Also present are Underdog, the Ninja Turtles, George of the Jungle, Hercules, Curious George, Alf, Crocodile Dundee, Thor, Clifford the Big Ol’ Dog, King Kong, the Capital One vikings and I don’t know Squiddly Diddly who dwell in The City anyway. In fact I think that must be what happened because otherwise every legal resident would be used to weirdos running around “not understanding” how things work and causing comic mischief that their convenient, less interesting normal person friends who mysteriously get equal billing and screen time have to cover up and pay for, and would have long since exhausted their ability to be amused at this schtick. Likewise, I expect that when the The Avengers movie happens the crony hangers-on to the various heroes will travel around in a van solving mysteries together so that they don’t all get separate time-wasting scenes.

Congratulations. You found a way to deprive the word “trilogy” of the last of its reputation solidifying clout without putting the word “prequel” in front of it.

I’m GLAD a smurf movie has traveled forth at last to give challenge. Between this and the chipmunks it’s about time we were doing soulless corporate hip ‘n edgy remakes of stuff that was shoddy and insufferable to begin with.

Wednesday the 29: I have a headache

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Monday the 27: In my previous life I was a piece of string.

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Friday in the AM: It is potentially contrary to my own interests to give out cards with this url on them in a place congregated by some of the people who do the stuff I’m complaining about in it. However, I don’t actually expect anyone to read this. I certainly didn’t.

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Wednesday in the AM: Part of the ceiling in my apartment just collapsed. So if I don’t update this thing this week, it’s because I’ve been crushed and ceiling-murdered and not because I’m attending some frivolous gathering in Pittsburgh.

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Fur-affinity, I mention that a lot. It is a website that I post my silly drawings on. It is designed to provide a place for egotistical people with no imaginations to draw boring humans based on themselves who happen to have tails and animal heads standing around doing absolutely nothing. I already meet several criteria and they are generously working to bring me up to no standards. All the same I get more attention there than other parts of the internet. My comfort level with it varies; I feel less welcome than I did a year ago (writing stuff like this probably doesn’t help), but I’m not thumbing my nose at it entirely like I was four years ago. Once non-affiners learn about it, they can make a fuss over the website’s explicit content. I don’t like it either but in all honesty I’ve been having the unprompted, unwelcome sexual fetishism of other folks shoved at me my entire life. Ads for doritos, ads for telephones, ads for terrible movies, ads for cars mostly in ads. It is a classic unquestioned fact that this is a prime selling point of a fair quantity of products that are largely unrelated to naked dealings. Doritos in fact seem like they ought to have the opposite effect. Doritos ought to repel all potential company.

Including Reggie Wedgie, but only because this would violate his exclusive contract with Generico McDollarstorito brand.

I think one of the reasons the risky business business and the talk show show so so irked me is that I have long taken issue with underpant exhibitionism in general.

I hate “cute” words for underpants. Under-panting of this sort only exists to restrain the perspiration and any accompanying negativeness of the traditionally least ventilated place on a clothed person, and covering it with such a small object only makes it less ventilated. The reason it does not get ventilated is because that is in addition the part excrement[s] (also incredibly not cute) come out of and few people take the time to thoroughly scrub down everything that touched it after it’s left. They scrape paper against it! It’s horrible. Why draw attention to it with garish colors?

This is also the only section of a humanoid in which three or more large independent units converge, and the friction heat generated by standard bipedal locomotion cannot be understated when one equips winter layers. One essentially cooks one’s own pelvic intersection by walking. I find nothing enticing about the thought of the thing we use to contain this. Imagine if you found a discarded cow intestine that had been rotting in a desert for a day. And then imagine you put it in a bag and carried it around with you. Why would you do that? And why do you call the bag “Finkledy?”

On a more easily arguable note, I hate the use of pluralization to refer to what is obviously a single object. An underwear triangle is not a “those” or a “these.” It is a that.
The furry junk, I’m allowed to screen out the inarguable pornography (so long as the uploader has properly tagged it), but I can’t do anything about the incorrigible bonanza of nearly naked triangle-clad beasts doing absolutely nothing. Triangles are jerks.

Why I oughtta…!

This is not a nearly naked triangle-clad beast, but it’s almost worse and will likely lead to that anyhow.

Even if I had conventionally normal inclinations where physical contact with other beings was concerned this would bother me. Wouldn’t it? Perhaps I am wrong. Maybe I’m in denial about all this.

Facebook seems to be trying to tell me that I am sex.

Sex: ALL OF IT

Prior to such a revelation I’d have been surprised to find this outside my apartment.

Also, my mother and the catalyst of what became “bimshwel porn*” are officially linked in the media. With father’s day coming up, no less. Thanksh again, facebook. Clearly, my power is out of control!
^{*(don’t type that in the comments here. It will get eaten and porn doesn’t taste good)}

And yet it is not enough. I must have more power!

More and more power!

ABCDEast and west, going on a POWER QUEST

I must exceed the incredible power of Norton and Sandy Duncan!

Feed me power food!

Feed me ULTRA power food!

You FOOL! Give that to me!

At last! Aw haw haw ha hwah uh!

Oh so you think you’ve won, do you?

What are you getting at, fiend? How dare you appear before me in such a powerful pose!

No!!! Natural human reproductive inclinations! My one weakness!

If only… I had not acted in such haste…

Boot Club, ogoplex, rogue clowns | How to lose a guy in (2) days | !

My two most common injuries are hangnails and gum lacerations caused by mishandled toothbrushes.

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E investigates kidnapping! I fear these kids are staying lost.

Me oh mice, it must be Missing Persons Monday. E programmers are very considerate. They want to make sure that all kids are safely where they belong:

in front of cameras and going to jail. I enjoyed myself talking endless trash about Lindsee Lohan… when she had a successful, irritating career. After Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Anna Nichole Smithereen all had their idolators turn into antagonists I wonder if the E! station actually sees this stuff coming and that they’re encouraging it, and in fact considers that a big part of the thrill. “Aw spanx I can’t WAIT for Justin Bieber to develop a drug problem! Daniel Radcliffe let us down, that crumbum.” That’s a more comforting thought than them honestly having no idea. You treat these undisciplined spoiled children like infallible gods but gradually require them to become nakeder and nakeder for you to still take their pictures and talk about them once they aren’t cute anymore. Not that Anna Nichole Smith or Paris Hilton ever were, but they were certainly naked a lot.

On the subject of the one-who-biebs, and I’m sure I’m not the first to issue such a call to nobody in particular, but might we give it a rest on the Justin Bieber complaints? I gabbed garbage because I hated a photograph and because I didn’t know who the kid was yet was being told he was the most influential hero in all the lands. The complainers I have encountered since then know exactly who Justin is and it’s their own bloody fault for not putting forth any effort in choosing their own sources of entertainment. I recently read some gloating due to M. Bieber not having won a gramma award. If you WATCH the grammaphonies or care at all who wins the related trinkets you are as much at fault for the manufactured success of this Justin and others as anybody else.

Is he homosexual? I don’t know! I don’t even know if I’m homosexual. You’d think some thug or another at every single stage of my life would have informed me if I was in the most wrathful tone possible. It’s certainly not relevant to the quality of his musical product beyond the sincerity with which he addresses unspecified females in lyrics he most likely did not write for unlike-genital’d fans to imagine themselves in the place of. Every song by Nickleback is about drinking beer and having sex with ladies and that doesn’t make them good.

I remember, last summer, the visiting neighbors’ visiting grandchildren repeatedly expressing, in yell form, their preference for the fellow before jumping into their little hose-filled wading pool. I LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER *splash*. They just shout that for no reason, like a battle cry almost. That’s some heavy commercial indoctrination. If you were to scream the opposite while jumping into your own pool it wouldn’t make any less sense.

As opposed to that big faggot, the buff waddler.

Dire Straits. The band that willingly depicted itself like this in the video you are leaving this comment on had a legitimate beefaroni with your contemporary idea of a “faggot.”

Finally, somebody with some sense.

It is my speculation that the more you speculate on this question the less sense you are capable of making. It’s one thing to say to your friends “ha I bet he’s gay” as a way of downplaying his achievement, because being gay is worse than all failures, but why would you ask this question in earnest to anonymous persons on the internet as if it truly mattered to you? (and how do you have friends?)

Well gee now you’ve got me curious.

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We survived the Backstreet Boys. We survived Ricky Martin (who actually IS gay but that’s beside the point because being gay means a different thing to gay people than it does to whoever persaccuses them of being gay). We survived the Spice Girls (who actually weren’t awful considering the company I’m putting them in). I at least am old enough to remember surviving New Kids on the Block. I know some people who survived the Osmonds or the Monkees or the Partridge Family or whatever else ravaged the land in the cruel pre-bimshwel days. Sometimes annoying stuff gets popular. I often find that it’s the only stuff that gets popular. Such as the communication venues I encounter most of AHHHHHHHHRHRHHR I’VE BEEN TRUNCATED

This suggestion to have a second human with an ear pencil standing by standing is not so much because the ear pencil is essential to complete the job, but it’s good to have another person around to keep you from stabbing yourself with a screw driver (by stabbing you with the pencil first) after you put six screws through the metal frame to the wooden surface, realize one of the legs you attached prior to the screws is wobbly but only three of the screws will come out, and also that the table weighs about 80 pounds and you should have bought the cheap plastic one that was for sale at the actual art store you idiot. You’ll still be miserable but you’ll be too ashamed to exhibit the appropriate facial expression nor admit to the fact that there was an enormous hovering X publicizing your inadequacy moments before.

Well anyheap, now that I have had this table together for a week or deux it’s high time I replaced the deteorating box I’ve been using as chair furniture.

There we are! A much sturdier box. I shall need to teach it some manners, though. A properly polite box waits to be let in.

These are just the esteemed chaps to do it. MTV is associated above all else with thought and introspection which is clearly happening here.
if there’s anything I look for on an internet forum it’s SHOUTING.
Yeah! We’re the hip new generation on the scene! We wear plaid shirts and glasses and we’re LOUD! checkout our massive nostrils!
We eat

Jerk Nuts every days! We keep Scary Spice in our pockets! We hang out with mysterious druids!

See I told you it was plaid. Or they did. Or someone did. Or maybe you just imagined it. C’mon, cut that out. Get with the program. Take a chill pill (but winners don’t use drugs). Hop on the cosmic wagon train. This Aztec sculpture is sideways not necessarily because I like to conserve space; this sort of thing tends to get knocked over during calm and organized rioting. I feel like hitting it with a shoe. Observe that when forced to make a cut the graphic design masterminds chose to crop out the slightly less disagreeable looking screamer.

Oh no! I said screamer, not-

Ohhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooooooooo

life on the street, popular with the robots, rogue clowns | How to lose a guy in (7) days | !

seriously I thought that said “July 14” the last time I looked, which would make a July 20 update mildly punctual in my mind. What have I been doing all this time?

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Mxy’s famous Bizarre Webcomic now has a proper website! It is at last possible to start at the beginning rather than press “previous 10” 97 times on the livejournal page (or just press it 47 times to find the cbz of the first 400 strips) This is a good thing, I think. Well it might be bad if you were reserving your judgment of it until you could see it from the beginning, asserting that the only reason you didn’t like it was because it didn’t make sense to you, certain that it would make sense if you could do that. Howdy, I never learned how to give compliments. I do like that comic strip, though.

Hey, hey! Calm down! You need more excitement in your life if people on the internet typing about stuff excites you. you should strive to be more like this delightful chap you evidently share a computer with

who is much more reserved and merely suffers from advertisement tourette syndrome. I think you two might get along, though, since you both seem to write post script in the same foreign language.


Do you think this place is really selling mattresses for one dollar? Or maybe just that specific photograph of a mattress used on the sign is for sale? No no, I definitely see a mattress propped against the glass, there. So if it was for sale for a dollar, do you reckon it would be a mattress at all worth having? Anybody selling a mattress that cheap is one step removed from deliberately disposing of it. In fact, this is easier because YOU take it, and then it’s YOUR problem, and you even paid for the privilege. There’s probably a dead body stuffed inside it. My operative in the field, the famed botanist Vance May informs me this location once housed a most Primo Pizza. Your business is really in the proverbial dumpster if a joint that sells mattresses for one dollar, asterisk or otherwise is not only turning a better profit than you but this is enough so that it can force you out. This is the NEW Dollar Haven. There’s another one of these somewhere. They are branching out. Soon they will be everywhere. First our primo pizzas, next it will be our perfect parties and our feminine barns of dresses. What can we use to combat this mattress-marking down menace?

99 CENT POWER! Do you feel it? Do you feel it?!?!

This is so much power I’m not even going to risk getting the other senses involved. Requests to smell one’s power won’t likely get favorable results, I reckon. I prefer not to hear my power, also, because that generally means I’m almost out of hearts.

We can only ignore this problem for so long

yet I don’t want to have to stock up again so soon because I still have plenty of rubber spiders and confused computer ladies in undersized clothing left and I don’t get the discount unless I buy them all together. Dilemmas!

I thought you would sympathize with my cheapness!
 

Some mysterious person requested names of video games I stole pictures out of, and so this time they were Star Tropics and Corn Buster and you should play neither. I don’t know who the blue suit guy with the A on his mask is.

You agree with me that 1 am is way too late for the idiots a block over from me to be blasting corny music all over the place, don’t you?

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Dear loyal bimshwel customers: I’m deadHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH APRULFOOOOUHAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHG I’VE BEEN SHOT

HA HA NO I HAVEN’T!GOTCHA THAT TIME AYPRALLL FOOOOOOOOHHHHHHNOOOOO I’VE BEEN SHOT AGAIN!

NOPE NOT REALLY! HA HA HA HOOOGOSH DEAR FLOOPITY I’VE LAUGHED SO HARD I’VE CAUSED MYSELF MORTAL INJURY NO I HAVEN’T

HA HA HA HO NOW IS THE TIME WHEN I LAUGH NO IT ISN’t YES IT IS HA HA HA H

And now I am sad.
YES INDEEDNO NOT REALLY

 
 

My vision is fine, but my eyes hurt a lot.

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My mother seemed excited to have tentatively “won” $200 by betting money on a super bowl calendar, but I wonder how much money she has paid in total to rent those squares in previous years. Probably not more than $20 a year, and I don’t think she has done this more than five times, which would mean a one-hundred dollar profit. Even so, I don’t think I would watch a four hour advertisement with occasional football breaks just because you MIGHT give me $100. I want a guarantee and a contract. I reckon clicking on one of those “congratulations, you’ve won a free i-phone*” internet ads is a more solid deal.

I did not say that to my mother.

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I was recently complimented on the quality of my recent entries in comparison to some other ones I did, I guess. This is something I will not stand for.

B CUZ.

Searching my note file for “Ringo,” I find this:

I never knew John Lennon (though I apparently just missed him at a few These Green Eyes shows), but I appreciated that I didn’t hear much about George Harrison when Paul and Ringo were out doing embarrassing things. Ringo’s new song is the music equivalent of Down East magazine. What’s he know about writing songs, anyhow? I realize he’s had forty years to figure it out but… I don’t think he has. I remember he had another album some years ago and the song was something like “All you’ve got to say is la dee da, la dee da,” and it was kind of stupid, and not even in a “to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it right” kind of way. Either way our vocabulary suffers so we may as well enjoy it.

Don’t bother. We’ll find you.

Ringo seen here with backup Ringo. He needs the other Ringo to be near the front when he tends to a drum emergency because beatnik Triple-H was attacked from behind with a steel stool (I swear that makes sense).
Searching my hard drive for “ringo” turned up the pertinent accompaniment, “ringo and backup ringo.jpg,” dated January of 2008, which the calendars tell me was two years ago and not of pertinence to the ad for his more recent schtick I started this with. I have no recollection of what the song being performed here actually sounds like, which is just swell with me.

Speaking of people that aren’t Ringo, I read that Paul McCartney got dead in the 1960s, and rather than tell people, three Beatles and a guy who looked and sounded exactly like Paul that I guess they just knew and got along with as well but that nobody else knew about, somehow, recorded an album with really idiotic, tenuous clues about Paul being dead. It’s too hard to call the police and release a statement. Let’s just spend a couple months making thirty songs alongside a clone that we raised in seclusion for just this purpose.

When I heard Beetuls fans were mad (angry) about a new advertisement, I assumed it was the one in which Paul McCartney hops through a cartoon avenue playing a banjo. Now that I have thought of this issue a year or two or three later I have forgotten which ad people were actually mad at, but I still remember the banjo hop.

Hopping in general is a bad sign.

Though I assume for Mr. McCartney it was also a dollar sign.

As for why I passed my opportunity to talk pre-emptive trash about A Downeast Smile-In, I was distracted by

1800s Oval-Frame Portrait: The Movie

More old beat-notes:
Guitar Hero 5! “9.5 out of 10 [success points]. This is the Guitar Hero to own,” says some source I didn’t bother wasting brain space with learning the identity of or the reasons why i should not trust its opinion on anything. Less than three weeks ago (three months ago) I was getting the same business about “Beatles Rock Band.” That’s the sort of statement that only starts getting lobbed around when the series is so over-saturated with redundant, indistinguishable entries in so short a period of time that no sane person could afford to own them all. I remember when Nintendo Power Magazine, the Fox News of my day, said something similar about Super Street Fighter 2, and then, it couldn’t have been more than a year later, the Power was running an article about Street Fighter Alpha, featuring all the same characters and all the same moves plus a few new ones. The goals and [lack of] story progression are exactly the same. Beat X number of guys one at a time in absurd yet predictable two dimensional combat. Nintendo Power didn’t MAKE the street fighting happen, but it also didn’t take the opportunity to say “don’t you see? Buying this only encourages them.” It’s disgusting and it never ends. It still hasn’t. Dumb twits will buy slight improvements for the price of a new product for eternity and then post whiny journals about how they’re out of money and I should pay them to draw for me, like they’re doing me a favor because they’re maniacal, decadent scoundrels. Even in a recession this is apparently the situation. True enough, Electronic Arts, who should have gone out of business back when they released Rolo to the Rescue, has sold approximately 1,037 times as many Sims 2 add-ons, but I don’t have tv ads, dorks on the internet and otherwise non-video game playing adults trying to seem hippy by gorking all up in my longitude every single fudgey time one of these gets made (these are the same adults who wouldn’t shut up about Avatar last month). There was even a Sims 3 produced and sold without me finding out. That is how it should be. I’d rather not be aware and I’m busy, besides. I only got around to finishing Star Tropics a week ago.

I shouldn’t have rushed! Yeah, ha ha, you guys. I remembered what the number on the letter was for nearly twenty years, too! All for you!


Like I could hide this in my pocket and walk out with it…?
I remember, growing around, how much my father liked them Beatles, and how I would always think “gosh I wish somebody would invent a way for me to pretend to sing and play along with these guys, preferably in the form of big cumbersome expensive pieces of plastic. I will not acknowledge that this group ever existed until that happens.”

As always, the ongoing popularity of the dot-field simulator is a mystery to me (as I like it best. I don’t have time to like it!). It’s like those awful old laserdisc games like Mad Dog McCree and Cliff Hanger that only require you to press a button at some point and the entire outcome depends on that, except instead of at some point getting to see the entire movie about guys with guns hiding behind stuff standing up and falling back behind stuff, you’re just rewarded with more dots, and not even the dippin’ kind. Or maybe it’s more like Legend of Dragoon, the depressing Final Fantasy ripoff whose sole gimmick was that your attacks wouldn’t work properly and you’d always lose unless you pressed an action key at certain intervals as your gang attacked foes. Toward the end your attacks would have up to eight steps in them, and I got pretty good at it, but I still remember the game as dull and mopey and without a whole lot to do beyond pressing a button while my guys were fighting. Making me tap along to the game’s mopey music rather than what was actually happening would not have made me like either any better. I’d sooner tap out to the challenge.

See, I’m so weak that I’m reusing old pictures of scoundrels whom I despise. Let that be a lesson to you!

Much like last month, I soon will go somewhere that I need to prepare for and am horrible at preparing for. As far as I know I have no such place to travel to next month, which means I will be very unprepared.

Evidently Stop & Shop has further to go on its journey to not be Brand X than I thought. This doesn’t even come with RIP.

I say, what a GYP. Gyp, incidentally, I was surprised to learn does not have its origin in racism or prejudice.

The council is still undecided on this Whac-a-mole stand artwork. I hesitate to type “whackkk-a-mole” because the official trademarked name does not include a K, but my hesitation was merely a moment to pause and reflect, and in this situation you may find that I went ahead and did the deed anyhow.

The Guaranteed Value squad I thought for certain would win the blandness war. It found a way to make carrots less exciting. Isn’t it kind of neat that they come from the GROUND, growing out of a tiny little SEED? It would be if it didn’t take months to happen. Yef, that’s right, I’m on to you, CARROTs. Somebody finally had the courage to stand up to root vegetables. I know you’re in this with the beets. Soon I shall send my champions to destroy your stronghold.

We really are in trouble, aren’t we.

I thought this entry was longer than this. Whoopth. Does anyone have suggestions for lengthening it?

Nobody? Goodnight, then.

orange, popular with the robots, rogue clowns | How to lose a guy in (2) days | !

Am I better off with total whitening or total advanced whitening? How is it possible to advance beyond total? Does the advanced one make teeth translucent? Is it just more challenging? How can this goop hope to accomplish any whitening at all without


whitening oxygen bubbles? Clearly, they are essential. Ha ha, I pity any poor fool who bought normal advanced whitening without knowing oxygen bubbles had been invented. That person is doomed to a life of sub-caucasian bite bricks.
I actually tried this eventually, and you’ll be surprised to know that in actual usage it’s exactly the same as every other toothpaste I’ve ever used.

I might go so far as to declare that the finest regular I’ve ever tasted.

How are there so many different types of toothpaste, with so little information provided to help a person choose? Is it important which one I use? I did not think it was like with soda or salsa or saltlakrids, where it’s a trivial thing I don’t need, am actually better off without, and should choose entirely upon the whim of a moment. This is supposed to be a tool for cleaning a sensitive, integral series of body components. It’s a health issue, not a fashion conundrum. Yes, there are heaps of soaps, too, but they are competing soap brands offering similar products. This is one brand offering similar products. When you do see multitudes of soap under one label it tends to be about the various smells they give off. I try to avoid smelling people’s teeth.

This article’s author has encountered far more colgates than I, but doesn’t answer, nor ask the question of what’s actually in the interests of teeth themselves (it does, however, include a picture which clicking upon causes to appear a javascript window with a smaller version of the picture inside it). Do I want to prevent cavities or fight plaque? Why do we lack the technology to do both? Long ago it was my understanding that all toothpastes did all these things. Now, though, they’ve gone soft. Toothpaste? More like toothglue! Eh eh eh.

Which of these is actually the most beneficial is impossible to discern. Not just because your deteriorating vision has rendered the print a blurry, unintelligible mess, but because each paste type only includes the check boxes which would be checked. They are, in effect, mere bullet points, but this makes them seem like bonus features. Which reminds me…

With Webster Premier Banking you get 5000 bonus points. Do you have any idea what that means? That means you’ll be one fourth of the way toward getting your first extra life. What other bank can promise you something so matenopoulos?

See! Only Wachovia gives you a Way to Save. You don’t even need extra lives when your bank has exclusive access to the Imperial Scrolls of Honor. Truly a glamorous bonus.

HEYDALYDOO! SOMEBODY CALL ME? STOMP STOMP

No, Baramos Bomus! Nobody ever calls you! Get out of here! You are not needed at this time! Go away before your friends show up…

GOOD MORNING! IT’S GREAT TO STAY UP LATE WITH YOUR OLD BUDDY OLD PAL BARAMOS GONUS! SHQUAWK

Wonderful. Now there’s some idiot purple monster skeleton here. Surely you can admit that’s kind of stupid.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN “KIND OF” STUPID?

Aren’t you glad I don’t update this site every two days anymore?

No way, man! This article is almost as awesome as purity rings and Family Friendly Flatulence inspired by a best selling book series!
This is the saddest day of my life.

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I have been busy, lately. The internet has been regularly dysfunctional. These are not good circumstances for keeping websites. Only a fool would continue to do so!

Wow, it seems like every three days I realize I haven’t updated this thing in three days these days.

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I don’t remember why I wrote this.

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Watchmen are OVER!
It is necessary for this line to be in the preview [of the film known as Watchmen], not because it’s just plain great writing, but any film which includes a breakup or disassociation of any sort must denote this in the preview. Who can forget “I’m Spiderman no longer!“? Not I! And I really thought he was done being Spiderman, too, just as certain as I always am that America’s most ubiquitous magazine adorners really won’t find comedic romance by the end after the tragic events of one-minute-thirty-seconds. Hang up those phones! Cry on those benches! Drive your car at night! Yell “wait!” at a person who will not wait! You’ve had it this time!

As with any preview, the faults of Watchmen’s rest largely with whoever made the preview, and it was not my intention to take in any of it. But as it is necessary for me to procure the interest of another person when I wish to see a film, I had to be aware enough to say “there! That’s what it is!”

It does, though, bring to attention that the characters depicted in the film are The Watchmen. When I went through the comicoid a year or so ago¹, it became apparent that all the characters were intentionally avoiding referring to the gang as “the watchmen.” Like that wasn’t their name at all, and the story was only called “Watchmen,” not even with a “the,” because comics always sell better if they have “man” or “men” in their titles. Perhaps it was believed that this one was well done enough that when people realized it wasn’t a proper -Man story they wouldn’t mind. And maybe “Watchmen” was their name, but the writer was trying to make a point by not saying it, possibly with the intention of distancing his story from any further Man-related misconceptions. He’s kind of a weirdo. “Who watches the watchmen” appears in the backgrounds a lot, but it is never pointed out who, if anyone, that specifically refers to. Of course one assumes it refers to the heroes, but it could just as easily be crazy person graffiti that means nothing. I don’t have the right sort of intelligence to be offended over such a subtle change, but yes, verily, it was odd hearing the people be called “the watchmen.” This entry should be over but it isn’t.

¹ Thankfully prior to my knowing a film was being made, but it is not integral to my story that you believe this

I do think a great opportunity was missed to have Late Show announcer Alan Kalter portray Walter the hobo,

Look! Another one!

but in the end that will not be what makes me come away from the film disappointed. A lot of these things I like or sort of like up until the end and then I get bothered because nothing ever happened to make me truly enjoy them. If something had, and just as likely if it hadn’t, an abrupt, vague, pessimistic, miserable ending made sure I left upset. There Will be Blood, Capote, Pan’s Labyrinth, Waking Life, The Wrestler, The Wrestler, The Wrestler, I don’t ever want to see any of them again. I’m sick of smart people recommending this joy poison to the world. I don’t have a lot left. Is there really no middle ground between cringely sappiness and losing faith in humanity? I found out after seeing the sickening “7 pounds” that it supposedly was “bad” but it didn’t seem to me all that much worse from some of the “good” movies getting every star from the same people. Evidently the misery factor transcends quality.

Soooo… at least Watchmen has some neat visual effects. Even if its flashback plot progression and character motives are as underexplained as Slumdog Millionaire’s, and I expect they are, I will already understand what’s supposed to be happening because books let you stay on a page until it makes sense. Therefore I will not be eternally backlogged mentally, trying to figure out what I missed while I was trying to figure out what just happened. What are those kids selling? Did they steal that stuff? How long is that train ride? Why is Salim so angry when he gets to be 1980s Michael Jackson?

Yes, Slumnaire Milliondog is also based on a book, but that wasn’t a comic book. I like me some pictures. To recap: I didn’t want you to get the impression that my ability to appreciate intellectually complicated works was under-developed so I told you I get held up by cartoons in little boxes.

I mentioned, on a previewous occasion, seeing a different watchmen preview. but that was back in July or thereabouts. At that point I was just mesmerized to see stuff, and figured that I knew the story anyhow so there wasn’t an issue of anything being “spoiled,” and I would still have half a year to forget anything important. At this, the week of its release, however, with televisual advertisements and actors floating about talking over the things (“my character is a member of the watchmen!”), I understand that the trouble is as great as ever, even if it’s not the story that gets spoiled. There are many things which can be spoiled. Like eggs. I realize the irony of talking about spoiling and then linking to a page from the thing that’s mostly words. Sure do.

Here is my ironic let-down ending.

The Tonight Show W/ J. Leno, January 19 2009: Jimmy Fallon films his own head for “webisodes” despite multple stable professionally operated official NBC cameras already filming him better. It should be noted that he said “webisode” at least seven times so it is safe to assume he has reviewed the terminology and found nothing wrong with it.

You, world, never got me to say “podcast” or “blog,” I suspect webisode will meet a similar fate. Specifically: everyone else disregards my protests because my opinion actually has no bearing on anything.

Look, he has the preview thing open despite not being able to view it. Decadence!

Do we really need two annoying, internet video dependent desk show hosts who call themselves “Jimmy?” Can’t one be James or Seamus? At least the two Craigs agreed to work in shifts and only one insisted on “Craiggers.”
Do we also truly require more videos of just immobile heads in little boxes saying stuff at us? Is anybody really so entranced by mouths? I put up with that during my first half in King’s Quest V and Faxanadu, but shouldn’t we have made some progress since then? All we’ve succeeded in doing is making the heads larger and needlessly better animated. I’m weak of mouths.

Of course I wasn’t expecting to be “friends” with somebody named GPSHyphenFitness, but I get so few “friend” notices, even junkety ones, that I always look over their pages with the slightest, most naive hope that maybe this ambiguously named entity I’ve never heard of really does want to be me best pal. Perhaps, even if it is a robot, it is just as lost and confused as I am. And maybe I really did in fact know a bunch of Russian live-journal users and I just forgot about it. But anyway, whatever disappointment I deserve for my foolishness, it ought not to come in the form of this human fragment yelling at me about fitness the instant that section of the page finally shows up. If you want to sell me on fitness but really just don’t have the space to pan out, at least show me an arm or something. All this proves is that your clothing is starting to merge the frame.

If he doesn’t want me to see his Slim Goodbody suit, he should have worn something else.

Hello.

Hey hey, somehow Jay Leno mentioned “you got married since the last time you were here,” sending Jimmy into a totally spontaneous rehearsed bit about the crazy characters you meet at weddings! Which required him to stand up and walk across the stage several times as different people his mimicry skills were inadequate to distinguish. When this was done Mr. Leno asked if Mr. Fallon intended to deliver a nightly monologue, and yes! Jimmy does! He also stood up again, to give an example, and got bonus applause for standing up, and then proceeded to say much the same sort of things as in his pre-plotted interview. Only while standing.

How does Fallon expect to stand out after two hours of talk shows on his own channel, nevermind with more and more viewers straying from nbc anyhow, when he’s still relying on the same phony setups in his own guest appearances? He also mentioned that he plans to have a personal band and I’m past the point where I wonder if he’ll have a desk. How long before he acquaints himself with Electric Lincoln?

Jimmmmmy has said on several occasions that the band is called “The Roots.” Like this matters (although it is a better name than Toby). I’ve seen bands on these shows and they all do the same stuff: noisily waste time with varying degrees of tolerability. Mr. Ferguson forgoes one (though probably only for budget reasons), and while it does deprive him of a consistent on-set target for abuse, I don’t see why this necessarily needs to be a musician beside a bunch of other musicians who don’t get to say anything. Regarding strictly music-related matters, disregarding its necessity, as a home viewer I can’t tell the difference between live music and the other kind. As an in-studio audience member, however, I preferred the pre-recorded music because it wasn’t as loud.

Jimmy again, with Conan O’Brien, standing again, reading off a little card again. This occurred the night I was in the audience. It’s hard enough to pay attention to the designated chat space when you can see the whole room, why did they have to bring out a guy I had written annoyed things about before I had posted them? How am I expected to appreciate the parts that went well when it is necessary for the waiting website entry’s completion that I maintain a contrary attitude until then? Do you even think? Jim only said “webisode” once, though, so maybe there is hope yet.

Regardless, prior to then I assembled this totally unnecessary, overbloated sega cd-looking animated gif of Jay Leno tossing water on Mr. Fallon. After about the thirtieth time I watched it I started to feel bad about talking trash about Fallon, even though the act only happened once and Jimmily poutily swiped the mug off the desk afterward, almost hitting somebody with it. But maybe if I find film of every person who sort of bothers me suffering misfortune and I watch it a lot I will become a less complaintive person overall.

Be aware, however, that the dope is not a “person.”

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I spend a massive amount of time making things which have no purpose. Some of them I don’t even put here.

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Ohhhhhhhhhhh busybusybusy.